Star Light, Star Bright, Wish I May, Wish I Might
Chapter 7
This Chapter has been revised to correct some very minor indiscrepancies in the story line.
* Warning: Memories of violence are discussed in this chapter, I will warn you at the beginning. I will leave a row of asterisks at the end of the section for anyone who may wish to skip it.
Donna awoke suddenly, sitting bolt upright. Bull lifted his head, instantly alert. Donna felt her heart pounding ant that familiar rush of adrenaline running through her. It took her a moment to slow down as she slowly realized she was in her own room, alone except for the dog.
She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She didn't realize she was rocking back and forth. Slowly it began to sink in that, for the moment at least, she was safe and her tears began to fall. She was in considerable pain from all of the bruises that covered her. Before long she was crying hard and loudly.
Bull kept trying to comfort her as best he could. He wasn't having much luck as he rubbed his head on her hands trying to get her to pet him or put her arm around him, so he started licking her arm where the tears had cascaded down and landed. After several moments, Donna finally acknowledged Bull's efforts and she put her arms around his muscular, furry body and hugged him like a giant teddy bear for several minutes.
When Donna stopped crying again, she let go of Bull and used her blanket to wipe her eyes. Slowly she got up from the bed and left her room. Bull stayed protectively by her side. Donna walked through her living room on her way to the kitchen. As she passed through, her mind flashed back to the brutal attack she had endured hours earlier.
WARNING: Flashback starts here and will end with *********
All at once Donna's heart began to race and she began breathing rapidly. She started to feel like she was suffocating as she re-lived in her mind all that she had been through. It was as though it was happening all over again. She could her him yelling at her and felt each blow as he punched her repeatedly in the chest, arms and face. "Stay down and shut up you stupid…" she heard him yelling. "You know you want it!"
It was like she was in two different time zones at the same time. This flashback felt real, like it was happening all over again yet part of her was on the outside of it all, watching it happen like some horrible movie. Her hands and feet were growing numb. Her chest hurt and she felt like she could not breathe. She picked up the phone in a panic and as soon as she heard a voice on the other end she gasped, "Help me!"
The voice on the other end remained calm as he tried to talk to her and ask her questions. In broken sentences between gasps she managed to give her address before passing out, hitting her head on the coffee table on the way down.
The klaxons blared loudly waking up the men of Station 51 from their early morning slumber. Johnny was the only exception. He had awakened during the night and had not been able to go back to sleep. He tried, but he just couldn't stop thinking about the fear in the eyes of the woman he had seen on his first run of the day. He had seen that same look of fear before, a long time ago, and had been helpless to do anything about it.
"Squad 51, respond to an unknown type rescue at 8635 Rosemont. Police have been dispatched and will be responding. 8-6-3-5 Rosemont. Time out 03:08"
Johnny and Roy jumped into their bunker pants pulling the suspenders over their shoulders on their way into the apparatus bay. Roy stopped at the radio to acknowledge the call and record the address and then the two paramedics raced off in their squad running lights, no sirens. As they approached major intersections Roy would flick the sirens on to warn traffic of their presence but he shut them off when he could; no need to wake up sleeping residents.
"Roy, I got a bad feeling about this. That's the same address we went to this morning," Johnny said.
"Yeah, I know," was all Roy responded.
As the squad pulled up alongside the curb in front of the house, Johnny looked for the dog. He didn't see him. Roy spoke into the mike and reported the squad on scene.
"Squad 51, wait for police response to clear the scene."
Roy and Johnny exchanged glances. Someone needed help. The hardest thing to do was sit and wait. Thankfully they didn't have to wait long. As Roy acknowledged the order they saw lights come around the corner a block ahead and then the police cruiser came to an abrupt halt as two uniformed officers jumped out and hustled to the front door.
The officers banged on the door but got no answer even when they announced their presence loudly, though they could hear a dog barking loudly. Carefully they peered into the windows but saw nothing. They circled the house in opposite directions until one of them looked in a window and saw Donna lying on the floor. After looking closely for signs of anyone else one of them broke a window on the back door and reached in and opened the door. The two officers dashed in to clear the scene as Johnny and Roy hopped out and started gathering equipment to haul in. They knew they were jumping the gun a bit but every second could count.
