So ya… it's been a long time, I know. But, I actually have some really good reasons. My food blog has gotten some great attention lately (from a few celeb chefs in fact!) and I was in an international food blogging competition (which is still running, but I didn't win). That competition led to some new online writing offers. One of those offers made me the food editor of a new lifestyle site that provides original content to national websites, newsletters, magazines, and newspapers. I'm pretty excited about all that. So, my story got pushed to the back burner temporarily I'm afraid. But I'm back! I couldn't quit this, I love it too much. And besides, you people are too nuts and horny to be left hanging ;-)

A quick re-cap. We left Sam having just met Claudine at the end of Sookie and Eric's wedding. That was three years ago in 2006.

Also, please be kind, all mistakes are my own… it's a un-beta'd chappie.

I don't own a stitch of it, but if I did I'd be in Provence!

))((

January 2007

"Lord you're amazing; I'm going to be the envy of every single man in that room tonight."

Claudine was artfully disheveling her hair. She did this thing where she would make it all perfect – gelled, blown, brushed, then she'd thrash her hands through it like she was having a fit. I don't know how, but it always looked like she was just fucked. It was sexy as all get-out. She glossed her lips in something shimmery and put on some mascara. She gave me a small, tight smile.

Things had been difficult with us lately. After Sookie and Eric's wedding we started dating. About ten months later, an apartment opened up in Pam's building and we moved in together. I was happy, I really was. The bar was doing well, I had made my peace with the whole Sookie thing, and I was dating a stunning woman who was smart, caring, and the breathe of fresh air that I so desperately needed in my life.

Two years later, things were different. Claudine and I had been together for a while and the whole marriage thing kept popping up. I avoided the discussions as much as I could. Truth was though, I was running out of excuses. There was no logical reason for me not to marry her. We were good together. I loved Claudine didn't I? We had a great sex life. She wanted kids. My family thought she was great too. But something wouldn't let me pop the question. I had no idea what that something was until later that very night.

It was New Years Eve. We were going to a big bash at one of Eric's clubs. I was in a black on black tux, Claudine was in this gold dress that was shapeless, went down to her ankles and had a high neck, but when she turned around… nothing. It was an engineering miracle really. The dress was completely naked in back from her shoulders to very top of her ass. It made me drool and all I wanted to do was reach around and grab her tits every time I saw her turn around.

But her icy shoulder routine was stopping me from starting anything. I didn't want to guilt her into sex, or play dirty; I wanted her to want me again. We hadn't really been intimate for months since the stress between us began. I was being stupid about the whole thing and I knew it. Like I said there was nothing stopping me from asking her to marry me. Not one single thing right?

I was standing by the bathroom door watching Claudine get herself ready when I just decided it was time. One second I wasn't ready, the next I was. I didn't have a ring but New Years Eve sounded like a perfect time to propose even without bling. I'd take her to the diamond district that very weekend and we'd pick something out – anything she wanted. I loved her, I knew I did. I didn't want her hurting anymore either, I couldn't live with that.

A car came by for us at 9pm. I opened the door and settled in beside her. I had made up my mind; I was going to do it – the question would be popped at midnight. I had magically convinced myself it was a good sign that I wasn't nervous. That meant that it was the right decision, that I was sure of it all. My lack of nerves absolutely didn't mean that there was nothing behind the gesture - it meant confidence… I was such an idiot.

I took her hand in the car and kissed it gently. "You look like an angel tonight and I love you very much."

"Thank you," she answered quietly. I could see a small smile creep onto her lips. Yes. Tonight was the night. I'd make her happy. I mean, I'd make us happy.

When we got to the club, the party was already rocking. Champagne flowed, food was passed, and everyone looked amazing - it was New York at its flashy best. It was about ten or so when someone spoke into my ear.

"You're looking very GQ tonight Sam Merlotte."

I laughed and turned to face the only person who ever called me by my full name - Sookie. I was going to say something clever like: us Texas boys clean up good, or something just as stupid but I couldn't. She was all glammed up - slick hair, some artful feathery hat thing on her head, diamonds in her ears, ruby red lips. She was in dark satin with long satin gloves. She hadn't looked so breathtaking since her wedding and I couldn't get a single word out. I was dumbstruck.

"You alright? Did you swallow wrong or something?"

I willed myself to snap out of it.

"No, no, just wondering what kind of bird had to die for that thing on your head."

She tsk-ed me dramatically, shaking her head.

"I'm disappointed in Claudine; she finally got you out of cowboy boots but failed to illuminate you to the world of Couture. I'll have to have a little talk with her about that."

