Meanwhile...
The two captains had just walked into infirmary and sat Shepherd down on the operating table. The medic rolls his eyes; he is used to this by now. In fact, the whole medical kit to treat OD's was labeled 'For Shepherd'. "Let me guess, you got hurt playing football?" He questions sarcastically as he reached for the kit.
"Oh no, poor Shepherd had an OD." Price replied with mock shock in his British accent.
Mactavish plays along, raising his eyebrow in fake shock, "What? Who would have expected our great general to be a drug addict?" Mactavish questions, responding to the two's sarcasm.
"Well let's just get this over-!" The medic begins but is cut off by an explosion and the sub rocking wildly.
Price immediately radios the control room. "What the hell is going on?" he angrily inquires, demanding an answer.
"Um ya might wanna get up here." Ozone's shaky voice replies.
Price exchanges a look with Mactavish before radioing back, "Why? What's happening!" Price asked.
"We're being fired upon! That dumb bitc-! Ahhhhhh!" Ozone starts but is cut off suddenly.
Back in the control, room everyone is gathered inside for safety from the enemy gunfire. Why is the sub being attacked you ask? Well it seems the ship that Erin had sank earlier was part of a U.N. Convoy and the rest of the convoy was pretty pissed about having one of their ships destroyed and were attacking the sub with full force. Meat is crying, Royce and Worm are arguing, and Erin and Jacob are beating the shit out of Ozone for his foul language. "WHO'S DA BITCH NOW!" Jacob and Erin shout in between punches. Price and Mactavish ran into the room to see hell in a hand basket.
"Soap! I'm going for the submerge button! You handle the TV people!" Price orders above the commotion. Mactavish lunges towards Erin and Jacob, tackling them off of Ozone. Soon the sub submerges and the two captains settle everyone down and demand an explanation. "Alright I want to know what the bloody hell happened here!" Price shouts.
Soon the room began to fill with accusations directed towards each other. "It was Meat's fault!"
"Nu uh! It was your fault! If you hadn't called her that-!"
"She sank a freaking shi-!" Ozone and Meat argue with at each other.
Price, by now, being fed up with the loud screaming, decides to say the unthinkable. "IF YOU DON'T SETTLE DOWN WE'RE NOT STOPPING AT MCDONALD'S ON THE WAY HOME!" Price Threatens.
Roach looks at Price, a look of fear plastered on his face. "You wouldn't!" he breathes.
Price smiles smugly. "Try me." He replies slyly. With that, everyone calms down and tells the two captains the whole story.
"So if I'm correct the torpedo that Miss Peepsta fired earlier sank a U.N. Ship and pissed the rest of the convoy off and caused them to fire upon us?" Mactavish asks. Everyone in the room nods in response.
Price sighed and rubbed his temples. "Well, we're about an hour from our destination, so report to the briefing room in ten minutes. Your punishment will be discussed when we get back to the base." He explains.
10 minutes later...
"OK men this is a simple demo mission, we go in, blow the SAM sites, and get out before the Navy blows the whole place to hell. Any questions?" Shepherd asks. Several hands shot up.
Shepherd called on Meat. "Um who is SAM?" He questions. Shepherd face palms and begins to answer but is cutoff by Roach.
"I don't care who he is, I ain't blowing him!" He states. The room erupts into an argument over who SAM is until Erin stops them with one of Jacob's flash bangs
She glares darkly at everyone around the table, "NO YELLING ON THE DAMN SUB!" She screamed. Everyone goes dead silent and Shepherd finishes talking
"OK now deploy to your SDVs. There will be six to each one." Shepherd orders them.
Erin blinks in slight puzzlement, "What are we doing?" Erin inquires to Price as they left the room.
A sly smile crosses Price's lips. "Let's just say you people are gonna get to swim." He said to them.
Apparently Price's definition of swimming meant being crammed into a small tube with Mactavish, Ghost, Roach, and the camera guy in complete darkness. Erin and Jacob are both shaking due to the cold water and their fear of the dark. Erin lets out a small whimper. "Peeps?" Jacob calls out.
"Yeah Jdawg?" Erin squeaks in a meek responds.
"I'm a scared!" Jacob whispers back.
"Me too!" Erin replies. They both begin screaming wildly and thrashing around searching for each other but end up latching onto Mactavish instead.
