Buffy's mouth hung open matching the stunned look of her mother. None of the trio at the door, all cocooned in an uncomfortable silence, knew how to break the tension. It danced upon their sun ravaged skins like a joyous conquistador and revelled in the crippling stance it had bestowed.
"Um...you er.... you better come in", said Buffy, taking the initiative, as she opened the door a little wider to let this striking woman into their house.
"You ok, Joyce", asked Bette a little worried as this was not the reception she had hoped for.
All the way from LA she had pictured in her mind the moment she appeared at Joyce's house. A warm smile and a deep kiss was all she had asked for but no, death stares and nervous body tics had been her only reward. Now she had lost her job at the California Arts Center there was nothing to keep her in LA anymore, sure she would miss her close knit circle of friends but when compared to what she had hoped she could find with Joyce, well the choice was simple.
Everyone in the Summers' living room stared at both Joyce, who was blushing furiously, and Bette, who felt like everyone was eyeing her like a rare sirloin steak at feeding time. They had all heard the little revelation at the front door and so just nudged each other hoping that someone would break the ice.
"So...what's going on?", asked Bette as she stood into the living room wilting under the glares from the gaggle of silenced strangers.
"Er, it's our wedding....Rupert and mine...in three days. I'm surprised Joyce didn't tell you", said Jenny as she started to gather all the papers spread out over the coffee table. Years of school diplomacy had honed her sense of when to make a move, and this most certainly was one of those times.
"Yes Joyce, why didn't you tell me about this? Wait.....do they not know about me? Joyce? What the....?", asked Bette, not wanting to beat around the bush, her voice infusing with both embarassment and anguish as it rose.
"I-I....er...what I mean is....I...", spluttered Joyce as she caught the gaze of her lover. Her eyes were wet and burning.
"This was a bad idea, I should go", said Bette as a tear threatened to spill. She couldn't keep the hurt out of her voice. Joyce had asked to give her some room, to ease her family into it, but it had been two months of secret liaisons and dating in LA only and Bette could only take so much. She wanted so badly to be with Joyce that she had decided to be bold and force her to face up to things.
As Bette stormed out of the door, dropping the bunch of flowers on the 'Welcome' mat, the irony barely registering, and felt her fingers clenching into fists. She wanted to lash out at something though she abhored violence, but since she had met Joyce all her emotions had been a maelstrom of unrecognized feelings. She felt physically sick at being used by her lover in such a cavalier and frivolous manner, though she seldom drunk alone these days she knew that a shot or two would take the edge off the pain that scoured through her. The dark haired woman made a bee line for the nearest bar....wherever that was in a town she had never set foot in before.
"I...I think we should go, thankyou Joyce for a lovely evening, we'll er...we'll see you at the wedding", said Giles floundering badly.
"Yeah, c'mon Willow, we have that thing with the er, things", added Xander in his staggeringly unsubtle way as Jenny shepherded everyone out of the door just in time to answer her phone.
"Hello...yes..I...Mom? What....are you here already?..I....no.....I don't.....yes Ma'am, we're on our way", she sighed in defeat and hung up. "Rupert we really do have to go now, thanks again for everything Joyce"
"I...I think we need some alone time....sorry about all of this...I...", said Mrs Summers sheepishly as all the participants in a pleasant eve of merrymaking slipped out the door to start their theories on just what had gone down mere minutes ago.
Xander strolled down the path wearing a dazed look on his features as he pictured his friend's Mom doing the dirty with this unquestioningly attractive woman. He shook his head to clear the sapphic images and hopefully halt the tenting of his pants, turning to Willow he was a little taken back when he noticed she was wearing the same mask of mental fantasies, though hers involved a gallon of ice cream and a Twister mat.
"Will?", he said.
"Mmm?", she said as her enveloping sense of confusion was perforated by her best friend's words.
"You. Me. Words in private", continued Xander as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and started to walk her home.
As the procession of embarassed guests filed out into the night Joyce looked at the stunned and angry stares of her daughters.
