AN: YAY for another update! I'm finally really getting back into the flow of things and that really makes me happy because I love updating for you guys!

Thanks for the good response to the last chapter! That made me smile too. So apparently all are up for a Mattie sequel? Well, that's good because I may have started the first chapter of that. You won't get it until this is done though! I do however; have some more chapters for this though. Not many, granted, but it's almost there.

Please review because reviews make me and Mattie very happy and then Mattie gives you hugs (I think I've said that in every chapter!)

July 10th

I AM AWESOME!

Although, I'm not feeling too awesome right now. I'm, for once, actually scared. I can't stop thinking about the "what ifs"

What if Mattie hates me?

What if Mattie finally listened to his asshole of a brother?

What if I messed up big time?

What if he decides to stop talking to me?

What if he just wants to be friends?

What if…

Yeah, I've got to stop that. I've only got a few hours left before I'll know what all of this is about and I'll be able to figure it all out and maybe, just maybe… maybe something good can come out of all of this.

That's if I'm lucky and shit… I just looked at the clock… it's 1:30… I'm already half and hour late because I'm so damn worried. This is not what I want to deal with! I can't believe I'm so damn stupid!

~TheAwesomeMe

July 10th (Again)

I AM AWESOME!

And I can now honestly say that I give up and have no idea what to do or think or say anymore because I'm a fucking idiot who screws things up all the time and I don't know how to stop that.

Alright so I left the house about half an hour after I was supposed to meet up with Mattie at the park. By that point, I was about to have a heart attack. I knew that normally Birdie wouldn't care if I was late but, I had the feeling that this time it would actually matter. That and I was already paranoid so this didn't help anything either.

So I show up and run around in damn circles looking for my Canadian.

Yes Gilbook, I did just refer to him as my Canadian because he's my birdie and I will not lose him to anything or anyone ever in the entire world.

Anyway, I find him sitting in front of a lake, his back to me. I run up and apologize, only to see that Mattie had been crying. Now I felt like the biggest asshole to ever walk this planet because the only reason I could think of to explain his tears was my own stupidity.

Me: "Mattie… are you okay?"

Mattie: "No Gilbert…I'm not."

He used my full name. He didn't call me Gil or any other nickname that he occasionally used. He called me Gilbert and the way he said it was full of malice and made me want to… well I'm too awesome for tears but, it made me want to go home and reconsider my entire life.

Me: "It's my fault, isn't it?"

Mattie: "You're almost an hour late Gil."

Me: "I know and I wish I could explain it away but, I'm an idiot and please don't hate me."

Mattie: "I wanted to talk to you about that diary."

Me: "Shit… what did you read in it that made you upset? Did I write something stupid? Was it the part about wanting to have sex with you and nothing else?"

I was really freaking out Gilbook. I'll admit it. I was scared and wanted to cry. That's what this damn person does to me. It's fucking crazy.

Mattie: "Actually, from the very beginning it sounded like you were falling in love with me. You denied it but, in almost every entry you talked about me and said things to the effect of falling for me. Even the part about just sex was coated with other things."

Me: so what's the problem with it?"

Mattie: "How much of what I just said is true and how much is my wishful thinking Gilbert?"

The truth… well Gilbook all of what he said was true. I never admitted it at the time but, every time I wrote something about Mattie, I was falling in love with him more and more.

Me: "I hate saying this but, you were right."

Mattie: *nods* "Well then things are almost easier… or harder… depends on how you see it."

Me: "What are you talking about Birdie?"

Mattie: "Gilbert, I'm in love with you and have been for all of this time. That won't change."

I sensed the "but" at the end of that sentence.

Me: "But?"

Mattie: "But, I don't know if this is going to work Gil. I don't know how much of this is wishful thinking and I have no way of telling if you are being honest with me. You didn't even show up on time so it can't mean that much to you."

That just about broke my damn heart. This means more to me than anything I've ever faced in my life. It means more to me than being a nation once again. Honestly, if I were given the choice to either be with Mattie or have Prussia reinstated as a nation… I would choose Mattie any day. But, I couldn't say that… could I? Nope, I had to be stupid about it.

Me: "Mattie… please."

Mattie: *shakes head* "I'm sorry Gilbert."

Me: *with a brilliant idea* "Look at the necklace I gave you."

Mattie: *listening* "It says awesome on it."

Me: "Yep, meaning Canada is just as awesome as Prussia and is the only person that could possibly ever beat me in awesome. If that doesn't prove it…"

Mattie: "Gilbert, I know you mean well… just give me the next few days to think this over… please…"

Right after that Mattie left.

I don't know how to get him to understand. I thought I had him but, then you let yourself be read… and then I found out that he was going to suggest we try dating. Then, I showed up late and fucked it all up again! What the hell is wrong with me?

I know that I need Matthew Williams. I have never needed or wanted anyone like this before in all of the years I have been around. I need Mattie here to feel awesome. When he's not, I just feel less awesome and that's not cool in any way because I am "The Awesome." What do I do?

~TheAwesomeGil

AN: *Shock* How could you do this to us Gilbert? And how could I write that amazingly depressing news Mattie had to offer? And how could I let Gilbert be late?

Well, it's all part of the plot. This is the part that I've wanted to get to since the very beginning of Gilbook. ]

Please review and wait patiently for the next chapter! (Hehe, patience)