Ok, time to speed things up a bit.

Things get a little heavy at the end there. I don't like writing that stuff, but if it were all rainbows and unicorns would you keep reading? Nope, no, probably not.

Have to thank Zeewriter for beta-ing this chappie. Thank you for being my coma queen, Zee!

I'll be on vacay next week and hopefully not turning on the computer once (please good weather, please good weather). So next chapter will be week after next.

I don't own them, I only wish I did.

...

Sam POV

January, 2000

I stayed at Eric's bar as long as I could before I couldn't stomach it anymore. Somehow, Eric had won Sookie. That alone made me bitter and angry, but being around Eric all the time, especially seeing Eric and Sookie together? It was too much, I couldn't do it. The worst part? Sookie was so fucking happy.

The salt on the festering wound though was Eric's behavior. He had changed. He no longer looked at other women. He didn't bring anyone to his back office unless it was Sookie, of course. If there was any more proof I needed that Sookie was some kind of magical fairy, I couldn't think of it. New York's man-whore of the century had been reformed by a spitfire of a girl from Louisiana.

It was the Thursday after News Years Eve, 2000 that I quit. I walked into Eric's office and told him I was done, I was finished. He was such a dick about it, too.

"Is this about Sookie, Sam? Look, I know you had your little crush…"

Fucking ass.

"…but she's with me now. I love that girl, Sam, you just have deal with that."

Double fucking ass.

"Listen here Eric," I said letting every once of the Texas boy out, "you don't deserve her and you never will. You should be thanking every god you've ever heard of that she decided to love you."

"God had nothing to do with it, Sam. The better man won here, don't be a sore loser."

"You think this is all a game? Who do you think she'll come crying to when you fuck up, huh? Who's gonna be there for her when this charade you're putting up crumbles?"

"Not going to happen. I love that woman and I'm not planning on fucking up." I wish I could say he winced, winked, or frowned, anything to give away his true whorish nature, but that man was stone faced. He really meant what he was saying… or at least he thought he did.

"I hope for her sake you mean that."

"You think you're such a catch, Sam? You have no job, no money, all you have is a dumb fucking dog. God, you are such a sad old country song that I feel sorry for you. In fact, why don't leave with your tail between your legs just like that mutt of yours."

"You'll never be able to give her what she needs and you know it," I seethed threw clenched teeth.

"I can give her everything! Houses, the best clothing, trips around the world, anything she desires! And she'll get it all too!"

I looked at him in disbelief. He was clueless, abso-fucking-lutely clueless. I started laughing; it was all I could do.

"What the hell is so funny?"

"She's not one of your models, Eric. You can't just shower her in diamonds and trips to the beach. She needs a man who will be there for her when she's sick. Someone who knows what her favorite movie is, someone who will put her happiness before his."

"Oh I see, and that someone is you, is it? You know everything about her don't you, Sam? Tell me something, do you know how to make her scream your name with just your tongue?"

FUCK! I stayed quiet, because, hell, no I did not. However, given the chance I would spend every waking hour figuring it out - I just needed the word from her. That wasn't going to happen though. I walked out of Eric's office to the sound of him laughing at me. It was the first and last time he'd ever laugh at me again.

Pam caught up with me while I was putting my coat on.

"Sam!"

I turned to see a very worried looking Pam jogging toward me. It was a new look for her. I'd never seen her anything more than calm, cool, and collected since I'd first met her.

"You ok, Pam?"

"I kind of heard what happened in there."

"Okay…" I answered cautiously still unsure why she seemed so concerned.

"What are you going to do?"

"You heard him, I've lost. So I'm leaving with my tail between my legs."

"I don't give a shit about your and Eric's fascination with Scarlet." Ahhh, there was the Pam I knew. "I mean what are you going to do about a job, about money?"

"I don't rightfully know, Pam. I have some money saved up."

"That's it? You have some money put away? Oh, well, that solves everything then." I could feel the sarcasm washing over me.

"Pam, what the hell do you want me to say here?"