When the first officer stepped inside Bull ran right up to him and barked wildly. The officer was no stranger to big dogs. He had one of his own and he showed no fear. "Easy boy, I'm not gonna hurt you," he said calmly, hands at his sides. Bull continued barking and stepped closer to him causing his partner to back up slowly. "He's good," the first officer said to the second. "He's not gonna hurt us." Slowly he reached out palm down to let the dog sniff him. Bull sniffed and then turned and ran back to his mistress lying on the floor. The officers made a quick sweep of the house and then one went to the phone.
A moment later one of the officers opened the front door and waved the paramedics in. The two paramedics hightailed it inside carrying the trauma box, drug box, biophone and oxygen with them. As they entered, the other officer was requesting an ambulance be dispatched. When he got off the phone he went to the dog and slipped his hand through the collar, gently pulling him away from the woman on the floor. "Easy boy, come on. Let 'em get to her." Slowly and gently he coaxed the dog away from her and put him in the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Bull started barking wildly but it didn't matter to them anymore.
To Roy and Johnny, the room looked pretty much the same as it had when they had left it earlier. As they took in the scene they could see Donna was unconscious and had fallen near the couch. It looked likely she had hit her head on the coffee table and the small cut above her left eye quickly confirmed that. It was bleeding moderately.
Because Johnny had built rapport with Donna at their earlier call, Roy let Johnny take the lead. Johnny set the equipment down and approached Donna from the side. He pushed the coffee table away for better access to his patient while Roy set up the biophone. Johnny reached down and felt for a carotid pulse as he spoke to his patient.
"Donna, can you hear me?" he said loudly. She didn't stir. He leaned close to her head while he felt the pulse so that he could listen for breath sounds. The pulse was strong and regular. That was a good sign. Her breathing was quiet enough he couldn't hear it but he felt the air pass by his cheek and he could see her chest rise and fall. Her skin was pink, warm and dry. He spoke his findings so that Roy could record them.
Roy called in to Rampart. "Rampart, Squad 51, how do you read?"
"We read you 51, go ahead." It was Doctor Morton.
"Rampart we have a female patient, early twenties. She was the victim of a sexual assault earlier about 18 hours ago. This is a second response to this address. Patient is currently unconscious, has sustained a blow to the head apparently from a fall. It appears she hit her head on a coffee table. Her skin is pink, warm and dry, pulse is strong and regular and her breathing is adequate at this time. Stand by for vitals."
"10-4 51. Standing by"
"Roy" said Johnny, not looking up from his patient. "She is not responsive to painful stimuli." Roy began to get the oxygen ready for delivery, setting up a non-rebreather mask and setting the flow meter to 15 liters per minute. Johnny took the mask and put it on their patient while Roy got out a c-collar to take spinal precautions. Before he applied it, Johnny did a rapid assessment of her head and neck finding nothing remarkable other than the previous bruising and the minor cut above her eye. Once the collar was in place they carefully repositioned her aligning her spine and placing her head in a neutral position. Roy immediately began taking her blood pressure while Johnny continued checking the rest of her body for signs of trauma. Roy counted her pulse and respirations and checked her pupils then returned to the biophone to report his findings.
"Rampart, Squad 51" Roy spoke into the biophone.
"Go ahead 51."
"Rampart patient's vitals are, pulse is 84, respirations are 16 and full, and BP is 120 over 80. Pupils are equal and reactive, but sluggish. We have the patient on o2 and have taken spinal precautions.
"Okay 51. Is there any bleeding or fluid from the ears, nose or mouth?"
"Negative Rampart."
"Is an ambulance on the scene?"
"That's also negative but one should be arriving shortly," Roy answered.
"10-4 51. Start an IV…" Doctor Morton gave treatment directions.
Roy repeated them back. "… Monitor respirations and transport as soon as possible."
