My normal 'editor' has been having some issues with her family lately so she could read the final product before i put it up. Which meant that i had to edit my story which is something that i fail at. I HATE rereading my work it makes me all self consicous. but anyway so i am super sorry about any mistakes that were made and that it took so long to update(i developed and awful case of writers block and rewrote the entire second half of the chapter at least 5 times no joke). Hopefully miss jo will be able to look it over before the next time i publish which should be soon.
When I was growing up I rarely had any friends. That probably had to do with the fact that I had the social skills of a potato. And I might say a very unsociable potato at that. I was always, and still am, that girl you saw in the background holding a book or a drawing pad. I had major trust issues so I wouldn't talk to people about anything other than school or drawing, and I never brought any of my 'friends' home to have a sleep over or meet my family. I went to two school dances after being pressured to go and I went alone and sat in the back of the room till the dance was over and then I left. No one said hi to me at all they just walked right by me like I wasn't there. I had to admit though that there was one good thing about being invisible, and that was that no one ever noticed me, so they couldn't make fun of me or anything. So I always felt like it was me against the world.
So sitting a room filled with complete strangers was kind of daunting. I mean of course they were some of the nicest people I had met in my short existence, but I can't just change myself right away even for the best of people with purest intentions. I wondered if I even had the confidence to act like I was just the kind of person who didn't care what people thought or what they could possibly do to me in the future. I tried to distract myself though out all the introductions and small talk that was being made by drawing or thinking about what I should draw next. I barley talked and for most of the time I watched the river a few feet from their house. But every so often my eyes would move over and somehow find Edwards, the bronze haired boy. Then we would be locked in a deep stare that took almost every part of me just to look away from.
I paid a lot of attention to the conversations around me though. I heard the soft whispers between the little Pixie, Alice, and the pouty blonde, Rosalie, talking about issues in the house and I heard when the big buff guy, Emmett, Nudged Edward and said they would finally have some babes to flirt with. I also heard the entire conversation between Carlisle and Peyton about her short career in the jazz world. Esme, the mother, was talking with the boys Emmett, Edward and Jasper, the blonde haired guy, about adding on new rooms to the house so that me and Peyton could live there. It was all so much to take in.
So I quickly snuck out the open door hoping that no one would notice my absence. I just need a few minutes to think over all that has happened in the past hour and 14 minutes so that I could at least come to some grips with everything. I took out the drawing stuff that Edward had retrieved for me and Peyton while everyone continued making small talk about various things like birthdays and hobbies and what not. I settled in on the soft grass covering the dirt and quickly made a sketch of the giant house hold and them all loosely in the semi circle that they were in when we first saw them.
It was not the best drawing I ever did, but it was still something that would impress people if they saw it. While I drew the picture I thought about what it would be like to have a real family that loved me for who and what I was like no one else had. Would it be nice? Would I even be able to stand after so many years of being alone? I considered the fact that these people would understand where I was coming from cause for at least some part of their long lives they were alone. I saw visions of all us girls going shopping and laughing while we talked about boys and then coming home to brothers who would taunt us while they watched various sports games. And then I saw Esme and Carlisle kissing our foreheads when we came home and telling us they loved us. Growing up that was what I always wanted. A family to love me and comfort me when things were low. I guess a little part of me was praying and hoping that some how this would become my permanent family. But I didn't even know if I wanted that now.
I Smelled Edward coming before I could hear the soft tap of his foot steps on the ground. He walked evenly and slowly not at the inhuman pace I figured he would have approached. I glanced over to my side and saw him gracefully descend down into a criss cross position. He smiled at me watching me draw and put the finishing touches on the picture before he said anything.
"You know," he paused to give a quick flash of a smile at me and then look back down at the picture that I was still drawing even while I wasn't looking at it. "We would love to have you two in our family. I'm not sure it would be like you pictured it but, it would still be fun" he smiled
I couldn't control the reflex reaction that I had. I squeezed the charcoal chunk in my hand causing it to whine lightly in protest and then crumble as the pressure got worse and worse. I cussed under my breath knowing that he could hear it but not caring if it was lady like or not and threw the pieces into the woods. I pulled a new piece out from my bag and pretended to continue drawing. "How did you know what I was picturing?" I asked my voice struggling to remain sounding cool and calm. I wasn't very successful because it sounded rough and angry.
