Robin and the rest of the Titans were on patrol, waiting for whatever disaster the marisu had warned them about. All but Beast Boy had a super soaker slung across their back.
Robin stopped when his communicator ringtone started playing. His eyes widened when he saw who it was. The others gathered around to listen as he flipped it open.
"Watchtower calling Titan's Tower." A deep voice he knew all too well came from the speaker.
"Watchtower, this is Robin. Go ahead."
"You've got a ship incoming." The communicator said. "ETA 17 minutes, coming in from your west-northwest. Looks like it came through some kind of spatial portal. We're still analyzing the portal's energy signature, it's something new. J'onn thinks it's some kind of wormhole."
"Hostile?" Robin asked, tensing.
"Unknown. You want backup?"
"We can handle it."
"Acknowledged." There was a pause, and then the voice asked. "On a personal note—when were you planning to introduce me to your blushing bride?"
Robin's eyes widened, and then he chuckled. "Nothing gets past you, does it? Soon, I promise."
"I'll hold you to that. Watchtower out."
Beast Boy's eyes were bugging out.
"Dude, was that who I think it was?" He grabbed his hair with both hands and tugged.
"Yeah. Batman." Robin said, putting away the communicator.
"That is so cooooooooooooool." Beast Boy crooned. "The world's greatest detective calling us personally."
"Yeaaah." Robin eyed Beast Boy warily. He was acting like a star-struck fan-girl, grinning and staring blankly off into space. Robin expected him to start squealing in glee any second.
"Please, who is this Batman you speak of?" Starfire asked. "Why would he expect you to introduce me? Is he a close friend?"
"You never told her about Batman? Dude, what is wrong with you?" Beast Boy stared at him like he'd grown a second head.
"Um I guess the subject never came up." Robin rubbed the back of his head. "Star, Batman is sort of my second father. He took me in when my parents were killed. He trained me."
"Then of course we must visit him immediately, Robin! I did not know you had a k'norfka. I am filled with joy at the thought of meeting him!" She hugged Robin, much to the other Titans amusement.
"Anyway, we've got an incoming bogey to deal with first. Guess Mr. Smith wasn't lying to us after all." Robin said, breaking away from Starfire as politely as he could. "Star, you and Raven get up high and try to spot where it comes down. Cyborg, can you tap into the Tower's sensors from here? Lock onto that ship?"
"I can run the sensors through my circuits no problem." Cyborg said. "As for tracking that ship, dunno. Should be able to unless they got some kinda stealth gear."
"Do your best. Beast Boy, you're with me. Titans, go."
The two girls soared into the air and Cyborg busied himself tracking the ship. Robin set off toward the bridge, knowing he could get a good view of the coast. Beast Boy morphed into a wolf and trotted after his leader.
Meanwhile, on top of a bluff a tall blue box stood innocuously. The view was picturesque, and overlooked a strait spanned by a huge suspension bridge. It was a very peaceful scene, almost idyllic, with birdsong and a gentle wind.
Inside, the scene was decidedly less peaceful. The TARDIS control room was filled with thick acrid smoke and the Doctor was just regaining consciousness. He coughed, looking around. The room was lit only by a dim and flickering red light, an indication the TARDIS was running on emergency power. He struggled to his feet and checked some instruments on the console.
"Ah, old girl you saved my bacon yet again." He murmured, patting the console affectionately. "Looks like you did yourself a mischief in the process too." Satisfied his ship could handle her own repairs until he could tend to her, he started looking for Rose.
He found her sprawled in a corner, with a bump on her head, out cold.
"Wake up, Rose." He said loudly in her ear. She started to stir fitfully. He looked her over carefully, testing here and there to make sure no bones were broken. He looked up to find her eyes open and watching him with an incredulous look.
"Are you groping me, Doctor?" She asked, half scandalized, half laughing. "'Cause I don't think that's allowed in Heaven."
She coughed suddenly, from the fumes. "Cor, that don't smell like Heaven! Did we end up in the other place? Fah, that's rank that is." She tried to sit up, but needed the Doctor's help. He frowned.
"Rose, look at me. Straight at me. Do you have a headache? Blurry vision? Are you seeing double?"
"No, but this lump is really tender. And I'm as weak as a kitten. Are we dead?"
"Shouldn't think so." The doctor said. "But honestly I've no idea why not. Skon's ship destabilized our vortex field. It forced the TARDIS into the Spiral and that should have been the end of us. I couldn't materialize because his ship had interwoven its drive field with ours."
