We Only Struggle For So Long

Multi-Part Fic

Part Two

Everyone looks differently on how we live our lives. Some say we live blindfolded, oblivious to what is right in front of our faces, we do what others tell us to. We no longer rely on ourselves but on our friends and family to guide us through our life. Falling on them when times get rough. Others believe we dream more then what is expected, that we don't think of our consequences or where taking one road will lead us, or whether it will end. That our intelligence is the most important thing, to not act on impulses, to think things through , to be scared to take chances, and to not break out of your comfort zone. Then there are those few who believe the only way to make it through life and be happy, is to not live by the book. Not how your parents lived, not what you hear, or see, and not because you think it will make you look better for someone. You live by your own rules, you listen to what you think will bring you happiness. Not what others think. They don't know you like you know you. Your brain doesn't know you. But your heart, it truly does.

H is feet rested on the tile of the wooden coffee table, his hair was disheveled and his hands were shaking as he poured himself another drink. As the last drop from the bottle fell into the pool of brown liquid, he let out a grunt and chucked the empty bottle across the room as it smashed against the marble fire place. The little piles of glass continued to grow as each bottle was emptied.

He stared down at the table, laying on it was a letter, one he had just written for her. The penmanship was messy and almost at the point of being illegible . He picked it up, trying to make out the messy scribbles, it was just a lot of meaning less phrases from him, multiple different ways of apologizing, trying to decipher what he was feeling, though he still wasn't quite sure. He knew this isn't what Jenny deserved, after the previous events of the evening she deserved a full out explanation why he had ignored her existence for the past 3 months, but he didn't have one. He'd asked himself the same question over and over again. Why? Why was he sitting at a cafe staring into blankness because Serena had broken up with him? When he could have been soothing Jenny as she cried on his shoulder blubbering about how nobody loved her. How he would've let her wear her favorite shirt of his to bed, and after a few video games he would bring her to his room and hold her as she cried into his chest, until finally she'd fallen asleep and Nate could finally rest. But that didn't happen. Why? Why did she fall into the clutches of Chuck Bass? And why did she have to give it to him? Give him the pleasure that he could add one more virgin to his continuous list. Why wasn't it me? Nate shook his head, she deserved more than a stupid letter. He picked it up and chucked in on the floor, next to the other piles of glass.

He swung his wrist back, and endured the burning sensation as the liquor soothed its way down his throat. He grabbed his phone with his empty hand. Everything was a blur, but he knew exactly what buttons to press as he pushed down hard on the call button twice. Re-dialing that same number. But once again all he was left with was her answering machine.

T he amount of messages he had already left were too much to count, and each one was just a few slurred words and cursing, with a few bottles smashing in some. He was too drunk to think as he dropped the glass on the hardwood floor, listening to every little piece shatter, the sound intensified in his ears. He laid himself down on the couch and took a deep breath as the cushions enveloped him inside. As he exhaled he felt a lump building up in his throat. How could I let this happen. He questioned himself, after one sob he heard his phone respond, signaling that the message had reached it's full length potential. Not thinking much of it he closed his eyes, and within seconds was in a deep sleep.

M ere minutes later the peace and serenity was interrupted by a male entering the room. His foot steps were quick as he moved across the floor. Nate heard is name being shouted out, but it all seemed to irrelevant to what was floating around in his brain, he blocked out the voice to continue sinking into his dark abyss. T hen the feeling of two firm hands grabbing his shoulders, he felt the movement as his upper body was being pulled upwards, a feeling of sensation running through his veins, as though he'd never moved in his life. He heard his name being continuously repeated, a familiar voice that he couldn't quite but a face to .

S lowly he used all the strength he had left inside of him to open his eyes, then he saw the face to the voice, or really, the six faces of the one voice.

"Hey Chuck." Nate slurred, as he felt his muscles collapse again while he fell back into the safeness of the couch.

"Finally a sign of life." Chuck replied, Nate grunted in response, still falling in and out of consciousness. "But what the hell happened in here Nate? You decided to just drink your life away? Just for the hell of it? Then smash the empty bottles? Must have been fun." Nate was silent. "Jenny called me asking to come on check on you, she seemed kind of panicked. She wouldn't tell me why but —"

S uddenly everything started coming back to Nate, the Gossip Girl blast, the run in with Jenny, and he realized who he was talking too. H e felt as though all the liquor had been drained out of his system, the fog that had been hovering over the past events were gone. He pushed himself off the ottoman and lunged for the figure squatted in front of him. Nate's hands fit perfectly around Chuck's collar bone as he slammed him to the ground, Chucks face plastered with bewilderment.

Nate could feel his head start to feel lighter as the alcohol in his system, and the act of fast movement hit him. Though he remained in his same position, by impulse he reached for the closest object, a four inch shard of glass that he held close to Chucks face.

"You bastard." Nate murmured, "You fucking bastard." Chucks eyes narrowed at the sight of the figured straddled above him, and the color had faded from his face. He tried reasoning with Nate, but Nate showed no sign of giving in. "You took it from her, you took her everything from her." He took a breath, "And you probably didn't even think anything of it." His words were slowly starting to slur. "Did you really think that a girl like her would want to lose her virginity to a guy like you. Did you not realize that you were taking full and complete advantage of the situation and of her?" Nate's breath stunk of whiskey as he got right into Chucks face.