"I read minds. Sometimes it comes in handy but everyone has to make due with out privacy" He was staring into my eyes now smirking slightly in satisfaction. I was panicking on the inside trying to remember every thought I ever had in front of him hoping that I didn't think anything too embarrassing or that could be held against me for the rest of my long existence. "You kept your thoughts under control" he laughed a sweet melodic sound "Well for the most part. You did seem to think I was pretty sexy" he joked.
I gasped. "You! That… That is so not fair! Uhh" I was stuttering slightly because I was a combination of embarrassment and anger. "That is so UNFAIR!" I pouted something that was a very rare event seeing how unsociable I was.
"I'm so sorry" he rolled his golden eyes which danced with excitement. "You don't have to control your thoughts around me. I'm not gonna spill any deep dark secrets you have" he laughed again but this time it was softer and trying to soothe me rather than set me off again.
"Thanks" I said quieting down again. I was still unnerved by the fact that someone could look into my head and see all the things I hid so well under layers and layers of protective surfaces. Some thoughts I hoped would never see the light of day again but if I was around him I might be so paranoid to hide them that I would let them slip with out my knowledge.
"Its interesting to see the world from your eyes. You see everything like some big painting and everything seems to set off your creative gears. It fascinates me" he said looking directly into my eyes again like he was really looking deep into my soul. "What's your favorite drawing?" he asked scanning my memories as I flashed through them trying to pinpoint a favorite. Finally I stopped on a blurry image from when I was a human. It was a giant canvas with the best paint I owned smeared across it to show the sun setting over the Peace River in Hudson's Hope, there was flowers all over because it was the warmest month of the year and there were birds flying in the sky. It had been hanging in my house months ago, so I knew that it had been sold or given away when they found I was missing, if they found I was missing.
"That looks really pretty" he commented opening his eyes and looking at me as I started to draw again making sure that the calculated moves I made looked right and flowed with the rest of the picture. He quickly snatched the picture out of my hand when my arm was raised about to go down into the next stroke of the chunk in my hands. "Its perfect" he commented and then got up and started walking towards the house.
"Hey where are you going? I wasn't finished!" I called throwing my stuff onto the ground and running after him. In my head I was screaming a string of profanities as I chased after him. He had stopped in the middle of the living room and was handing the picture around when I arrived.
"You have quite a mouth on you" he laughed watching as everyone stared at the picture and made comments about the art work.
"Thank you" I muttered "But it isn't really done I still need to finish it" I whispered my uncontrollable nerves making my voice weak and small. I looked around at everyone faces, watching as Peyton try to hide the proud and some what smug expression on her face. Everyone else seemed to only be able to look at the picture. Rosalie seemed satisfied with the way I drew her and then quickly stalked up the stairs and lightly slammed her door.
"Its absolutely lovely!" Esme smiled brightly her hands holding the picture with care and delicacy "I would love to hang it up in the house she started fluttering around looking for the perfect place to put it. "Wait do you mind if I hang it up?" she asked politely waiting for my response. I nodded quickly causing her to flutter around again looking for the prefect spot. She considered a few different frames and various locations as she traveled through the expensive room.
The house had one wall that was completely glass making the house feel bigger than it really was. The rest of the walls were a bright white color that looked cleaner than anything I had ever seen and the floors were a deep wood that offset the white. There was a big white couch in the middle of the room behind a thick polar bear looking rug that fit perfectly though it shouldn't have. They had a massive flat screen that was currently showing a soccer game against Brazil and Mexico. There was a huge piano that was black with gold detail against a wall covered in picture after picture of the family and other people that I did not know. They had a set of large metal stairs that curved around into a pretty spiral. The house smelled like vampire mixed with fuchsia because of the large amounts of flowers that were on every coffee table, side table, and just about every other table. My favorite part was the huge book shelves filled with books that were probably original copies of all the classics. I also saw that there was a kitchen filled with stainless steel and chrome but by the looks of it had never even been used. There was so much more than just that but I was at lack of words on how to describe the excellent decorating I assumed Esme did.
"This will be perfect here" she said placing the drawing into a golden edged frame and then placing it on spot that had just been filled by a picture of some other vampires with golden eyes. I had to admit that it went with room very well and didn't just looked like a drawing that I child would have drawn in school.