"What?" She looked at him blankly.
"It's like this. The TARDIS makes a sort of whirlpool through time and space, a wormhole. We call that the Vortex. Normally we stay in the middle, where it's calm, see? Skon's ship latched onto us and slammed us into the side of the wormhole. That bit is the Spiral and its vicious nasty stuff. Not even the TARDIS should have been able to withstand the Spiral."
"Why's everything so dark and red?"
"We're on emergency power. Afraid the old girl pulled something. She's not as young as she was, you know."
"So if we're not dead, where are we?"
"Well," he looked around "we aren't in the Vortex so we must have materialized. If I had to guess I'd say we're floating in space somewhere near Earth."
"What about the Slitheen?" Rose tried arching her back; thankful that her weakness was starting to fade. She discovered several bruises to add to her inventory of woes.
"If the TARDIS is this beat up I'm betting the Slitheen are nothing more than a smear of sub-atomic particles half a light-year long by now. I tried to tell them, but does anybody ever listen to me?" The Doctor huffed. Then he stood, pulling her to her feat.
"I think I can get the scanner working so we can at least see where we are." He said. Taking the sonic screwdriver out of his pocket he started tinkering under the console.
"Rose, can you see if that's got it?"
"Yeah, there's a picture." She started to snicker.
"What?" He poked his head up and looked at the screen.
"Well blow me!" The Doctor grinned. "The old girl got us landed right proper! Earth as I live and breathe."
Rose coughed again.
"Speaking of breathing, Doctor, can we open the door and get some fresh air in here? It's pretty thick."
"Right. Where did I put that handle? Handle, handle…ah, got it!" He pulled out what looked like a hand crank for a five hands and fitted it into an inconspicuous hole next to the doors.
"Lend a hand here, will you? These doors are heavy when you got to shift the things manually."
Rose doubted she'd be much help in her current state but pitched in willingly enough.
"What the hell are these doors made of?" She gasped half an hour of intense labor later. The doors were barely gapped enough for them to slip between.
"An alloy you humans have never heard of and couldn't make if you had." The Doctor was panting as he rested. "If the power fails the doors are the last defense for the TARDIS. Of course they're heavy. Armor always is."
"Can we get out now? I'm gonna faint in a minute."
"Of course. How are you feeling?"
"You're joking." She said flatly staggering to her feet. "Let's get out of here and I'll feel loads better!"
She wormed her way between the doors with great difficulty and silently glared at the Doctor when he effortlessly slipped between them.
"Too much curry then?" He asked innocently as he opened the outer doors.
"I'll show you curry, you prat." She growled and pushed past the Doctor into the open air. She took a deep lungful of the warm sweet air and exhaled in sheer bliss.
"Want to tell me who you are and what you're doing here?" A strange voice asked. It had unfriendly overtones, with definite expectations. Like being answered immediately and politely without any lip, thank-you-very-much.
With sinking heart Rose turned, expecting to see a policeman, probably with drawn pistol. What she saw instead was a boy, probably no older than sixteen in a bright red and green circus outfit with a yellow lined cape no less, pointing one of those oversized squirt-gun rifles at her. And he had a precious little mask over his eyes, hiding them. She couldn't help it, she burst into laughter.
That seemed to annoy the boy, who raised the rifle threateningly.
"I want answers. Now." He snapped. "I won't ask again. Who are you and what are you doing here?"
"He's a clown." Rose said, unable to stop laughing. "A clown with a squirt gun! Whatcha gonna do, little boy? Hose us down if we won't play with you?"
"Rose." The Doctor said warningly, staring fixedly behind her. A distinctly unfriendly animalgrowl sobered her up in a hurry. She spun to come face to face with a large wolf, baring its teeth not three feet from her. The fact that it was green didn't make it look the least bit comical. She shrieked and leaped back, taking shelter behind the Doctor.
"Wo-wo-wolf!" She stammered, suddenly sweating. She was thinking about the werewolf that had tried to tear her to ribbons less than a week before.
"I hate werewolves! Quick, the mistletoe! Where's the mistletoe? Tell me you have some in your pockets! You always have stuff in your pockets!"
The wolf stopped growling and traded a perplexed look with the boy.
"Sorry, fresh out." The Doctor said softly. "Look, we seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot, so why don't we start over?" He was speaking carefully, and there was no humor in his voice.
"Who are you?" The boy asked, exasperated. "It's a simple question."
