Twin1: (is inspecting grammar) I'm telling you, it's fine.

Twin2: You can't even spell 'paid' right if you don't actually think about it! (is going over chapter with a fine-toothed comb) I think it's ok now… lemme check it one more time…

Twin1: Oh for crying out loud…

Chapter dedicated to starlightscribe for being the first reviewer for Who I Am.

Two: Pass

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting there when I became aware of someone standing in the tree above me, their breathing and shifting of weight against the bark reaching my ears. Automatically I looked up at them, even though I couldn't see them, and Mizuki's voice said, "Hey, Naruto."

I blinked, then turned my gaze back to the ground. There was something off in his voice, but it was probably just my hearing being a little off because I had my teeth clenched. "'Lo."

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, and I didn't even bother to respond. I'd just had my one dream ripped out of my grasp; how did he think I felt? Apparently he realised that was a stupid question and kept going, "I know Iruka sounded like he was going a bit hard on you… See, Iruka sees a bit of himself in you… he was an orphan, too. He only wants to make sure you can handle it, be the best ninja you can be."

"But I really wanted to pass this time…" I whispered faintly. Needed to pass.

"I know, I know," he sighed, but there was definitely something wrong with his voice. "Hey, Naruto, what would you say if I told you about a secret way to pass?"

My head jerked up, looking at where his voice was coming from; this usually gave me the illusion of eye contact. "There's another way to pass? Really? I still… I still have a chance?"

I heard a flicker of hair and cloth: he must have nodded. "Yep! I'm not really supposed to tell you about it, but… you try so hard, you really deserve another chance."

Yep, something was definitely off here. I'd never heard of a secret way to pass, and I'd been through these damn exams twice already – not trying to pass the first two times, just seeing how I handled pressure, not too well, as it turned out – so something was wrong. But I shoved it away, focusing on the teacher Sasuke had told me had grey-silver hair. I was desperate to pass; if I passed this time there was a chance I'd actually be with a friend. And without Sasuke there, I knew I was pretty much doomed.

"What do I have to do?"

I slipped along the wall of the Hokage Tower, easily avoiding the numerous traps that had been set. It was easy for me: I could hear the air shifting around the various tripwires over the corridors, and the breathing of the rare patrolling guards was almost deafening to my sharp hearing. As long as no one snuck up on me, I would be fine. Despite the fact I couldn't see what was going on, wearing what Sasuke had called a 'walking orange eyesore' had made me instinctively stealthy enough to hide from ANBU even in bright orange. Probably a good thing.

I heard the Hokage shuffling around in his office, probably doing paperwork, the poor bugger, and shifted up to stand beside the door, listening to his irritable mutters, and frowned, wondering how I was going to get past him. Obviously he was too tired to notice my chakra, so at the very least I was safe for a minute or two.

I frowned, thinking, before remembering I had been in that vault a couple of weeks ago – talking to the Sandaime while he was in there. I had been leaning on some massive scroll and had run my hands over it to check its size, out of curiosity, and it had stuck in my mind as a perfect picture. I wasn't sure exactly why he'd been in there, but I did remember exactly where in the room that big scroll had been, and that it was a little bigger than me.

Damn, was I glad I'd taken the time to learn that goddamn kawarimi.

I went through the handseals, careful with my focus, and felt the tingle and then the pressure of switching places with the scroll. I landed soundlessly in the vault, and was pleased to note that I'd been holding myself right for the scroll to fall quietly against a corner instead of clattering loudly to the floor.

Mizuki had told me exactly where the Forbidden Scroll was kept, and it wasn't hard to find its shelf. I brushed my fingers across the crisp parchment skimmed dust hard wood seal raised grain kanji carved in the front, reading 'forbidden' in the deep engravings and nodding to myself. Yep, this was it.

I switched with the large scroll outside and found myself back in the corridor, and made a mental note to warn the old man about that particular security defect. It wouldn't be that hard to sneak in if you knew the basic layout of the scroll vault; hell, I'd managed it, and I was doing this without having ever seen the vault with my own eyes!

It took me a bare ten minutes to get out of the Tower, completely undetected, I might add, and into the forest to practise. I opened the scroll and brushed my fingers over the parchment, sensing where the ink was by faint traces that I was probably the only one who could detect. I almost groaned at the first jutsu: Kage Bunshin. The world hated me, I was sure.

