Wander gets a job at Walmart
Dedicated to the guy who really did die in a Walmart stampede. God bless. I feel for you mate.
Nerves prickled through Wander's body. He had done some daring feats in his life time- stealing a magic sword from a great King, slaying sixteen Collosi and even escaping the forbidden lands- but nothing could prepare him for what he was about to face.
His first day on the job.
It had all happened so fast. One minute he and Mono were shopping for Pijamas, the next she had pointed out the Employment Sign Up computers near the entrance.
'We can't pay rent on the new temple unless you get a job, Wander,' she had said.
Wander didn't think anything would come of it. He had barely learnt English yet so he figured his chances at getting a job in the current economic climate was close to nothing.
Name: Wander
Adress: 7 Temple Top Avenue, NY.
Skills: Swording, archery, climbing.
Previous work experience: Collecting fruit, cleaning the armoury.
After he finished filling out the form he thought no more of it. A few weeks later as he was sitting in the kitchen playing Charades with Mono when the phone rang.
'This is Al Kirkatrov from Walmart. We recieved your application and we'd like to put you on for a few hours and see how it goes. How's the friday morning shift sound?'
'Ahh, great,' Said Wander, dazed.
'Okay, I'll see you there at 8.'
Wander hung up the phone and looked at Mono.
'What is it?' She asked.
'I got a job.'
Friday came so fast, and before he knew it he was disembarking Agro in the parking lot and tying him to a light post. 'Be good, Agro,' he said, mist emerging from his mouth with every word. 'I know it's cold, but you'll be okay. I'll be back in about four hours or so.'
Agro gave a tired neigh and Wander headed inside.
Wander walked under the giant blue letters and into the shop. He didn't exactly know where to go. They had not provided him with a uniform or any information other then to show up at 8.
Wander walked over to the customer service desk where a uniformed skinny boy with glasses was standing. His shirt was tucked immaculately into his pants and his hands were behind his back, his chin tiled slightly upwards.
'Hi there, I'm Wander,' said Wander.
As the boy tilted his head to look at Wander, the lights from above shined on his greasy, slicked back hair.
'Yes?'
'I'm the new worker. I got a call from Al, telling me to come in this morning.'
'Ah I see. Please make your way to the dresser where you will find a uniform. Please enter the bathroom and get changed into it in a timely manner. Then return here and await your next intructions from me.'
Wander walked over to the dressing rooms and, sure enough, there was a clothes rack on one side.
Usually, Wander liked to dress in cloacks, sandals, a headband... The blue and white of Walmart was hardly his style. As he put it on, he obseved himself in the mirror and was thankful that Mono was not here to see this.
As he left the dressing room he bumped into a large, burly man.
'Oy!' The man said.
'Ah, sorry about that,' said Wander.
'That's alright mate. 'Ay, you must be the new kid? You're from Japan or something, right?' said the man.
'I'm from the forbiddon lands, actually.'
'Oh, okay. Well I'm Jackson. I'm the boss around here. Good to see you found your way to your clothes already.'
'Yeah, that boy at the front desk pointed me here.'
'Wesly? Don't mind him, he's a chode. He is gunning for my job, but he'll have it over my dead body. Just ignore everything he says, noone here likes him.'
Wander could understand why. 'Ah. Alright boss, so what's my first task?'
'I need you to fix up the women's clothes section. None of the girl's are in yet, so I'll have to put you on that. Mrs Barrimore had an accedent and knocked over a few of the clothes racks last night. We were closing up so we didn't get a chance to straighten it up. The store opens in about an hour, so see if you can get it fixed up by then.'
'The women's clothes rack? Alright... I'm on it, Boss.
Just my luck, thought Wander.
He headed into the store and over to the big sign which said 'Women's.'
The Boss wasn't kidding, the clothes rack's had all been busstled over. It seemed as though a bull had run rampant in a confined circle.
After about five minutes Wander had managed to lift all the racks up onto their feet and he had just began re hanging clothes which a shrill voice gave him a jump.
'What are you doing?' It was Wesly the boy from the counter.
'I'm fixing the clothes, here.. What does it look like I'm doing?' Said Wander.
'And who ordered you over here? I explictly told you to report back to me when you were dressed.
'The Boss told me to come down here?'
Wesly's face went stony and he walked backwards through the racks and clothes and dissapeared.
It took Wander about 50 minutes to get everything straighened up. When it was finished, he returned to the main counter. Wesly, the boy from the front desk, had gone, and Jackson was standing in his place.
'The rack is all finished, Boss.' Wander said.
'Good work matey.' he said, 'You can take care of the store opening. We're having a sale this morning, so lots of people have shown up over the last hour.'
Wander looked over to the main door and saw that lots of people seemed like a light way of describing it. He couldn't see anything through the giant transparent doors except a sea of people-women mostly.
'At 9 o'clock on the dot, you open the door, alright mate?'
Wander gulped at the prospect. 'Is it safe?'
'Of course mate. We've only had one stampede death over the last couple of years.'
'I hope we're not due for a second...' Wander looked up at the clock at saw 9.57.
