We see Erin and Jacob on the Task Force's submarine en route to North Africa for some sort of mission. But being about a day's journey from their destination, they decide to continue partying while they're at it. "Whoooooooohoooooooo! I'M ON A BOAT!" Jacob shouted while shaking Erin.
Erin sways slightly, smiling goofily. "Nu uh! I'M ON A BOAT!" Erin replied drunkenly.
"No. WE BOTH ON A BOAT!" Jacob replied, laughing uncontrollably.
Mactavish shakes his head, "Were on a sub." He corrects, rolling his eyes at their stupidness.
"Ooh you mean like from subway? Cause I could really go for one of those." Erin answers back, smiling drunkenly. Mactavish face palms.
He glances over at the camera guy, who has recovered fully from the whole 'batter ram' incident fully. "Are they always like this?" he asked, finding it hard to believe a person could be so drunk most of the time.
The camera man sighs, "Always." he replies with a nod.
Mactavish groans, deciding to try and get the two drunks something productive to do. "OK ya moppets, let's check out the armory!" He shouts to Jacob and Erin who were about to burst out in a chorus of 'Don't stop believing'.
They follow the captain to a room filled with guns. With the sight of the masses of guns, Erin and Jacob eyes go wide like kids in a candy store. "Holy shiiiiiiiiit!" Jacob exclaims as he picks up an M4 and blind fires it down the range. "Did I hit anything?" he asks, blinking.
Mactavish's eyebrow twitches, "There aren't any targets up." Mactavish gruffs. Jacob huffs in annoyance.
"Fine, camera guy get out there!" he orders, slapping in a new clip into the gun.
The camera guy's eyes widen in fear, glancing at Jacob in shock. "No! ACH! Help me!" the camera guy shrieks as Erin threw him onto the range by his arm. Jacob was just about to shoot when Mactavish jerks the gun out of his hand.
The Scotsman glares at Jacob in anger, slightly bewildered. "Cut it out ya bloody idiot!" Mactavish yells.
Jacob just stared at the captain stupidly. "Sir! I am in love with your Mohawk! Can I touch it?" he asks, staring at Mactavish's Mohawk lovingly, reaching to touch it.
Mactavish slaps his hand away, a look of disgust crossing his face. "NO!" he shouts in reply.
Jacob did any ways so he and Erin get chased out of the room. They are chased all the way back to the party where everyone is drinking themselves retarded until Meat ran into the room. "Hey everyone, look what I found!" He calls, holding up a box of cigars.
"What ish it?" Worm drunkenly asks as everyone crowds around Meat.
Meat shrugs, "I don't know, but Shepherd calls it his relief." he said passing them out to everyone. Erin grabs one and hands it to Jacob.
"Light it up!" she ordered.
Jacob pats his pockets, to find no lighter. "I ain't got a lighter." Jacob replies.
Erin scowls, "Light it on me dip shit!" she growls. Jacob tries to light the cigar on Erin's 'fiyary body' but to no avail.
"Erin it won't work." Jacob slurred, as Erin frowns sadly.
"Try this." Ghost said as he produced a lighter. With that Jacob lit the cigar and they both smoked the hell outta that cigar. They soon screech wildly, joining hands and spin around Ghost.
"Ring around the Ghosty! Pocket full of pussies! Asses! Asses! We all fall down!" Erin and Jacob sang crazily, falling over as they twitched violently.
Ghost stands there in complete and udder puzzlement at what had just happened. "What the fuck!" was all Ghost could get out.
"What the bloody hell was in those cigars!" Mactavish asks angrily as more and more people in the room we're acting weird from smoking the cigars.
Erin rolls up, spinning around in circles, "Sugar!" Erin shrieks, laughing wildly. She looks at Jdawg's face and the effects of the cigar made it look, in her mind, like a cookie.
"Um Erin what are you looking at?" He inquires nervously as he notices Erin licking her lips.
Erin slowly starts walking towards him, a crazed look in her eyes, "Cookies!" She yells as she lunges towards Jacob
Price walks in and freezes in horror when he sees what everyone was smoking.
"Soap! Who the hell let them have Shepherd's cigars?" He shouts the question to Mactavish.
"Meat stole em. We've gotta do somet-!" Mactavish starts but is interrupted by several hoots and hollers. He looks in the direction of the noise and notices everybody gathered in a big crowd.
"Oh shit! Fight!" He growls as he and Price run towards it. But they were wrong, it was only Erin and Jacob wasted again. Except this time it looked like they were making out.
"Woooooh! That a boy Jdawg!" Meat hollered.
"Somebody help!" Jacob screamed as he struggled to get Erin off him.
Royce raises an eyebrow, sneering slightly, "Why are ya a homo?" Royce asked.
Jacob grits his teeth in frustration, "You morons! She's trying to eat my face!" Jacob spat back. All of a sudden Mactavish darts up and bitch slaps Erin off of Jacob.
"That is CANNIBALISM and is frowned upon in most societies!" He screams at Erin who is still as high as a kite.
She points at Mactavish, giggling slightly. "So your the bastard who stole me lucky charms?" Erin asked in a phony Scottish accent.
"What!" Mactavish replies confused. The camera guy ran back into the room looking pretty wasted.
He gestures with his thumb behind him drunkenly. "Hey guysh Ghost is steerin tha boat!" He slurs. Jacob and Erin exchange a scared look, slightly coming out of the drugged induced haze.