But just in case, I 'read' the rest of it, skimming my fingers over the writing and mentally translating it into words as I went, and raised an eyebrow. This one… actually sounded like one I could do. Sure, it wouldn't be easy, and I'd probably need Sasuke to get it exactly right, but it sounded… it sounded like a version of bunshin that I might, just might actually be able to do!

I put my hands into the cross-seal that the scroll had in a sketch, and said, "Kage bunshin!"

I felt my chakra splitting, and felt the half that wasn't a part of me anymore beginning to swirl, me gently shaping it with only a nudge of my will here and there instead of the usual uphill fight it was. It was like the chakra actually knew what it was supposed to do.

There was a 'poof' as the clone solidified, and I held my breath, wondering if maybe, just this once, I had managed to do it right.

"Hey!" my voice exclaimed, "it worked!"

"Huh?" I said, confused. The scroll had said the clones would be solid, but it didn't mention talking.

"Awesome! This ability is gonna be really useful later on!" the clone said happily. "Better, you managed it first try! Wonder how many of these things you can make at once?"

I found myself responding to the clone's question with, "The scroll said however many my chakra can handle, so I guess… I'll just have to experiment. I don't really know how much chakra I have, aside from 'too damn much'." The scroll had also said that this jutsu was highly dangerous and shouldn't be attempted by anyone lower than jounin, though, so I was kinda sceptical on exactly how accurate it was.

The clone puffed out, and I cursed. Well, it hadn't lasted, but not bad for a first attempt. The clones were supposed to hang around until I dismissed them, though, so that'd have to be fixed. And I definitely wanted to be able to make more than one.

…Good grief. I'd been talking to myself.

I shook the thought off and brought my fingers back into the cross-seal, repeating, "Kage bunshin!"

This time there were three puffs as three different splits of chakra solidified, and I smiled. This was starting to work.

"Hey, getting better, boss," one of the clones remarked. "Three's good, three's very good."

"Hey, are you solid?" one of them asked another, and there was an 'ouch' as one of the clones was poked, followed by a 'poof' as it was dispelled. "Oops. Yes, until I poked you."

I half-grinned at the clones remaining, and asked, "Okay, so I can make three clones. Three clones who injure each other and get dispelled. What now?"

"Work on damage absorption," one of them offered, their voice coming from the left. "One poke isn't good; it's supposed to be a good deal higher than that. Something's not going right there. Oh, and I think you're replicating your hearing funny, I'm getting buzzy sounds and I can't really hear what's going on."

"Hm, that could be a problem," I muttered, but there was a sinking, twisting feeling in my chest. "I guess you guys can't see either, huh?"

There was a ruffling sound of clothes as both clones shook their heads. "We're supposed to be identical copies. No new abilities. We should be just as effective as you in battle, except we need the same other senses, and they're not working properly."

I sighed. "This'll need a bit of work. And the numbers thing, too; three won't be very useful in a fight."

"Better than none," the clone on the right pointed out.

Frowning as I thought, my fingers trailed over the scroll, automatically absorbing the information, before I brightened at the next jutsu: Tajuu Kage Bunshin.

I grinned. This was going to be fun.

Over an hour later, I was flat on my back, panting. My chakra had been busily separating itself as often as it could, and I was starting to wear myself out.

But, as far as I could tell, I had mastered this jutsu.

The clones were all perfect, exact copies of me, and they had stopped dispelling at a simple poke or shove, standing up to a couple of good kicks before poofing out. My chakra was returning quickly, the remains of the clones returning to me and adding to my supplies, so that I could sit up easily to grin to myself.

"Naruto!" Iruka's voice snapped. "What the hell are you doing?!"

Ah, good. Time to test the theory that had been nagging at the back of my mind for most of my practise hour. "Hey, Iruka!" I shouted in return, jumping to my feet and beaming. "Did you come to test me? I learned a jutsu, like Mizuki said!"

"Mizuki?" Iruka asked, and I knew that I'd been right. Something had been up, and I'd been dragged right into the middle of it.

"Yeah, Mizuki! He told me all about the secret way to pass, about how you have to borrow the Forbidden Scroll and learn a jutsu from it to pass! And I did it, Iruka! I learned one!"

"Mizuki told you that?" my sensei asked, obviously trying to wrap his mind around something.

