He was in love with her. If there was any one thing that Roxas knew more than anything else, it was that he was in love with Namine.
The two had met in college during their senior year. Both were studying for a degree in Psychology. Roxas was almost instantly captivated by her, but Namine did not feel the same. In fact, she didn't really believe in love after all, at least not at this age. A gut feeling had told him to keep going after her, no matter what. Someday, he hoped, she'd feel the same way about him.
And even though she doesn't believe in love
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut.
Sure enough, his persistence had worked, and on the night of graduation, instead of going to parties just like everyone else on campus was, the two went on a date. On that night, Roxas realized that Namine was absolutely perfect for him. He was sure of it.
That night, after he dropped Namine off at her apartment, Roxas gathered up the courage to kiss her on the cheek. He blushed and she laughed. Her laugh was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. Roxas was suddenly caught off guard when Namine kissed him lightly on the lips. He pulled her in closer and his hands involuntarily their way to her hips, and hers wrapped around his neck.
As abruptly as it had started, it ended. Roxas and Namine smiled at each other.
"I'll, uh, see you tomorrow," she promised, beginning to unlock the door to her apartment.
"Yeah. I'll call you," responded Roxas. She smiled again and gave him a small wave before shutting the door. As the door closed on the elevator he was taking back to the main floor, Roxas shouted, "YES!" hoping no one had heard him.
Roxas and Namine dated for about a year and a half after that. Roxas had fallen in love with her, and he was pretty sure she felt the same. Everything about her made him smile; her blue-grey eyes, her silky-blond hair, the way her kisses tasted like a unique blend of vanilla and strawberries. She was absolutely perfect.
One Saturday night, the two were on a date, as they usually did at least once every weekend. They ate at a rather pricey restaurant about an hour from where they lived, went for a walk in the nearest park, and were now sitting on a park bench, both lost in their thoughts.
Namine rested her head on his shoulder, the scent of her cucumber shampoo becoming faintly noticeable. Roxas smiled to himself. Nothing could be more perfect than this moment; just the two of them, enjoying each other's presence, not caring about anything else.
And that's when it hit him. Roxas realized that there was nothing he wanted more than to be with her every day, to know that she was his and he was hers. He could spend an eternity sitting with her, just like this, and not even notice how much time was passing. He loved her with all he had. As all these thoughts were rushing through his head, one in particular stood out in his mind, one that he knew was going to change his life forever.
He was going to ask Namine to marry him.
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
It was almost midnight by the time Roxas and Namine decided to head home. To Roxas, however, it didn't feel that late at all. He was too anxious to notice how late it was. Namine, however, was very tired; she was falling asleep on his shoulder when they were sitting down before. They decided that it would be a good idea to stay in a hotel for the night, since home was so far away.
After checking in, they both immediately got their pajamas on and prepared for bed. Roxas slid into bed, Namine already falling asleep on the other side. It was, believe it or not, the first time the two were going to sleep in the same bed together.
"No funny business while I'm asleep, got it?" joked Namine. Roxas chuckled, kissing the top of her head. "I hear you loud and clear."
"Good night."
"G'night." After a moment, without thinking, Roxas whispered, "I love you, Namine."
Namine never responded. She was probably already asleep.
The next morning, Roxas woke up with Namine still asleep beside him. He smiled; she looked so peaceful, so beautiful, and was careful not to wake her up.
He got up started making the only breakfast he knew how to make: two eggs, sunny-side up, for each of them, with a side of toast. Just as the toast popped out of the toaster, Namine began to wake from her slumber.
"Morning," said Roxas cheerfully.
"Hi," responded Namine.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Fine." She got up out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Roxas noticed that Namine's answers were very short, as though she didn't want to speak with him. He figured that she was probably just a little tired.
When she was finished in the bathroom, Roxas set her plate of food in front of her seat, where she sat down. "Thanks," she said, not looking at him.
"Is something wrong, Nam?" asked Roxas, concerned.
"No, I'm fine." Namine began stuffing her face with food, so she didn't speak after saying this. The silence was almost painful to Roxas. What was wrong with his girlfriend?
"Listen," she said after finishing her breakfast, "I have to go run some errands, so I should probably get going."
"Okay. Do you wanna use the car?" asked Roxas.
"Nah, I think I'll take a cab. You know, just in case you need the car," she responded, already getting her shoes on. "I'll be back around 9:00 tonight."
"Okay, see you then," said Roxas, walking up to her and giving her a peck on the cheek. She smiled half-heartedly, and walked out the door.
Roxas was wondering what on earth was bothering Namine, when he suddenly realized: he had the whole day to himself! He could buy the ring today! Filled with excitement, he gobbled up what was left of his breakfast and quickly began to finish getting ready to leave.
Tomorrow night, he thought, tomorrow night, I'm going to ask her.
When Roxas got back from ordering the engagement ring, he noticed that Namine still wasn't back from whatever she was doing. He glanced at the clock on the wall; it was 8:45 PM. Well, he thought, she did say nine. Still, he decided to call her and ask if she would be home anytime soon. He picked up his cell phone and dialed her number. Her phone was off. That was weird; Namine's phone was almost never off.
