woww...been a while, huh? Well, i find this a nice chapter, so hopefully it was worth the wait? Enjoy.

Disclaimer: the usual...i don't own anything but my own plot..blah blah

REWRITE/EDITED


-Where Tear Drops Fall-

-7-

I walked out of Health Class a few days later with a certain lightness in my footsteps.

Nothing in particular had happened that morning, nor the days before this one. I had woken up, gone to breakfast, free period, therapy, gym, lunch, and then Health. Not much had particularly changed since my first session with Yuna, nor my encounter with Sora. Yuna had, however, mustered out a few words from me in Therapy, making Axel dance mockingly in front of the group. Even if my temper and embarrassment flared for a moment, I didn't care in the long run.

The relationship between Naminé and I hadn't changed too drastically; which I was very happy for. I did not like the idea of having the need to plunge into being someone's best friends after a night's act of kindness and sincerity. However I found myself talking to her everyone once in a while now. And I was very thankful that she didn't mock me like I'm sure others would have.

The same situation went for Sora. Even if nothing drastically had changed, which I was happy about as well, like Naminé, I felt closer to him in the past few days.

After the incident of Sora finding out about Riku, which surely was a large blow, took a few days to really sink in. (These few days included many silent moments and avoiding on his part ). It was only until five days later did he finally build up his courage and knock on my door after dinner. During these five days, I gave him his space. I had to be considerate, after all. It was hard for me to imagine anything like that happen to me; my best friend moving away and then suddenly turning for the worse. Perhaps, deep inside, he knew his childhood Riku would simply not stick. This I may never know.

I had let him inside my room while Naminé was away visiting Selphie and what-not, and talked until she walked in on us in deep conversation looking skeptical. During our talk, I did most of the dialogue. It was hard, at first, but after the words started to tumble out of my mouth, they wouldn't stop. At the Center they say the first steps were always the hardest. I guess they were right.

It had all started at the beginning of that summer before junior year.

Riku had been the new kid at South Island High the winter before. For barely two months before that, the weather was cool, breezy, and anything but hot. It was what a lot of Islanders found as paradise; the beaches with just a taste of the cold you would have up north, yet warm enough to wear nothing heavier than a light sweater. During this time, you would find many locals comfortable in sweatshirts and shorts, and in extreme rarities, even sweatpants. It was after this period of time he came; the changing point to the normally warm, sunny Destiny Islands.

The point was that the cool season was often a delicacy during a twelve-month continuous summer. The same sun, water, and sand got achingly tiring after so many years of living there. So tiring in fact, that I had wished, hoped, dreaming for some kind of break from the routine life of Destiny Islands.

Every 'season' and every holiday, a flock of eager tourists from up North would frolic. During these long weekends, everywhere you turned you could see out-of-place people walking around, camera in hand grouped around two main aspects: the beach and historical landmarks of our Island. All you ever heard from their mouth was oh how beautiful, honey, take a picture. Or, so interesting, lets come again next year, kids!

And frankly, I was sick of it.

None of the tourists understood what it was like to live in a "paradise" for all your life. Because after awhile, the appeal dwindles, and all you're left with is sand, the hot sun, and an ocean away from everything.

Not that I was miserable though. Sure, it was fun most of the time to jump into the ocean in the middle of December when you're fifth grade pen pals were shivering up in Twilight Town. Sure, it was fun to be able to walk to your friends house within minutes, no need for major transportation unless you were leaving the small community island. And sure, sometimes it was great that you knew everyone and vice-versa. It was just the way things were, whether you liked it or not.

But it was the general idea that bothered me so much. I wondered how much I missed out from the people accustomed to the actual change of seasons. Wondered what it was really like to have a snowball fight, a White Christmas, orange leaves, and the relief of Spring sunshine. And that was exactly what I wanted. And so I wanted to leave. I guess I got my wish.

But that two month long "winter" was especially refreshing to me that year. Of course, that was because I didn't realize what was to come, considering only a year later I would experience what the cold really felt like. At the restart of classes after the well-deserved break was a rare new kid. And that was Riku. He had lived in Destiny Islands for a few years already, but had just relocated to our specific island for reasons we did not know. And like a tidal wave, or even the sudden change of season itself, I, along with half the population of girls in my school, became entranced by this silver-haired teen.