Illuminate? Couture? And just like that, my Sookie bubble was burst for the millionth time. The Sookie I loved was dead and gone no thanks to diction lessons, two martini lunches, Gallery openings, and fashion shows. The Sookie I loved didn't know what Couture was, and certainly would never use the word "illuminate" for anything other than light bulbs. Right then and there I realized there was no reason for me to wait a second longer - I needed to find Claudine and quickly. I made my excuses to Sookie and desperately searched for my future.

I found her speaking to Eric on the balcony level. He was wearing a tuxedo shirt with no tie, his jacket open, one button too many unbuttoned. He looked like a class A douche bag Vegas lounge singer to me, but what the hell did I know?

"Eric, I need Claudine." That caught both of their attention. Claudine looked at me surprised.

"Are you ok?" she asked, sincerely concerned.

"No."

"No?"

"I mean yes…"

"Well which one is it man?" asked the ever helpful Eric.

"Eric, will you excuse us?"

He nodded dumbly as I took Claudine's hand and pulled her behind me. I couldn't think with all the people around me, the music thumping, and Eric staring at me. Sookie would be looking as well and something about that felt wrong too. I didn't stop until we hit the freezing cold air. I took a deep breath and turned around to see a very flustered Claudine. She looked half concerned and half furious.

"I didn't plan this very well. I'll do it all over again tomorrow if you want me too ok?"

"Sam what the hell is wrong with you? It's freezing out here and you..."

I cut her off with a kiss before she could continue. It was strong and intense; I poured whatever I had into that kiss.

"Wow," she said when I pulled away.

"I don't have anything to give you right now, but I'll fix that soon ok? Right now I just want to hear you say yes."

"Yes to what?"

I got to one knee and took her hand.

"I'm a moron for not doing this sooner. I love you. You're beautiful and charming and smart and I want to give you everything. Marry me?"

Her jaw dropped. She began to cry. I could see her shivering. Then she smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes?"

"Yes, yes, yes, of course yes I'll marry you!"

I got up off my knees, grabbed her and twirled her around like some silly music video, I couldn't help it though. I was happy for her – I mean us. I was happy for us.

"Stay right there!"

I ran into the club, found our coats and met her right where I left her.

"We're not staying?"

"There's something I've wanted to do all night and I can't do in there."

"Yes? What's that?"

"Take off that dress and touch you."

))((

The cab ride was too damn long. All I could think about was that she was naked under that dress. Well except for a tiny piece of fabric that was resting between her butt cheeks and covering her smooth waxed sex. She liked it that way, to be honest I always preferred something a little more, I dunno, natural? But far be it from me to complain.

I threw money at the cabbie and we raced to the third floor. I opened the door just as she jumped into my arms and started sucking on my ear lobe. That shit drove me crazy. Thank god we lived in a loft, not enough walls or doorways for me to smack her into. I made our way through the apartment to the bedroom and lowered her onto the bed. I slipped off my shoes. Coat was next, and then jacket, tie, and I unbuttoned my shirt.

She lay there, looking at me undressing, a sly smile playing on her lips. She slipped off her shoes and unbuttoned her coat. She pulled the thick wool away from her and onto the floor. She reached down to pull up her dress but I stopped her hand. I wanted the pleasure of undressing her. I got to my knees, reached under her dress, and let my hands drag up her long slim legs.

She shuddered when I reached her upper thighs. I could feel heat coming from between her legs. I pushed her thighs apart as much as her dress would allow. Grazing her slit with my pointer fingers as I slid my hand further up made her moan quietly. When I hooked my finger around the waistband of her barely-there thong and pulled it down slowly, I made sure to let my knuckles graze her flesh again, she raised her hips.

I threw the panties across the room and asked her to stand up and turn around. I slipped my hands through the opening in the back of her dress, and cupped her perfectly hand-sized, pert breasts in my hands. She threw her head back against mine, and ground her ass into my groin. I knew she could feel how hard I was getting. There was nothing between me and her naked body except for some gold fabric; I took care of that too. I pushed my hands away from her breasts and the dress began slipping from her arms - down her shoulders, over her elbows, off her wrists, until the entire thing just pooled at her feet.

I took a step back and admired her long, slim, lithe frame. Her tousled blonde hair was resting on her bare back. Her waist and slight hips gave way to her sweet little ass and her long slim legs. She was gorgeous, there was no doubt about it. She was going to be my wife and I only hoped that kids would broaden her hips, accentuate her waist, give some weight to her breasts, thicken her thighs. Maybe she'd finally attack an apple pie instead of nibble on it… maybe one day she'd fill out a bikini the way that Soo…

"Coming?"