"I'm—" The Doctor started to answer when Rose poked him sharply in the back, reminding him aliens weren't likely to be welcomed with open arms right now. "—John Smith and this is Rose."
The reaction he got certainly wasn't the one he expected. The boy relaxed, lowering the rifle. The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief. Unlike Rose he didn't think the squirt rifle was filled with water…
Rose hadn't stopped staring at the wolf while she hid behind him, so the shriek in his ear made him wince. She was pointing at the wolf.
"He—he turned into a boy! He is a werewolf!" The Doctor snapped his eyes toward the wolf, suddenly alarmed. But instead of a wolf there was an alien boy with green skin and pointed ears, dressed in a purple and black jumpsuit.
"Hmm." He didn't recognize the boy's species, but the fact aliens were on Earth with the current unpleasantness afoot did not bode well. There was also the fact that he was fully dressed. None of the shape-shifting species the Doctor had heard of possessed such convenient attire. A hologram perhaps? Although it bothered him he didn't recognize the boy's species. He thought he was familiar with every race in the Milky Way galaxy.
"Mr. Smith you should have said who you were immediately. You wore a different body the last time you were here." The boy was staring at the TARDIS behind them. "Did you know your box is smoking?"
"What? Oh, yes, bit of a bother, actually. Ran into some trouble on the way here." The Doctor said automatically. "The old thing's always breaking down, but I'm a big softie when it comes to her, really. Can't bear to part with it."
Wore a different body? He didn't remember ever visiting this pair before. That meant he must have done so in a different regeneration sometime in the future. He really must remember to have a talk with himself for being so inconsiderate. He could at least have left himself a note…
"Is this your wife?" The boy asked. The Doctor discreetly trod on her foot as she opened her mouth.
"Uh—right. That's me, Rose Smith. Your friend doesn't bite does he?"
"Dude, that's just plain obnoxious." The green boy glared at her. "What do you think I am—an animal? That's humanist!"
"Oh. Sorry." Rose said, taken aback. "How did you do that? Become a wolf I mean? I thought only werewolves could do that."
The green boy rolled his eyes. "There's no such thing as werewolves! Besides I change into lots of different animals, not just wolves."
"Beast Boy, I'm sure Mrs. Smith didn't mean to be rude." The older boy said hastily, glancing uneasily at the Doctor. He slung the squirt-rifle over his back and reached under his cape to pull out a round yellow and black object.
Now that's interesting. He's scared of offending me. I wonder why? The Doctor thought to himself as the boy flipped open the device.
"Cyborg, this is Robin. Have you spotted the ship yet?"
"Yep. Picked it up about twenty miles out. Tracked it to just off shore when it vanished. Looked like it landed, it was moving pretty slow when I lost it."
"Ok, join up with me. Looks like Mr. Smith is back, and this time he brought his wife with him."
"Ho boy." Cyborg's voice echoed his unease. "I thought he said him meeting us again wouldn't be a good idea?"
"Guess he changed his mind." Robin said mildly. "How long till you get here?"
"About ten minutes."
"See you then."
"Friends of yours, dear?" Rose whispered in the Doctor's ear. "You are so going to get it when this is over!"
"Never laid eyes on them before." He whispered back. "And I know I'd remember the green one. There's always something about the green ones."
"Then how come they know you?" She demanded, poking him in the back—not gently. "And what was that crack about you wearing a different body?"
"Well, either they have me confused with somebody else, or I'll be coming back here sometime in the future." The Doctor murmured. "Did you notice they're treating me very carefully? I must have impressed them the last time I'll be here."
Rose frowned, trying to work out the bizarre tense shift. "You're right. English isn't good for time travel." She said. "So now what?"
They watched as the boy made adjustments to the radio.
"Starfire, Raven, come in."
"Yes Robin?" Starfire's voice answered him. "I wish to report that the ship landed on the ocean and immediately submerged. Raven and I have marked the spot, but the unknown ship will undoubtedly move somewhere else under water."
"Acknowledged. Star, you and Raven meet up with me. Cyborg's on his way too. Mr. Smith is back—along with his wife."
"Wonderful! I wish to thank Mr. Smith properly for all that he has done for us. We shall join you shortly!" Her happiness told the Doctor this Starfire, at least, might be a potential ally. He had a feeling he was going to need all the allies he could get. A nasty suspicion was growing in him that something was seriously wrong here…
"So, can I ask why you changed your mind, or are you going to be all marisu on us?" Robin asked, tucking away his radio.
