Note: This story has spoilers up to The Crystal Cave in Series 3, and is AU from that point on and for another obvious reason. This is a (very) weird idea that I've never read before, and as it sprang into my head I just had to write it down.

The years and seasons passed as she was raised and trained by several high-priestesses of the Old Religion, Nimueh among them. Morgause found that she could no longer hate the older woman anymore, for while many things she had done and had yet to do were very wrong, she sympathized in her plight and hatred for Uther Pendragon, having been responsible for the slaughter of many she had called friends.

She was still very young when she had met Queen Ygraine, who later became Arthur's mother at the cost of her own life. Morgause adored the woman and easily saw where her son had received all his best qualities from, even though he had never actually known her. Perhaps it was due to the nature of his creation, or it was a complete miracle blessed upon him. Either way, by knowing his mother, Morgause discovered a side of Arthur that she had never noticed before as Merlin, and was deeply saddened at her death.

Then the Great Purge began and she was taken to the Isle of the Blessed for her own safety, where she remained for quite some time. Though she knew how much Arthur cared for his father, she grew to hate the King of Camelot like nothing she had ever before. Most of her knowledge of the genocide in her past life came second-hand from Gaius, who she suspected of withholding some aspects in order to try and protect her, in his own way that he thought best.

But having lived though and experienced it herself, she had no compassion left in her heart for Uther Pendragon, and doubted that she ever would again.

One by one, her mentors were discovered and executed, until only she and Nimueh remained. By then, Morgause was old enough to make her own way in the world, and at Nimueh's suggestion she decided to do so. It was too dangerous to remain on the Isle of the Blessed any longer, and Nimueh assured her that she would be fine. Little did the high-priestess know that within ten very short years, she would be dead, and Morgause actually regretted that she could not tell her of her fate.

She had learned much about the very nature of magic itself, as well as many different and useful spells, and the proper knowledge and skill required to cast them with success. She had also been finely trained with the sword, and could more than hold her own against any man. When she had been Merlin, her only sources had been a spell-book given by Gaius that really wasn't all that useful (aside from saving Arthur from Valiant, and a few other situations), and a very reluctant Dragon that irritated her to no end.

For being the supposed most powerful warlock ever to have existed, Merlin had been pathetic.

She had over two decades of another life within her mind, a life she had once lived.

Morgause was Merlin, and Merlin was Morgause.

It had taken a long time to accept that she would spend the rest of her life as a woman, much less someone that she despised for constantly trying to bring the downfall of Uther Pendragon and one which harmed both her and her friends. For the first few months, before she could even speak properly, all she could do was think about everything that had happened. Her mind was the one thing that she had retained from her travel to the past.

She didn't know how Morgause (me, she thought) managed to send her soul into the past, but she remembered her saying something about a circle being completed. Eventually, she would do the very same thing to Merlin.

I will complete the circle, some day. Magic does very strange things that cannot properly be understood, possibly ever. I just didn't jump into Morgause's body as an infant, I always was going to be Morgause, for magic decreed it so.

One of her first adventures after leaving the Isle was to save a small village, far from the borders of Camelot, from a Griffin that regularly attacked the peasants and livestock. It had been a very simple task, but the joy and relief she saw on the faces of the people was well worth it, and she stayed that evening to attend a feast in her honor.

She had a bit too much wine.

Ah, I guess that's something else that has not changed... she thought, her head throbbing as she awoke the next morning, having slept on a borrowed bed of one of the townspeople. She knew that she couldn't stay in one place for very long, not just because of the threat of Uther but also because she wanted to see more of the world, help more people in any way she could... before her time came.

One of her projects was trying to enchant a bracelet from the House of Gorlois, the very same bracelet that would eventually be given to Morgana to help her sleep. It wasn't quite so easy as she once thought it to be, and more than once she lost her temper at trying to do so.

But years later, having finally accomplished it, it was then time to go to Camelot.

She dreaded it, but was also very anxious for she would meet her sister for the second time.

Morgause knew that, in order for everything to happen as it did before, she would have to do very terrible things for the greater good. For the most part, Merlin and Arthur would stop most of them before much damage could be done, but it still sickened her. Despite being a vastly different person now, her overall mission given to her from Kilgharrah had not changed. Arthur would still end up on the throne and all Albion would be united, with magic returned to the land, and peace would reign.

Though she knew in advance that almost whatever she did against Camelot would fail, it didn't make it any easier, except when it came to Uther Pendragon. Because he would not and could not die before his time, sickly, pale and weak in his death bed, his suffering at her hands would only be all the greater.

She looked forward to the day when he would gaze upon the faces and hear the cries of those he had cut down with the sword, hanged, drowned, burned or decapitated with the axe, all due to an enchantment that would make use of his tears.

I may not be able to kill you, Uther Pendragon, but you will pay for your crimes nonetheless. All because you could not accept the death of your wife, you blamed and hated all of us. I saw children whom I befriended run through with swords and lances just for associating with those with magic, while I was yet still a child myself. Because of you, Balinor and Hunith were not able to raise their son together. And in addition to all of this, I will never forgive you for what you have done to Morgana.

She had come to the realization that all had happened for a reason. With the training she had received from some of the wisest and most learned members of the Old Religion, with knowledge that would have been lost forever if she had not been taught it (she was the last bearer of it, all else who knew were dead, including Nimueh as of recent), she had become very powerful and skilled. One day, she would absorb Merlin's magic and become even more so. What Merlin lacked in knowledge and understanding, she lacked in power (compared to him, against anyone else she was unmatched).