Laughter cut off our conversation, and I narrowed sightless eyes at my other sensei – soon to be ex-sensei. He was above the ground, standing on a tree branch, I guessed, and he was laughing like the maniac he was. "Yes, me," he sneered, and even though I couldn't see him, I could easily imagine the sneering, disgusted expression on his face as he continued, "Naruto, you're so gullible, stealing the Forbidden Scroll like that for me. Honestly, and you want to be a shinobi!"

"You tricked him!" Iruka exclaimed, obviously furious. "Half the village is looking for an innocent child, because you thought it would be funny to get him in trouble?! How immature are you!?"

"It's not for fun, Iruka," Mizuki snarled, "it's for power. The power of the jutsu contained in that scroll! Hand it over, Naruto!"

"Naruto, don't give it to him!" Iruka barked instantly. I shifted the scroll so that it was sitting over my back – I had no intentions of handing it over, and I had a feeling I was going to need to make a run for it; carrying this bulky thing in my arms would only make it worse. It was hard enough to sprint through a forest by memory alone.

"Mizuki!" Iruka howled, apparently beyond furious, and I couldn't blame him. I knew he thought of Mizuki as a friend, and to have this betrayal…

"Naruto!" Mizuki shouted to me, ignoring Iruka. "Have you ever wondered why the village hates you so much?! Ever wondered what you could have done?! Why the whole village looks at you as if you're a monster!?"

"Mizuki, no!" Iruka shouted. "It's against the law!"

I tightened my grip on the scroll, taking a step back. This wasn't something I wanted to hear, but at the same time… Every day of my life. Every single day, I wondered. But I didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to know.

"When the nine-tailed fox demon Kyuubi attacked Konoha twelve years ago, it was sealed inside a baby! You! You are the Kyuubi! Even your beloved Iruka-sensei hates your guts!"

The bottom of my stomach dropped out. The Nine-Tailed Fox.

Why everyone hated me, why I had to fight for every step I took, why my best friend had to pretend to hate me, why, why, why…

Why everyone called me a 'monster' or 'demon freak' whenever they thought I couldn't hear them.

I heard nothing from Iruka, just the bare gasp of air that he needed for survival, and felt my chest tighten. So I was a monster. I was just a dropout, a monster, a failure.

A freak.

I spun around and bolted into the trees. Sneering laughter echoed after me from the barren depths of my memories.

I ran as fast as I could, and that was very fast – I was almost as fast as Sasuke in a sprinting match, and if I really had a reason to be running, I was faster. I was probably lucky not to run into any trees, but my mental map and my memory was more than enough. It was easy for me to dart between the trees, ducking and leaping the lower branches. I didn't try to take to the trees: it had taken me three weeks and a sprained ankle to map them well enough for me not to be a health hazard, but I didn't want to risk it. The solid ground made for enough of a fast escape route from a world that hated me.

I sobbed in a breath, stumbling over a shoot that hadn't been in that mud patch last week – stupid trees, always growing – and tumbled to the ground, landing with a heavy crash on the forest floor and rolling to cushion some of the unsteady impact. Ow.

I really should have broken something, but somehow, all I felt was one massive bruise beginning to form over my abdomen. I tried to push myself back up, but an unfamiliar whistling sound made me whip my head around – like the sound of wind reflecting off a shuriken, but bigger, and the shape was different –

There was a tearing sound, and then the sound of squelching mud, but my sharp nose caught the smell of blood, and my eyes widened. Not mud – flesh. Someone had just been injured, and that someone was standing over me. I stared at the place I could hear the panting, and opened my mouth to say something, anything, when I heard Iruka say, "Run for it, Naruto! Don't let Mizuki get the scroll!"

I drew in a sharp breath, my mind clicking rapidly. Iruka had been hurt – Iruka had stopped the blade – Iruka was hurt – Iruka had protected me? What the crap? This made no sense!

So I did the only thing I could, and followed his orders. I ran, again.

I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't do a bunshin, I'd gotten Iruka hurt, and I couldn't even escape from one – measly – CHUUNIN! For Kami's sake, I could get away from ANBU!

"Naruto, quick, give me the scroll!" I heard Iruka shout from further off, and I turned my head towards it, quickly leaping that way. What in the world…

There was a thump, and a poof, plus the short burst of chakra that I knew meant a henge was being dropped. Mizuki's voice said, "How did you know I wasn't Iruka?"

I was confused. What was he on about? He couldn't see me – I was a tree or two away from him and whoever had attacked him, and it was a leafy one. I was hidden perfectly from view in the heavy undergrowth.

