"Kindergarden." Zaraki Kenpachi repeats, deadpanned and overall very suspicious. "What the hell is 'Kindergarden'?"
He gives Yumichika a look that most would find very, very terrifying, all dark aura and general 'don't-fuck-with-me' attitude. Of course, Kenpachi wonders why he even bothers with his subordinates, especially this one, because the expression is wasted upon the man. The fruit cake.
"Yes, taichou. Kindergarden." Yumichika reiterates, just to annoy the hell out of the other man more, Kenpachi is sure of it, and flips his hair over his shoulder just for show. Once again, the fruit cake. "And it is a place I learnt of while in the real world-"
And that is where Kenpachi promptly stops paying attention, because when Yumi mentions real world it also means, pretty much, "I will continuously speak of the world you have to yet to visit, because unlike you, oh important taichou, I have what one would call a life, and love to enjoy it. In the real world. So I will speak of places and things you've no knowledge of, for my own entertainment."
"-I think it would be a wise decision to have our oh so young fukutaichou attend Kindergarden for a short period of time, just to allow us-"
Goddamn fruit cake. Flaming fruit cake.
"-all a very impressionable child, sir, and I would be there, of course! In the real world, I mean-"
Besides, what the hell does gardening... kinder... things have to do with killing? Come to think of it, why the hell doesn't Yumichika find him terrifying, like the rest of the world does? These were problems that needed to be solved, immediately.
"- don't you think, taichou?"
This is the point where Kenpachi realizes that, surprisingly, Yumi has shut his stupid loud ass mouth and is giving him a look that says, "you should agree, taichou. For everyone's best interest."
Because, though Kenpachi may be the most feared and terrifying shinigami in all of bloody existence, let it not be said that there is a reason that Ayasegawa Yumichika is in the eleventh division, and also why he is generally Yachiru's caretaker.
Kenpachi glares at the stupid pretty boy, and waves a huge, dismissive hand at the 5th seat. "Yeah, sure. Whatever." He says, and briefly wonders what he's done to seal his fate this time around.
But then his thoughts stray back to the usual roundabout of 'killing-fighting-blood-Yachiru-fighting', on loop, and Kenpachi thinks that as long as he isn't taken away from those things, he'll be okay.
Only, you know, Yachiru will be gone for a week.
A fucking week.
Kenpachi swears he's going to pound pretty boys face in.
In a week's time. Because both he and Yachiru will be gone, in the real world. And, even though Kenpachi's never been really good at geography or what ever you would call it, that was really fucking far away. And how the hell did Yumi manage to get the O-K for Yachiru to be sent to the real world?
He's never been one for rules, per se, but when his daughter was the one in question, dammit, Kenpachi had to put his foot down.
"This is a bad idea," Ikkaku says, eyeing their- brooding, angry and very, very irritable -captain. "This is a really bad idea."
"Oh hush!" Yumichika sighs, in that ever annoying way that Ikkaku can understand the captain wanting to punch him for. "It'll only be a week, not to mention the break I'm giving taichou, correct?"
Ikkaku mumbles something most likely unintelligent, along the lines of "you're the one gettin' a damn break", but Yumichika learnt a long time ago to politely ignore Ikkaku's useless babbling. And trust him, he's a pro at it now.
But Kenpachi is still having a bit of a quiet bitch fit across from where Yumichika and Ikkaku are conversing, watching with a slight tick in his eye as Yachiru runs around harassing his subordinates for the last time for an entire week.
A fucking week!
Which explains why, when a timid messenger comes to inform the captain of the eleventh division that the gate will be open soon, and if he could please tell Ayasegawa and the vice-captain to be there as soon as possible, Kenpachi all but throws the man through a wall.
Yachiru giggles at his efforts, happily hopping onto Ken-chan's shoulders to be carried there via his apparent taxi services, but not before giving Ikkaku a good head chew as a parting gift.
If anything, Ikkaku is slightly pleased by the thought that his head will be saliva free for at least a week.
The first day of Yachiru's absence is, well. It's a hell of a lot different for Kenpachi, especially since he had to ask Ikkaku to put on his top bell.
It's been awkward for both men, especially when Kenpachi, one bell still not in place, had to ask the man out in the barracks. Luckily, Ikkaku had a special kind of pity for his captain, and did it anyway.
The morning, though quiet, hadn't been so bad.
The same could not be said for the afternoon.
Which found one Zaraki Kenpachi, grouchy and scarier than usual, sitting in his dark and quiet office, no pink haired ball of terror to distract him from the mountains upon mountains of paper work which had been strategically placed on his desk.