He left a message on her voicemail, knowing that she probably wouldn't get it until later.
Attempting to get his mind off Namine, he turned on the TV, hoping some mindless television would ease his preoccupied mind. Before he knew it, it was already 10:00. She was over an hour late. Roxas tried calling her again. Her phone was still off. Worried, he put on his sleepwear and crawled into bed, deciding to take a nap until she returned.
He woke up the next morning, hoping to see Namine sleeping next to him. She wasn't. Alarmed, he quickly dialed her cell phone number again. Still no response. His heart was racing and he was on the verge of tears.
Moving quickly, he grabbed his car keys and ran out of the hotel, not even thinking to check out. He called his best friend, Sora, and impatiently waited for him to answer. He finally picked up. "Hello?"
"Sora! Sora, it's Roxas! Have you seen Namine?" he asked, speaking frantically.
"No…I haven't. Calm down, dude. Why do you need Namine?"
"She's missing. Yesterday she told me she was going to run some errands and hasn't returned since. I'm so worried, Sora, I'm about to cry." He could feel his throat closing.
"Oh my God," said a shocked Sora, "All right. Maybe you could try calling her apartment? Maybe she's there? And I'll call everyone else. I'll call you in like fifteen minutes. It's gonna be okay, Roxas. Don't worry," he reassured him.
I beg to differ, Roxas wanted to say, hanging up. He quickly dialed the phone number of Namine's apartment. And, to Roxas's dismay, there was no answer. At this point, the tears began to fall.
Driving to the restaurant took about an hour. Driving back home took about thirty minutes. Sora still hadn't called back, and Roxas hoped that this meant someone knew where Namine was or, better yet, was with her.
Just when he was nearing her apartment building, his phone began buzzing. Sora was calling. Recklessly, he grabbed the phone and flipped it open. "Sora! Did you find her?" He was yelling at this point.
Roxas could hear Sora take in a deep breath. "…No," he finally answered. Roxas dropped the phone, leaving it open with Sora's voice still audible. He was probably trying to calm Roxas down. But nothing could calm him down now. His girlfriend, the love of his life, the girl he was going to ask to marry him tonight, was missing.
He violently turned into the parking lot of Namine's apartment building, not even parking in a correct space. Trying his best to at least look calm, Roxas entered the massive building and ran up to the main desk, where there was a woman who was on the phone. Impatient, he grabbed the phone out of the woman's hands and slammed it down on the receiver.
"I beg your pardon!" she yelled.
"LISTEN TO ME!" he yelled even louder, "My girlfriend, Namine Barker, is gone. Do you know if she came back here?"
"Let me check," she said, so calmly that it made Roxas want to strangle her. His girlfriend could've been kidnapped or something, or maybe even, dare he think it, dead, and she didn't seem to care. He wanted to throw up.
"…she's moved out," she said quietly.
After a moment of silence, Roxas spoke, "What...? What do you mean she moved out?" He was in absolute shock. Why on earth would Namine move away? Without telling him? Without saying goodbye?
"According to our records, she no longer lives here..."
"I KNOW WHAT MOVING OUT MEANS!" he cut her off, screaming, which was highly out of character for him. He almost never raised his voice, but these were obviously very different circumstances. The woman looked like she was about to cry. Roxas tried to calm down, realizing it wasn't really right to take out his anger on a stranger. He took in a deep breath.
"W-where did she move?" he asked feebly, his anger turning to back into utter sadness.
"I'm not sure. All I know is that she moved out yesterday at around noon."
Roxas really felt like puking now. He just couldn't comprehend the fact that Namine had moved away, without telling him why or even where she was going.
He immediately ran up the stairs to Namine's floor, and knocked on the apartment next door to hers. A man opened the door. Trying to hold in his tears, Roxas asked, "Do you know where Namine Barker moved to?"
The man, obviously confused, shook his head, saying that he wasn't even aware she moved. This process was the same for everyone else he asked; no one even knew she had left.
He pleads, oh he tries, but he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside
Forgive me I'm trying to find
My calling I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl?
When he asked nearly everyone in the apartment building, he ran outside, not wanting anyone to see him on the verge of sobbing. As he left the building, it was starting to drizzle. He was so distracted, he didn't even bother to notice the ticket he got for parking in a handicapped space. It was here he couldn't hold in his tears any longer, and all his emotions – anger, confusion, worry, frustration, and, most of all, sorrow, – escaped from his control.
The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day...
After some time, Roxas was able to calm down enough to start driving again. With nowhere else in mind, he decided to head for Sora's house. He needed someone to talk to in person.
Without bothering to knock or ring the doorbell, he walked straight in. He did this often, though, so he didn't really feel bad about doing so. Sora was watching TV, as he usually was. He heard the door open and turned around to face Roxas.
"Hey, man. You all right?" he asked.
"No," responded Roxas coldly, "I'm not all right. In fact, I'm feeling rather shitty right now."
"Did you at least find out where she is?"
"No, Sora! I have no fucking clue where she is! If I knew where she was, wouldn't I be there now?" He sighed heavily, plopping down on the nearest chair. The tears were coming back.