"I want you to say you want to open your own bar but you don't have enough start up cash."

Huh? "Huh?"

"Please don't make me call you a dumb hick; you've suffered enough indignity for the day."

"Umm… I want to open my own bar but I don't have enough start up cash?" I repeated back to her, adding the question at the end since I was thoroughly confused.

"Good boy. Meet me at the corner of Avenue B and fifth at ten tomorrow morning."

"Okay?"

"You learn so fast! I'm so proud of you!" With that final Pam-ism, she turned around and sashayed away from me.

The following morning I was freezing my ass of at the corner of Avenue B and Fifth Street. It was a quarter past ten and there was no sign of Pam. Typical. I was about to start hopping up and down when I heard her yelling from somewhere behind me.

"Jesus its cold out there, come on in, I have coffee brewing." I turned around and looked up to see Pam's head sticking out of the top floor window. "Buzz apartment eight."

A few minutes later I was in front of Pam's apartment. It was unlocked and I could smell coffee beckoning me in. I walked through, closed the door behind me, hung my coat up in the closet and let my nose lead me through a surprisingly huge loft apartment to a kitchen. Pam was sitting by the breakfast bar on a stool, wrapped in a purple silk Kimono.

"Help yourself, Sam, there's some warmed milk on the stove."

I fixed myself a cup, and sat down at the bar on the other available stool.

"Pam, this place is amazing, how long have you been here?"

"It didn't used to be amazing. It was a shithole tenement building like all the others around here before I got my hands on it. After I bought the building three years ago, I ripped up every apartment and made them all large loft style-apartments. You know each floor had four apartments on it? Four! Soooo much nicer now. Of course I gave myself the top floor and the roof. If it weren't so damn cold I'd show you the garden, but I think you'll forgive me."

"You own the whole building huh?"

"Eric pays me well."

"I guess so."

"So shall I get to the point?"

"Yup."

"Did you notice the ground floor?"

"Just that there was a gate down."

"Right, well it used to be this seriously pretentious Japanese place. I hated it with a passion but they paid me the ridiculous rent I demand on time every month. Anyway, Mr. Uezu moved his family back to the motherland and now I have an empty space just waiting to be occupied…" a little eyebrow wiggle at the end brought the message home.

"You want me in there?"

"Look Sam, you work hard, there's no bullshit, and customers like you. It would be your place completely I just want a cut of the profits."

"Silent partner."

"Very silent. I only ask that you keep the place clean and quiet, and for god sake nothing too pretentious. I don't think I could take those god awful snobs loitering around my building anymore."

"Rent? Start up? Purchasing costs, remodeling?"

"We'll work it all out. But first, you want to see it?"

"Ya, hell ya, I do."

I was somewhere between excited and stupefied. Of all the scenarios running through my head, this was not one of them. Pam wanted to back me. I was opening my own bar in Alphabet City and it was gonna be mine. No stupid lights, no silly chairs so low you couldn't get out of them, no red rope, no hiding my damn accent!

Pam took a large loop of keys from her coat pocket and unlocked the grate. Once up, she unlocked the door and fumbled around for the lights. When the lights came on it was everything I despised. It was all white. Everything was white, the floors, the ceiling, the chairs so low you couldn't get out of them… the only color in the whole place were large black Japanese characters sprawled on the wall—definitely not the décor of a local neighborhood bar.

"I know it needs work, but I figure we could get it ready by April, don't you?"

"I guess so. What did ya have in mind for the place?"

"No, no, no, I don't want anything to do with the place except taking some money off your hands. Just make it right, Sam."

She reached into her pocket for her cell and made a call while I walked around. There was a sushi bar right where my bar would go, a small kitchen but that was fine really, wasn't expecting to offer much by way of food. There was a bright red bathroom complete with rock garden in the corner - ya, that would have to go. Further back there was an office and a small room with five lockers in it, a door behind that led to a small walk in fridge/freezer and a surprisingly large pantry. It needed some re-doing but really, it was perfect.

