Lover Come Back
Rating: T
Summary: It had been five months since the accident, and yet every morning Spencer Reid woke up with the memories still raw in his mind. Strong references to Morgan/Reid; established relationship. Quite Angsty.
Disclaimer: Oh, all the things I would do if I owned Criminal Minds ;-) but I don't so please don't sue me. Read and Review please and thank you.
It had been five months since that day and yet every morning Spencer Reid woke up with the memories still raw in his mind. Days off were the worst – he was left with more time to think about it. To reminisce and regret.
The photos on the mantelpiece, where his eyes tended to wander when whatever he was doing stopped entertaining him, kept on reminding him of what...of who he'd lost.
He got out of bed slowly, in no hurry to get anywhere. There was no one to go with, no one to go to or share it with. He had a shower and got dressed, opting for a casual look over a professional one.
There was no work today, unless a case came in unexpectedly, so there was no reason to outdo himself. He made himself breakfast, nearly bursting into tears that he promised himself he wouldn't cry today, when he saw a photo of them on the kitchen counter.
He put his dishes in the sink none to gently and grabbed his keys. He had things to do today, and he needed to get out of the house.
On his way from nowhere in particular to nowhere in particular, Reid found his feet walking him past the martial arts gym where Morgan used to train. He walked past one of the houses Morgan built, now complete and lived in. His heart ached when he heard laughter from inside.
He almost ran back to his house, their house, closing the door behind him and letting the tears fall. Everywhere he went, everything he did, reminded him of Morgan and it broke his heart every single time.
Spencer Reid stood beside the hospital bed, looking down at the pale (really pale, wrongly pale) sickly form of Derek Morgan; tubes' extending from every inch of Morgan's exposed skin. It made Reid feel sick.
The sounds of the breathing machine and heart monitor filled him with helplessness. Morgan was only still alive because some machines were breathing for him.
"I woke up late this morning," Spencer murmured softly, hand curling around the limp one of his lover. They'd only been together for 2 years, and now, now he might never see Derek's eyes again. Never see Derek smiling; never hear his voice. He took a deep shuddering breath.
"I know you don't like it when I wake up late," he smiled tightly, trying to look on the bright side. "Less time for fun isn't it?" he asked. He wanted an answer, craved an answer, but he knew he wasn't going to get one.
He let his mind take him back to lazy mornings, waking up to soft sunlight streaming through open curtains, onto the bed he shared with his lover.
He rolled over, groaning disappointedly when he noticed Derek (the most wonderful man in the world) wasn't still in bed with him.
"Derek!" he called out. A moment later, the tall, muscular, sexy African-American walked into the bedroom. A lazy smile spread across Spencer's face when he noticed Derek was wearing nothing but his underwear.
Derek smiled at him, noticing the appreciative gaze and returning one of his own. He walked over to the bed, leaning down to give Spencer a kiss.
"Good morning Sleeping Beauty," Derek grinned, laughing at the look of indignation that crossed Spencer's face. "C'mon," he grabbed a hold of Spencer's hands and tugged gently. The younger man groaned, "it's nearly 11, you have to get up so I can enjoy my day off," Derek whined, deep brown eyes filled with a kind of contentment.
Spencer grinned, pulling Derek down onto the bed with him. Derek supported himself off Spencer's body with his hands, regarding Spencer curiously. Spencer looked up at him with a lust filled gaze in his hazel eyes.
Derek didn't know how he'd gotten so lucky, but he was glad that he did.
"We don't have to get out of bed to enjoy our day off," he smirked. Derek laughed softly, leaning down to capture Spencer's lips in a deep, passionate kiss.
"I like where this is going."
Tears filled Spencer's eyes. He leant down and placed a small kiss on Derek's cheek.
"I love you," he whispered hoarsely, "but you have to wake up," he sniffed, repressing the sobs that threatened to tear him apart. "I don't know what I'll do if you don't."
It was the same thing every night he went to visit. And every time he left, the beacon light of hope faded because statistically, the chances of Derek waking up decreased with every day he spent comatose.
He saw Garcia on his way out. She looked at him with shining eyes, seeing the guilt and depression in the young doctor's eyes. He'd wasted away; so small and pale, with dark rings around his eyes. She didn't know what else to do, so she pulled him into a hug.
"It wasn't your fault, Reid," she said it with such conviction that Spencer almost believed her. He smiled, something that didn't reach his eyes, and made excuses to leave. He didn't like hospitals; they had a sterile feel that made him feel nauseous.
He sat down in his car in the hospital parking lot, vehicles coming and going around him. His car was a new one – Derek had made him buy it after his car had broken down for the third time in a month. He didn't want to part with it, but Derek had been so persuasive. It made him sad just thinking about it.