"Dawn, Buffy. C-can you come into the dining room? I think we need to have a talk".
"I think we do", said Buffy in a flat monotone.
"Ok, I'll...well...later B", said Faith giving her girlfriend a quick peck on the cheek on the way out the door and wincing at the look on her face. The last time Faith had seen that look on anyone's face it was worn by Principal Snyder when he had forced the brunette to enter the school's Talent Night and she performed a thunderous rendition of 'Bondage Up Yours' by X-Ray Spex. Much salivating was to be had by a certain blonde that night seeing her love in a leather catsuit waving a whip around onstage.
As the occupants of the Summers' house left in many different directions, Faith turned to her Dad and Jenny.
"You guys go ahead...I'll catch up", she said as she took off down the street after the fleeting form of Bette who had gathered a quick pace.
"Ok, dont be late", called Giles after her. He was so proud of his daughter and how far she had come of late, he smiled widely thinking of how his life had changed so much since Faith came into his life, as shocking as the circumstances were surrounding her arrival.
"What are you thinking about?", asked Jenny as he opened the car door for her.
"Faith. How much she's changed in the last few months."
"True, remember how it used to be?"
"How could I forget?", he said as he lost himself in his thoughts.
"Reminisce later Rupert, we have an irate woman with an ever ready knitting needle waiting for us"
Bette's kitten heels scuffed at the apshalt as she began to sob, her tears warmer than a lover's embrace. An embrace she was suddenly realising that Joyce was ashamed of. She felt the first tear trickle from the long lashes she had spent an hour on making sure they were perfect so she could suprise her lover and look amazing whilst doing it. Bette had been under the impression that Joyce had wanted the same thing as her, to wake up and kiss each other 'good morning' whilst bathing in the early sun, whispering 'I love you' as they curled into each other's arms for the rest of their days.
"Yo, Betty wait up", Faith yelled as she cursed her smoking once more. Though she had given up the smokes at Buffy's request, it had left her with the lung capacity of a Cubatao orphan.
"It's Bette actually", she snapped back as she adjusted the straps of her purse that were twisting up over her Alexander McQueen suit.
"Sorry..Bette. And I'm sorry about all of that, I...we all had no idea...", Faiht wheezed, her chest feeling tighter than Burt Reynolds' face.
Bette turned away once more as she ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. Faith's words were meant to convey a certain comfort but just helped her realise that she was being used...used by the one woman she felt she could have a real future with.
"Er, I'm Faith...it's my dad getting married"
"That's nice", the older woman replied wearing a sad condescending smile.
"I'm sure Mrs S was going to tell us...y'know how it is with some people. I never had trouble comin' out, but for her? I dunno its just.....shit, I just wanna help y'know", the Bostonian tried to explain but, having no idea what Joyce was thinking, she had little to go on.
"Can you just not....I....I need to go"
"Where's your car?", asked Faith as she regained her composure, her breathing returning to a dignified rate.
"At the garage, I blew out a tire on the way into town. I had to get a cab over here....dammit, is there a bar anywhere in this place?", Bette asked as she looked down every street as they stood at the intersection. She saw nothing but row after immaculate row of comfy suburban homes like it was twin towned with Stepford.
"Now that I can help with", beamed Faith as took Bette's arm and dragged her down Cherrystone Lane.
"Aren't you a little young to drink?"
"Meh, I know Dad will get kinda pissed but this is an emergency. I think you need to know a little more abour Mrs S. C'mon, you're stuck here until your car gets fixed, so whatcha got to lose?", she said with a begging tone.
"Fine", Bette sighed back knowing that any company in her hour of hurt was better than none, "But if I get arrested for buying you drinks...."
"Don't worry, I know a place that don't give a shit. As long as you gots the green, it's cool. Now the thing about Mrs S you gotta understand is...."
As Joyce sat there in silence, she felt each moment drag out longer than the last hour of the last day of the working week. She had felt pain before, after all she had given birth...twice. But this was something new and debilitating. Her deception had wounded her offspring deeply and she was awash in her guilt whose tide also lapped at the hurt she had caused Bette.
