"Bones, how is Spock," the Captain asked as he entered sick bay.

"Oh, I think he'll be OK once he gets some rest," replied the doctor. "Right now I have him heavily sedated, but here's why I called you." He motioned Kirk over to a console. "It's a record from last night," he said flipping a switch. A picture formed on a nearby monitor, revealing the sleeping Vulcan.

"Here comes the good part," Bones explained. Kirk looked at McCoy with doubt, but Captain's attention was pointed back to the screen. They watched as Spock woke up, and walked over to the counter. Making sure no-one was watching, he opened a drawer and exchanged a medical scanner with one that suddenly appeared in his hand. Closing the drawer, Spock got rid of the the first scanner behind a panel and returned to bed. Almost instantly he was asleep.

McCoy opened the drawer and fished out the scanner.

"Would you like to have the honors?" he asked the puzzled Captain.

The Captain accepted it from Bones and switched it on. Instantly, his face was soaked with the water spraying out of it.

"Ah," he said wiping his face, "the old squirting scanner trick."

"Sure," Bones started, "it all makes sense now." Handing Kirk a towel, he continued. "He's half human, but he represses that part all the time. After so many years of repression, his personality fractured into its Vulcan and Human components."

"So what you're telling me is when the Vulcan Spock goes to sleep, his human half wakes up and walks around?"

"Exactly," Bones agreed, "that's why he's exhausted. Not only does he not sleep, but neither personality remembers what the other one does."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" asked Kirk, his voice heavy with concern.

"Well, the forced rest will get his body up and going quickly enough, but his other issues..."

"Other issues?" Kirk asked.

"He'll need your help to deal with his human emotions, or this will just happen again."

"Dammit Bones, I'm a Captain not a psychiatrist." Kirk said, mocking his friend.

"We'll both help him Jim."

A few days later, Spock returned to his duties.

"Captain, I'm receiving a transmission from Ergvain," Uhura said.

"Put it on the screen," he replied. "This is Captain Kirk of the Star-ship Enterprise. What can I do for you, High Official?" Kirk said as the Ergvainian appeared.

"Well Captain, it seems that we were too quick to judge over the whole naked incident. We would appreciate it if you would come back and try it again."

"Certainly High Official, what changed your mind, if you don't mind me asking."

"When the Ceremonial Sphere was broken, it actually summoned Erg the Mighty. He quickly found that the Romulans had rigged your transporter. That left them in a convenient position to take your place in our alliance."

"Do you need any help with the Romulans?" Kirk asked getting to his feet.

"No, no, Erg the Mighty has dealt with them well enough, and now insists that we join the Federation."

"Very well," Kirk said, "we look forward to it." As the screen went dark, Kirk called out the orders.

"Mr. Sulu, lay in a heading for Ergvain, maximum warp."

"Aye aye Captain," the Helmsman replied.

Swiveling around to face the Captain, Spock asked, "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"Well, if Erg the Mighty wants to join the Federation, who am I to keep him waiting," he answered, walking to his chair.

As he sat down, the rumbling sound of flatulence overwhelmed all other noises.

"Mr. Spock," said the Captain after the FFFD was spent. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm just following your orders Captain," he said as a tiny look of amusement played across his features.

"How 's that?"

"You told me to stay in touch with my human side."

"That I did, Spock," he agreed among the laughter of the bridge crew, "That I did."

~the end~

Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed the story, even it was a little silly. Congrats to all who guessed the culprit. At least now when Spock uses the Whoopee cushion, he'll remember it.