Okaayyy, so I've been super effing depressed lately because of my own personal Matt. So this is based loosely off of my real life ex and I and our Near. It's super random and probably the saddest thing I've ever written. It was more me writing to get all of it out than anything but reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated nonetheless.
Disclaimer: I only own the plot.
I can't tell if he is doing this to me intentionally or if he's just the most oblivious jerk on the face of the frickin planet. He's been parading her and their perfect little romance around for months now. Can't he see that it's killing me? We've been together on and off
for years, every once in a while, Near will somehow get involved in some convoluted attempt by Matt to make it all okay, to make loving me okay. Don't
ask me how that's supposed to make any sense, I still don't know. He said Near made things less "awkward" like being with me and only me was weird,
uncomfortable. I went along with it though, welcoming the pale boy into our relationship with open arms! Anything to make Matt love me, to have his
attentions focused on me, even if I had to share. The most recent breakup of our dysfunctional little threesome was months ago, Near backed out,
knowing he was really only there as a buffer. Matt had stayed with me after Near dumped us for the umpteenth time for all of a day before I received a
text, "i cant do this. its too awkward without near."
It still hurts. It makes my chest ache just looking at him. We'll always be best friends, no matter how many times he hurts me, because without him
in my life I'd be lost. It's not as though he ever really gave me anything, or enriched my life the way a friend is supposed to. He's an addiction, a potent
drug that I've gotten a taste for, and no matter how much I may want to, I. Just. Can't. Break. The. Habit. We're living together now, the three of us, in a
two bedroom apartment, I share the master with Matt and Near has the smaller room to himself most nights. But tonight I find myself rapping lightly on
the albino's door, a tear rolling down my cheek. I had to leave our room; Matt had brought her home again. Brenda, Matt's girlfriend on and off for about
as long as he and I have been on and off. I want to hate her, to find some fault in the sweet, giving girl, but I can't. She's never been rude to me, or
treated Matt badly. She was perfect. Perfect for him in all the ways I don't think I could ever be. She's sweet, patient, loving, female, and she's not a crazy
bitch like I tend to be. But still, even though I know that he's happy with her, and she's so much better for him than I could dream of being, when he
brings her here, to my home, into my room, it hurts. He doesn't seem to remember that I love him, or maybe he just doesn't care. They snuck in tonight at
close to 3 am, whispering words of love and promises of forever that I'd never gotten, and climbed into his bed. They don't notice when I creep out,
clutching my chest as though I'm dying. It feels like I am, like my heart is being torn from me, shredded to pieces, still beating. I can't breathe, think, feel
anything but the pain as I pad down the hallway to Near's room. When he opens the door he simply stares at me with that familiar look of pity on his
bland face and pulls me into a comforting embrace. He closes the door and I weep into his shoulder. We end up lying in his bed, his arms wrapped around
me as continue to cry like a pathetic little child, "I-I'm so s-sorry…" I manage between the painful sobs. He just strokes my hair as I cry myself to sleep.