Star Light, Star Bright, Wish I May, Wish I Might

Chapter 8

*For those who chose to skip the scene in Chapter seven, Johnny confided to Roy that when Johnny was 12, his 23 year-old sister was repeatedly abused by a boyfriend and it was implied that Johnny was too. This is a necessary element for the reader to be aware of for the rest of the story to make sense.

Roy let Johnny visit Donna alone. The last thing the poor girl needed was men she didn't know very well hovering over her. He took the supplies from Johnny and headed for the squad.

Johnny knocked softly on the door to Donna's room but got no response. He stepped in warily, not wanting to startle her or disturb her. Donna's eyes were closed when he entered. She appeared to be sleeping. He looked at her bruised face; tear stained but still, for the moment anyway. He thought how peaceful she looked at that moment and wished that she could feel at peace again.

Quietly, Johnny cleared his throat. He wanted her to be aware of his presence but he did not want to disturb her if she was truly asleep. The nurses would be waking her every hour for neurological checks anyway and she needed her rest. When she didn't stir, Johnny sat himself down in the chair near her bed and folded his hands, bowed his head and offered up a silent prayer on her behalf.

He had never really considered himself a religious man but he figured if there was a God up there, He was the one to turn to. Johnny prayed Donna would be able to feel at peace again and that she would be able to move past her ordeal. He knew the likelihood of catching the creep that did this to her was slim to none but he prayed for justice for her anyway. And he prayed that he would somehow be a help and a comfort to her. When he finished the prayer, he stood slowly and quietly to leave. He glanced at her face one more time, longing to reassure her that she would eventually be okay and knowing there was no way that he could. Finally, he turned to leave.

Donna had a crushing headache. She was aware of where she was and she was aware that somebody was in her room, but she did not know whom. She opened her eyes and closed them again as the dim light in the room assaulted her, increasing the intensity of her headache.

"Where are you going?"

Was that a whisper he just heard? Johnny turned around and looked at Donna again, but nothing seemed to have changed. He scrubbed the side of his face with his hand and let it slide across his chin, stroking it a moment before turning again to leave.

"Why did you come?"

He turned around again and this time, he saw that Donna's eyes were fighting to open.

"Donna, I'm John Gage. I'm one of the parame….."

"I know who you are. Why are you here?" she said, barely louder than a whisper.

"My partner, Roy and I… we… I just wanted to see how you were doing. I wanted to see if you were… okay. I mean, I know you're not okay but…." He stumbled over his answer feeling stupid. She cut him off by holding her hand up.

Donna stared at the man in her room taking in the blue uniform and the badge on his shirt as she interrupted. "I know what you mean. Thanks. You don't have to be here," she said, hand flopping back down on the bed beside her.

"If you don't want me to check in on you, I won't bother you again," he offered.

"It's a free country." With that she closed her eyes again, what little strength she had apparently spent. Johnny considered her words. Not ecstatic to see him, but not closing him out either. He decided that was positive.

He continued to talk to her. "Uh, is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can bring you later or anything at all you need?"

Donna took a long time to respond and though the silence was awkward, Johnny waited patiently and hopefully. "Andrew," she finally said, still keeping her eyes shut.

Johnny smiled, happy that she had responded. "Your brother?"

Donna nodded. "He doesn't know I'm here."

"Well, I'm sure the hospital would have notified him, they're pretty good about that kind of thing…" Johnny started to explain but Donna interrupted him.

"They don't have the phone number to reach him. It's a new job and neither of us knows the phone number yet."

"Oh, well… Where's he work?" asked Johnny.

"He's a service station attendant at the 76 on 9th and Piedmont," she answered.

"Well, that isn't far out of our way. Would you like for us to stop by and talk to him?" Johnny offered.

Donna didn't really want to ask him to do anything for her. She didn't want to be obligated to him in any way. But she needed for Andrew to know. "Please," she answered in a whisper with a slight nod of her head.

"We'll do that. Don't you worry about a thing except getting better."

Donna opened her eyes a moment and thanked him, then closed them again.

"You're welcome. I'll check on you again later if I can. I guess I uh, I better be going now. Take care," he said. Before turning to leave, Johnny reached into his wallet and took out a card. With the green pen from his shirt pocket, he wrote something on the back. "Donna?" he said.

Donna opened her eyes again and Johnny stepped closer to the bed, reaching out to hand the card to her. "If you need anything, anything at all, please call me. That's the Station number on the front of the card; just ask for Johnny. And I wrote my home number on the back. You can call me anytime, day or night. Okay?"

Donna did not reach out to accept the card and closed her eyes again. Feeling awkward, Johnny set it on the bedside table. "Just in case," he said. "I just want to help." He shifted self-consciously oh his feet. When Donna didn't open her eyes again or speak, he turned to leave. "Take care," he said on his way out.

Roy was waiting in the squad doing his best to stifle a yawn when John came out. As Johnny opened the passenger door, Roy studied his partner carefully, watching him get in and fasten his seat belt without saying a word.

Johnny could feel Roy looking at him, though he himself just stared straight ahead.

"Johnny?" Roy inquired softly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah 'm fine."

"Well, how was Donna?" He asked.

"I don't know Roy. I just don't know." He looked at his partner who looked back at him with an expression of compassion.

"I understand, Junior," He paused to make sure Johnny wasn't going to say anything else. "Ready?" Johnny nodded and Roy started the engine.

"Roy? We need to make one stop on the way back to the barn," Johnny informed him.

Roy rolled his eyes. He didn't really mind so much that Johnny wanted to make a detour but it meant the last chance at crawling back into bed had probably passed. "Where to, Junior?" he asked.