There was another poof, and another chakra flare, and then Iruka's voice said, heavy with pain, "Because I'm Iruka."

I guessed that Mizuki, in Iruka-henge, had been chasing Iruka, in Naruto-henge. And these people were teaching us? Sad.

"Why are you bothering to protect him?" Mizuki spat. "He's just a monster, a demon. He's not worth anything, he'll never be any more than a failure! The Kyuubi is nothing more than a monster, one who killed your parents!"

I swear my heart nearly stopped at that. So Iruka had even more right to hate me than anyone else? That was all I was, wasn't it? A monster, a demon.

"You're right," Iruka said, panting, his voice thick with what I suspected was blood. I let my head droop. I was nothing. "The Kyuubi is a monster." I was worth nothing at all.

"But Naruto's not like that," Iruka continued. "He's not a monster. He's a klutz, and a bit of a clown, but when it really comes down to it, he's a bright, energetic kid. Uzumaki Naruto is not a monster, or a freak! He's a human being! He's hardworking and kind-hearted! He's not the Kyuubi, and he never will be! He's not the one who killed my parents! He's the number one loudmouth of Konoha, and more importantly, my student! And that is why I will protect him!"

I felt my heart lifting. Iruka said… he said I'm not a monster. That I'm worth something. That I'm not nothing.

Mizuki snarled. "I was thinking of leaving you until later, but now I suppose I'll have to deal with you first!" There was a strange clicking noise that I assumed was him getting out one of those funny shuriken-like weapons I'd heard before, and with a burst of hot rage I bared my teeth. Think again!

I sprang out of my hiding place, just in time to deflect the weapon with a burst of chakra from one outstretched hand and halting in a defending position in front of Iruka, one of the few people on the planet who had ever defended me.

"If you touch my sensei…" I growled, the sound feral with hate, "I'll kill you."

Mizuki laughed. He laughed, ignoring the killer intent that had to be coming off me in waves. "You can't take me down," he sneered. "You're nothing."

I grinned, moving my hands into a seal that was fast becoming familiar. "TAJUU KAGE BUNSHIN!" I roared at the top of my lungs, and I felt my chakra dividing itself as fast as it possibly could, the results exploding into existence all around us. I let my grin widen, baring my teeth.

That was definitely the best one so far.

Well over a thousand.

I inhaled deeply, and heard a thousand sets of lungs imitating me, as we all bellowed, "CHAAAAAARGE!"

With a thousand of me in action, it took a bare twenty seconds to pummel Mizuki into unconsciousness, the constant barrage of furious punches and kicks not being something any normal human could withstand for more than a few seconds. As I – the real me – kicked him into a tree, the thousand clones I'd managed to conjure up dispelled, one by one disappearing from existence. I smiled sheepishly at the spot I could hear Iruka's laboured breathing, saying, "I guess I overdid it a bit, huh?"

Iruka coughed. "Just a little, I think. Naruto, come here, and close your eyes."

I walked over to him slowly, wondering what he would think of me now. I'd just beaten the utter crap out of Mizuki, who had attempted to betray the village, using me as a scapegoat, and –

My train of thought was cut off as I felt Iruka pulling off the goggles I sometimes wore, replacing them with warm cloth, and I heard him say, "Okay, you can open them now."

I did open them, making my eyes look up at my forehead (totally pointless), and moved my hand to touch the strip of cloth that had been neatly tied there, and the plate of metal firmly fixed in position. My fingers brushed over the spiralling symbol engraved deeply into the steel, and my eyes widened instinctively, my mouth dropping open as my mind painted the Konoha leaf resting on my forehead.

The hitai-ate.

Iruka had passed me!

I was a ninja!

I felt the excitement bubbling up inside me and I let out an ear-splitting "YAHOOO!!!" and grabbed my sensei around the waist, hugging him tightly. "Thank you so much, Iruka-sensei!"

He laughed. "Well, the requirement is 'three bunshin', and you just made at least a thousand perfect copies of yourself, using a jounin-level jutsu, no less! How could I not pass you, after a performance like that!"

I laughed myself, feeling like I was going to explode with happiness. I'd made it! I was a ninja, and I'd finally conquered that stupid bunshin!

"Come on, Naruto," my sensei laughed, "I'll treat you to ramen. It's starting to get late, and I know you haven't had dinner!"

I whooped, and bounced alongside him as we started to walk back to the village. Then I paused. "Wait, what about Mizuki and the scroll?"