What made the silence and general lack of hyperness in the air even worse, though, was the paranoia that came with fatherhood looming ever so slightly over Kenpachi's shoulders, ready to bite him in the ass when he least expected it.
And that happened to be around dinner time.
It'd started in the thought of not really knowing where Yachiru was. After all, Kenpachi is a captain, and a bloody murderous one at that, so he's got jobs to do. Things to see done. And he's left Yachiru in the caring hands of Yumichika before, sure, but that was when she was in seireitei and not in the real world.
And those thoughts only led off to those of, wait, shit, what if Yumichika just... left the brat at the, place, with the gardens, and that's it?
And, finally, there were perverts every where, especially ones who liked cute, pink haired girls with an inkling for candy from strangers.
All in all, Kenpachi found himself barreling down very dark, very fucking weird, vortex of parental doom.
And it was only the first day.
Day two was, admittedly, not much better.
Come to think of it, nor was day three.
Day four Kenpachi doesn't even remember, since he decided that drinking before eight AM was actually a good thing, and promptly passed out around eleven. AM.
Then day five happened.
And Ikkaku found himself staring into his captains office, only to close the door in pity. The world did not need to see or know of big, scary, murderous Zaraki Kenpachi sulking in the darkness of his own misery, holding on to what looked vaguely like a ripped and torn bunny.
Sulking.
"This is bad," he informed Renji an hour later, giving the vice-captain a look that really did scream, THIS IS BAD. "Really bad. He's sulking."
Renji returned the look with one that screamed, WHAT THE FUCK. "Sulking?"
"Sulking."
"Sulking?"
"Sulking!"
And to top matters off, the eleventh division captain stuck his head out of a window, and without further hesitation threw what was definitely a bunny at Ikkaku's big, shiny orb of a head, before retreating back to the safe confides of his, er, misery.
Both Ikkaku and Renji shared a look that was two parts pity, one part apologetic, and one part amusement.
Because, come on, sulking!
Day six was also a bit of a hit and miss, and everyone could tell, because Kenpachi hadn't even bothered to do his hair or don his eyepatch, instead brooding and spreading his infectious... brooding... disease(?)... into the rest of his division.
No one dares to disturb Kenpachi, until around lunch where Ikkaku all but barges into his captains office holding one of those real world shiny, small thingies that flip open and talk in other peoples voice. The idiot shakes it importantly in Kenpachi's face, until the older man takes the damn thing and stares at it.
Sighing, though managing to sound irritated all the same, Ikkaku makes gestures with his hand to push the thing against his ear.
So Kenpachi does, though very cautiously.
And, lo and behold, he can hear pretty boys voice.
"-returning tomorrow at noon, taichou."
Yeah, then Kenpachi breaks the mobile.
Day seven finds the eleventh division captain waiting at the gate, tapping his foot impatiently and arms crossed.
Still miserable.
Still brooding.
A little ways away, Ikkaku and Renji share the look again, but decide for the sake of Ikkaku's light-catchin' head, the it's best not to speak about it right now.
Then, thank whoever looks over Shinigami and seireitei, the gate opens, and Kenpachi swears he sees more light than usual as things progress in slow motion.
Yachiru's bright pink hair.
Yachiru's small, grabby hands.
Yachiru's chilidish laughter.
But before any thing can really happen, and before Kenpachi can smile a smile that wasn't so much sadistic and shark-like but more fatherly and content, there is a piece of paper with lines and numbers shoved into his face, no thanks to one Ayasegawa Yumichika, and things revert back to normal time.
Fucking flaming fruit cake.
"Ken-chan!" wails the excited vice-captain, attaching herself to Kenpachi's shoulders and giggling madly. "Ken-chan, listen!"
And she tells the eleventh division captain of a place that wasn't a garden, but a small building with lots of windows and toys and crayons and paper for her to draw. Of ladies who would ask Yachiru of her hair color and why, on a day when they went to the beach, she had a small tattoo on her chest.
She tells Kenpachi of a boy who pushed her over and pulled her hair, so she pushed him off the the park and laughed when he broke his arm. She tells him of all the pictures that she drew him, the ones that Yumichika has in his arms, and of, during naptime, she'd taken the food and snuck on the roof to eat it all.
All in all, Kenpachi is pleased to hear that, even in the real world, she is as much of a menace on society as she is in seireitei. And that's enough to make him, begrudgingly, re-think smashing pretty boys face in.
"Ne, Ken-chan! Did'ja miss me?" Yachiru asks, innocent and curious, and Kenpachi folds.
"Yer, kid, I mis'ed ya."
Kenpachi reminds himself to kick the crap out of Abarai and Madarame later though, because he's nice enough not to pummel pretty boy. Yet.