Disclaimer: Duh. In case anyone thought otherwise - I don't own the Jonas Brothers. I don't WANT to own the Jonas Brothers. Or Connect Three. I don't even own a Connect Four. So yeah.
A/N: One night I couldn't get the song "Can't Have You" out of my head and - TA-DAH! - a oneshot song fic was born! Enjoy. :-)
"Shane, I just can't do this anymore."
"Do what?" Shane threw his pencil up in the air and watched it twirl around before catching it again. He glanced at the mirror and almost didn't even recognize himself. His brow was furrowed and his mouth was turned down in a deep frown. He sighed and switched his cell phone to his other ear. After an hour on the phone with his girlfriend, he still wasn't really getting it. "What exactly is the problem, Anna?"
"I've been trying to tell you for the past hour," she answered. "I never see you anymore."
She sounded as though she were on the verge of tears, and Shane felt bad about that, but he didn't really know what to do or say. "Yeah…well, that's called touring." He was trying to be sensitive and understanding, but it had been a long, busy day and he was tired. "I'm really busy."
"Yeah, okay, you know what? I understand." Anna's voice broke. She inhaled shakily. "You're too busy for me, even when you're not on tour. I mean, you've been home for over a week and haven't even tried to get together. But yeah, you have too much to do, being a big pop star and all that. I totally get it."
"It doesn't really sound like you do," Shane replied, beginning to get irritated. "I don't think you understand how busy I am—"
"You know, you keep saying that, and I'm really getting tired of it." Anna sounded like she was at least as irritated as Shane was, but she also sounded like she was crying. "I thought we could work it out and that it wouldn't matter that you are a pop star. Things would be fine. Well, I was wrong. I just can't put up with this anymore. We should break up, Shane."
Shane slammed his pencil down on the desk and sat up straight. "Don't say that, Anna. I hate it when you say that. You know I don't want to break up. You've said before that we should break up but we are so good together. We're perfect for each other. We could never break up."
"I wish that were true." Anna's voice had grown soft. "I warned you, Shane. I mean it this time. I'm not putting up with this anymore – I'm tired of being the last one on your list."
"Anna, come on…"
"You're so blind." These last words were whispered, and the next thing Shane heard was a click as the phone was hung up.
You warned me that you were gonna leave
I never thought you would really go
I was blind but baby now I see
I broke your heart, but now I know
That I was being such a fool
And I didn't deserve you
Shane threw his bag onto the floor next to his bed and flopped onto it. He was staring at the ceiling, just relaxing and enjoying being home for a few minutes. He had actually almost fallen asleep when his mom walked into the room.
"You got some mail," she told him, and a letter landed on his stomach before she walked back out of the room.
Groaning, Shane sat up and grabbed the letter. He never got real mail at home. The only mail he ever got was fan mail. He flipped the envelope over and froze when he recognized the handwriting. Anna? He hadn't heard from her in months. Right after their argument, Connect Three had left on tour again.
He missed her. He missed talking to her and seeing her and knowing that she'd be there whenever he needed her.
After a few seconds of staring blankly at the envelope, Shane realized that there wasn't actually any stamp on it. She must have brought it by the house herself. He ripped open the envelope and noticed the date at the top of the letter – the day before they had left on tour. Why hadn't he seen it? Had he really been so busy he hadn't noticed? He frowned and turned his attention to what the letter said.
Shane,
I don't know if you really understand what I was trying to say last night. I feel like I can express my thoughts better in a letter, so here goes…
My feelings for you have not changed. But I can't live like this. I'm the last one on your list of people to see and things to do. I know that you're busy and you have a lot to do, but I can't have a boyfriend who is practically nonexistent.
My heart is breaking as I write this. But for now, I think it really is for the best.
I love you.
Anna
Shane felt all the air leave his lungs and felt like he couldn't fill them again. He really had screwed things up. He realized that now. He'd been so blind. So stupid. He'd lost one of the most important people in his life because of that. And it was too late to change things. Would he ever even see Anna again?
He got ready for bed automatically and soon he was lying there with the lights off. If he was honest with himself, Shane had to admit that the last several months had been some of the worst of his life. He'd been so busy, but he'd always felt like something was missing. In the midst of the crazy schedules with barely any time to breathe, Shane had still felt like it was all pointless, somehow. He realized now it was because Anna wasn't a part of his life.
He also realized that he wanted her back in his life.
Was it possible? Shane didn't know. He did know that he didn't deserve her at all. This was one of those lessons hard learned, and Shane knew he wouldn't ever forget it.