I walked back out to find Pam at the sushi bar saying her goodbyes to someone.

"So, that was Calvin, he did the remodel of the building for me. He said he could be here tomorrow at three to go over your ideas. Good guy, fucked up family, but good guy."

"Three works for me."

"Well then, he'll give me the estimate when he has it, and then you'll be on your way."

She started walking toward the door but I stopped her by grabbing her arm. She turned around to look at me a little surprised by the contact.

"Pam, I don't have the words. This is all overwhelming and wonderful and I don't think I could ever repay you."

"Sure you can, you can make me be richer in a year's time if you're as good at this as I think you'll be."

"That's not what I meant."

She softened her expression, "Sam, like I said, I like you and I think you can do this and do it well. Think I would risk my money on something I didn't believe in?"

"No, but thanks just the same, this means a lot to me."

I leaned in and pecked her on the cheek.

She seemed stunned for a second, smiled a small smile, then snapped right the hell out of it.

"Ok, this Hallmark moment is over; back to our regularly scheduled programming."

I shook my head and followed her out, a big silly smile on my face. She handed me the keys, wished me good luck, and that was all I saw of Pam for almost three months.

The following day I was back and met with Calvin Norris, Pam's all around fix it and remodel guy. She was right, he was a good guy, with a real fucked up family. It's not that he broadcasted it or anything, but just by talking to the guy over some time I found out about teenage pregnancies, family robbing from other family, jail sentences, some messed up situation with two cousins having a kid, ya it was like a whole season of the Jerry Springer show wrapped up in one gene pool.

By the middle of April, we were ready to open. The walls had gone from stark white to hunter green. There was a long mahogany bar that Pam had shipped from who knows where, probably cost a fortune though. There were simple brass lights on the wall and comfortable booths in dark brown leather. Normal height tables and chairs and "Merlotte's" written in gold on the windows. It was a normal, average, comfortable bar with televisions showing the latest game and it was perfect, and mine.

Lafayette was a God-send. He walked in first thing when I was having interviews and told me that I could stop looking for a manager since he was here now. He was wearing cut off shorts, bright pink high top converse and matching scarf around his head. Gold eye shadow and a white tank top completed the look. For all his flouncing about, the guy was built, I never wanted to get on his bad side. Lafayette also knew everyone and had the right person for any job I could think of. To this day, I don't know how he did it, but he convinced me in 15 minutes to hire him on – it was the best business decision I ever made.

We opened the first of May. It was a proud moment for me. Pam and Sookie showed, even my parents flew in. It was some night. One I'll never forget. Merlotte's was a hit, too. There were no gimmicks, no themes, no blaring music and it was damn refreshing. It turned into exactly what Pam had wanted, a neighborhood bar where the freaks, geeks, jocks, grandfathers, students, artists, and everyone in-between came for a drink and some mozzarella sticks.

...

September 8, 2001

"Sam…"

"Hey Mama, think I can call you back in a few, just working on some bills here."

"Sam, honey," she paused and took a deep breath.

"Mama? You okay?"

"I…" then she burst into tears. I started panicking. "Mama, mama! Talk to me please, what's wrong. You hurt? Where's dad?"

That's when the wailing began.

"Mama…" I started slowly, "is dad ok?"

I heard a shuffling on the other end of the phone, then another voice.

"Sam, sug, it's Aunt Gladys."

"Gladys, what's going on?" I asked all nerves.

"There's no good way of saying this Sam."

"Just say it already! I'm freaking out over here."

A pause, then, "Sam, your daddy just passed."

I dropped the phone. I could hear Aunt Gladys asking me if I was still on the line from the receiver now sitting on the desk. Still in shock I picked up the phone.

"I'm here," kind of.

"It was his heart. We were at Lulu's house for a BBQ. Sug, I want you to know it was real quick, I don't think he suffered."

"I'll be on the first flight out," I answered flatly. It didn't even sound like my voice to me though.

I walked from the office out front where Lafayette knew something was wrong immediately.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

"My father just died. I'm leaving tonight."