"Oh fuck! We gonna crash!" Erin laughs as she made crashing noises with her mouth.
They quickly stumble out of the room with Mactavish and Price chasing after them. The duo soon makes it to the wheel house where they see Ghost steering crazily.
Jacob and Erin dramatically run at Ghost, "GHOST! NO!" Jacob and Erin scream as the both tackle Ghost away from the wheel.
Price and Mactavish enter the room just in time to see Erin and Jacob at their craziest. "CAPTAIN! WE'RE GOING DOWN! ABANDON SHIP!" Erin screeches in a Scottish accent, laughing madly.
Price looks at the wheel settings. "You moppets! It's on autopilot!" he shouts to them.
"You're on autopilot!" Jacob shouted insanely.
Price raises his eyebrows, "What?" the Englishman asked in shocked confusion. Jacob just laughed stupidly.
Erin cartwheels by, laughing insanely, "IM IN MIAMI BITCH!" Erin sang wildly before she falls into heap on the ground, still laughing.
"You look kinda cute! In that polka dot bikini girl!" Jacob sang back off tune.
Erin's ears perk up as she hops up. "Speaking of swimwear, let's go swimming!" Erin replies.
Mactavish face palms, "We're on a sub ya nitwits!" he reminds them.
"Thanks for the offer but everyone knows ya can't eat before you swim! Dumb leprechaun!" Erin answers back, waving him off.
Jacob jumps for joy, "Let's go tell the other guys!" he shouts as they both ran out of the room. Mactavish and Price tried chasing them but ended up tripping over an unconscious Ghost. "Hey guysh! I have news! We're goin swimming!" Jacob states proudly. Everyone in the room cheers and run into the hallway. But they're stopped by two very pissed off captains.
"NOBODY IS GOING SWIMMING!" Price screams, his British accent flaring sharply.
Meat's mouth drops open, "Why?" he questions childishly.
Price rolls his eyes at the younger man's childish demeanor. "Well for one there's no pool, and two we're on a sub a mile under the blooming ocean!" Price growls back.
Roach stomps madly, pouting, "But we're hot! We wanna get wet!" Roach exclaims.
Price sighs, "Look if you all drop this whole 'swimming' thing I'll let you get the slip n slide out." He compromises.
"Yay! Slip n slide!" Meat cheers. Everyone soon files back into the room and gets back to partying, only this time with the slip n slide.
Roach runs over to the slip n slide, "I'm first!" he declares as everyone begins lining up. Jacob and Erin were just about to join them but were stopped by the camera guy.
"Let's do the show before the boss calls again." He states firmly. Erin and Jacob reluctantly agree and follow the two captains into the main command room.
"Now you two go sit down and DON'T touch anything." Mactavish orders them, pointing to two chairs. They both take their seats and Mactavish begins talking into the camera. "This is the control room, where we plot our course, make announcements, fire weapons, and- MEAT! Don't touch that!" Mactavish screams. Meat looks up from playing with the main computer. It seems as if the guys had gotten bored with the slip n slide and had made their way into the room.
"The slip n slide broke! We wanna swim!" Ozone shouted, crossing his arms.
Price lunges at Meat screaming, "NO!", but to no avail for Meat had already pressed the surface button. All of a sudden Shepherd came into the room holding his head with his moustache whiter than usual.
"What the hell is all the noise?" Shepherd groans, rubbing his temples in pain.
Roach points at Meat accusingly, "Meat hit the surface button!" he tattles.
"What!" Shepherd yells. He then goes into a rant about being disorderly and proper military protocol.
Erin and Jacob are still in their seats, watching this whole scene unfold. To them it was very boring. "I'm bored. I want peanuts!" Erin announces as she presses a big red button. A strange whooshing sounds and then an explosion is heard.
"What just happened?" Shepherd asked angrily, looking around for an answer.
"Um I think she just fired a torpedo." a random soldier looking through periscope answers, "Fuck I think she just sunk a ship!"
With that Shepherd begins spazzing out and making weird gargling noises before falling to the floor. Everyone gathers around him in confusion. "What happened?" Royce said, asking the question on everyone's mind.
Price looks down at Shepard inquisitively before speaking. "Nothing, he's fine. He just had another overdose. Soap help me get him to the infirmary, Ghost you handle the Cribs people." Price orders. Ghost had just entered the room and is holding his head.
"Huh? Oh right sure just get me a triple whopper no lettuce." Ghost mumbles as Price and Mactavish drag Shepherd out of the room supporting him on each side.
All eyes turn to Ghost. "So…can we go swimming?" Meat asks eagerly. Ghost merely just waves them off, being so out of it.
"Sure just make sure you tell the purple man with the dwarf in the cardboard box to leave the archbishop's phone number." He mumbles insanely. Gadget walks up beside him, noting how he looks like hell.
Gadget sighs, shaking her head distastefully, "OK Ghost. I think you've had a little too much. Let's get you to bed." She states as she leads him out of the room.
Ghost peeks his head in through the door and shouts another crazier thing, "Tell the Martians to fuck off! I got their daddy", before he disappears down the hall laughing insanely.
Everyone exchanges a few WTF looks before heading to the top deck to go swimming. Jacob and Erin lead the way up the ladder and onto the deck of the sub. "Now that the party fouls are busy we can go swim-!" Jacob begins but is cutoff by several bullets ricocheting around him.
"Fuck! What now!" Erin shouts, slightly pissed.
~Chapter Break~