God love your soul and your aching bones
Take a breath take a step meet me down below
Everyone's the same our fingers to our toes
We just can't get it right but we're on the road
I was hurriedly rushing through the store, doing some last minute grocery shopping. I had really been slacking in the cooking department. Instead, I had been choosing to spend all my time with Jake at the beach. The kitchen was in desperate need of restocking. I was looking down at my grocery list, trying to decide whether I needed to pick up one bag of baby carrots or two when I felt the impact of my grocery cart slamming into something.
I cursed at the feeling of my shin hitting metal.
"Fuck!" I screamed a little more loudly than I had intended to. I immediately began rubbing the place on my leg that had run into the other person's shopping cart.
"I am so, so sorry." A male voice spoke up.
I continued to stare at the tiled floor and rub my shin, trying to gain some composure before I looked up. I exhaled slowly and began to speak.
"I'm sorr..." My voice trailed off as I looked up.
Green. All I saw was green, surrounded by a thick outlining of eyelashes.
"Are you alright?" The guy spoke. It was then I realized that my mouth was still hanging open, mid-sentence. There was no doubt this green eyed boy thought there was something mentally wrong with me. I quickly ordered my brain to begin functioning again.
"Maybe watch where you're going next time, huh?" I stood up straight, attempting to seem as tall as possible and placed my hand on my hip, trying my best to appear domineering.
The boy smiled.
His teeth literally blinded me, they were so white. He looked like he had stepped straight out of the pages of a Sears catalogue.
"I definitely will watch out next time." he chuckled. It was apparent that the accident was mostly my fault, but mystery man was being very kind to my bruised ego. I appreciated that.
I smiled weakly at him and began to wheel my cart away.
"Hey," he called out. I turned to face him.
"Do you mind pointing me towards the oatmeal? My brother is desperate for me to bring home some Dinosaur Oatmeal."
'What the actual fuck is Dinosaur Oatmeal?' I wondered inwardly.
"What the actual fuck is Dinosaur Oatmeal?" I said aloud. My mouth was seriously not functioning correctly.
"You've never had Dinosaur Oatmeal?" He asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise. He folded his arms and leaned on his cart. "Dinosaur Oatmeal is only the best thing in the entire universe. It's right up there with Dino Nuggets."
Dino Nuggets? Dinosaur Oatmeal? Where the hell did this boy get his inspiration for good food? A recipe book sold from a vendor on Sesame Street?
"Um, what are Dino Nuggets? And what is with your odd obsession with Dinosaurs?"
Mystery boy smiled widely. "I always was a huge fan of 'The Land Before Time' series." I laughed, even though I couldn't decipher whether he was being serious or not.
"I'm pretty sure the oatmeal is on aisle six. Next to the cake mix."
He placed his hands on his shopping cart and turned his cart to leave.
"Thank you." was all he said before smiling and walking away. After he left, I stood there for a moment. Who was that guy? He looked about my age, no older than maybe eighteen or nineteen. I had never seen him around before, so he had to have been new to the area. I knew everyone in this town. I briefly considered following him to the oatmeal, pretending to look at the cake mix, but I quickly pushed that thought aside. Stalker much?
I quickly grabbed the items that were left on my shopping list and headed for the checkout line. I was standing there, absentmindedly watching the clerk swipe my items when I saw it out of the corner of my eye.
A box that read 'Dinosaur Oatmeal'.
I looked up and saw mystery boy standing behind me in the checkout line, a playful smile on his lips. On top of the box of oatmeal were a few dollar bills. I looked up at the guy questioningly.
"It's on me. I'm just trying to expand your dietary pyramid." He shyly ran one of his hands through his dark bronze hair and looked down. He suddenly seemed very busy trying to organize his items on the conveyor belt. I could swear he was blushing. This fact was so endearing that I couldn't turn his request down. I handed the oatmeal to the checkout clerk.
"This, too."
She scanned the oatmeal and I looked back at dino boy.
"Thanks... I'm sorry, but what is your name?" I realized we had never covered the subject of names.
"Edward." he replied.
"I'm Bella" I said, extending my hand to his.
My hand met his. Skin to skin. His hands looked delicate, but he had a firm grip. His fingers were quite long. I wondered what he could do with those fingers?
"That will be seventy-two dollars and six cents, please." The clerk said.
I released my grip on his hand quickly and turned to pay for my items. I was handing my money to the clerk when my cell phone alerted me that I had a text message. I pulled my phone from my pocket while she gathered my change for me. I saw that the message was from Jake.
Come over now. Bad news. I need 2 tell u in person.
My heart immediately dropped. I grabbed my groceries and hastily put them in my cart. I turned back around to Edward.
"Sorry for the rush, but something kind of came up. But thank you for the oatmeal. I'm sure it will go great with the lasagna I'm fixing tonight." I said teasingly.