He rested his head on the steering wheel, memories of that night coming back to haunt him once more.
He'd seen it coming, but he couldn't stop it. He'd pleaded with Morgan to not put down his gun; shouted at him to hold his ground, but the older agent hadn't listened. He'd wanted to protect Spencer, who had once again, foolishly, gotten himself into some stupid life or death situation. And Morgan had paid for it.
The unsub pressed the gun harder to Reid's temple, digging it into his skull. Reid watched the other members of his team with fear filled eyes.
"Put the gun down!" Morgan shouted at the unsub. The unsub just grinned, arm tightened around Reid's neck.
"You first, Agent," the unsub sneered. Reid could see the indecision in Morgan's eyes; the fear. Reid shook his head as much as he could.
"Don't do it, Morgan, don't," he pleaded, arm around his neck choking him.
"Hush agent," the unsub leered, "put the gun down, or this one gets it."
The sniper didn't have a clear shot, they didn't have a choice. Morgan slowly put the gun down and Reid cried out as the gun went off beside his ear, bursting his eardrum.
It happened in slow motion. The bullet hit Morgan's head and the older agent fell to the ground. Reid was pushed down and there were more shots. But he couldn't see anything aside from the slowly growing pool of blood around Morgan's head.
He managed to think for a minute and call the paramedics, but that didn't change the feelings inside; his fear at losing one of the most important people in his life.
Every day since he could feel the absence in the bullpen and even though someone else sat at Morgan's desk, it still felt empty. Morgan filled the world around him, and Reid only noticed how empty it felt when Morgan wasn't there. He'd never noticed it before then. And he knew other people felt it too – Garcia, Prentiss, Hotch, Rossi all felt it – and even though they didn't blame him, he knew it was his fault their family was broken.
Spencer was to blame for Derek lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to machines that were the only reason he was still alive' still breathing. Rationally he knew it wasn't entirely his fault, but it felt that way and it hurt.
When Spencer got home, he got into bed, forgoing dinner like he had been as of late. He didn't feel like food; he didn't feel like anything really. Maybe he was waiting to die of starvation, wallowing in guilt and depression that wasn't getting any easier to deal with.
The bedside light was on, something that he hadn't needed since he'd been with Derek. The dark seemed less frightening with the larger male beside him – ready to protect him from whatever the darkness held.
Now Derek was gone, the fear had returned.
He faced the photo of Derek and him at the Sistine Chapel in Italy when they went there for a vacation. It had been six months since they'd gotten together; and that night in the restaurant, had been the happiest moment of his life.
Spencer just finished his meal, feeling full, content and happy beyond belief. Derek looked the same way, only Spencer noticed that he was kind of nervous – sort of agitated like he had been on their first date. That had been awkward – Spencer had spent most of the time talking about the laws of Quantum Mechanics and Star Trek while Derek tried to look interested.
When dessert was over, they sat there for a few minutes, drinking wine and talking about nothing in particular. Derek still looked nervous.
"What's wrong?" Spencer asked. He felt a sinking feeling. What if Derek wanted to break up with him? Sure they were in Italy on their vacation...but it could happen. It was highly unlikely, but probable.
Derek took a deep breath and looked into Spencer's eyes, making the younger man blush. He reached into his pocket and handed Spencer a box. The younger man gaped and opened the box. Inside was a silver band, a ring.
"Oh...oh...wow..." Spencer was lost for words, emotions welling up inside that he never thought existed. Tears sprang into his eyes and he covered his mouth, almost crying.
Derek grabbed hold of his hand, leaning closer.
"Hey, don't cry...you're meant to be happy," he smiled, reassuringly. Spencer sniffed.
"I am...it's just...overwhelming," Spencer murmured softly. Derek smiled.
"I love you Spencer," he said seriously, "and whatever may happen to me, to us, I want you to know that I will never stop loving you. That ring is my promise to you, to love you forever."
Spencer gaped, lost for words, so he held onto Derek's hand and leaned across the table to give him a kiss.
"I love you too."
The ring was still on his finger – his left ring finger. He'd gotten Derek a matching one when they'd gotten back. When Spencer had gotten to see Derek in the hospital, he'd pocketed the ring. He was going to give it back to him when the older agent woke up.
He really hoped he had the chance to give it back.
Spencer wanted Derek back. He wanted to wake up one morning, Derek's strong arms wrapped around him, strong muscles pressed to his back, as they lay in bed, talking about nothing and everything.
He didn't want to sleep because then he'd wake up. And when he woke up, Derek wasn't with him like he was in his dreams. Derek was in hospital...Derek was on life support and Spencer didn't know if he'd ever wake up.
"Please, Derek," he whispered into the night, "please just come back to me."
*Fin