Hearing the longed for rattle of the lock, Christian stilled, his fiddling ceased, his puffed breath halted, and he turned to watch, as the door quietly opened.
It had been five months and still, to Christian, the sight of Syed walking through that door was in a way, mesmerising. He could have left for something routine like Mosque, or mundane like buying milk, it barely mattered…that he would go and then turn his key and he would be home, to Christian, elevated the most humdrum event to exhilaration. This time it wasn't quite so mundane though, by the dip in the pit of his stomach, this turn of the lock felt that little bit different. Syed had left, sort of actually left, and now he had come home.
Wordlessly, Christian looked at him. Thick waves slightly wayward from the breeze and skin pinked with the smallest of frosts, he found himself hoping he hadn't been wandering in the cold.
His hands shuffling in his pockets, slowly, Syed lifted his gaze. An unexpected sight caught in the corner of his eye, his heart flustered and a shy smile curled at the side of his lips.
"I really like mince pies," Christian heard himself say, the nervous silence breaking.
"Yeah?" Syed smiled warmly, feeling himself relax in watching Christian's mind visibly trace over the nonsense he had previously said. He loved Christian for how he could make him laugh, laugh freely, open, like no other ever had. He loved him more for sensing when his nerves needed it though, for knowing when he was feeling closed off or shy.
"Yeah, don't get excited though…I mean I would have loved yours but…" Christian said sheepishly, "…as you can probably smell, we had a bit of an accident."
"An accident?" Syed echoed anxiously, surveying Christian for signs of injury.
"No, just…in the sense that I didn't know you were making them until the fire alarm went off and I almost burnt the flat down."
"Oh my…I'm sorry," Syed rushed, "When you fell asleep after breakfast, I thought I'd… They were meant to be a surprise, but I forgot to mention it, you know…with the whole…storming out thing," his voice drifting at the end.
Thoughtfully, Syed's heavy eyes examined the carpet lying beneath his feet. His lashes creating patterned beauty on his frost blushed cheek, Christian's thumb twitched, longing to rest under the stubbled dip of Syed's chin.
"I'm really sorry," Syed murmured, his dark eyes lifting up.
"It's fine, really. It was quite exciting…I got to play fireman, which after recent events shouldn't still excite me, but there you go. With all the chip fat downstairs, it probably would have caused an explosion."
"As he crawls from the wreckage with a make-shift fireman's outfit on, screaming melodramatically to a dumb struck Ian, 'It was the mince pies!'"
"Haha yeah."
Both grinning, they laughed, the other's mirth warming their own. The remnants of Christian's chuckle seeping away, the silence returned to an awkward lengthy pause.
"And I mean…" Syed said slowly, "I'm really sorry for storming out."
"You don't have to be," Christian hushed, wanting to tell him that if he was better at saying the words it was him who was sorry, that the last thing in the world he wanted to hear was Syed utter it.
"No I am," Syed pressed. "I don't know why I did, I have no idea what's wrong with me," he sighed, throwing his keys onto the sofa arm wearily. "Things have just been…I don't know, just a bit…weird recently…not with you," he rushed, "…just, the stuff with my dad. I know you don't think it's a big deal but it felt it to me and…speaking to them again, and that going predictably horrendously, it just…messed with my head a bit, I guess."
"Why wouldn't it? I should have thought Sy…" Christian said, shaking his head.
There were times he would look in the dark, complex hue of Syed's eyes and wish they were a little clearer, even now. They showed more peace and were more open than they ever were, than Christian could ever have dreamt before. Sometimes though, he wished he could understand better, wanted to slap himself for not getting it, more often wanted to slap the world for making things difficult enough that they needed understanding.
Adoringly, he looked at Syed, his lip bitten softly in his attempt to form the right words. Sometimes, he knew, Syed deserved things just to be easy.
"Christian…," he sighed, "…you shouldn't. I barely understand what I'm thinking at the minute, I don't expect you to."
He walked a few steps further into the flat, Christian's feet instinctively doing the same.