Somehow, unknown if there was any specific point or time, he began to slowly return the favor. I had liked him all the way up to summer break, where like the other girls, I never got a lucky break with him.

But then, what happened was accidental; it was not supposed to happen.

I went to a class party to celebrate the end of the year that he had gone to as well. A few laughs and drinks later, Riku and I had what to have been believed as "acquaintances". A week later, we were friends. And then soon enough, three weeks after that, I was suddenly his girlfriend.

During our relationship, I could see myself change before my eyes. I felt like I was another person, just an onlooker, viewing from afar a life of a love-sick teenage girl. Beforehand, I was a little goody-two-shoes. I finished my homework before dinner time, never went past curfew, and was best friends with my fellow Student Council girls. But the second Riku entered my life, he flipped it upside down. And at first, I thought I was for the better. And most likely it was.

I went out more, met new people, and truly socialized. I dragged my friends with me every once in a while, not pleased in the beginning, but loosened up considerably later on. Soon, my summer had become what everyone thought one should be; a new social life, a new boyfriend, a new me. I was becoming a true teenager, and my summer was shaping up to be one of the best in my life.

And it was. However, after about two months of seriously dating Riku, who did not bother with the awkward, skittish first few months of relationships, went into full gear. Gradually, I was being pulled away from my friends; the ones who had been by my side through thick and thin. I began to ignore curfew, staying out with Riku who already had a car, also a huge bonus to the boyfriend thing, because he was older than most of the kids in my class. I ignored my parents, partied too much, and when school started, ignored both my grades and Student Council duties. My friends were not pleased, suddenly on the defensive mode and deciding that no matter how good looking Riku was, he was not good for me. But I just continued with promises, gifts, and smiles during the day, and then hard booze and car-sessions at night.

By October, I was impeached as Student Secretary, plummeted below my standard High Honor Roll, and eventually, viewed with disdain by most of my friends and class. That October became one of the most significant times of my life; in the early days of this month was the first time he physically abused me.

He hadn't exactly been gallant since the near end of the summer. Occasional rude comments, insults, and kicking outs of his car, leaving me to walk from one island to another several times. But I clung on to him, because, even if everything was disappearing from beneath my finger tips because of him, he was all I had left; so I held on closer.

When he first hit me it was over something stupid. But it was something that flamed Riku's fluctuating mood. Half the time he was my fun-loving boyfriend, who sat me on his lap and made me smile. While the other half, his eyes glinted yellow and his posture stiffened, preparing for another strike. That first time I had forgotten to pick up his favorite take-out dinner; one that I had waiting in line for forty five minutes just for him, and had supposedly ordered the wrong entrée. During waiting in line, he was outside waiting in the car; another thing he hated doing, waiting. When I climbed into the car, I knew he was angry. He'd been angry at me before, and I was used to it. But after he yelled at me for taking up his time before I explained as calmly as possible that there was simply too long a line, and that sorry, it was inevitable. He calmed himself down substantially after a few minutes. But after pulling into a deserted parking lot that looked over the ocean, one of our favorite spots to eat and make-out, he did the fatal action. He opened the brown paper bag a peered inside.

I knew the signs well. First, he would be still, staring into space, possibly either making a feeble attempt to calm himself, or figuring a way to blame me. In the beginning, I thought it was the first. However, clearly after that night I realized it was the latter. He then would flex his body, still and shaking. And the final, his eyes would metaphorically darken, or in his case lighten, to a yellowish hue. And then another step I added to my list of events that night. The impact.

Because that was when he first hit me.

I didn't quite absorb it at first. Surely, it had been an accident. He only lost his temper momentarily, and as he promised time after time after time, and I'm sorry, it would never happen again.

But it did, and on a regular basis. I was losing everything, my family, my friends, my life, and now finally, my boyfriend. I felt like he was the last one I could hold on to, so I did.

I began to wear long sleeved sweaters that tied easily into "autumn" and long pants to cover the bruises. But it took one night a few hours after school, in the span of twenty minutes, to put me over the edge. It had been another beating. A bad one. My wrist refused to work, my ribs ached like they hadn't ever before, and my head was spinning, both from the blows and from the dizziness of the cold in the shower.

