A few months after Kali passed, I would talk and be happy again. They thought she was gone was always in my mind. I was tired of Kayla telling me to get the fuck over it and to forget about her. I kept telling her 'what if Ashley died?' and that didn't work. Chantel would defend me, but sometimes Kayla would just yell at me. Does she not realise I lost my best friend?!
I wouldn't talk to Kayla sometimes. She was so insenstive that I just couldn't stand her. Saying I shouldn't be such a baby. I would cry. All the time. I didn't like going to school since people would just look at me and wonder why I looked sad. They had the same thinking that Kayla had. If you lose somebody, get over it. Fuck that. I still am not over Kali.
"Shosh. Come On. Lets visit Kali's grave." Chantel told me on April 14, 1965.
"Oh, oh kay. I can't believe shes been gone for a year." I couldn't. It seemed like a week ago that it happened.
I stood by Kali's grave and my knees buckled. That hadn't happened for a year. Chantel let out a little squeak and went to her knees. I cried and got up. We walked home and sat on the couch. I just looked around and thought about my mom and Kali. Both gone. Three years apart. I wondered if I would lose anybody else when I was sixteen. The thought scared me.
"Chantel? What if i jinxed my loved ones? What if its my fault?" I asked. Seriously scared.
She just looked at me. Shaking her head, you could tell she was on the verge of tears.
"Shosh. Its not your fault. You didn't jinx nobody."
I just looked off, layed down and fell asleep. When I awoke I was sick. I had a huge headache and felt like throwing up. I ran to the bathroom and did so. I just wanted to lay down on the couch with Johnny and sleep. I knew he was probably at home. Doing anything. I wanted to call him, but his mom would probably answer and cus me out. I fell asleep and awoke 2 hours later. In a strange place.
"Shelby? You awake?!" Jennifer said when I woke up.
I had horrible pain in my head and my wrist hurt.
"DO I HAVE A FUCKEN IV IN MY WRIST!" i yelled.
Jennifer whispered to me that there was and for me to be calm.
"I HATE IV's! Get it out! OW ! please!"
I did hate IV's. They scared the crap out of me and I just hated them.
I looked around and saw Kayla, Chantel and....Johnny! Johnny was here. Thank God!
"JOHNNY?! Your here? what happened to me?" I asked.
"You were sick shosh. you know, like really stressed you got sick. Happens to many people. You'll be okay. K?"
I was so happy that he cared. Oh so goddamn happy. I grabbed him and hugged him. I looked at Chantel and she was crying in the chair.
"Chantel? Hun?"
" I thought I would lose you Shosh...it was on
e year after Kali and I didn't know what was going to happen."
I could see that it scared my friends. Especially Chantel. I hugged her and fell asleep.
I remember just turning 16. It wasn't the best though. A few months later Johnny got jumped.
"Shelby! Shelby Elisabeth! Come On! We gotta help him!" Chantel screamed to me.
We had just saw Ponyboy and Two-Bit with Johnny. He looked close to death.
"He, he, hes going to be okay right?" I desperately asked Darry.
"Harding. He should be okay. I know your scared, be calm though, K?"
I calmed down and looked at him. He was crying and I just wanted to hold him. He looked so damn scared.
"Johnny? Babe?" I said, not sure what to say.
He answered and told me to be with him.
"I...I want you to be here."
I looked at him and hugged him. Blood got on me. I held him tighter and didn't want to let go, but he was hurt, so I had too.
We were in the Curtis' house and Johnny was on the couch. I laid on the floor, holding his hand. When I woke up, I kissed him and turned on the T.V. I sat on the ground and leaned against the soft couch. It smelled like smoke, but I didn't mind. Chantel came over and saw me.
"Shosh? You okay?"
I told her that I was fine and just scared.
" I don't think I could handle losing him. I am so glad he is okay."
Chantel looked at me and sat next to me. She tried to cheer me up, but I was fine. Just scared. Scared. Something that I always seem to be.