Note: This story has spoilers up to The Crystal Cave in Series 3, and is AU from that point on and for another obvious reason. This chapter is set during the events of The Tears Of Uther Pendragon, and was originally a separate piece but I felt it was better to be combined with this story to make it fully whole.
Mordred, in this story, is not related to Morgause or Morgana, no matter what the actual series may or may not reveal.
After leaving Merlin to his supposed death with magical chains and Serkets, Morgause suddenly felt very tired and needed rest for the upcoming invasion and siege against Camelot. She absolutely despised working with King Cenred, but it was something that had to be done in a plan to ultimately weaken his kingdom. He was nothing more than a tool, albeit a crafty and powerful tool that she had to keep an eye on and control of. Left unchecked, he could possibly attack Camelot on his own given enough time to prepare his men and battlements, and not even the might of Arthur and the Knights of Camelot would stand against such brute force.
Also, in Morgause's mind, it was an opportunity of revenge against him for not sending support to the village of Ealdor in its time of need. Perhaps Will would not have died for her that day over thirty years ago if the King had.
Being a Dragonlord no longer, she could not sense Kilgharrah's presence but knew that he would soon be called upon. She wondered if, in time, she would receive those abilities back along with the rest of Merlin's magic, and if the Dragon knew the fact that she and Merlin shared one soul. Though he had been devious and manipulative in his wisdom, he was always ultimately correct in his visions of the future.
Either he had known of her all along, or destiny had been rewritten to the point where several things he prophesied of would no longer happen. She thought back to her brief stay within the Crystal Cave, and what the crystals had shown her of possible things to come. One such vision was of Merlin as an old man, something of which was now impossible since the beginning of her journey, which started and would later end in the very same place she had just left Merlin.
Morgause didn't like to dwell on the Cave much, and it was probable that she would never step foot inside it again, but would live and deal with life as she was meant to. Predictions of the future were very untrustworthy in her experience, as evidenced by what she once did to Morgana by acting upon them... she had brought the events in question about when it would have been best to withhold from taking action, which nearly cost her sister her life and revealed her true parentage. It was even more painful in knowing that Morgana would soon experience it all over again.
She feared the Dragon's words that Morgana and Mordred would be united in evil, and that the latter would eventually kill Arthur. Whether Mordred's descent into complete darkness was unstoppable or not, she would not let Morgana fall with him by all the will and power she possessed, even if she died trying.
Morgana became the most important person in her life, during the long year that she was 'kidnapped' from Camelot. Having never had a sibling before, whether during her early life, or her previous life as Merlin in Ealdor, it had turned out to be a most pleasant and wonderful experience that she had been blessed with. At first, she considered most of Morgana's care to be penance for the cruel acts she had done to her before as Merlin, but truly came to adore and love her as only one sister could to another. She helped her recover after her nearly-fatal poisoning, taught her the basics of Old Religion magic and how to control it, but most of all listened to everything she had to say.
Morgause hoped with all her heart that Morgana would find true happiness in the future to come. She deserved it after everything that had occurred and was yet to occur, especially in the months and years to come. It was a heavy burden to the older witch at knowing exactly what would happen, both to her sister and others she cared about, including Arthur, and looked forward to the day when she would be free of it.
Being a direct cause of some of it was even worse, but she knew that it had to be done for the simple fact that she remembered her future self doing so, and one of the greatest rules of magic ever taught to her was that time was not something to be trifled with. As it was, she despised Camelot in its current form and its tyrannical ruler, and everything she did was to set a chain of events in motion that would lead to something far better in the long run.
Letting Arthur speak with Ygraine was indeed a great gift that Morgause truly wanted to give him, although she knew in advance that he would deny the vision of his mother and the circumstances of his birth. It was not Uther's destined time to die, but she was still enraged at how the King managed to avoid admitting the truth to his son, all thanks to Merlin convincing Arthur that everything was a lie.
Eventually, all would be revealed, and though she intended on standing by Arthur and Camelot when the proper time came, she would be able to live her life once more as she wanted. She missed being able to roam freely through the world as she desired, helping those in need, exploring the wonders of the forests and mountains, and being still and growing deeper and better entwined with her magic as she once had.
Morgause and Merlin were two very different people with differing views, fighting on opposite sides but for the same overall goal. At times she had been truly angered and barely restrained herself from killing him, despite actually having once been him long ago. What she had felt towards the young warlock after he poisoned her sister (who nearly died in her arms), and much more recently after capturing and binding him, was all too real.
Morgause realized long ago that she was Merlin no longer, and never would be again. She was who she was, and had been so for over three decades. The thought entered her mind that, if she ever wanted children of her own that she was going to be their mother, and to her surprise she did not think her desire to be an odd one at all. More than once she dreamed of holding a small boy or girl in her arms that she knew was her own son or daughter, and she had been more content than she had ever known for over fifty years spread over two lifetimes, until she had awoken in her bed. Within moments those feelings had faded back into nothingness, and reality had taken hold once more.
As long as Uther Pendragon lived, it was far too dangerous to bring children into a world filled with madness and hatred against those with magic, whether they were her own or those of someone else. She hoped that Morgana would find someone to love her and provide the family she cannot, for she had guessed that it was a desire of her sister even when she used to be Merlin. With Uther's rejection of her, and her overall broken family life, it was as if Morgana wanted a second chance in a way to make things right.
Between Morgana, Morgause, and whoever Morgana's husband would be, the children would be well loved and provided for by the three as Morgana never was.
As for Morgause, she knew that she was getting on in age but unlike non-magical women, she could halt her aging process extensively and be able to bear children for many years to come. It was a skill she had learned from Nimueh, who had used it on herself and was at least as old as Gaius, possibly even more. Because she had known what was good for her, she didn't pry the older woman for her true age. The one time she had asked, she had been forced to muck out stables without the use of magic, and later laughed to herself as she realized that some things never changed.
After returning and retiring to her tent later that night, Morgause lifted the hawthorn staff that she would later give to Morgana in her hands. It was well crafted, made from a branch that she had taken from the Isle of the Blessed several months ago, along with other branches, flowers and herbs for other uses that had nothing to do with Camelot. Even though the city was her main focus and would be for the rest of her life, she still took whatever time she could to sneak away to other faraway places to aid those she could with her magic. Morgana knew of her activities, and at times accompanied her. It was during these journeys that they had bonded and Morgana learned of the many other uses of magic, all of which Uther Pendragon banned and also destroyed those who practiced them, which only intensified their hatred for him beyond what it had been before.
During one travel, they saved a small child from certain death after he had fallen in such a way as to break his neck. If the King knew of this, he would execute the child for the heinous crime of having his life saved by magic, and his parents for letting it be performed upon him. How could anyone think that such a horrible man was to be admired, or even sane?
Setting the staff down, she put all of her thoughts to rest and was about to do the same to her body. After all, she had a long day ahead of her tomorrow and needed both mind and body to be well-rested and alert.
Morgause knew that one day she would be able to truly rest and chase her dreams once again, but it always seemed to be just out of her reach, and so very far away.