Mactavish growls, trying to get them off of him. "Knock it off ya moppets! You're making me claustrophobic!" Mactavish gruffs, shoving them both off.
"What's that?" Erin asks, raising an eyebrow up in question.
Jacob nods, knowingly. "It means he's afraid of Santa Clause." Jacob replies shortly.
"That is not what it mea-!" Mactavish begins but is cut off by a loud chorus of ho ho Hos.
"STOP IT! You're scaring him!" Jacob shrieks at Erin who is snickering. Mactavish face palms.
He shakes his head distastefully, "Are you two still wasted?" he asks, already knowing the answer.
"Aye, aye Mr. Leprechaun!" Erin answers with a salute. All of a sudden light fills the tube and that's when they realize that the door is opening. The SDV launches out of the tube and begins to make their way towards the objective.
Erin and Jacob just stare in stupid awe at their surroundings. "This is righteous Jdawg! Look at the lil fish hello fisheys!" Erin shouts through the headset while waving at the fish. They continue on the SDV till they come to a beach and disembarked, well except Erin and Jacob. They pretty much had to be dragged to shore.
Once they came upon dry land they both started bucking and flopping around. "What is wrong with you two?" Mactavish asks, overcome with complete confusion at the duo's actions.
Erin looks up and grins madly. "LOL! I'm a fish!" She screams before passing out, Jacob following suit.
"Alright up! The both of you!" Price barks, kicking them.
Jacob rolls over, "But I don't want to go to school today! The other boys make fun of me." Jacob mumbles before being slapped in the face. Jacob then tries standing but ends up falling over, waking up Erin who shoots up in surprise.
"W-what happened!" Erin asks from the ground.
Jacob sighs, rubbing his eyes, "Captain Crunch said we hafta get up." Jacob replies childishly.
"Why?" Erin asks angrily.
Jacob shrugs straight faced, "I don't know I think it has something to do with Mr. Leprechaun and his lucky charms." Jacob answers.
"THOSE ARE MY LUCKY CHARMS!" Erin screams as she lunges at Mactavish and starts wailing on him. The rest of the men can only stand by in shock.
Mactavish winces at the amount of force behind Erin's punches made contact with him, "Stop! Mercy!" Mactavish shouts as punches and scratches continue to land on him.
She then pulls Mactavish's combat knife out from its sheath and holds it aimed at his throat. "Listen here fool! Surrender the lucky charms and nobody gets hurt Mr. Leprechaun!" Erin snarls, her eyes glaring at him insanely.
"I AM NOT A LEPRECHAUN! I'M A BLOODY SCOT!" Mactavish yells back.
Price looks at Jacob, "What the hell are we gonna do!" he asks, fearing the look in Erin's eyes. Jacob frantically tries to come up with a way to calm Peeps down without anyone getting hurt.
"I don't know about y' all but I'm gonna have me a cookie." Meat said as he pulls one from his pocket. That's when it hit Jacob. Instantly he drops a flash bang and tackles Meat to the ground, swiping the cookie away.
Jacob then runs to Erin's side. "Peeps! Look what I got." Jacob said, waving the cookie in front of her face. Erin instantly stops hurting Mactavish and grins widely.
"YAY! COOKIE!" she screeched before munching on the cookie. After that she calms down and no one was badly hurt. Well except Mactavish from Erin and Meat from being tackled and having his cookie stolen. The team then proceeds on with the mission under the cover of darkness, using night vision goggles to find the way. They all hug the walls, narrowly avoiding patrols. Jacob and Erin begin to grow bored once again. "Jdawg this is boring, did ya bring mah CD?" She asks Jacob.
Jacob nods, producing a crisp CD from his pocket, "Yep. Whatcha gonna do?" Jacob replies.
A smile formes on Erin's lips, that just spells trouble. "We're gonna burn this mutha down!" she states, snickering quietly to herself.
"Gadget, I've got eyes on a sentry ahead do ya see him?" Mactavish murmurs, keeping his eyes on the sentry.
Gadget nods in response, setting up to take the shot. "Got eyes on. Taking the shot no-." Gadget begins but is cutoff by the Mission Impossible theme playing loudly. So loudly it causes Gadget to miss her shot. Everyone turns back to see Erin and Jacob stealth crawling towards them.