"What? Oh, sorry. Yes, I'm afraid I'm going to have to play things close to the vest, old chap. Loose lips sink ships, and all that." The Doctor babbled, his mind racing to put the clues together.
The boy was obviously part of a larger group, and both "Cyborg" and "Starfire" had mentioned a ship. He had a sinking feeling it was Skon's ship. The Slitheen must have survived the Spiral through the same miracle the TARDIS had.
Offhand the Doctor couldn't think of a better recipe for disaster than the Slitheen on Earth with most of the governments of the world ready to blast Skon and his merry band of monsters with nuclear weapons if they showed so much as a whisker out of hiding.
This didn't explain why an alien was teaming up with a circus performer—or why the boy was armed with—
"Excuse me. I couldn't help noticing your weapon. Pretty unusual. I'll wager it isn't filled with water, right?"
"Nope. We took your advice, dude. Vinegar." The green one, Beast Boy said, grinning. "I've been racking my brains trying to figure out how vinegar is supposed to let us defeat the bad guys."
The Doctor blinked, shocked to his core. Rose's face also registered shock and she spoke before he could stop her.
"He told you to put vinegar in that oversized squirt-gun?" She started to grin manically. "Mum sure could have used one of those! She had to—"
"Sweetheart." The Doctor said forcefully. The endearment did the trick, Rose turned to face him very slowly. It reminded the Doctor unpleasantly of a weapon turret coming to bear on a target. He mimed closing a zipper across his mouth.
"Oh, right. Right. Top secret. Sorry, forget I said anything." Rose said as she caught on. "Don't want to ruin things."
Robin frowned. "Look, I know you're all about letting people have choices and not interfering but we've got an alien ship out there somewhere. Can you at least tell me if they're hostile?"
"Oh, I think it's safe to say that ship is hostile." The Doctor nodded. "In fact, on a scale of hostility I'd put that ship somewhere north of Armageddon."
"Dude, you're saying it's up to us to save the world?" Beast Boy asked. He swelled with self-importance. "Well, won't be the first time."
"You're no hero." Robin said to the Doctor. "You made that crystal clear last time. So why are you here? Want a ringside seat to watch the fun? Should we make you some popcorn?" The scorn in his voice was palpable.
"Uh, John?" Rose said, staring at the sky. The Doctor ignored her, staring at Robin in confusion and more than a bit put out.
"Ringside seat? Listen, you cheeky monkey, I was saving worlds long before your pitiful excuse for a—"
"Sweetheart." Rose shouted. Startled, he looked at her. Wordlessly she pointed to the sky. Fearing the Slitheen ship was coming he looked up. And blinked.
"Well, now there's something you don't see every day." He murmured. He watched as two alien girls (very shapely ones, he noticed) flew down to join them. The must have been using antigravity devices because neither one had wings. Though with the way they were dressed he couldn't figure out where they were hiding them.
One of them, a red head with long hair and orange skin looked around in confusion.
"Where is John Smith?" She asked.
"That would be me." The Doctor waved a hand in the air and smiled.
Before he could react the girl squealed and leaped toward him, gathering him up in a bear hug.
"I wish to give you many thanks for bringing Robin and I together!"
The Doctor gave a surprised wheeze as the girl squeezed the air out of him. It was like being hugged by a boa constrictor. He felt his ribs creak. Poor Robin. He thought, on the edge of passing out.
Starfire released him and he staggered.
"Don't mention it." He said thru gritted teeth. "You're a healthy girl aren't you? Quite ping-pong!"
"I do not understand." Starfire cocked her head. "It is true my health is robust. But why am I like a game of table tennis?"
"Sorry, I meant you're very strong." The Doctor said.
"I see. Yes, I am stronger than I appear." Starfire turned to Rose. "I bring you joyful greetings, wife of John Smith!"
"Wotcher?" Rose said with a smile.
"I am afraid I do not speak that language. Do you not speak the English?"
Rose burst out laughing. "Yes, yes I do. Wotcher is a way of saying hello where I come from."
"Then hello to you, friend Rose. May I introduce you to my friends?" She took Rose by the arm and effortlessly dragged her toward the cloaked girl, who lowered her hood and shook her head ruefully.
"May I present my friend, Raven. Raven, this is Rose."
"Hi." Raven extended a hand which Rose shook, grinning at the blue haired girl.
"Starfire you shouldn't—" Raven started to say, still shaking Rose's hand, when her eyes suddenly blazed white.
"Bad Wolf." She said quite distinctly. Then the white glow faded and she blinked. "That was different." She said in a neutral monotone.