"I think I just had this whole big Christmas plan in my head, like our first one together had to be perfect or something. I felt sort of good when I was thinking about it, weird, obviously, but kind of good. I wasn't thinking about being away from them, and I was thinking about being closer to you…which always makes me feel better. This isn't making any sense…"
"It is, tell me. Please."
Syed pursed his lips thoughtfully, fingers drawing an orderly pattern on the sofa top.
"It kind of felt like this could be one thing that it didn't matter that we were different, which I guess is ironic considering I'm a Muslim attempting to celebrate the birth of the son of God, but it's no more about that for you as it for me, and I guess I thought if I really got into it, if we went down the tick list of Christmas or whatever, we'd find something that could be ours to share together, properly, like this would be ours, and right now, I really needed that." He shifted his gaze, as if he'd given himself away. "It's stupid…"
Urgently, Christian moved forward, pulling Syed close, wrapping his arms around his back and waist.
"No it isn't. It is so far from stupid Sy. It's the sweetest thing I ever heard."
"It didn't seem sweet when I worked myself into it," Syed mumbled into the warmth of Christian's shoulder. "It felt quite manly actually…"
"Oh incredibly, that too," Christian gently laughed, moving to stroke a restless dark wave that sat disobediently over Syed's eyes. "You are my family Sy…obviously we've got our own too, and the delightful sods are hardly uncomplicated, but this, you and me, this is everything."
Slowly, he smoothed his thumb over the red of Syed's parted lips, "And for the record, I don't care in the slightest that we're different, in fact…I kind of love it. I went out with myself off and on for twenty years. I was incredibly good looking but it got somewhat tedious."
Syed's lips curled widely and Christian's followed in hearing the familiar soft laugh.
"I know I was a miserable sod earlier, but in the hours when I'm not hung-over or wanting to vomit I am really looking forward to being there for your, our first Christmas, I promise."
"I know…really, I do. This is just all…" Syed shook his head, laughing gently in bewilderment "I don't care about seasonal napkins or flicker versus non-flicker fairy lights, I couldn't care less. The thought of a Christmas tick list makes me want to have a little nap more than anything. I just went insane for a bit…"
"Hey hey, we'll have no more bad-mouthing of Christmas tick lists thank you…mainly because I had somewhat of a brilliant one myself."
"You did?"
"Yup," Christian grinned proudly, tightening his hold on Syed's waist.
"What exactly was on this list?"
"Mmmm, various items…finding you a Santa to sit on, he'd love it, dirty old perv…serenading you with Maria Carey's greatest Christmas anthems…"
"Oh I'd enjoy that…"
"I know you would. Having endless conversations about giblets, eating mince pies off you naked…"
"And then you go and burn the mince pies," Syed teased mournfully, stroking his fingers along the ridged cotton of Christian's side.
"I know, I could kill myself. I'll go to the Minute Mart later, get some shop made but without black bits."
"Picky…"
"Only the highest standards for you. I mean it Sy, I cannot wait for Christmas with you. I should have thought…and I was a complete moany arsehole earlier."
"Never", Syed murmured into the heat of Christian's lips. "You were poisoned…and I thought you were a soldier."
Syed's nose nudged the softness of the skin a breath from his, and his lips pressed forward, the warmth of Christian's mouth widening to take them, to feel the firm soft comfort of his taste.
Until Syed, Christian had never understood how a kiss could mean anything more than simply sex, the thrill of shallow heat, of animal want. The flick of his tongue chasing the love of familiar caress, he couldn't understand how he had ever settled for anything less.
Dragging their lips apart but their bodies remaining entwined, Syed exhaled with a gentle grin, "Is this where I point to the elephant in the room?"
"Reindeer Sy," Christian teased in his finest patronising voice. "We don't have elephants at Christmas, we have reindeer."
"And we also have forestry by the looks of it."
Foreheads joined, together they moved their gaze to where the table once was, standing in silence to survey the slightly wonky sight of a proudly standing, enormous Christmas tree.