This is my first time writing fiction—ever. It probably sucks.

It had been an interesting year for Rachel Berry, to say the least. First there was Mr. Schuester and Glee Club. Rachel had thought that being a part of something special would make her special, and boy was she right about that one. Despite the constant ups and downs, Glee Club had opened up a whole new world for her. For the first time in a long time (or the first time ever, if she wanted to be completely honest with herself) Rachel felt like she belonged. And if that weren't crazy enough, she actually felt desired.

It was exhilarating, really. In a matter of months, Rachel had found herself pursued by not just one but THREE very attractive young men. First there was Noah Puckerman, the high school bully with a shit‐eating grin and way too many notches on his proverbial bedpost to suit the ever virginal Rachel Berry. But then he had uttered those infamous words, "Wanna make out?"… and Rachel had eagerly (but not desperately, she assured herself) seized upon the opportunity. There was no denying their obvious—albeit unexpected—attraction to one another. The sexual energy was palpable to anyone within a 2 mile radius. Although she never let Noah's hands wander as much he would have liked (and again, if Rachel were honest with herself, as much as she would have liked) he had given her some much needed experience, as well as the confidence to pursue Finn once the whole babygate incident exploded.

Oh, Finn. The name alone brought a smile to Rachel's face. He was the boy of her dreams, the boy who came to her defense on so many occasions and who made her feel "cool" for the first time in her life. But he was also the boy who toyed with her emotions to secure a music scholarship for himself, the one who abandoned her when it came time for the Glee Club yearbook photo. And he was the first boy to break her heart. Rachel still remembers that horrible day. To hear that Finn Hudson didn't want to date her…it was just too much. Tears ran down her face as a sharp pain ripped through her chest. That was the day Rachel Berry finally learned that heartbreak was not simply something to sing about. Her heart was literally being torn into pieces, and God did it hurt.

But then she had met Jesse. It was official ‒ Rachel was in love. And to top it off, Jesse St. James was practically a male version of herself. He understood Rachel like no one else ever could. Mr. Schuester's words came rushing back to her. All of the qualities Rachel hated about herself‒the bossiness, the constant need to improve herself and others, the fanatical drive to become a star‒those were the parts of Rachel that Jesse loved the most. She had never felt so happy or secure in her own skin. Even now, after all that had happened with Jesse and Shelby and Vocal Adrenaline, Rachel's mind still wandered back to the heavenly feel of Jesse's arms wrapped around her body, their angelic voices melding together to create the most beautiful sound Rachel had ever heard.

No. She could not let herself fall into that trap again. Jesse St. James was just another one of her many fantasies. He didn't really love her. And he obviously wasn't as much like Rachel as she had initially thought. Grating, OCD, controlling, desperate‒these were all negative words Rachel could accurately use to describe herself. But she was not cruel, and she would never purposely use and hurt someone to make it to the top. No, that Jesse kid didn't even count. She would be much better off convincing herself he never existed. But then Rachel would remember his body pressed against hers, his hungry eyes as he claimed her mouth, and the extreme desire she had felt when he suggested they make love. God, she had wanted it. Wanted it too much, just as she did everything in her life. She remembers the fiery amalgam of emotions running through her veins, sending shockwaves throughout her body and pooling between her thighs. It had taken every ounce of restraint to tell him no. She must have realized even then that he couldn't be trusted. And sure enough, just weeks after her agonizing breakup with Finn, Jesse St. James became the second boy to break her heart.

None of that Jesse business mattered now, Rachel told herself. In a way she was glad Jesse had come along, even if things ended the way they did. Despite the pain and heartbreak, he had brought Rachel and Finn closer. And now, just three weeks after the embarrassment and disappointment of losing at Regionals, the overwhelming sadness of saying goodbye to Glee Club, and the unexpected joy of being promised another year, Finn Hudson belonged to her. She was completely ecstatic. After all, the one thing she had wanted more than anything in the whole world was finally hers. How could she be anything but thrilled?

But sometimes, late at night, as Rachel lay alone in bed, she would recall the feel of Jesse's breath on her neck, his fingers tracing gentle circles along her thighs, his tongue darting out over parted lips as he ground his body against hers...

Ugh, what was wrong with her? Rachel had spent so much energy wanting Finn, and now that she had him, she didn't know what to do with him. I mean sure, they definitely made out. There had even been talk about taking it to the next level, but Rachel couldn't quite go there yet. Finn didn't completely understand Rachel's hesitancy. After all, he still believed she had slept with Jesse. Finn assumed once a girl gave up her virginity, there was no reason not to have sex, especially if it was sex between two people who were clearly in love.

Rachel did want to have sex with Finn. She was a hormone‐ridden teenager after all, and one who certainly had a knack for wanting everything to the extreme. But in the dark recesses of her mind, Rachel was terrified that Finn just couldn't measure up. Sometimes when they kissed, she thought of someone else's mouth as her tongue ran along Finn's lips. Rachel couldn't allow herself to confess the truth, at least not in broad daylight and certainly not out loud, and so she pretended like it wasn't real. She prided herself on being able to put on a convincing show. But when her eyes closed at night, as the first stirrings of sleep settled upon her, the truth would rear its ugly head and leave Rachel breathless with fear and a twinge of excitement. That was the only time she let herself admit it.

Rachel Berry was still in love with Jesse St. James.

All of this raced through Rachel's mind as she browsed through the aisles of Lima's sole music store. For the billionth time, she silently wished her brain had an off switch. Here she was, trying to work through her musical ideas for New Directions next year, and all she could think about were the many men in her life. Rachel had to laugh at that. Who would have thought that Rachel Barbra Berry, high school outcast and grape slushie queen, would have any love life to speak of, let alone one as complicated as hers? That's the price you pay for being an amazingly talented and driven individual, she thought. It was then that she felt the weight of someone's eyes upon her, and she became increasingly self‐conscious.

"Hello."

Oh no. She knew that voice. Her heart raced and immediately she felt the stirrings of desire deep within her belly. But Rachel was nothing if not a talented actress, so when she whirled around to meet his stare, her face revealed only indifference and a slight annoyance at having her thought process interrupted.

"Hello, Jesse."

Her voice was flat. So far so good, she thought. "Congratulations on Regionals. You guys deserved to win, I suppose. Of course any team that resorts to cheating loses credibility as well as my respect, but your performance of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' was certainly inspired. I hope you enjoy your summer. I must be going." She took a deep breath and turned to leave.

Then it happened. She felt his hand touch her arm, and all was lost. Rachel's cold exterior crumbled, and her eyes closed involuntarily. All she could breathe in was his scent. The pressure of his fingers on her arm caused the first trickle of arousal to seep through her panties. Why did he have this effect on her? It really wasn't fair.