"Sam, I'm so sorry, what can I do?"

"Just watch the bar for me? I don't know when I'll be back."

"Don't even have to ask, just take care of yours."

"Thanks," I said simply.

It was like I was in my body but not really. I watched myself get home and throw some things in a bag. I watched myself shuffle back downstairs and hail a cab to the airport. I watched myself get on a line and walk to the ticket lady. I watched myself buy a ticket and check my bag. Then I watched myself walk to the gate and sit there numbly. I would have to sit there for four hours too.

I didn't feel. I didn't feel sad, angry, depressed, annoyed, nothing - I was just numb, there was no other word for it. I sat there for minutes or hours, I don't really know. I was staring out the window, not really seeing anything when suddenly there was a cup of coffee in my face.

"Drink that, then eat this," a muffin joined the coffee cup.

I knew that voice. Before I even looked up I knew it was Sookie. Her hair was pulled back, her eyes were red. How did she know?

"Lafayette called me. I came as soon as I could. I'm just glad I caught you in time."

"What are you doing here, Sookie?"

"Oh, Sam," she sat down next to me, putting the muffin and coffee on an empty seat. "I won't let you do this alone. I don't care if every cousin you have is there, you're gonna need a friend."

"What about Eric?"

"What about him?"

"He ok with this?" Since I had left Eric in his office that day he and I weren't exactly best buds.

"I told him it was something I had to do; he can't say no to me anyway, you know that."

"Right, I know that."

"This isn't about him anyway. Here," she handed me the coffee. "Drink that then you eat something, Sam Merlotte. That plane food is liable to make you feel even worse."

"Sookie."

"Ya, Sam?"

"I don't feel anything."

I'll never forget what she did next. She put down the coffee cup and my hand to God, she slapped me clear across the face and damn hard too!

"Feel that?"

"Shit! What was that for?"

She never did answer me. Instead she handed me the coffee cup and the muffin. I drank and ate and felt a little less empty. I had a feeling it had nothing to do with the snack and everything to do with Sookie though. About a half hour after I had finished eating, we started boarding. Sookie and I weren't seated next to each other but she fixed that too. She said something to the guy who I was sitting next to and they switched - I wasn't really paying any attention though, instead I was looking out the window at nothing.

I tried to sleep, but my eyes wouldn't shut. It was like I was so frozen that I couldn't even nod off. Napping took too much effort. All I could so was stare and stare and stare. We landed in Houston, got off the plane, made our way to baggage claim, and got in a cab. It was all mindless though. I don't remember talking or even walking anywhere for that matter. It wasn't until we were outside my mama's house that I woke up some.

"Sam, one foot in front of the other, come on now," Sookie ordered gently.

I followed her directions. When we got to the front door, she rang the bell. I had the keys someplace, of course, but I couldn't make myself find them.

The door opened, Aunt Gladys answered.

She pulled me into a hug without saying anything. I dropped my bag and hugged back.

"She's a mess, Sam, I'm so glad you're here, sug."

I nodded into her shoulder and pulled away.

"Aunt Gladys, this is Sookie she's my…" What did I call her again?

"Sookie Stackhouse ma'am, I'm a real good friend of Sam's. Sorry to show up uninvited, but I couldn't let him go alone."

"Oh now, you call me Aunt Gladys. I'm real glad you did, I hated thinking of Sam alone on that flight. Ya'll come in, let me show the guest room, Sookie, make sure there are clean sheets and all. Sam, your Mama's in bed. The doctor's gave her a sedative to calm down. She should be up in a few hours. Come on, I got your old room all fixed up."

I nodded and followed Sookie and Aunt Gladys up the stairs. Gladys and Sookie veered left, I went straight to my old room. It wasn't all that different really. The posters were off the walls, but my bed was still pushed up against the wall, the same plaid curtains and matching comforter were in place, my desk still had my light up globe on it. The rug was new, but that was about it. I didn't know what else to do, so I dropped my bag and lay on my bed, looking strait up at the ceiling.