The effect on Rose was electric. The color drained from her face and she pulled away from the two alien girls. The Doctor frowned and moved toward Rose, who was obviously distressed. The blonde girl hugged him when he got close.
"I thought that was over." She was crying. He could feel her shuddering. "Why is it still following us? Make it stop, please just make it stop!"
The boy and his alien companions looked at the Doctor holding Rose with confusion. That's when he felt a telepathic probe from the blue haired girl. She immediately staggered back, a look of shock on her face.
"Hang on!" He said indignantly. "You can't go poking about in other people's heads uninvited! Besides, my mind's a mess. Hasn't seen the maid in a donkey's. You go in there you might not come out for days."
"That's not John Smith." Raven declared, visibly controlling herself. "I don't know who he is, but he's not human."
"Oh, like you lot have room to talk!" The Doctor scoffed. "Besides, my name is John Smith. Well, one of them—it's a cast of thousands, really."
"You may be a John Smith, but you aren't our John Smith. You aren't a marisu." Raven said levelly. "Who are you? What are you?"
"I'm the Doctor and this is my companion, Rose Tyler." He said. "Rose, the good news is you didn't put the words in her head. Our blue haired friend found the words in your head. She's a telepath."
Rose wiped the tears from her face even as she glared. "Hey, you! Why'd you have to go and do that for? Didn't give me half a turn! Warn a body next time!"
"Sorry. I don't know why that happened." Raven apologized. "I didn't do it deliberately." Her eyes narrowed. "Hey! Stop trying to distract us. Who are you? What's your relationship to that ship? And Doctor who?"
"Well, as long as we're playing twenty questions, what's a band of three different alien species doing on Earth now? Especially teaming up with a circus performer? What planets are you from? Because I don't recognize any of your species—and that's saying quite a lot believe you me! Finally, what the devil is a marisu?"
"Wait a sec! Aliens?" Beast Boy said indignantly. "Raven and I are human, whoever you are! Star's the only alien here."
"Technically speaking, Beast Boy, I'm only half human." Raven said coolly.
"You go first, Doctor." Robin said firmly. "And I'm not a circus performer. Not anymore."
"Right." The Doctor said, thinking quickly. "Short version. That ship is Skon's ship." His announcement was met with blank stares.
"You know—the Slitheen? I had just disabled their hyperdrive when Skon pulled a fast one and tried to jump start his drive using mine. It didn't work, so here we are. Now unless we're very clever and deal with Skon ourselves your president is likely to lob a nuclear missile into San Francisco Bay just to make sure Skon and his merry monsters are hovis. And if that happens then a lot of innocent people will end up dead. Us included."
He beamed. "Any questions, children?"
"Where is San Francisco Bay?" Starfire asked curiously, holding up her hand. "And why would the president use a nuclear weapon to kill this Skon when he has never met him?"
"What are Slitheen?" Raven asked.
"What's hovis mean?" Beast Boy asked.
The Doctor's beaming expression turned into one of utter confusion.
"That's the Golden Gate Bridge standing there." He protested. "I'd know it anywhere! Meaning this is San Francisco and that," He pointed dramatically out at the strait, "is San Francisco Bay."
"I'm not that up on American landmarks." Rose spoke up. "But even I know what the Golden Gate Bridge looks like."
"That's not the Golden Gate Bridge." Robin said slowly, looking at them. "It's the Kermit Moore bridge. This is Jump City, and that's Chrysopylae Bay."
"Really?" The Doctor blinked. "Oh, bugger. What year is this?"
"2007." Robin said. "Let me guess, time traveler, right?"
"Very good." The Doctor said approvingly. "Nobody ever gets that straight away."
"We have dealt with time travelers in the past." Starfire sniffed disapprovingly. "A thief who came to change history. We defeated him."
The Doctor nodded. "Well done! Can't be having thieves disturbing the timelines. We'd never know if it was last Tuesday or the ides of March. Hang on, did you say 2007?"
"Yes." Robin said.
"That can't be right! In 2007 I know they were called the Golden Gate Bridge and San Francisco."
"No, it's always been Jump City and the Kermit Moore bridge." Robin said. "It's never been San Francisco."
"Yo, Robin!" A voice called out. "What'd I miss?" An armored figure was approaching at a jog.
"Cyberman?" Rose asked, eyeing the oncoming figure.
"No—no I don't think so." The Doctor said reassuringly. "Cybermen have no personality, Rose. This fellow's simply oozing with it."