When the ambulance arrived, Johnny and Roy had their patient packaged on a backboard and ready to go. Johnny rode with the patient and Roy followed in the squad.
"Johnny," called Roy for the third time from the doorway of the nurse's lounge, this time a little louder than before.
"Huh?" The younger paramedic turned around and looked up.
"Turn the water off," Roy replied.
"Huh?" Johnny looked confused for a brief moment then turned back toward the sink and looked in to see water gushing from the faucet down into the an over flowing coffee cup. He turned the water off then scrubbed his face with his dry hands. "Sorry about that," he said sheepishly, looking very tired. "I guess I was lost inside my head."
"Yeah, I guess so. You wanna talk about it?" Roy asked, now standing beside him.
"What's there to talk about?" asked Johnny sounding none too convincing to his best friend.
"Sit down," said Roy pointing to a chair. He turned around and poured two cups of coffee setting one before Johnny and the other on the table in front of an empty seat, which he then occupied.
"Thanks," said Johnny dully as he grasped the cup with both hands and stared down into it.
"Johnny, what's so special about Donna that you've gotten hung up on her?" Roy asked bluntly in a soft voice. It wasn't a voice filled with accusation or condemnation but one of concern. Johnny didn't answer and didn't look at his partner either. "Come on Johnny. You need to talk about this to someone. It might as well be me."
Johnny looked at Roy for a second then made sort of a smile and let it fall from his face again. "Yeah. I guess you're right."
"So talk to me," said Roy.
Johnny took a sip of his coffee and set it down again. He looked at Roy and then his eyes turned back down to study the inside of the cup. "I can't stop thinking about her, Roy. She was so scared and we were there to help her and she almost didn't let us at all. If her brother hadn't shown up, we wouldn't have been able to do a thing."
"You're right Johnny. But it's within her right to refuse help. We can't help them if they don't want the help."
"I know that. But she was hurt. And I just don't understand why women, I mean sometimes men too, but women especially who have been abused in some way; they almost always refuse to accept help. It's like they think they don't deserve it or something. Or they're embarrassed. Embarrassed! Like it was their fault that they were hurt or something. It doesn't make any sense."
"Johnny, that happens for a lot of reasons. I mean, it may not make sense to you or to me but the feelings are very real and logical to them. Sometimes they feel like they could have prevented it somehow. Like they SHOULD have prevented it somehow. Or fought harder. Or any number or things they think they should have done differently. The sad reality is that they often just ended up in their situation because they cared about someone or they were too polite to listen to the feeling they had that hinted they might be in danger. Society raises women to be polite and hospitable. They're nurturers by nature. That sometimes causes them to second guess their own gut feelings so as to not make someone else uncomfortable. Then when the unthinkable happens they look back and realize that there were warning signs that they ignored and they kick themselves for it."
"Yeah Roy, I know, I KNOW. But knowing it doesn't mean it makes any sense," said Johnny sounding very frustrated.
"It doesn't make sense to me either. But it is what it is. That still doesn't answer my question though." Roy looked at his partner thoughtfully and waited for a response.
"Huh? What question?" Johnny asked looking confused for a moment.
"I asked you what makes Donna so special that you're hung up on her?"
"Oh that," said Johnny. "Well, I guess I never told you this. I've never really talked to anyone about it really. I uh… I had… a sister. She was an older sister."
** This is a section describing violent memories. If you want to skip it go to the next section after the row of asterisks (***).
"What happened Johnny?" Roy asked after a sip of his coffee.
"Well, I was 12 and she was 23. I had gone to my aunt's house for the weekend to help with some chores that needed to be done and my parents were out of town visiting some old friends. When I was done with my chores I walked home. When I got close to the house I could hear Emmy crying. I was afraid something terrible had happened to my parents and I ran into the house. At first I didn't' see her but then I realized the crying was coming from the floor. I ran into the living room and I saw the ugliest thing imaginable. She was wearing nothing. Her hands were tied to the coffee table. And he was… well, you know. He was in our house and hurting her. When he realized I was there he turned and glared at me and told me to sit down and shut up. He punctuated his sentence by waving a buck knife at me." Johnny had tears in his eyes as he shared these painful memories with his best friend. For a moment he was too choked up to speak.