That moment, when I raised the razor to my dysfunctional wrist, when the pain was overcome by the spiral pleasure, was marked into my mind. But not immediately at first. I found myself doing it often. I knew it was bad. I knew it was not healthy, even as I carved his name into my limbs. But after a long day of beating, limping my way home, it seemed the only manageable escape. After a while, it was not only escape from the pain. It became a necessary evil, even on good days.

It took an accidental slip, fall, and some stitches from a community hospital nurse to see my self-inflicted scars. Soon, I was sent away. I received a restraining order against Riku, who was sent to serve time, and I arrived at the Center. The whole process, court, tears, and legal arrangements, was a huge blur. It seemed like a dream, and surely, oh surely, I would wake up to my old loving boyfriend again.

But I never did.

As I told him this, Sora just nodded absently, never looking into my eyes. I wondered what he was thinking, and how those little switches and gears in his head were interpreting this. When I finished my story with a soar throat and an exhausting head-ache, we sat on my bed for a long while, just absorbing the silence.

Eventually though, he did one last nod as Naminé walked in, flashed me a toothy smile and left my room without a word. I remember I just sighed, hoping that everything would be okay.

Now though, I had a clean slate. I had told my story twice already, the second unwillingly, but necessary for Yuna. Even Naminé had a general idea now. Apparently she had been listing at the door during most of my conversation, and ended up telling me immediately. That was one of the things I liked about Naminé; there was no bull shit. She told you the truth whether you liked it or not. But what I appreciated more was how she didn't show any signs of pity. Just a squeeze of the shoulder, and talking out loud so that I didn't have to feel like I needed to join in her scattered thoughts.

So as I walked out of Health Class and toward lunch, I was actually looking forward to it; a first in all my stay in the Center.

I quickly grabbed my lunch in the line with Sora, threw my notebook on the picnic table-like lunch area, and sat my self down with my cold pasta and tangy orange juice. Slowly everyone started to join into the table with an equally happy expression. I raised my eyebrows at the change of enthusiasm. I mean, they were eating very quickly, as if they were in a rush. Had I missed something? Perhaps I was very zoned out in breakfast that day.

Casual but hurried conversation ringing throughout our table. However, I just zoned out again, too absorbed in my somewhat buoyant thoughts that to focus on theirs.

A while later, I looked at the clock and found that there were about five minutes left of lunch, and then I could go sleep in my bed for an hour. But just as I was about to pick up my half-eaten tray of food to throw it away, something caught my attention in Aerith's conversation. She said something like, "I can't wait until he comes, I haven't seen him since the last time." However, I wasn't sure. So without thinking, I immediately asked the question, as if the will of the world really wanted me to ask.

"Huh?" I said directed toward her, however that did not refrain from the whole table to look up at me holding my tray in mid walk. Still getting used to me actually saying a few words, they all didn't break their gaze. I tried very hard to ignore them.

Aerith smiled politely and folded her hands gracefully on the table. "Well, I'm just excited to see my father again today. I haven' seen him since last Visiting Day."

Suddenly, like a rush of unwanted emotion, words, and feelings I realized what day it must be: Visiting Day.

I swallowed. "Oh, right." I said, my voice hoarse as I nodded a little too hard. Well, I realized as I threw away my trash and headed for the exit, I guess I won't get that nap.

During Visiting Day, all 'students' of the Center were asked to stay in the lobby area to await for their visitors.

Visiting Day only happened once a month, done so infrequently only so that students can focus on getting better and focusing on the program. A good 80 of these students actually received monthly visits. The next 10 got it occasionally.

I was that remaining 10.

The last time I had a visitor was my mother and father coming the first month of my arrival at the Center. It was a nice, long, awkward visit, considering I didn't talk then. I remember wondering, as the three of us sat in the lobby, looking everywhere but at each other, if they were embarrassed of me. Embarrassed that their second child screwed up and was shipped away, her story to be covered up, and never seen again. I didn't blame them.

I convinced myself to that specific day that that was the truth; the reason why they never visited me afterward.

So there I was, sitting between Roxas and Sora awkwardly. My awkwardness was not due to the fact of the talk I had with Sora (who continued to act normally as if not much had happened at all), nope, it was because I was very sure no one was coming to see me, and frankly, it's a little embarrassing.