"The service station at 9th and Piedmont. Donna's brother works there," replied Johnny.

"Right." Roy said as they reached the main road and turned left. A short time later they rolled up to the service station.

"You want me to talk to him?" asked Roy as they pulled in.

"No thanks, Roy. I've got it," Said Johnny, opening his door.

Andrew saw the paramedic and recognized him instantly. "Hey, you're the paramedic that took care of my sister, right?" he acknowledged the man.

"Ah… Yeah. That was my partner and me. Listen… Uh, I don't want to alarm you but we made another run for your sister this morning…"

"Donna's okay isn't she?" he interrupted, instantly alarmed.

Johnny held up a hand as if to say, 'stop and slow down.' "Well, now, she's resting comfortably at Rampart. She's going to be okay but she's going to have to stay there at least a day or two."

"What the hell happened? He didn't…" Andrew thought the worst.

"Relax, try not to get too worked up. As far as I can tell, she may have had some kind of a panic attack or something. She apparently hyperventilated and passed out hitting her head as she fell down."

Andrew's eyes were wide with fear as he listened. Johnny put his hand on Andrew's shoulder to reassure him. "Relax, she's in good hands. I just left there and she was conscious and alert. She's got a concussion but she's gonna be okay."

Andrew relaxed a little. Johnny's calm demeanor and the honest concern showing in his eyes but him a little more at ease. "Thanks Mister…" Andrew looked at the nametag on the paramedic's shirt. "…Gage. Thanks for everything."

"It's Johnny, and you're welcome." Johnny opened his wallet, took out a card and wrote his home number on it before handing it to Andrew. "The number on the front is the number to the Station where I work, just ask for Johnny. I wrote my home number on the back. You can call me any time. If there's any way I can help, please do call."

Andrew accepted the card gratefully. He had no idea how to help his sister emotionally. All he knew was that he wanted to kill the creep he had recently called friend who did this to his sister. "Thank you, Johnny." He reached out to shake John's hand.

John returned the gesture. "You're welcome. I guess I'd better be going now. So long." He turned and walked back to the squad.

When the squad backed into the station the engine and her crew were nowhere to be found.

"Well, at least we're not the only ones not sleeping," said Roy taking off his blue jacket. He hung it over the middle of the seat-back in the squad and then headed to the washroom. He scrubbed his hands thoroughly then washed his face. Johnny's actions mirrored his own and there were no words between them. When Johnny was through drying his hands, Roy looked at him.

"Want some coffee?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'll make it!" Johnny emphasized. Roy just rolled his eyes in response.

In the day room, Roy began putting away the clean dishes from the drain board while Johnny prepared the coffee. When it was ready Johnny poured them each a cup then the two men sat down at the table.

"How did your visit with Donna go?" asked Roy after having a sip of coffee.

"Oh, well, you know… She didn't say much but she was conscious and alert, sort of. I told her to ah… To call… If she needed anything."

Roy's eyebrows rose up at Johnny's admission to getting even more involved. "Johnny…" Roy started.

"I know!" Johnny interrupted. "Forget about Rule Number One. It's already too late for that. I can't let it go, Roy. I just can't! She had… she had that same look!"

Roy focused on his friend with concern and compassion. As he looked into the face of his partner he saw raw emotion. He could see that this was tearing Johnny apart.

"Johnny, I think maybe you should talk to somebody about this," Roy encouraged him. "It's eating you up and you're not going to…"

"I couldn't save her, Roy," Johnny blurted out suddenly. Tears streamed down his face but he either didn't notice or didn't care. "I just couldn't save her!" He was talking about what had happened to his sister again.

Roy reached out and put a hand on Johnny's shoulder. "Johnny…"

"Don't Roy!" Johnny pulled away and tore into his best friend. "Don't try and feed me that garbage. So what if I was twelve. I didn't save her Roy. I should have told someone. I should have called our parents. I should have saved her. She couldn't deal with it. She blamed herself and she couldn't handle it. Don't try and tell me I was just a kid… I could have… I should have done something."

Johnny was outwardly crying now. He realized he was tearing into Roy, projecting his own anger at himself onto his friend when all Roy had done was try to be supportive. He stood up and faced Roy who also stood at that time.

"Johnny, what happened?" pressed Roy. He knew there must be more that Johnny had not told him yet.

"I came home from school and I found her. She was in the bathtub. Roy, there was so much blood. It was too late…"

Roy put his arms around his friend and hugged him. He knew deep down that Johnny was once again that twelve-year-old boy, feeling helpless and fearful at the horror of seeing what no one should have to. The only thing awkward about it all was that Roy felt badly that he couldn't do more for Johnny.

Johnny cried for several minutes and Roy continued to hold on to him, offering what support he could and encouraging him to get it all out. Before Johnny had finished winding down on his own the two men heard the bay door start to roll up and Johnny quickly stepped away. He headed straight for the washroom. It was one thing for Roy to see him like this, but the rest of the men didn't need to know about it and they weren't about to see him this way.

*Thanks for being SO patient for this update. I finished EMT school and passed the National Registry exam. Now I am hoping to get hired soon. As I said before, I will NOT abandon my story but I don't know how soon I will update it again. I'll try not to let it go too long.

More importantly, I am aware that several of you reading this story have experienced rape or incest either personally or someone close to you has been through it. I am trying to be sensitive to those who might find certain scenes harder to read. I want those of you who have been through it to know, in case you haven't heard it before, NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances were/are… it is NOT your fault. Nobody asks to be abused or deserves to be abused.

Feel free to leave feedback either by clicking below or by sending me a private message if you prefer. I am open to suggestions, comments or any kind of sharing. Take care. -Hotflash