My thoughts were interrupted by a laugh I soon saw was Edwards. He just smiled at me and everyone else when they looked at him confused. "Lilly thought that her drawing would look like something a child would have drawn in school when you hung it up. I laughed because I have never seen a 1st grader with such talent" he smiled again looking right at me as every set of eyes flashed over to me standing there.
"Who's the blonde now" I heard Peyton joke from her perch on the piano. She had been running through her classic pieces for the past 20 minutes. They were all wonderful but after hearing them everyday, twice a day they lost some of spark, Though I still found myself moving to the music as the notes swirled around the room.
I sighed and looked around the room. I noticed something that made me feel strange inside, in a way that wasn't bad but was completely unfamiliar. I noticed that I looked like I fit it, like I was part of the family as they went about their normal lives. I blended right in that no one would notice my presence as odd. For the first time in my life I had somewhere I belonged. And I liked it.
I had the perfect break up or rejection or even friend drama or whatever you were feeling remedy. When I was human and these things would happen I would work out for hours because it took my mind off of it. Then I would read all the major papers I liked (NEw York Times, the Post, ect) I would read everything I could in their pages until I probably knew everything that was happening in the world or just that city. Then I would buy a bottle of jack and some candy and watch my favorite movies even if it wasn't legal for me to drink alcohol.. Then I would paint some more and I was cured and could rationally solve the problem with the friend or forget all about that douche bag that got me wasted only so he could try and get in my pants and then leave.
But as a vampire I had taken a different approach when I felt rejected or alone. I still would read some of the big paper and enjoy the stories and drama that was happening some where else in this world. I would still draw for hours taking my mind to a different dimension where my paint and my brushes were all the matter. But what was different form before is that instead of drinking some tequila I would drink blood. And lots of it.
I had a brief 'relationship' with this vampire near Lincoln. His name was Nathan and he was a pretty decent guy with amazing brown hair. It wasn't serious just more of 'I am lonely and need someone to love me' relationship. It lasted about a week of mostly making out and beyond so there wasn't any real emotional attachment. Or really even any talking. But when he left to move to another city I still felt rejected. Like I wasn't good enough. So I ran out to Las Vegas for a night and slaughtered about 6 drunk out of their mind people. And in the week after that about 8 more. It was way more than I needed and in fact actually made me feel bloated in a way, even though the thirst never died, which was the price of being eternally unsatisfied.
So that is why I felt like killing a small army while I sat in A Bugatti Veyron. This car just happened to hold the man I had a major crush on and was driving me to my brand new home. The car was amazing and one of the fastest in the world, and it was all mine. The glittery purple paint job was all mine, along with the massive radio that was blaring Katy Perry. It was the perfect car for me because it was big yet powerful and sleek and was everything I would ever need in a car.
The rejection wasn't because he didn't like me the way I felt about him, because it was obvious that there was an undeniable attraction. But he had stronger feelings for this fragile human girl who could barley stand still with out falling and hurting some part of her body. She was a sickly pale that was hideous compared to pale of my new family. Her cheeks were always turning various shades of red and pink that offset her skin and made her look even sicklier. Her eyes were shit brown and there was nothing unique about her at all.
So I was extremely pissed off that on the way home we had to make a quick detour and pick up Bella Swan from high school and take her to her house which was about 3 minutes away. And what was the worst of all, is that this car only fit two so I would have to share a seat with Bella and smell her blood and attempt not to kill her right there in front of Edward.
"Do we really have to get her Edward?" I moaned crossing my arms over my chest and scowling. I was not looking forward to being in a car with the two love birds. "I mean she has legs she can walk right? Although I guess she wouldn't get two steps without tripping and killing herself or someone else. And her killing herself would be a good thing! Let her walk!"
"Lilly, be nice. She needs ride because her truck is in the shop and her father can't give her a ride because of work" he said focusing on driving the few more miles to the school. It would hopefully only take a few seconds rather than the 10 minutes it would have taken for a normal human who was driving slowly not almost 100 miles per hour.
"Ya because she couldn't just get a ride from any other friends, it had to be you" I rolled my eyes. I watched him pull gracefully into the school parking lot with every pair of eyes either on the shiny paint job more expensive then their house or they were looking at Edward and then me. I had to laugh because these people were lucky that they didn't know me or else they would be a pile of bones and flesh on the pavement.