He closed his eyes and rolled over onto his side, troubled thoughts turning into troubled dreams. In them he saw Anna again, but she ignored him completely.
Looking at the letter that you left
Wondering if I'll ever get you back
Dreaming about when I'll see you next
Knowing that I never will forget
That I was being sucha fool
And I still don't deserve you
Shane did what he had to do over the next couple of days, but didn't really pay attention. He was trying to figure out what to do. He didn't know if he could go on without Anna. Everyone noticed that he was out of it, but he waved away their concern, using the excuse of being tired from tour.
After three days, he finally tried calling Anna. There was no answer, and some more of Shane's fragile hopes were dashed. It was too late, he knew it. He'd totally ruined any chance he would have had of getting her back. But he wasn't giving up. He couldn't give up. He'd sooner give up all his possessions.
The day after he tried calling, he went to her house, but no one was home. He sat on the front porch for almost an hour, but no one came. Shane wandered home, wondering what else he could do. He was willing to do anything to get her back. He would have given up everything he had.
He went again the next day, but no one was there again. This time, he left an envelope taped to the door with a note inside for Anna. He'd spent hours the night before trying to get the wording just right. It was a short note and not signed, but he was sure Anna would know who it was from.
Now all that he could do was wait.
So tell me what we're fighting for
Cause you know that the truth means so much more
Cause you would if you could don't lie
Cause I'd give everything that I've got left
To show you I mean what I have said
I know I was such a fool
But I can't live without you
It was late. Very late. Shane was tossing and turning, exhausted from lack of sleep over the last several nights. But he didn't want to go to sleep. The last several days had drained him. Was life really worth living if Anna wasn't in it? He just didn't even want to get up in the morning anymore and he dragged through his days. He didn't want to fall asleep tonight because he didn't know if he'd get up in the morning this time. It was too hard.
Finally he climbed out of bed, grabbed his phone, and went to sit on the front porch. It was about midnight. The moon and stars were shining brightly, illuminating the yard perfectly. He sank onto the steps, resting his elbows on his knees, and his face in his hands.
Anna was all he could think about anymore. He felt like he'd ruined both their lives by being such a fool. He didn't think he could stand the loneliness anymore, but if he couldn't have Anna, he didn't want anyone. He'd rather be alone.
He didn't know what else to do, though. Shane was getting desperate and he was ready to do something drastic if he needed to, to get Anna's attention. He didn't want to cause a scene, but he felt like he was dying. He didn't feel like he could live without Anna by his side. And he didn't want anyone else. If he couldn't have Anna, he would rather just be alone.
I don't wanna fall asleep
'cause I don't know if I'll get up
And I don't wanna cause a scene
But I'm dying without your love
Begging to hear your voice
Tell me you love me too
'Cause I'd rather just be alone
If I know that I can't have you
He lifted his head to stare at his phone held in his right hand. The light from the moon and stars was bright enough for him to see the numbers and letters on the buttons clearly. He wished his phone would ring.
"Please," Shane whispered to it, tears running down his face, "please, please, just call me. I'm so sorry. Please…I just want to tell you how much I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to tell me you love me, too."
Suddenly, Shane's head snapped up. He'd heard soft footsteps on the grass in the yard in front of him. Blinking the tears away, he watched in awe, wondering if he had fallen asleep and was dreaming again. Anna was walking toward him, a soft smile on her face.
"Shane," she whispered, coming to stand right in front of him.
"Anna." He stood, still unable to believe his eyes, and whispered, "I'm so sorry. I was such a fool. You were right, I was so blind. Please, please come back. I can't live without you. You won't be the last thing on my list anymore, you'll be the first. I love you so much. I don't know what I'll do if I can't have you."
Anna slid one hand into his left and lifted the other to wipe away the tears on his cheeks, even though she had tears flowing down her own cheeks by now. "Shane, I missed you so much." She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder.
Barely daring to breathe or hope, Shane tentatively wrapped his own arms around her. It felt so right to have her back in his arms. They stood like that for so long, they both lost track of time.
Finally – but too soon for Shane – Anna pulled away. "You should go to sleep," she told him, reaching up to brush some hair back from his forehead.
"I don't want to go to sleep," he replied, staring into her eyes. "I don't know if I'll get up. I don't want to cause a scene, Anna, but I'm dying without your love. Please, please just tell me you love me." He grew suddenly worried. He'd never felt this vulnerable before.
"Shane," Anna smiled, slightly amused, "of course I love you. I never stopped. I'll always love you." She stood on her tiptoes and slid her arms around his neck. She whispered in his ear, "I love you, Shane Gray," before kissing his lips firmly.