The man reached them and the Doctor's eyes widened. He took in the streamlined armor, the sophisticated electronics; the fact face the young man's face was half flesh and half steel and made the obvious (to him) conclusion.
"Hang about! Earth won't develop that level of technology for another 400 years! Where did you get that getup?" The Doctor walked around the confused teen, assessing. "Oh, but what workmanship. It's absolutely beautiful. Whoever designed this really knew their stuff!"
"Thanks, man. Who are you again?" Cyborg put one robotic hand on the Doctor's shoulder to stop him.
"I'm the Doctor. I take it you're Cyborg?"
"Last time I checked." The black teen said drily. "And quit checking out my hardware like it was fresh off the showroom floor. It's creepy."
"You're being rude again, Doctor." Rose informed him.
"Am I? Sorry. Look, none of this makes any sense." The Doctor said, running one hand through his hair. "You—", he pointed at Cyborg, "definitely shouldn't be walking around with the level of technology that suit represents—"
"Body". Cyborg interrupted him.
"I'm sorry?" The Doctor asked, puzzled.
"It's not an armored suit, it's my body. I had an accident, ok? The doctors started me off with basic prosthetic hardware, I've been upgrading my systems ever since."
"You created this technology?" The Doctor asked, astounded. "That's brilliant! You humans never cease to amaze me!" He grinned from ear to ear.
"Hang on, where was I? Oh yeah. There's you," he nodded at Cyborg, "and then there's you," He pointed at Starfire. "I have no idea what species you are, and that's simply impossible. I know every intelligent species in seventeen different galaxies by sight."
"And then there's you two." He pointed at Raven and Beast Boy. "That wolf weighed more than our green friend here by a good half. Not to mention, of the eighty-three hundred known shape-shifting species, not one of them carries their wardrobe about after they change shape. Yet he appeared fully dressed in less than a second. Which brings us to you," He pointed at Raven. "What's your story, sunshine? Half human, is it? What's the other half?"
"Demon." She said calmly.
"I'm sorry?" He gaped at her.
"My father is a demon. Trigon the Terrible." Raven said evenly. "Also called Trigon the Ravager, Skath, or Ddrez."
"Noooo—nope, sorry. Doesn't ring a bell." The Doctor said, cleaning out an ear with his little finger. "Add it all up and what do you get? Anyone? Rose?"
"Don't look at me. I got lost when they said that wasn't the Golden Gate Bridge." Rose said. "Where are we, Doctor?"
"Haven't the foggiest." He said cheerfully. "Not on Earth, at any rate."
"Um, Dude, this is Earth." Beast Boy said, trying to make sense of anything the Doctor was saying.
The Doctor waved him away. "Pish-posh. Do you know how many species call their world a name that translates to Earth? All of them. Except for water worlds, of course. They tend to use Water."
"Hang on. You, Robin, this is America, isn't it?" Rose asked. Robin nodded. "See? If this is America then this has to be Earth, right?"
"You've got a point." The Doctor admitted grudgingly. "What's the largest city in America, Robin?"
"Gotham City." Robin answered, his own mind sorting through the impossibilities.
"Wait, what?" Rose said. "I thought it was New York?"
"New York is a state." Robin said patiently. "You sound like you're British."
"I am. See, Doctor? There's a Great Britain here! What's the capitol?"
"Of England? London." Robin answered.
"Sounds like you folks are from the universe next door." Cyborg said casually.
"Wait, what?" The Doctor did a double take. "What did you say?"
"I said it sounds like you folks are from the universe next door. We get inter-dimensional travelers through here all the time." Cyborg repeated.
"Really?" The Doctor asked, fascinated. "That would tend to explain things."
"Not to me." Beast Boy said, rubbing his head. "This kind of stuff makes my brain hurt."
"What he said." Rose seconded.
"Rose, this is Earth, just not your Earth." The Doctor said. "We're in a completely different universe, a parallel dimension. Both universes have a Golden Gate Bridge, but in one it's named the Kermit Moore Bridge. See?"
"How'd we get here then?"
"Must have been when Skon tried to highjack the TARDIS's vortex field." The Doctor said. "The Spiral's never been that well understood. My guess is the dog's breakfast Skon's ship made of the combined drive fields must have ripped a hole through the dimensional boundary. Good thing for us too, or we'd be smeared across a dozen parsecs and a thousand years right now."
Rose shuddered. "It was bad enough as it was, Doctor."
"So let me get this straight." Robin said slowly. "You crippled the bad guy's ship and they did something to get away that pulled you both into our universe?"