"Well, I hardly think Mizuki's going anywhere," Iruka pointed out. "He can stay where he is until the ANBU pick him up. I left a message explaining what happened, and I'm sure the Sandaime Hokage was following it in his crystal ball, so he'll know exactly what happened. The scroll can stay with us until we can return it safely to the vault."

I nodded energetically. That made sense, and better, it meant I could have dinner straight away!

I sat down at one of the stools at Ichiraku Ramen Bar, bouncing excitedly and begging Iruka for miso ramen. My sensei was chuckling under his breath as the chef plonked two bowls of ramen down in front of us, saying, "First batch of the morning, fresh and piping hot! Eat up, boys!"

Morning, already, must have been busy for longer than I thought – I heard Iruka's chopsticks crack and half-froze. I wasn't sure where mine were! Sasuke always tapped the table for me where the chopsticks where, or muttered under his breath, but he wasn't here, and I couldn't let Iruka know I was blind. I just couldn't.

"NARUTO!" I heard a familiar voice bellow from down the street, and turned my head towards it. "Where the hell have you been?! I've been looking all over the damn village for you!"

I felt my face splitting into a grin. "SASUKE!" I hollered back at the top of my lungs. "SASUKE! I PASSED! I PASSED!"

"What?!" He was closer now: I could hear his sprinting footfalls as he ran towards as and as he screeched to a halt he panted out, "How'd you do it? You passed, that's great!"

I grinned and formed the cross-seal. "Kage bunshin!" I announced happily, and the chakra instantly puffed out into a shadow clone, who did a backflip.

"That's awesome, Naruto!" Sasuke said. "Where'd you pick that up – oh, Kami, don't tell me you actually –"

"I borrowed the Forbidden Scroll and taught myself the Kage Bunshin," I told him, happily raining on whatever hope he'd had that I hadn't gone and done exactly that.

"Aaaargh! I told you not to tell me!"

Iruka cleared his throat, apparently surprised to see Sasuke talking so much. But really, if he's fighting with me, he talks quite a bit. He's very quiet around other people, most of the time, but, when it was just him and me, it was – normal. "Sasuke, Naruto did manage to pass, although –" he coughed – "it wasn't exactly orthodox."

I had freaked out over the cough. "Aaah! Iruka-sensei! I forgot, you're hurt! We have to get you to the hospital!"

Iruka chuckled. "Ah, don't worry about it; I patched myself up on the way here, and it wasn't that bad."

"Wasn't that bad?! Those shuriken-thingies were awful! They'd cause wicked injuries, you must be in agony!"

"Well, tell me all about it, then," Sasuke said, sitting down in the seat next to mine.

"But then the ramen will get cold!" I whined, the complaint a plea in disguise.

I heard Sasuke sigh, and then rap his knuckles on the counter in front of me. "The ramen's right there, moron; you can talk and eat at the same time. I know that much about your table manners."

I love you, Sasuke! I thought as I reached out and grabbed the chopsticks he had just indicated with that tap. In half a second I was gulping down the ramen and babbling the story out to my best friend, waving one arm around for emphasis at the important bits and shovelling noodles into my mouth.

"And then one of those shuriken-things went flying towards Iruka and it was awesome, I was just like POW and then it went flying and I said 'if you touch my sensei I'll kill you' and – those shuriken are nasty, do you have my sketchpad?"

Sasuke handed me a rectangular pad and tapped my knuckles with the pencil, which I quickly grabbed and flicked to a blank page, rapidly scribbling on the paper and sketching out the razors of the projectile weapon and the slight curve of each blade, the deadly-looking weapon feeling right as I checked the slight abrasions the pencil made with my fingers. That slight curve would explain the whistles I'd heard, and the collapsible mechanism would've made those clicks as it was unfolding. Made sense. "There, like that, about my armspan from point to point. Damn, those things were nasty. Like a shuriken, but way bigger and a little different, too."

I gulped down half of a second bowl of ramen in one go and continued, "Then Mizuki said – well, not so much said as laughed – that I couldn't touch him or something, and then I used the Tajuu Kage Bunshin and then it was pow, pow, kablam and he was down! There was, like, a thousand bunshin! It was awesome, the best one I managed all night! Then Iruka gave me his forehead protector and we came here, and then you showed up, and –"

"Yes, I know the story from there, you idiot," Sasuke sighed, but there was a hint of a smile in his voice. "But, that means you passed, right?"