I don't remember falling asleep, but I woke up to the smell of something sweet. I opened my eyes slowly to the sight of blonde hair. Sookie was curled up next to me. She was molded right into the angle of my body - I could feel her body heat.

"Sleep well?"

"I think I did."

She slowly got up and shifted so she could see me.

"I don't know if you want space or not, but when my parents died, I wanted people around me all the time. I hated being alone then." She laughed, remembering something. "Then by the second week of being surrounded, I got so sick of people I would hide in the woods, only Gran knew my spot. She would find me there and sit with me as long as I needed sitting with."

She smiled at me, she was so angelic. Jesus she even smelled sweet, like what heaven must smell like.

"I can go, if you want," she said quietly.

"Stay, please." There was a long silence – it was suffocating. "Tell me more."

"Behind Gran's garden there was a stretch of woods, beyond that was the cemetery and the old Compton house. I didn't like being in the cemetery alone, but there was this massive tree stump I used to go to. It looked right onto the cemetery. It was so quiet there. No one could really see you unless they were looking either. I would sit there until the fireflies came out, then I knew it was ready to get back for dinner. Sometimes when I was gone for really long periods of time, Gran would come and sit with me. She'd braid my hair and hum. Sometimes we just sat there doing nothing. You know, it's funny, I kinda miss that old stump. I hope its still there. You think it's still there Sam?"

"Ya, I do."

"Sam, I think it's time to see your Mama."

"Right, mama. Don't disappear on me okay?"

"I'll be in the kitchen; Aunt Gladys is cooking something up."

"Sounds like Gladys."

I gave her a weak smile and made my way down the hall to my par – mama's room. I knocked, but when all I heard was a whimper I let myself in. She was on the edge of the bed, head down, I could see her shaking. It was the wake-up call I wasn't looking forward to. She heard me and turned her head. She was a shade of red I'd never seen her before. Not even that one time she fell asleep at the beach with a rum punch in her hand had she ever been this red. Her soft sniffling cry turned into a full on sob when she saw me. I acted on instinct and went to her, pulling her into my arms.

We sat on the edge of that bed for a solid hour, holding on to each other, rocking.

It was Sookie who found us there. She tiptoed in and mouthed 'dinner' to me. I nodded and put up a finger, just a minute.

"Mama, let's get some food ok? Aunt Gladys and Sookie have been cooking all afternoon."

Through sniffles I heard "Food. Wait? Sookie's here?"

"Ya mama, she surprised me at the airport, didn't want me coming alone."

"She still with that horse's ass? Lord, I bet my face is a mess!"

And just like that, she was up and in the bathroom, fixing her face. I waited for her to be done. She came out about five minutes later still sad, still broken, but by god her bright pink lipstick was on!

"Okay, let's go."

Downstairs we found the table struggling under the weight of enough food for twenty. Lucky for us, about twenty people were there too. Cousins, aunts, uncles, old family friends I hadn't seen in forever. I was surprised at how happy I was to see them. Just like Sookie told me earlier, I wanted people around. I was shocked that I did, but the more people that were there, the noisier it was, the noisier it was, the less I could think, and thinking hurt like a punch to the gut.

The next few days flew by in a blur. It was people and food and more people and even more food… must have gained ten pounds in those few days. The morning of the funeral I woke up at five am. It was pitch black still and no one was up. I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep, so I took a shower and got dressed in a black suit my cousin lent me. I was in such a state before I left New York, I didn't think to pack a suit. I sat on my bed, waiting for the house to wake up.

It was 8:45am when someone knocked lightly on my door.

"Come in."

"Hey Sam, we'll be leaving in a few minutes, just wanted to be sure you were ready," answered Sookie. I stood slowly, my knees cracking, suddenly I felt so much older.

Sookie was wearing a simple black dress. Her hair was back off her face. She was wearing a pair of pearl earrings and black shoes. In all that banality, for all the plainness of the outfit, she shone. She was perfect – like she always was to me. She came over and fussed with my tie.

"You tie this in the dark, Sam?"