"Got it in one." The Doctor nodded, grinning. Then he sobered. "The Slitheen are a nasty bunch. If we don't stop them they could take over the planet, maybe even blow it up."
"No! They shall not blow up my home!" Starfire said, and her eyes started glowing green. Rose gaped at her as she rose into the air, green globes of light forming around her fists.
"Calm down, Starfire." Robin said. "We won't let them get away with it. The Teen Titans will stop them."
"Of course, my husband." Starfire settled back to the ground, the glow fading.
"How many Slitheen are there?" Robin asked.
The Doctor shrugged. "A whole clan full. Maybe forty adults and twenty or so younger ones."
"And forty adult Slitheen can take over the world?" Robin asked skeptically.
"Given enough time, yah." The Doctor said. "See, they're hunters. They hunt down people and kill 'em. Then they skin the bodies and make a suit out of it. They have a collar that lets them shrink down enough to fit inside."
"What?" Robin's face turned hard. "Are you telling me these Slitheen hunt people?"
"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm telling you." The Doctor said, his humor vanishing. "They like to kill somebody in the government, and then work their way up. One managed to become Prime Minister of Great Britain. Nearly started a nuclear war on Rose's Earth."
"Why?" Raven asked.
"They were going to sell the radioactive remains of Earth as fuel for starships. Rose and I stopped them.
"Mickey helped." Rose interjected firmly.
"Yes, well he did at that." The Doctor waved her interruption away. "Anyway, thanks to a well placed missile all but one of the Slitheen ceased to be a problem for the universe. But that one escaped and became mayor of Cardiff. She was planning to build a flawed nuclear power plant on top of a time-space rift, let the reactor blow it open, and then ride the resulting wave off Earth to a more advanced planet. Sucking Earth into oblivion in the process."
"These Slitheen are not nice." Starfire said, hissing the last word. "They are worse than the Gordanians ever were. Worse than any creature I have ever heard of."
"In the big picture, as threats go, the Slitheen are pretty small potatoes." The Doctor said dismissively. "Unless they happen to your planet, mind you. Then they're a nasty piece of work and no mistake."
"Why vinegar?" Robin asked. "How does vinegar help us?"
"Slitheen come from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius." The Doctor said. "Like all life forms on that planet they're calcium based. Large amounts of vinegar cause them to explode. Sort of like a combination of sulfuric acid and nitroglycerin."
"What?" Robin exclaimed, horrified. The Doctor looked at him curiously. The rest of the group were equally appalled. Starfire actually looked sick to her stomach.
"Dude, that's so wrong." Beast Boy said quietly, shaking his head.
"How did you know to use vinegar anyway?" The Doctor asked curiously. "You said something about John Smith telling you?"
"And I was feeling joyous and thankful to that clorbag varblernelk." Starfire said in shocked disbelief. "He seemed so nice. Why would John Smith tell us to do such a horrible thing? He did not warn us of the consequences!"
The Doctor noted that the TARDIS had not translated Starfire's swear words to anyone but him. Make a sailor blush, she would. He thought to himself.
"What's the problem?" Rose asked impatiently. "Yeah, it's a nasty way to die. So? One of those things tried to eat my mother. It chased her into my boyfriend's flat and took its sweet time stalking them. If the Doctor hadn't told them about the vinegar she'd be dead. Instead that thing is dead and good riddance!"
"You don't understand." Robin said. "You're a civilian. We're superheroes. It's one thing for civilians to kill in self-defense. We can't. Not ever."
"I am not a civilian." Rose said, getting in Robin's face. "I'm the Bad Wolf. When the Dalek emperor stole Earth away and was going to destroy the entire freaking universe I looked into the heart of the TARDIS and I took what it gave me and I poured it into the head of the Dalek Emperor and the Dalek fleet and I dissolved them into dust." She glared at him. "So don't you ever call me a civilian, you preening, pompous peacock, you got that?"
"Whoa, dude." Beast Boy said. "You got schooled."
Irritated Robin glared at Beast who prudently ducked behind Cyborg.
"I understand not wanting to kill." The Doctor said. "I really do. Every time I save a world it seems like somebody dies. I try never to kill my enemies, but they always insist on it. Most of the time they force me to kill them. I've killed billions in a very long life and I regret every single one of them."
He looked at them from eyes none of them could meet, not even Raven.