But my thoughts about the pulsing veins of various students was cut short when Bella came into to view. She was tripping around as she tried to walk up to the curb. She failed miserably and fell on to the concrete. Edward Tensed, his eyes searching for any blood or injury that his and my control would not be able to resist. Unfortunately for me he came up short and his body relaxed into a position that was too easy and calm for being around humans. Even I looked I could was in a defensive crouch though I was sitting in the car. She stumbled up and towards the car nearly denting my paint job with her overflowing back pack which appeared to have biology notes in her awful handwriting with the words for Edward on it with a ton of silly little hearts around the paper. That sickened me.
"Lilly will you slide into the middle?" Edward asked pointing to the console because there were only two seats in my car which I was thoroughly pissed about seeing as 3rd member would be joining us. My eyes and my thoughts must have seemed menacing because he scooted over in the seat and touched my arm lightly. "I will make it up to you" he said his eyes smoldering and serious. Then he reached over my and popped the door open for Her.
"Hey Edward" she smiled and slid into the seat and was about to reach over and hug him when she noticed me there. She was really lucky that I found the scent of her blood repulsive and that I wanted to kill her more than drink her blood. "Um who is this?" she asked her voice cracking. You didn't need to be a mid reader to see that that she was jealous and worried.
"Hello Bella. This is my good friend Lilly" He said patting her on the shoulder because it was the only contact he could make with her. The word friend struck my heart like a sword swinging right through it. "Lilly and her Sister Peyton just lost their mother and until they get back on their feet they are staying with us" he told the story that was spread around when people asked who the new girls spending so much time with the Cullen's were.
"O" she replied solemnly. She wasn't happy about that either. There was no sympathy in her voice just frustration over the thought of me and Edward living together. "When did you get this car Edward? Its really nice" she smiled sweetly leaning her body forward so that she was looking at him and I think she was even trying to show off some cleavage but her jacket wouldn't allow it.
"It's not his, its mine. Edward bought a car for me and Peyton as a moving in present. Isn't he the sweetest" I made sure to over act. I even reached over and touched the bare skin of his arm. "He has really been a great shoulder to cry on these past few months" I finished and faked a sniffle.
"O that's nice" she sighed again, Leaning back in her seat.
"Bella, why don't I walk you to the door" Edward said coming to a complete stop. He opened his door and glared at me for a few seconds before shutting it and taking a normal human pace around the car. "He had barley even shut the door when Bella spoke up.
"Look, I know you think your pretty and all that. But Edward is mine so back off bitch" she said smoothly and then smiled and pranced out the door when he opened it for her. I knew my car had good insulation but I knew he heard that and saw it play out in my mind. He was frowning when he walked her to the door. I could hear him say he would see her later. And then he kissed her cheek because he was too mad to kiss her lips and walked back to the car.
"I am sorry" he said when he opened the door. "She didn't have any right to say that. But you were being a snob too" he sighed.
"Sorry" I rolled my eyes "But she started it" I just smiled and let him drive even faster than before towards the house. It was then I realized I was still sitting in the middle console that was poking in my left butt cheek and moved away. The instant I moved my skin lost the brief contact that I had with his. This left me feeling empty and cold. I hated thinking this way when he was sitting right next to me and could hear my every thought but I had learned that just being around him made my razor sharp focus and control slip and fade away. And ever since I had been a vampire control was one of my biggest pet peeves.
"Why does Jasper get to know your story and I don't?" he asked curiously as we moved along the road. He was referring to the fact that me and jasper had formed a friendship almost strong than that of me and Peyton. He was the only person in the world that I had ever told my entire story. He was the only one I trusted enough not to pity me or judge me. That wasn't anything against anyone but it's that Jasper and I had a connection on a deeper level. I understood him while he understood me. There was no pity because we both had seen more than our fair share in just the first few years of our lives whether as a human or a vampire.
Edward had been resentful at first because I wouldn't tell him. But this was a story that I didn't share often. It was the only thing that I ever kept a secret. For the most part when I was familiar with someone I was a very open and honest person. I prided myself on that. But there was something about this secret that my entire body struggled to let go of. And even telling jasper was one of the hardest things I had ever done.
"Because he won't pity me. I don't want pity" I answered truth fully. I had trained myself not to think about any of the events in my past. They were tucked away in lost files covered in dust and debris that had only just recently been moved slightly.