She was on the bed, on her hands and knees, her ass in the air. She was moving toward the middle of the bed. She turned around, collapsed on her back, opened her legs, and licked her middle finger. Slowly, she let it disappear deep inside her. She moaned my name and arched her tits to the ceiling. I slipped out of my pants, socks, and boxers quicker than I thought possible.

Her finger was still buried inside her when I let my tongue pass over her clit. Her breathe hitched and her finger stopped.

"No, keep going" I told her.

She kept playing with herself as I licked, nibbled, and kissed her sweet spot. When she began rolling her hips at me I knew she was close. I doubled my efforts; I wanted her dripping wet and panting before I slipped inside. When she cursed in Swedish I knew she was about come for me. I didn't stop until she raised her hips, froze, and sucked in a breath.

The second her hips touched the bed and her breath came back in a halting sigh, I pushed myself into her. Jesus she was so wet and warm. When she began panting, I began rocking in and out of her. I put my hands around her rib cage, pulled her up, and pressed her body to mine. We rocked together.

"I love you Sam," she said.

"I love you too," but her name didn't come out of my mouth because in my mind, I saw suddenly saw someone else. Sookie was wearing the same bikini she had on all those years ago at Terry's July 4th BBQ. It was red, with little bows on it. Sookie was all softness and curves. Thick, wavy hair caressed Sookie's shoulders; heavy full breasts were peeking from the sides of the bikini top, wicked hips and a full ass wiggled with every step. Sookie's shapely thighs gave way to tanned pretty legs.

I felt a hot breath on the side of my face and warm mouth on my ear. Shit that drove me insane. I pushed her on her back lifted her legs over my shoulders and pressed into her body. All I could feel was consuming warmth around dick and the weight of legs on my shoulders. I could hear her moaning and panting, but all I could see was Sookie soaking up the sun, laughing, winking at me.

When I felt the warmth contract around my length, when I heard her scream out my name, all I could see Sookie walking toward me. Sookie was untying the strings of her bikini top, she blew me a kiss and I knew I was close.

"Come for me Sam," she pleaded beneath me.

I kept my eyes firmly shut while I released into her. I could hear myself repeating "love you, love you, love you," but who was I really talking to?

))((

The next morning I woke up alone.

It was New Years day, the yoga studio was closed, likewise the bakery or coffee shop. I knew Claudine wasn't with the kids she looked after, or at school. She was nowhere to be found. I tried her cell but only got the message. At a loss, I went to kitchen, opened the fridge for some orange juice, took a long gulp-worth then shut the door. That's when I noticed it. Under the "T is for Texas" magnet was a folded piece of paper with my name on it – shit, it might as well been addressed "Dear John." I opened it knowing exactly what it was. She was leaving me but I could have never guessed why.

Sam,

We can't do this to each other.

You're too good of a man to say it to my face and I'm tired of thinking that more time, a marriage, or even kids could change the fact that you don't love me –

at least not the way I love you.

I knew last night that while you would no doubt take care of me, love me in your way, it wouldn't be enough. You weren't making love to me last night, Sam, not really. You were making love to her again. I don't know who she is, but she is an incredibly lucky woman to have someone like you loving her so fiercely.

I hope you find her again Sam.

I won't pretend that this doesn't hurt, because it does, more than anything;

but I deserve more. Our time together was amazing, I don't regret a single day and I hope you can say the same.

I'll come by this weekend for my things; I would really appreciate it if you weren't there.

I need some time, but maybe one day we can meet again as friends.

Yes, I think I'd like that.

Until that day, all my love,

Claudine.

What broke my heart was that she knew. She knew the entire we were together that I couldn't give her my everything but she never said a word. I felt like the scum of the earth. She didn't cuss me out or call me a dog or nothing. She was just honest and it tore me up inside. She was going to make some man incredibly happy, to this day I wish it could have been me – but she was right, I belonged to someone else. I didn't regret a second spent Claudine either. And really did hope that we would meet again someday as friends. It would like that too.

I called Terry and asked if I could pay them a visit that coming weekend. I hadn't seen the kids for a while after all I said. I had some presents to give everyone. Terry bought it, Arlene didn't. I knew I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

))((

So ya. Some lemony goodness peppered with some sour grapes huh? I promise to have the next chapter up way sooner than this one.

You know what I'm going to ask… please leave a review. Even if it's to welcome me back or chastise me for being a selfish foodie mmmk?