"So you're gay too? God, am I the only straight Summers woman? When you were young did you have a thing for Lily Munster or something?", blurted out Dawn.
"Dawn please, this...this isn't easy for me", started Joyce in her chiding tone but right here, right now, she had no authority. She was in the wrong and she knew it.
"Why?", asked Buffy as she sat next to her mother with her arms folded across her chest, refusing to look her in the eye.
"I..I didn't mean to...I never wanted to lie to you, to any of you. I never thought I could go for someone like her but everytime I saw her, everytime I heard her voice, I just fell a little more in love with her, she's just so sweet and beautiful. And that thing she does with her nose when she's trying to figure something out, it's so cute...", Mrs Summers said with a faraway look emblazoned on her face.
"I meant why didn't you tell us?", snarked back the blonde not letting her feelings go unheard.
"It just sounded so...silly. Both mother and daughter being gay? This isn't a fairy tale honey, I'm 'Mom', not some piece of skirt chasing all over town with some hottie. I should be the one with the quiet life and be responsible, not you. I'm so sorry for lying to you both, I never wanted to...I just couldn't find the right time to tell you"
"Fell for her?"
"What's that Dawnie?", Joyce asked trying hard not to burst into tears.
"You said you fell in love with her. This isn't just a flirty affair is it? Is this like the real deal kind of thing?"
"Yes honey...I..I think it is", she replied with a soft smile.
"Look I know how it's kind of exciting, being with a woman and all that, but your first girlfriend is something that...", Buffy trailed off as her mother once more averted her gaze, "She is your first girlfriend, isn't she?"
Joyce's head hung in the same way that both Buffy and Dawn did when they had been caught at the cookie jar when they were young. For a second she wondered if it was genetic but this wasn't the time for such meanderings.
"Is she?", pressed Buffy not really knowing if she wanted the truth, getting to her feet and leaning on her knuckles that threatened to skid across the well polished table top.
"No.....there was this girl....a long time ago. Her name was Jo, we fell madly in love but things didn't...couldn't work out", Joyce said in a hoarse whisper as her memories scratched away at the backs of her eyes.
"Why not?"
"Your father. I was dating him, and things got well...I don't know how to explain...something...something happened that we hadn't bargained on"
"What? If you loved this girl so much what was the something that made you give up?", Buffy asked getting more irritated.
"You"
"Me?", Buffy said back a little shocked.
"Let's just say that you were a guest at our wedding", said Joyce in her best soothing tone but as she spoke each syllable tore at Buffy's heart.
The blonde girl slumped back down in her chair as she tried to twist her mind back into a working order but it seemed that revelations were the recurring theme this night.
"I was pregnant and I needed to provide you with a good home and a loving family. I'm so sorry Buffy, I didn't want you to find out like this", begged Joyce as she took her daughter's hand into her own.
"B-but if she meant so much to you, after Dad left, why didn't you...", Buffy said as she blinked away a tear. Though she wasn't sure whom she was weeping for. For not being such the picture perfect child borne to a picture perfect family, or that her mother had given up on true love just to give her a stable home.
"I wanted to...I tried but she....had moved on. You remember that tumor I had last year?"
"I'm not likely to forget it", said Buffy in a low and mournful murmur.
"Well, I honestly thought I was going to....you know. So I tracked her down, Jo that is, see what she was up to. But I had waited too long, I got a PI to find out all about her, but she was in a long term relationship....kids and everything. She was happy...and that's all that matters really", Joyce sniffed as her walls were starting to crumble. The tough Mom mask she had worn for so long was beginning to crack and no amount of tender words from her children was going to be able to repair it.
"But what about Bette? How did she come in to it?", asked Dawn still not fully understanding the situation.
"Well......"
(To be continued)
..............................
(Author's notes - I added a certain bits to help tie up a few loose ends from the 'Buffy Shock' chapter from the 'Portal' collaberation. I know the two fics don't really mesh, but I hope it helps.)