Once the circle was complete, they would be one. She had been sent back in time, not by her future self, but by the very essence of magic itself, to learn everything possible that she had no chance to before, after which she would embrace her destiny as the true, complete Emrys, and there would be peace.

As for Morgana, she would take care of her as best she could. The younger woman needed family and support above all else, and Morgause would provide it, and eventually teach her sister how to control her magic. That was something she deeply regretted not doing the first time, even as she was hurting, crying and pleading for help. She should have never listened to Gaius or the Dragon when it came to that, as well as many other things.

But she couldn't right away. No, there was the duel with Arthur to deal with first, which she knew beforehand she would win. She never imagined defeating him by the sword in her former life, which brought a small smile to her face. For months, she had been viewing him from afar via an enchanted crystal, reminding herself of his great destiny to come.

"At least I can give this to you, Morgana." she said to herself, fingering the magical bracelet within her right hand. "At least you won't suffer the nightmares anymore, and will rest well."

Within months, she would also return to Camelot with the Knights of Medhir, and would be witness to her former self very nearly ending the life of her sister. This was also something she could do nothing about, but she knew she would survive and be tended by her hand, after which she would remain with her for about a year among others of their kind. She may have been the one who poisoned her, but she would be the one to save her. Morgana would be loved, for the first time since losing the man she had regarded as her true father, Gorlois.

Morgause truly hated keeping secrets about her former identity, and feared at how all would react once the circle was completed, especially Morgana and Arthur. It was a very strange tale, and it wasn't as if Merlin was truly dead, for he still lived in a sense within her. She remembered all the good times she had as Merlin while in Camelot, as well as the bad, and they were among her most treasured memories.

Having donned the disguise of a Knight to be able to enter Camelot without revealing her identity and gender until she was within the city to challenge Arthur, Morgause entered the gates to her destiny, for better or worse.

"I'm sorry for this, Merlin. But it has to be this way, you will soon understand why. I'm so sorry."

Morgause felt the last remnants of Merlin's magic fill her soul, which until that point in time had felt like a piece was missing. She was whole again, the familiar energy spreading throughout her body.

Merlin fell, lifeless, to the ground.

"It is done."

Morgana moved to help her sister up, but there was no need. Morgause, for some reason, looked happier than she had ever seen her before, and she didn't think it was because of Merlin's death.

Without speaking an incantation, she blasted a hole into the ground and then, quite gently, lowered Merlin's body within. She gazed upon him for a few moments, a few tears dripping from her face into his grave, before reaching down and removing his neckerchief and tied it around her own neck, before magically filling the hole with dirt and causing grass and beautiful yellow and red flowers to bloom.

Morgana was... disturbed at Morgause's behavior, to say the least. Why was she showing so much sympathy for Merlin, and even mourning for him? And the fact that she took his neckerchief made no sense! Something had gone very wrong.

Morgause, feeling the distress of her sister, approached her and gave her a hug, her eyes still being wet. It was finally over, and she only hoped that Morgana could accept the truth. Everything that she had worked for, in both lifetimes, was soon to be fulfilled in Camelot at Arthur's rise.

She hadn't killed Merlin, she was Merlin.

"Morgana, in a few days the world as we know it is going to change. I don't know how either of us will be welcome in Camelot for what we have done, but I have faith that we will be in time. The people may not know me, but they love you and you have always belonged there whether you wanted to admit it or not. As for me, I must stand at Arthur's side, everything that has happened has led to this. I love you, my sister, and as I said before I always will. I can only pray that you will understand."

Breaking from the hug, Morgana quickly replied to her sister. "At Arthur's side? After all the times you've tried to kill him, the times we've tried to kill him? Granted, we stopped attempting it because he truly was the best choice for Camelot, seeing as Uther would never acknowledge me and I know I am not fit to be a Queen regardless, and will never be since I want to be free. You are completely delusional, and something must have happened to you when you were holding Merlin's hand! I think you need rest, Morgause."

"Morgana, I do not need rest!" yelled Morgause, perhaps a bit too angrily. She had anticipated that Morgana would not react well to her behavior. "And I am not delusional in the slightest. All of Merlin's magical power is now mine, it has returned to its proper place. Now, let us return to my home and drink a glass of wine together at our victory tonight, for I know you have many questions. You may not, and most likely will not, like the answers you receive to them, but always remember that I am your sister and that I love you above all else."

Morgana, just like herself, didn't take to wine very well. It would be much easier to talk to her while they were joyful at its effects, as her temper would be much sedated. She remembered both of them once having a great laugh at Morgana's list of men that she found to be very attractive, the Knight Leon topping it. Having been at Camelot as Merlin far longer than Morgause, she remembered him very well and had caught him sneaking glances at Morgana and vice-versa. She teased her sister about his features, even though she shouldn't rightfully have known about them at all, but Morgana didn't notice her slip.

Having family was nice, but Morgause knew that a secret desire of Morgana was to raise a family with children of her own, and she earnestly hoped that would happen some day. She looked forward to her eventual nephews and nieces, and if they had magic she would teach them all she was able. Unlike Uther Pendragon's Camelot, they would be free to learn so and not be put to death for the crime of being born.

Perhaps Leon, or someone else in Camelot, would make Morgana's dream come true.

As for Morgause, her destiny stood with Arthur and Camelot, as it had before and would until the day she died. She wondered what she was going to say to everyone, how she was going to explain herself... especially to her other mother, Hunith. She hoped that she would still be able to call her mother. What had happened to her was so bizarre, so utterly and completely unimaginable even by the laws of magic, but it all happened for a reason.

She only hoped that Morgana, and later Arthur, could understand and accept her for everything both she and Merlin had done. She had faith that they would, and that was enough.