Ironic how it seems that my parents are embarrassed by me, because of me, therefore I am embarrassed that they do not come to visit due to their embarrassment. Well, I thought, my life hasn't exactly been normal the past few months anyway.

As I saw parents walk in one by one, children rushing to their life guardians in happiness, oh so relieved to see a familiar face again. I just frowned, all my earlier 'buoyancy' suddenly diminished.

Soon, Sora's mom arrived, and soon after did Roxas' (he's never admit it, but I saw the look on his face that read happiness).

I sat there, suddenly alone, abandoned by everyone and everything possible. What was I thinking anyway? My throat suddenly prickled and I visibly tensed, balling my navy hoodie. Suddenly I felt overwhelmingly pathetic; every visiting day I quietly wished for someone, anyone, to come visit me, even for just a few minutes. I often compared myself to a little girl, waiting by the door of her birthday party, flamboyantly decorated and all, for her guests to arrive. Waiting, waiting, waiting, never wanting to accept the fact that no one was going to help celebrate her eighth birthday. Instead of a crowd of people singing to her that night, she would realize after a while, it would only be her and a cake, with no one to share it with. But she continued to sit on the stool facing the door, hopeful to the end.

My eyes stung every time I thought about this. And they were now.

I quickly wiped away any sign of moisture in my eyes with the ends of my hoodie, which was balled together in my fists. But no matter how many times I wiped my eyes, sunk myself in the smelly, pleather couch, the pain would not be wiped away as easily as my tears.

I soon stood up and made my way toward the nearby bathroom, where there were mothers checking their makeup, eyeing me carefully through the mirror as if I was some ruthless delinquent, ready to attack. I quickened my pace toward a far-away stall.

I sat on the toilet seat and just started to shake. I didn't really want to cry anymore, so I just sat there in a ball for god-knows-how-long, contemplating on what exact point in time I had turned so pathetic and useless.

After what seemed like a while, I walked out of the stall, ignoring the wary mothers, and walked up the sink. I washed my face with the icy-cold water and in looked at my dripping face in the mirror, unable to avoid the thought of the last few times I had looked in the mirror.

I attempted to straighten my hair with my fingers and make myself somewhat presentable for no apparent reason. Perhaps I just wanted to make it look like I was doing something. Satisfied that I looked borderline presentable, I strode outside, trying very hard no to slouch.

But as I turned the corner, scanning the thinning room for anyone from my Therapy Group to sit next to, I saw something completely different. Or rather someone.

He had his signature black leather jacket over some green shirt, with a pair of dark jeans to match. His shocking strawberry hair was as spiked and pointy as ever, revealing a pierced ear I had not seen before. He looked so odd walking in here alongside the normal, suburban parents that it was almost unnerving; anyone could have mistaken him for a student at the Center, or some ruthless, and also absurd, heroic gang member like you see in the movies.

But this wasn't the Cinema. I wasn't watching this from stadium seats, chewing on popcorn, comfortably knowing that this was all fictional and that something like this would never happen in my boring life.

No, this was my brother. This was Reno.

He was scanning the room, hands in the pocket of his jacket, being eyed curiously by almost everyone in the room. This happened very often, I remembered. There was just something about Reno that attracted everyone's attention. Whether it was between the leather jacket, pierced ear, or broadly genuine smile, I wasn't sure. Ever since we were young, everyone wanted to be his friend; laughing at his jokes merrily as if it were the funniest thing in the world, or listening to one of his outrageous stories that were probably not true, and were only told to "entertain the people".

Perhaps that was why whenever I was around him, being joined on his elaborate stories, adding in untrue details, I felt wanted, important. And I remember smiling every time when while in the middle of some car chase or smoothie explosion in the supermarket story, he wrapped his arms around my shoulder brotherly, showing everyone that he was proud to have me as a sister. Or at least that was what I had hoped.

It took a few moments for him to catch my eye. And when he did, it all hit me at once. My brother, my brother, was visiting me. I felt like he was back from the dead. I hadn't seem him since he left for college. My brain froze over and suddenly I couldn't feel the tips of fingers.

He was here. He was really here.

The moment he opened his mouth, in a half smile as always, to mouth my name, I was already running toward him, smiling my largest in a long time.