"What are you morons doing?" Mactavish angrily demands.
The corners of Jacob's lips curl up into a devilish smile which was meant to be serious but turns out goofy. "We're goin deep and were goin hard." Jacob replies with a smirk.
"Surely you can't be serious…" Mactavish replies, slapping his fore head.
Jacob grins, nodding slightly, "I'm serious! And don't call me Shirley!" Jacob shouts in response.
"May I remind you both we are on a STEALTH mission?" Mactavish growls back.
Jacob rolls his eyes, "Yeah we know. That's why we brought this." Jacob said pointing to the boom box strapped to his back.
"And this." Erin added pulling out a Predator Drone control rig.
Everybody froze, mouths falling agape. "Erin no!" they all screamed as they tried to stop her. But she had already fire it into a guard tower which caused the whole base to go on full alert and fire on them.
"We're spotted! Go loud!" Price yells as he returns fire. Jacob and Erin pass out once again while this whole scene unfolds. The camera guy hides behind a rock, pants wet and crying for his mommy. They all look doomed as the enemy began to advance on their position. That's when the camera man remembered the triple shots of espresso he had with him and darts over to the unconscious Peeps and Jdawg, dodging bullets all the way. It's a crazy plan but it's their only hope. He reluctantly pours the espresso shots down the two down hosts' throats. Then, all of a sudden, the Popeye theme music begins playing and they both jump up laughing wildly.
"Hey Peeps! Waddya say me an you save da day!" Jacob asks cocking his ACR as he glances over at his brown haired friend.
A smirk crosses Erin's face as she picks up a AK-47 from a downed tango. "Hell to the yizeah!" she replies, as they take off charging the enemy. They both run straight into the line of fire and begin taking down tangos mercilessly.
"Die American scum!" a random tango screams as he charges at Erin with a knife.
Erin quickly spins around, "Hell nyah!" Erin responses, shooting him in the balls. All the task force members cheer but appear to have spoken too soon as Erin and Jacob are surrounded.
A tango smiles darkly, narrowing his eyes at the duo, "Ready to die? Infidel!" he asks with his gun trained on them.
Erin snickers, the fear of death not showing in her demeanor. "You sound like Achmed the dead terrorist!" she laughs, pointing at him.
"Silence! I kill you!" The tengo threatens.
Another tango rolls his eyes, loosing patience, "Abdul! Save it! Just kill the bitch!" he orders 'Achmed'. Once the word bitch enters Erin's ear, her eye begins to twitch. Her breathing becomes rapid and she starts screaming. One tengo brings his gun up to shoot but Erin kicks him in the balls and causes him to shoot one of his teammates. Erin then unleashes hell on all the tengo, making them all cry for their mommies. At the end of the enormous melee, all the terrorists were dead and bruises, scratches, and bite marks covered their bodies. Erin is still fuming when the rest of the task force members peak out from cover. Jacob hands her a cookie to calm her nerves and they all go back to the sub.
The camera guy turns his camera to Price, Mactavish, and Ghost. "Well COD that's our crib, thanks for stopping b-" they begin but are cut off by General Shepherd.
Shepard gestures to Jacob, Erin and the camera man, "You three! My office! Now!" He growls, coldly. All three of them begin to fidget nervously as Shepherd approaches them. But Jdawg thinks fast, throwing a flash bang to stun Shepard and they all run like hell.
Mactavish leads Erin, Jacob and the camera guy to the top of the sub. Price then pushes the three into a life boat. "Thanks for touring our Crib, COD. Now get the hell out!" Price shouts as he runs away from the very pissed off Shepherd.
Somewhere else in the World…
Sergeant Foley folds his arms distastefully. "RAMIERZ! Clean up this room! We're going to be on TV!" orders Foley at the younger subordinate, Ramirez.
"Yes sir…" Ramirez sighs, shifting uncomfortably in the maid's outfit Foley made him wear over his uniform.
Foley nods, looking at the viewer. "HEY YOU! Review this chapter! Or Ramirez will have to face a whole army of juggernauts with only a sling shot!" Foley shouts.
Ramirez struggles in with a coach, a look of dull shock, "Yeah guys…he's serious. Please review." He said, shaking his head dismally. He continues this duty of cleaning the whole bunker, Foley continuing to yell at him to do the same thing over and over again.