Edward smiled. "You are very welcome. Maybe I'll see you around?"
"Hopefully." I walked through the sliding glass doors. I swear I heard Edward call my name, but I kept walking. I had to get to Jake, and I knew that if I even so much as glanced into Edward's eyes again, I would be lost, no way of knowing how to find my way back to reality. It almost felt like I had cheated on Jake by merely discussing oatmeal with this total stranger. That was a scary feeling. A new feeling. No other guy besides Jake had ever made my brain cease from forming sentences, my heart pound in my chest, gave me goosebumps by just staring into their eyes.
A scary feeling indeed.
I threw my groceries in the bed of my truck and started over towards Jake's house. My heart was beating heavily and worry filled my mind about what could possibly be so urgent. He had said it was bad news. Bad news could mean a number of things. I bit my thumbnail.
However, though filled with concern for Jake, I couldn't help but notice that every green traffic light I encountered immediately made my mind wander back to Edward's eyes.
"What do you mean you're leaving?" I shouted at Jake, my voice raspy from the screaming and tears.
Jake walked back and forth from his closet to his suitcase, refusing to make eye contact with me.
"Bella, you know if this was up to me there's no way in hell I would be leaving." He said, throwing a pair of jeans in his already full suitcase.
I stared at the ground, unable to stop the tears. I couldn't believe this was happening. The news had hit me like a ton of bricks. Apparently Jake's dad had found his stash in his closet. It would have been bad enough if he had just discovered his alcohol, but he had also found his weed and a bag of cocaine that Jake had hidden in the bottom of an old pair of work boots. That was the last straw. Billy was shipping him off in just a few hours to live with his grandfather in Alaska for the remainder of highschool. Jake was going to be attending a school of less than thirty, making even our tiny school in Forks look massive. Jake's grandfather lived in an extremely isolated part of Alaska, and he didn't even have a phone. The only way of communication was through letters. It was a total nightmare.
Senior year. Without Jake. Without... anything.
My sobs started again, surprising even me with their intensity. Jake sat down beside me, gathering me into his arms. He pulled me onto his lap and started speaking soothing words into my hair.
"This fucking sucks. Believe me, I know." I felt his hot breath on my neck, so real and present that it caused a new wave of pain to begin coursing through my body. How was I going to make it without him here?
"Jake," Billy's voice boomed from up the stairs. "You and your visitor need to wrap things up. We're heading out in about thirty minutes."
Jake rolled his eyes and shouted back the short response of "K." before releasing me to stand up and continue packing.
Billy had to know that we were dating, but he never questioned us. We had always been careful to keep any type of physical affection hidden from him in fear of he telling Charlie about us. As far as Charlie knew, Jake and I were merely acquaintances.
I wiped the tears from my face and stood up determinedly.
"So," I started, straightening out my shirt. "We'll make this work. We'll write, and whenever this bullshit is over, we'll get the fuck out of this pathetic town and never look back." Jake stared at me, a soft look taking over his face.
"Yeah," he whispered. He started over towards me and gently took my face between his hands. "That's exactly right." He smiled sadly.
"I guess I should go, huh?" A knot began rising in my throat. This whole thing felt so surreal. I was going to be alone. Totally and completely alone. Jake was all I had left in this town, and he was leaving. I turned to leave before Jake could say anything else. I couldn't stay in that room for another minute. There was so much still left unsaid between us, but I couldn't bear to stay any longer.
I walked through the kitchen and headed for the back door, avoiding eye contact with Billy who was sitting at the dining room table nursing a beer, his back turned to me. I saw a pile of half empty bottles of liquor sitting by the door next to the trash. They must have been the ones Billy had found in Jake's closet.
I place my hand on the doorknob, preparing to leave. I eyed the alcohol one last time, temptation filling me. I looked over at Billy, his back still turned to me. Without further hesitation, I grabbed a bottle of gin and a bottle of whiskey, opened the door, and left.
I couldn't go home. Not yet. I was a mess and I couldn't let dad see me in my current condition. My face was red and blotchy, my eyes practically swollen shut. I looked in the rearview mirror and examined my appearance.
I looked awful.
I quickly looked away from the mirror and looked towards the road. I could hear the bottles clanking in the seat beside me. A looked over at them, the moonlight reflecting off the glass of the bottles. I hit the gas pedal, wanting nothing more than to arrive at my destination, the lumber mill, and to begin wallowing in my sadness, drinking every thought that I had ever had of Jacob Black away.
My foot felt heavy on the gas pedal, causing me to speed closer to my escape. I must not have realize quite how fast I was going.
I saw the lights of the cop car before I heard the siren.
a/n: lyrics from 'all fall down' by one republic. updates will probably start to be once a week or so since i begin school within the next few days. i'm most likely to update on saturdays or sundays, but i'm not going to make a set updating schedule because i don't want to disappoint you guys if i don't post on time.
until next time...