"I suppose..." Sora trailed off. He sat down on the couch across from where Roxas was sitting, trying to find the right words to say to him. For a very long time, there was silence between the two.
"Maybe...maybe she wasn't right for you, Rox," said Sora after a while.
"...what?" said Roxas, obviously not buying what his best friend was saying.
"Well, you know what they say, 'there are plenty of fish in the sea.'" he continued.
"No. No, no, no, no, Sora. I don't think you understand. I was in love with Namine. I still am! And for the longest time, I thought she was in love with me, too! And then she just goes and leaves me, without so much as a goodbye! Do you understand how heartbroken I am?" Tears were streaming down his face once again, leaving fresh trails behind them. He was going to break any minute, he knew it.
"I'm sorry, dude!" responded Sora, "I didn't know she meant that much to you. But if she was willing to completely leave you for no reason without even saying goodbye, she couldn't have been all that great, right?"
"Sora..." whispered Roxas, "I was...I was gonna...ask her to marry me...tonight." He took out a small box from his hoodie and opened it, revealing a diamond engagement ring. In awe, Sora was speechless.
Roxas wiped his eyes of tears that were blurring his vision.
"I-I had no idea. I thought..."
"Well, you thought wrong," spat Roxas. With this, he stormed out of Sora's house, slamming the door shut behind him.
A few days later, Roxas got a phone call at around seven in the morning. He sat up too quickly, and an intense headache ensued. He had a terrible hangover. Groggily, he got out of bed and slowly made his way to the nearest telephone.
He had returned the engagement ring and got a full refund and also paid his ticket for parking in a handicapped space, but money wasn't something he cared so much for anymore. There was only one thing on his mind lately: Namine. He would think about how much he missed her, all the things he loved about her, all the times they shared together; he pondered why she left him so unexpectedly and why she didn't tell him. Basically everything that was on his mind all linked back to Namine. Finding no other solution to how he felt, there was nary a time he was without a drink in his hand.
He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days
Roxas answered the phone, wondering who the hell would be calling him at this hour.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this Roxas Mason?"
"Yes, who is this?"
"I'm a receptionist at the apartment building on Main Street..."
That was Namine's apartment. Why were they calling him, though?"
"Yeah, and...?" asked Roxas, growing impatient, but at the same time, curious.
"Well, while searching through Miss. Barker's room, we discovered a letter she left on her bed. It had no address on it, but it was written to you. We thought you might be interested in reading it."
"A letter? What does it say?" asked Roxas, his mood being the best it had been in days. What if it said where Namine was? He might be able to find her again and fix this whole mess.
"We haven't read it yet. It's rude to read letters that are meant for other people to read," said the receptionist.
"Okay, I'll be right over. Thank you so much!" Roxas was smiling, and his headache seemed to have disappeared. He quickly got dressed and rushed outside his apartment to his car.
Driving to Namine's apartment building, he thought of the last time he saw her, which was the previous Sunday. He still ached at the thought of that morning.
Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs.
Roxas raced through the doorway to the apartment building, running up to the main desk.
"Where's the letter?" he asked frantically.
"Okay, okay!" yelled the receptionist. She handed him a folded piece of white paper. Anxiously, he opened the letter and quickly skimmed it to find any location of sorts, thinking Namine might be there. When he didn't see anything, he decided to actually take time to read the letter:
Dear Roxas,
First of all, I'm not telling you where I'm going. I'm currently on a plane flying to my new home, and I don't want you to know where that is. It's not that I hate you. In fact, I do like you. Very much. I just don't love you, which is how I know you feel about me. I heard what you said to me last night right before we went to sleep, and that's when I realized things had gotten way out of hand. As I told you when we first met, I'm not ready for love. Not yet. For the first few months of our relationship, I was sure that it would just be a quick fling that wouldn't be too memorable in either one of our lives. But for you, it was the exact opposite. I wanted to break us up earlier, but you just seemed so happy and everything, I didn't want to be the one to destroy that happiness, knowing how you felt about me. So I kept it going. I've never done such a stupid thing in my entire life. I'm such a baby; I don't even have the guts to tell you in person that I never loved you. I'm so sorry, Roxas. I hope you aren't mad at me. One day, maybe we'll meet again when I'm ready to face you.
All the best,
Namine
Immediately after reading the last line, Roxas crumpled up the letter and threw it on the floor. Not sure what to think anymore, he began to slowly make his way towards the exit and to the parking lot. If he had read that letter three days earlier, he would probably be sobbing right now. But all his tears were gone, and now he was just numb. Maybe Sora was right; maybe she wasn't all that great. He sighed, turned his keys into the ignition, backed his car into the street, and drove home.
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home now
I guess I'll go home...
Just a little something I whipped up. It's based off the song "Remembering Sunday" by All Time Low. I suggest you listen to them, they're awesome. ;D
This is probably one of the darkest stories I've ever written. I mostly like writing stories with happy endings, but I dunno, I was listening to the song one day and I figured, "Wow, this would be great for a songfic." And since RokuNami is my OTP...well, I think you know what happens next.
Anyway, I hope you liked it! As always, messages and reviews are highly appreciated! 8D