"Actually, I think I did."

"Well, it looks it," fiddle, fiddle, fiddle, "ready?"

"No."

"Don't make me slap you again," she answered softly, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Wouldn't want that," I replied, trying to sound lighter than I felt.

She put her hand in mine and gave a little tug. I followed her down the stairs and out front where my mother was waiting in the back of Gladys' car. I slipped in back with her while Sookie went up front. I held mama all the way to the church. I held her through the sermons and prayers. I held her while she cried and sniffled as people told old 'Nam stories, fishing tales, memories. I didn't let go when it was time to make our way to the cemetery. The only time I released was when she went to the casket to say goodbye.

When it was my turn, I put her in Sookie's care and said the few small things I could think to say to him…love you…thank you…I'll miss you…

We were the last car to leave the cemetery. When we got home there was a furious buzz amongst our family and friends. All the televisions were on and people were gathered around them.

…again, we have limited information here.

All we know is that two planes crashed into the

Twin Towers in New York City, at approximately…

Sookie tore open her bag and pulled out her phone. I knew she was calling Eric but I was too glued to the television to pay attention. She was gone for a while though, that much I knew. Mama wound up needing another sedative, some of my cousins took her to bed after that. It sounded great by the way, being knocked out. I could have used something myself – pot, a bottle of jack, a hit to the head with a sledgehammer.

After a gut wrenching morning, followed by an hour of television I wish I could forget, I went up to my room. It was too much. Finally the noise was more than I could handle. I closed the door, pulled off my tie and sat on the same corner of the bed as I had earlier in the day. I checked the clock, it wasn't even noon yet. How could so much pain happen before noon?

I tried not to think of my father, I tried not to think about all those lives lost back in New York, I tried, I really did. But I couldn't hold any of it back anymore. I hadn't shed a single tear since I got that first call from mama. I was doing my best to keep everything together, who needed one more weepy person right?

I cried - the floodgates opened and I cried. I couldn't stop them from falling. I think I may have stopped breathing a few times too. I didn't know if I could stop. Why wasn't I stopping? Then I got scared and that made me cry. I was having a panic attack right? I heard Terry explain them enough to know that I was. It was terrifying and sad all at the same time. What could I do?

Then warmth, arms, and soothing sounds.

Someone had wrapped me in their arms. Someone was rocking me. Some sweet smelling woman was making calming little shushing sounds. Her hands ran over my back, through my hair, soothing me. Sookie.

Slowly my breathing got back to normal. My heart calmed itself, the tears dried up. I took a deep breath and composed myself.

Her hands came to either side of my face and pulled me away from her body. She held my head taking a good look at me.

"I was wondering when you would break Sam," and kissed my forehead.

Every emotion I had every felt for her came bubbling to the surface. She was beautiful and kind and knew exactly what I needed and when, she was here for me right? That meant something didn't it? She held me as I cried! I couldn't hold back anymore. I leaned in and kissed her. I poured my everything into that kiss and she let me. She let me kiss her, she didn't pull away, and she didn't flinch.

When I pulled away I looked her in eyes. I wanted to see them shining for me, I wanted to see her blush and say hey what the hell took ya so long! It didn't happen.

"Sam…"

"Sookie I should have done that such a long time ago!"

"Sam…"

"I don't know how to say this but –"

"Sam,"

"Sookie I…"

"That was the grief Sam, I can't even imagine what you're going through. First your father now this and…"

"This isn't grief Sookie, it's me. Sookie I –"

"SAM!" That got my attention. "Sam, I got through to Eric somehow and we talked and…"

"Sookie, I don't care about Eric. You and I, we–"

"Eric asked me to move in with him and I said yes."

...

A/N

*peeks out from behind her computer screen*

Please don't hate me too much ok? You knew it was coming right?

So, the 25th reviewer will get their recommendation posted in my next chapter don't forget!

It has come to my attention that not everyone's rev button is green. So um… please grace me with your revs anyway ok? It's a FF writer's lifeblood after all.