I felt something overflow inside of me. Spilling out of my heart and into every vein, artery, pore, cell of my body. My head spun and suddenly my vision went cloudy. It was the most exhilarating feeling I had ever felt. It took me a while to realize that this was happiness.

It was only until I crashed myself into him, not even making him stumble, when I realized that tears were leaking through my eyes. I had said only a while ago that I didn't want to cry. But never would I have expected to cry of happiness, not now, or ever in my life.

And suddenl, I was flying.

Both physically and metaphorically. The first was because he had picked me up and spun me around, just like he always used to, and the latter because my body felt as light as a feather and buoyant enough for my to soar. I never knew until then how strong the feeling of happiness was. I never knew how strong of an emotion it could be. Strong enough to make me cry.

He was squeezing me now, so hard in fact, that I even returned the favor. I could hear him laughing in my ear, his strength never wavering. Hearing this left me to do the same. Although I'm sure it sounded like sobbing to most, I knew he understood my feelings right now; my overflowing happiness had to have meshed into his own.

"Reno." I murmured into his chest, smiling so much my cheeks hurt. I looked up into his beaming face and I couldn't help but smile wider.

He finally let go of my embrace, however I refused to let go of his arm, as he said, "Damn Kairi, you've changed." I wondered in which way he meant it by. I sincerely hoped he meant for the better, all I really wanted to do at the moment was to make him proud.

I smiled. "What's with the piercing?"

He put on the goofy grin I had grown up with, surprising myself on how much I missed it. "Oh, I don't know. Just an experiment."

"For what?"

"The ladies."

Normally I would have frowned at his comments, but somehow I found myself laughing. But, my smile slipped away from my face as I realized we were still in the lobby, in view of almost everyone. With that, I pulled him along toward my favorite spot outside toward the swing set.

Bundled up and warm as we walked down the familiar path, I couldn't refrain myself from sticking close to him. My smile had yet to dwindle from my face, and I didn't intend for it to leave anytime soon. Who would have know that I, of all people, ended up crying in happiness at the sight of a family member? But first of all, say what you will, the feeling of that dense happiness knocks the wind out of you. It's not something you plan. And second of all, this was not some family member. This was my brother. My longtime companion. My true best friend.

"So how do you like it here, Kairi?" Reno asked, staring up at the sky, and turning to me, smiling. I shrugged.

"I would think as much." he responded. We were coming up on the swing set now, and for the first time, the area had a different vibe. Perhaps it was because of my brother. He always had a talent in making even the worst seem fine and dandy. As I looked up at my brother, my heart filled with so much emotion that I legitimately burst with pride. I wasn't exactly sure why though. Proud that he was brave enough to visit me? Proud that he still cared? I couldn't decide which, but all I knew was there was a bond of love.

He swallowed. "Is it…helping you?" Reno asked with a tight voice. On hearing these words my throat went dry. Never had I heard it addressed this way before. And hearing it from my brother just felt odd. It took me a moment to collect my answer.

"Yeah, yeah. It really is." I made a small smile in his direction. Our eyes met, and I could see the concrete sureness behind them, as if he knew it was going to be okay. We reached the swings now, and we both took a seat on the remaining functioning seats. There was a long, comfortable silence that followed.

For the first time today, and possibly ever, I looked around me. And suddenly, sitting on the frosted black swing, the world momentarily opened up to me. No longer did I just see the white pasture of snow that marked the confines of hell. No longer could I see the the dying, gray trees in the horizon. No. Suddenly, I would see far beyond.

Somewhere far away, perhaps. I could see Destiny Islands, still warm and sandy, and my old friends waiting for me back home, ready to welcome me back into their arms. I could see my parents, smiling for what seemed the first time in a while. My brother was there too, telling a story to anyone who would listen, probably about some crazy adventure he had driving up here to visit me. And then I saw Sora, sitting on a bench, giving me a half smile with a twinkle in his eye.

They were all the people I cared about. And they were all out there, somewhere, far past these thawing lands and troubled times to a warm place that beckoned me closer. The future. I felt light and flushed with warmth. But it must have all been in my imagination, because when I opened my eyes, the sun was finally out from hiding, like so many other aspects of life that were starting to show; glimmering, sparkling.

Spring was here.

IMPORTANT. next chapter will be the last! wow, coming to a close, finally, huh? well, after the next one, there will be a small epilogue. get exciteddd.

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