As he slowly walked towards the door the crowd of people outside started to get rowdy. There were cheering and raising their fists in the air, ready to charge in and be the first to grab the sale items they were looking for.
Wander felt the familer fear of standing in front of a Collosus, knowing that within the next couple of minutes he would face a terrible trial.
9.58...
He looked back at Jackson, who was crouching behind the front desk, preparing for the immenent onslaught.
9.59...
The crowd was pressed up against the door, rumbling and thumping. Wander's whole body sweated.
10.00.
'OPEN THE DOORS!' Jackson shouted.
Wander put his hands on the handle on the sliding door and gulped.
Slowly, he began to open to the door. The moment the crack was wide enough, several customers put their hands in and began to push the door wide open. Wander let go and ran back towards the store. He made it about 5 steps before the crowd desended on him.
Stay on my feet, stay on my feet, Wander thought desperately.
As the crowd's speed became faster then his own, he began to be carried away with them like he was being swept away down a vicious river. He rolled and spun, then with a thud landed on a rack of items.
As he got himself together he noticed he had landed on a pile of books in the novel section. He was still surrounded by hundreds of people. As he lay on the books people began taking the one's under him to buy for themselvs. Slowly he fell lower and lower until there were no books left. But that didn't stop the customers who tried to feel underneith him, poking and prodding him to see if he was laying on top on any bargain items. Wander rolled off the shelf and landed on the floor. Desperately trying to avoid feet, he crawled under the shelf.
As he took a deep sigh of relief, he noticed he was not the only one under the shelfs. A few of the other staff members had hidden under there too.
'Good job, son,' said a blonde kid. 'Most people back out before opening that door during a sale. And the ones who do take weeks to recover.'
After about 20 minutes, the rush finally died down, and Wander decided it was safe to crawl out from underneith the shelf.
The store was a ravaged shell of it's former self. Shelvs were complete empty. People had even taken some of the signs off the walls and tried to purchase them.
As Wander headed back towards the main counter a man came running into the store frantically. As he saw the state of the shop, he fell to his knees. 'It's over!?' he cried, 'I thought the sale began at 10?'
'No...' Said Wander, 'It started at 9.'
The look on the man's face was as though he had just been slapped. "No.. No..." He crawled on his hands and feet back towards the exit.'
'Good work mate,' said the boss, emerging from his hiding hole behind the counter.
The staff spent the next few hours taking stock of the back warehouse and refilling the shelves.
As he was just finishing, Wander looked up in horror and saw a Collosal and terrible beast standing above him.
They found me! He thought in horror, The 17th Collosus was real afterall!
Without a moment's hesitation Wander ran foward and grabbed a plastic play sword from the children's rack, then leapt into the air and sprung off a shelf, spinning in the air. With one quick swipe he cut the beast's head right off... but instead of blood... stuffing?
"What on earth are you doing!?" Cried Wesly's voice.
He was standing on a ladder, holding the remains of the giant teddy bear which Wander had just dismembered.
'Ahh...' Wander said.
He saw now that it wasn't in fact a Collosus, but a giant teddy which Wesly had climbed a ladder to place onto the top of the shelf.
'I'll have you fired for this!' Wesly yelled. "JACKSON!"
'It was an accedent...' said Wander, throwing the sword to one side.
'Which part was accedental', said Wesly sarcastically, 'The part where you did the perfect jump spin, or the part where you deliberately severed the $200 teddy's head straight off?'
'What's going on here?' Said Jackson as he arrived on the scene of the crime.
'This imbelicle just destroyed a $200 peice of stock. He cut the bears head straight off! Fire him right now!'
Jackson's eye's narrowed at Wesly. 'Don't be a doofus Wesly. The boy just opened the doors to the biggest sale this month and didn't get a scratch. I'll be promoting him to your job before he gets the kick.' He turned towards Wander, 'That was an accedent, right?'
'Yes sir,' said Wander, smirking at Wesly.
Wesly looked livid. He clibed off the later and stormed away.
'Sorry about him mate. Don't let his uptightness get to ya. That sure was one ugly bear anyway.'
The next hour was the last of the day, so Wander decided to keep a low profile. He knew now that Wesly would have it out for him, so the best bet was to make sure their paths did not cross.
As he was working over in the woman's section with only a few minutes of work left for the day, a woman standing behind him said, 'Hey there, you work here right? Can you tell me if I look sexy in this?'
Wander began to walk away, not enjoying the unsolicited attention, and suddently missing Mono alot.
'Hey... this voice doesn't ring a bell amoung all the accents here?'
With a huge smile, Wander turned around. 'Mono!'
She smiled and they embrassed. 'You didn't think I'd miss picking up my man on his first day of work did you?'
'Haha. How thoughtful of you.'
Mono's eye brow's raised. "I came earlier, but I had to leave again. Agro was freezing, so I took him home.'
'Ahh. Is he okay?'
'He's fine. He ate some sugar and went for a gallop around the church. He missed you! Now... back to what I was asking you...'
Wander smiled. "Yes, you look very, very sexy.'
He put his hands on her hips and pushed her into the change room, giving her a big, long kiss.
Not a bad first day. Not bad at all.