"Now let me ask you one question. When those Slitheen murder someone in this city and they will, what will you do then? How are you going to stop them? They're eight feet tall, made of living rock, and can shrug off small arms fire. There's ten of them for every one of you. And they won't hesitate to kill you—in fact they'll enjoy it. They hunt for pleasure, these Slitheen."
"They are ruthless, pitiless bastards, utterly indifferent to anyone who isn't from their home planet. And even then they're merciless to anyone not in their own clan."
"Oh, yes. Their only weakness is vinegar."
Robin shook his head.
"We won't kill them. That would make us no better than them." Robin said. "We have powers others don't. We're stronger, faster—more dangerous. But we aren't better." He stared at the Doctor.
"Any one of us could kill the criminals we fight, especially the ordinary ones. Together we could kill just about anything that moves."
"Let me tell you something, Doctor. It would be a lotsimpler if we could kill bank robbers, or super-villains. One fight and we'd be done. We'd never have to face that particular scum again."
Robin's face was grim.
"I've faced some of the worst psychotic villains on Earth. The Joker, for one. He's a mass-murdering psychopath. I have nightmares about what he's done. But he's still alive because Batman and I didn't kill him. Superheroes catch bad guys and throw them in jail. We're not judge, jury or executioner. The authorities aren't that thrilled with us as it is. They tolerate us because we're the only ones who can stand up to the super-villains they can't handle. And we don't kill anybody—ever."
"The line is clear and I won't ever cross it. Because if I do on that day I'll be the one who dies. Whatever survives won't be me, it'll be a cold-blooded killer."
"Good for you. A noble sentiment and I mean that quite sincerely." The Doctor said quietly. "So, how do you propose to stop them then?"
"The same way we do every super-villain." Robin said quietly. "Find them, beat them senseless, and let the authorities deal with them."
"Beat them senseless? Are you insane?" The Doctor asked in shock. "A full grown Slitheen could tear the lot of you apart with one arm tied behind its back! They are living rock. You'd break your hand if you hit one!"
"We've fought living rock before." Robin said confidently.
"Yeah, Cinderblock is ten feet tall and weighs what, four tons?" Cyborg said. "Robin and Starfire took care of him the last time he broke out. Didn't even need the rest of us."
"Really?" The Doctor looked at the diminutive Robin and the slender Starfire. "That's remarkable." He said in a neutral tone.
"Cinderblock is—somewhat limited in intelligence." Starfire said. "Strategy is quite effective against him."
"Well Slitheen are cunning and vicious and almost invulnerable to most weapons." The Doctor said. "They're fast too. They pounce on their prey from behind or from hiding and never fight fair. They have six inch long claws. The females can breathe poison gas or shoot a poisoned spike from their fingers."
"How many of you are willing to die? Because I guarantee you if you go up against the Slitheen none of you would survive."
"The two of you did it." Raven pointed out.
"We snuck in with the TARDIS and sabotaged their ship." The Doctor said. "And even then they almost caught us. Even against one Slitheen what you're talking about is suicide. There are forty or fifty adults on that ship. Even the youngest child could kill you in a one-on-one fight."
"I believe you underestimate us, Doctor." Starfire said calmly. "We have battled monsters and villains on this planet and others. We are not helpless children. Thank you for your concern but it is unfounded."
"Ok, so you've got some high-tech toys. Antigravity belts or the like, Cyborg's prosthetics. Beast Boy's wolf. It isn't close to being enough."
"Dude, we're the Teen Titans." Beast Boy said. "We've kicked the butt of every bad guy to cross paths with us for years."
"Can you find that ship?" Robin asked.
"If my TARDIS was in working order, yes. Unfortunately she's had a hard day and it will take some time for her self-repair systems to right the damage the Spiral did." The Doctor said. "But even if I could find that ship there's nothing you could do. I won't lead children to their deaths."
"Don't suppose you could use that whatsit in your pocket could you, Doctor?" Rose asked.
"Well, if I had a proper workshop I might be able to whip up something. Their hyperdrive is the ship's main power source. Even without the transduction coil the drive can still supply power. I should be able to trace it. Might be able to come up with some kind of non-lethal weapon to immobilize them, too."
"Like a Taser you mean?" Rose asked.
"Yes, exactly—wait a minute! That's brilliant! Rose you're a genius!" He grinned, and then sobered immediately. "But we don't have a proper workshop." He sighed.
The Titans looked at each other. Cyborg raised an eyebrow and Robin nodded decisively.
"Doc, I might just have what you're looking for." Cyborg put one armored arm over the man's shoulder. "Let me tell you about Titan's Tower…"