"I wont pity you" he answered automatically. But even he knew he was lying. From the brief glimpses that he had gotten into the story he had pitied me and he didn't even hear the worst of it. I just laughed a little and looked at him. I was lucky I had the ability to laugh or else this would have gotten 20 times too serious in just a few milliseconds. "Come on just tell me!" he said getting a tiny pout on his face.
I had to admit that when he looked at me like that, with those eyes that could make me melt; I had a hard time breathing at a normal pace. But my mind was made and my focus was strong. The story would still be kept a secret today.
When I looked up we were at the house. Alice was waiting impatiently for me tapping her foot outside my window. "Edward you are going to be late to pick up my dresses for prom" she frowned "Get going before I make you pay for them. And that's 100,000 dollars worth of fabric and real diamonds and crystals okay?" she pointed her finger at him and dragged me out of the car. "Go on now"
She said rolling her eyes and half carrying my up the steps and into the little office room across the hall from the bathroom that had only been used once. And that was by a neighbor who dropped off cookies for us girls after she heard the story of us loosing our mother. Now while they made the house smell nice they were to disgusting to even think about eating. The scent of the week in the house was roses because it was mothers day and since chocolate was out of the picture tons of bouquets were bought and placed around the house. I think Esme like putting them in pretty vases and placing them around the house more than she actually liked getting them.
"Wait for it" Alice said when we were placed in front of her rather large touch screen computer. She tapped her finger on the oak desk in a quick uneven tempo and then sighed loudly in relief. "Okay. Now what I am about to show you is top secret. No one including Peyton, Edward, and Jasper, is supposed to know. And if you do tell anyone what I am about to show you then you will die" she raised and eyes brow at me. "Got it?" she asked when I stood there not saying anything more.
"I got it" I sighed and rolled my eyes. I really didn't think there was any need for this drama and fanfare.
She rolled her eyes in response to me but leaned over and clicked the little file button which had my name in all capitals underneath it. It took only a few seconds for the file to load quickly and pull up. It was a sketch and a picture of a dress. But it was just a dress, it was the dress. "There is a prom at my high school on Friday that is two days from now. And you are going to crash it and steal Edwards's heart right from Bella. Okay?"
She talked a little bit more but I couldn't help to daze off and stare. The dress was a dull crimson that would offset my pale skin wonderfully. The top was real crystal sequins in various shades of red that would fit me like a glove. It was strapless and the neck line was a deep sweet heart neck that would reveal a little bit more than I was used to. The bottom portion was matching red tool covered in the same sequins. But the sequins came out from the tiny little belt that matched perfectly in an 8 tipped star that reached my feet along with little splotches of them all around the dress as well. The bottom was pretty full but would still allow me to dance without causing tripping or severe lack of movement because I looked like bridal Barbie.
"There are shoes that I ordered too" she paused and scrolled down just a little bit. They were plain and black, probably 7 inches tall at the heel and that a ribbon that would wrap up around my calf. They would match perfectly.
"Wow Alice. This is just… Wow. Why are you doing this though?" I asked still staring at the shoes.
"Because. While Bella is any amazing person, he would never be as happy with her as he would be with you. I have tons of visions of you too together and every time one hits he runs to Bella trying to change it because he is scared. He likes being in his element and comfortable doing what he usually does like going to school and playing the piano. But with you he sees so many things that he can't control that excite but scare him. And I am sick and tired of him fighting fate!" she said pouting. "It screws with my head!"
I looked down almost embarrassed by the fact that Alice was having to help me get the attention of her brother. "Is it really going to work?" I asked. I wanted to know before I went all out and did all this if I was going to get rejected or have him sweep me off my feet and take to some fairy tale castle.
"I can't be sure because he hasn't set his mind on spending forever with you. But I think it will work. At least there is a 80% chance it will work" she said smiling. I knew that 80% was a good chance but I didn't know whether or not I would even be able to do this. "You can do it. I will be right beside you the whole time" she said seeing the images of me standing there flickering. "Jasper will be there too and so will Emmett and Rosalie. And Peyton will be there in sprit because her mother's funeral is on the same day"
I could almost see Peyton tearlessly mourning the loss of her mother from the distance. She can't be at the funeral cause she is supposed to be dead and her father might notice it if his own daughter walks up and says hello I'm gonna talk about how much I love my mom. But she wanted to be there because she loved her mother. This made me mood go a little south but even the thought of my best friend sad didn't seem to bring me down all the way.
"I'll do it" I gave in.
xoxo
-Allie