"I truly regret the actions of that night Nathaniel." Chuck breathed in response. "I realize Jenny was in a state of vulnerability." His eyes darted from the glass to Nate's eyes. "But she had the chance to leave, she had multiple opportunities, she went into it willingly Nate, it's not all my fault and you have to come to the realization of that." He exclaimed. Nate shook his head,

"Y ou truly make me sick Chuck." The edge of the glass slowing moving closer to Chucks throat, he heard him gulp and his eyes close. The first few seconds were silent, he waited for the agonizing pain to start, but instead heard the sound of glass shattering against the wall. Opening his eyes, Nate was still there, though not so close, and the glass was no where to be found.

"The ways I wish I could hurt you Chuck, the endless possibilities." Nate sighed, and pushed himself up, grabbing onto the arm of the ottoman for support. "But she told me that it wasn't just your fault. Told me not to blame you." He returned to his place on the couch as Chuck hesitantly sat up on his elbows, nervously trying to get to a standing position. N ate sighed, "I'm sorry Chuck." He breathed out, looking up into the eyes of the man who he had just had a glass pointed at his throat.

C huck sat down next to Nate, "Apology accepted Archibald, even if it is a little quick for someone who could have just killed me mere seconds ago." He watched as Nate collapsed his face into his hands and muttered out an exasperated "I don't know what's wrong." He continued to explain to Chuck about how he had been feeling over the past few hours, all the drinking, mixed emotions, and how he just didn't know what to make of it. A chuckle fell out of Chucks lips after Nate finished speaking.

"A re you really that stupid Nathaniel?" N ate shot Chuck a look of confusion and annoyance. "You may not be able to come to terms with it, but you obviously have really strong feelings for Jenny Humphrey." Nate collapsed into the back of the couch and placed his hands on his knees.

"I don't know Chuck. It's just, she's Jenny, Dan's little sister, still in high school." Chuck rolled his eyes in response.

"Are you being serious right now?" He exclaimed, "From what I can tell from the Gossip Girl blasts back when Jenny was 15, those facts hadn't stopped you from shoving your tongue down her throat." Nate laughed, "You know, you seem to be the only one who is completely oblivious to your feelings for Jenny. I don't think you've ever cared this much for a girl before in your life."

"Just look at the stunt you just tried to pull. I know you pushed me against a limo a few years ago for Blair, but I don't think you would have ever actually pinned me to the ground with a shard of glass held to my throat for her, or for anyone for that matter." Chuck got up from his place.

"Look Nate, you need to figure these things out, come to terms with the fact that you do have something strong for Jenny. From what I can tell the feeling is mutual too, you know she came looking for you that night. You're her everything, she relies on you to be there for her when she needs someone." Nate let out a sigh and collapsed back on the couch. "I don't know if you know or not, but she did come looking for you that night."

"Yeah I know, she told me" Nate mumbled in response. Chuck nodded his head,

"Right, well you know for her, you're like her guardian angel. You're always there for a shoulder to cry on, or just to talk. I know she's the same to you too. But you can't just leave her out in the cold like this Nathaniel. Though girls don't usually like to admit it, but they live for being saved by their princes. You might not see it, but you're her prince." Nate was flipped over on his stomach lounging against the arm of the couch. Chuck snickered, "You're like her knight .. her knight in shining armani." Nate rolled his eyes as Chuck continued to laugh.

"S ure." Nate muttered, flipping over on his back again. He started hearing Chuck's feet steps move away from him when they came to an abrupt stop.

"What's this?" He asked. Nate tilted his head back to see Chuck holding a familiar piece of paper.

He shrugged, "Oh, it's nothing. Just chuck it in the garbage." He murmured as he relaxed back into the couch. Chuck nodded.

"Well goodnight Archibald!" He exclaimed walking towards the door. All Chuck heard were a few grumbles which he assumed meant "Goodnight Chuck."

—

S he heard a faint knock on the door, glancing at the clock she saw it was 3:30AM. She hadn't been able to sleep all night, her phone kept vibrating from Nate calling her, and each time she pressed ignore. Though she listened to every message after the the other. Then once she heard the glass shatter in the background complete panic flew over her, she knew she couldn't go over to see him. Not now, not after what had happened. So instead she called the only guy she knew would go check on him, and not feel awkward about it.

She hurried over to the door and pulled it open. "Please tell me he's okay Chuck." Chuck nodded.

"He's fine." Jenny breathed out a sigh of relief, "He's just too drunk to think properly, and the room may be covered in glass, but I'm sure he'll be fine."

"We'll that's good! Thanks for checking up on him, I really appreciate it, have a good night!" She exclaimed trying to close to the door, but Chuck stepped inside. She grunted, "Look Chuck, I am not sleeping with you for a second time okay," Chuck laughed,

"Yes I know." Then his face got serious as he passed her a piece of crumpled paper. She opened it and read the first few words of the scribbled letter, Dear Jenny.

"What is this?" She asked folding the paper back up again.

"I found it on the floor next to Nate." He replied. "You should probably read it." He muttered as he nodded a goodbye and walked out the door leaving Jenny on the other side holding that thin sheet of paper in her hands.

A/N: Okay, so this was originally only supposed to be a one shot, but I decided to take it further, thanks to a little motivation from a friend, so now it is a multi-part fic. I'm thinking of only writing on more part. But we will see how things go. Thanks for all the positive feed back on the first part guys! You're all the best

xx - Lydia