Just End It Already!
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.
Reidin Aeducan eyed the scene before him with some satisfaction. The Dalish elves he had brought with him were almost completely wiped out and the dwarves had lost a few people – not that he was using this as further proof that dwarves were the better species in his ongoing debate with Zevran or anything – but at last it was done. The Archdemon, grounded but deadly, was finished. Or at least it would be once he took the sword he saw lying conveniently a few feet away and ended things once and for all.
"You know, at the risk of sounding like Cailan," he said slowly, looking around suspiciously for an ogre (they tended to show up and try to crush him à la the dead King whenever his name came up), "this really is a glorious moment. Not to mention epic. They'll surely make me a Paragon after this!"
Just as he was about to start his sprint to the sword, Alistair came from out of nowhere – or at least the other side of the roof – and stepped in front of him, holding his hand up to stop his fellow Grey Warden. "Wait."
Reidin sighed in exasperation. Alistair, like all of his companions, had no sense of timing and so often felt the need to have romantic or otherwise touching personal conversations when they were covered in blood. Leliana, for instance, had gotten so sick of his chronic public making-out with Morrigan that she had decided to have a turn…mere seconds after they'd killed probably-Laryn the Broodmother. "Oh, what now?" he grouched. "Can't we talk about whatever this is later? Like, in two minutes after I kill this thing?"
Alistair shook his head grimly. "It will be too late then, Reidin."
"…Are you sure?" Reidin asked uncertainly. "It's two minutes."
"You know that you're my best friend, right?" Alistair asked in lieu of answering him. "And that I owe you everything?"
"Aw, that's sweet," Reidin told him. And somewhat distressing. Usually these types of sentiments involved a 'but.' "But that hardly sounds pressing-"
"You made me king and helped me see how important it is that I be here," Alistair continued as if he hadn't heard the semi-exiled prince.
Reidin groaned. "Really, Alistair? I'm glad you're getting into the whole king thing but in case you didn't notice, we are one final blow away from ending the Fifth Blight! Now is so not the time!"
"I want you to let me take the final blow," Alistair obligingly concluded quickly.
"Wait, now you want the glory?" Reidin couldn't believe it. And after everything they'd been through… "You really are Cailan's brother, aren't you?"
Alistair knew what he was talking about at once. "This has nothing to do with glory!" he insisted. "It's just that you've done so much for me. Without you, I'd have been dead a dozen times over-"
"Not to nitpick," Reidin interrupted, "but it's really more like four dozen. You have no common sense in battle."
Alistair nodded. "Right. You helped me with that, too."
Reidin shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a giver."
"Let me do this one thing for you," Alistair pleaded.
"Wait a minute…you're trying to repay me for being amazing by stealing my glory?" Reidin asked incredulously. "Worst. Friend. Ever. When this is over, I'm going to need to remember to look up Gorim – he's never pulled something stupid like this."
"No, no, no!" Alistair cried, clearly upset as he waved his hands to try to get across just how wrong Reidin was about his intentions. "That's not what I meant at all. I want to save you."
Reidin raised an eyebrow elegantly. "Alistair, I've done my best over the last year to make sure that dragons really go extinct this time. The Archdemon can't even move at this point. I think I've got it."
"Didn't you hear what Riordan said?" Alistair asked, sounding desperate.
"About what?" Reidin asked blankly.
" 'About what?' he says," Alistair muttered. "You'd go to your death not even realizing it…"
Reidin made a face at him. "Okay, now you sound like my brother," he complained.
Alistair winced, remembering Reidin's various family issues. "Sorry. Riordan said that whoever killed the Archdemon dies in the process."
"Oh, yeah," Riordan said absently. "He did say something about that, didn't he?"
"You're not…concerned?" Alistair asked uncertainly.
"I've got it covered," Reidin assured him.
For some reason that didn't make Alistair feel any better about the situation. "I don't think you understand. From the sound of it, your very soul is destroyed! You will simply cease to exist!"
"That does sound unpleasant," Reidin agreed vaguely.
"I want to do it," Alistair said firmly.
Reidin did a double-take. "Wait, what? Didn't you just point out how awful that would be?"
"Well, it's not like I want to do this, exactly," Alistair defended himself. "It's more that I just want to be able to save you for a change."
"That's hardly necessary, I assu-wait," Reidin said, clearly having realized something. "Eamon was right, wasn't he?"
Now it was Alistair's turn to be confused. "About what?"
"You ARE trying to get out of having to rule with Anora by heroically sacrificing yourself, aren't you!" It might have sounded like a question, but it was really more of an accusation.
"That's not it at all-" Alistair started to object.
"Because we already had this discussion, remember?" Reidin reminded him. "About her creepy father issues and how if she doesn't marry you then I don't think she ever will?"
"I'll be sacrificing myself for the sake of Ferelden," Alistair declared nobly. "I'm trying to be a good king. They can't blame me for that, can they?"
"Well I don't know about 'they'," Reidin conceded, "but I certainly will. You are not wasting all my hard work getting you engaged to a really fine Queen and putting you on the throne for some half-baked noble scheme!"
"I'm trying to save your life!" Alistair cried out, frustrated by Reidin's unwillingness to acknowledge what he was trying to do here.
"My life is not in need of saving!" Reidin shot back.
Alistair blinked. What do you mean? Riordan said-"
"Morrigan and I did a kinky sex ritual last night," Reidin explained. "In return for letting her leave, never to return – and she promised not to harm Orzammar and I believe her so don't worry – no one has to die. That's kind of harsh as far as breakups go but hey, at least no one, and by 'no one' of course I mean 'I', has to die."
Alistair took a moment to digest that. "What about Ferelden?"
Reidin frowned, puzzled. "What about it?"
"You said she promised not to harm Orzammar," Alistair pointed out. "What about Ferelden?"
"I have no idea," Reidin said bluntly.
"You didn't ask her?!?!" Alistair shouted.
"Since when do I care about surface lands?" Reidin asked reasonably.
"But…" Alistair trailed off, trying to think of an argument. "Morrigan might be leaving but Leliana won't be. She lives in Ferelden, remember? And you know she can't go back to Orlais. She'll never forgive you if Morrigan destroys this country."
Reidin shrugged. "You know, I'm actually not sure that we'd work out anyway."
"Why not?" Alistair asked, genuinely surprised. "I thought you loved her?" Well, her and Morrigan. And he'd slept with Zevran a few times. Not to mention that he now had his own room at the Pearl…
"I do, but I really should head back to Orzammar and she can't come with me. I mean, if nothing else no one there is at all tolerant of those cutesy little inadvertently racist remarks she always makes and she'll just get herself killed," Reidin explained.
"You don't have to go back," Alistair told him hesitantly.
"Of course I do," Reidin insisted. "I have Gorim Jr. to look at, after all in addition to…well, suffice to say I have plenty of reason to return. Surely you – or Leliana – who never knew your father can't blame me for that."
"Maybe not, but that poor child…" Alistair said, shaking his head pityingly.
Reidin glared at him and opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a most unexpected noise.
"I did it!" Cammen exclaimed triumphantly. Reidin and Alistair turned to see him standing over the Archdemon's unmoving body and there was a sword in the giant dragon's head that wasn't there five minutes ago. "I can't believe I actually did it! I just ended the Fifth Blight! This will make Gheyna so happy!"
"I'm…sorry?" the future king offered lamely.
"I hope you realize that this means we are no longer speaking," he said frigidly, shaking his head in disgust and turning to walk away. "I knew I should have killed him when I had the chance…Stupid Dalish glory-stealer."
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