"That must have been really rough for a kid to see," Roy said.
"I wanted to kill him. I wanted to wrestle that knife out of his hand and drive it right into his chest. But I was scared. I was afraid to do anything."
"You were a child Johnny. Anyone would be scared but you were a child. You don't blame yourself do you?" Roy asked
"I know it wasn't my fault he did it, but I didn't try to stop him. And I didn't save her, Roy. I didn't save her."
"What happened next, Johnny?" Roy questioned.
"I sat there not wanting to see or hear what was happening and too afraid for her life to close my eyes. He continued and beat her and then when he was through he cut the ties off of her hands and stood up. He thanked her for a good time and said, "I'll catch ya later." He looked at me and came very close, holding the knife near my ear and said to me, "You didn't see anything, you got that?" and then he left."
"What did you do?" Roy encouraged Johnny to tell more of the story. He knew this was the part Johnny really needed to talk about.
"As soon as the door closed I ran to get my father's shotgun. I got it and I was going to go after him. But my sister blocked the doorway. She wouldn't let me go. I begged Emmy to move. I wanted her to let me kill him."
"But she wouldn't." Roy said.
Johnny shook his head sadly. "He was her boyfriend. The police chief's son. And he was white. If I had gone after him, our whole family would have been killed. She never reported it, never went to a doctor. She never even told our parents. And she made me promise I wouldn't either. Our parents were gone three weeks and he came back almost every day. She let him do whatever he wanted and he beat her anyway. Sometimes he beat me too. I begged her to get help. I begged her to run away. I told her we'd run away together. She just wouldn't listen."
"Johnny, you said he beat you too. Did he ever…" Roy stopped and tried to find a way to ask another unthinkable thing. He didn't want to pry into Johnny's life but he wanted to know how to help his friend. Johnny realized where things were heading and cut him off.
"Roy, we ah… we better get back in service. Let's go pick up our supplies and we can find out how Donna's doing on the way out. It's almost 4:30."
Silently, Roy kicked himself for giving Johnny the opportunity to avoid dealing with his pain. He realized that meant his hunch was probably right and the thought sickened him. He reached across to his friend and put his hand on his shoulder. "I know that was tough for you to share but, if it helped you at all to talk about it, I'm glad you did." He gave Johnny's shoulder a little squeeze and then let go. "If you ever feel like talking about this again, I'll be around."
"Yeah. Thanks, Roy. But I'd rather not."
Roy shrugged. At least it was a start.
**********************************************End of section describing violent memories.
Before leaving the nurse's lounge, Roy picked up the coffee cups and took them to the sink, rinsing them out before following Johnny to the desk in the ER. At least he understood more why Johnny was so hung up on the girl. Poor Johnny. He blamed himself all these years for what happened to his sister… and what Roy was sure happened to Johnny too.
As Johnny gathered up a few supplies, Roy picked up an armload. He was just turning to leave when he saw Doctor Morton approach.
"How is she, Doc? Any change?"
"Yeah, she'll be alright. She's conscious and alert. Got a nasty bump to the head, slight concussion. But with rest and time, she'll make it." Doctor Morton reported very briefly but to the point.
"That's good to hear," Roy said.
"Can we stop in and see her a minute?" Johnny asked.
Doctor Morton wanted to say no but for some reason, his gut told him to say yes and he did. "Just for a minute. She needs her rest. And I suggest you get some too. You look like hell."
*Sorry if this was hard to read. I promise that there won't be any more scenes like that. I just felt it was critical to the direction this story is going. Feel free to leave your comments and feedback. Just please be respectful. I respect your opinions and would love to know your thoughts and feelings. If you are more comfortable in contacting me through private message I am open to that as well. Thanks for reading and thanks for your patience with the long time between posts. I am in EMT school right now and working full time. It is a very difficult schedule to keep but even if I don't get an opportunity to write until after June when my class ends, I will see this story and my other one through. I never abandon my stories. -Hotflash