I turned to Iruka, tensing my face muscles and raising my eyebrows in what Sasuke had nicknamed the puppy-dog-eyes no jutsu, and my sensei laughed. "Well, I'll have to change the results, but since the bunshin was the only thing holding Naruto back and he can do it beyond perfectly now, I really have no choice but to pass him."

"WHOOOHOOO!" I shouted, and Sasuke scowled, growling, "Dobe, not so loud! Must the whole village know?"

"Yes!" I declared. "In fact, screw the village, I want the whole country to know!" I jumped to my feet and opened my mouth, but Sasuke clapped both hands over my face, wrestling me to the ground.

"Oh, no you don't! I want to have eardrums when we get our teams! Which means I don't want you blowing them out a few damn hours beforehand!"

"Teme!" I spat around his hands, wriggling underneath his weight until I got the leverage to kick him off and then make a break for it as he made another leap at me. "See you later, Iruka-sensei!" I shouted as we bolted down the street.

Iruka sighed. "Those two… Just a minute ago I could have sworn they were best friends, and now they're trying to kill each other again. Honestly, the way they act sometimes…"

Attention:

Hatake Kakashi

Memo: It wasn't a request, Kakashi. You are taking a team.

Signed,

Sandaime Hokage

Attention:

Sandaime Hokage

Memo: I will agree to consider teaching a genin team this year, but I would like to request permission to teach the team containing Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto.

Signed,

Hatake Kakashi

P.S. That wasn't a request either. Sensei's brat and Obito's brat or no brats at all!

I was bouncing up and down continuously in my seat beside Sasuke later that morning (sleep? Why would I need such a useless thing?), again acting as a shield from the fangirls (who had yet to notice that the seat they were fighting over was currently occupied). Sasuke was ignoring me, although I had to be irritating him, but as per usual, I was less annoying than the female population of our class. Even if I was high for no particular reason.

"Naruto…" a voice sighed from above me, and I glanced up, hopefully meeting Shikamaru's eyes. His voice had a slower tempo than a normal person's, probably something to do with his laziness: he spoke slowly so that if someone got what he was saying before he finished, he wouldn't have to say the whole sentence. "You know, this class is for graduating students only."

I scowled. "In case you haven't noticed, Shika, I have a hitai-ate, which means that I passed. So I'm meant to be in here, thankyou very much."

He sighed again. "This is too troublesome…" he muttered, slouching off to a seat closer to the back, next to Chouji, who was eating chips again. Slightly stale chips, I noticed from the sounds of the crunches.

The din of the classroom only got worse when the two ringleaders of Sasuke's fanclub came shoving in, calling each other names and obviously arguing over the coveted position of being seated next to their hero. Sasuke let out a tiny sound that could have been a whimper, and I would have been teasing him mercilessly over the unmanly sound if I hadn't been distracted by a high-frequency screech blasting my sensitive ears.

After a few seconds, when the ringing had died down a little, I said, "Ow. I think I'm deaf in my right ear now." Sasuke sniggered.

"Well that sucks," he muttered out of the corner of his mouth. "You may not need your eyes to be a ninja, but you sure as hell need your ears."

"Wha?"

I wasn't actually deaf, but as I listened to the two girls bickered at each other at high pitches, I rather wished I was. Their pitch was giving me a #&%ing migraine.

"I was here first, Forehead Girl!"

"No way, Ino-pig! Sasuke-kun would way rather sit next to me than you! Wouldn't you, Sasuke-kun?" The sickly, vaguely bubbly tone the girl was using made me feel ill, while the high pitch just made my ears hurt.

"Hn." Sure, take the easy way out, Sasuke.

"What am I, invisible?" I snapped aloud. "I'm sitting here, so go somewhere else!"

The fangirls turned their attention to me, which, while it gave Sasuke a bit of relief, gave me a headache even through the fingers I had the foresight to shove in my ears. I couldn't even understand half of what they were screeching, let alone care.

Iruka's voice cut through the white wall of noise that was Sakura and Ino's voices, bellowing, "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP, FOR KAMI'S SAKE!!!" I had almost forgotten how loud he could be when he needed to be.

Ino snorted and stomped away, a scowl evident in the weight under her footsteps, but to my absolute horror, Sakura squeezed onto the bench beside me. Please don't let her speak, please don't let her speak, pleeeeeeaaaaase don't let her speeeeaaak…

"Sasuke-kun, don't you hope that we could be on the same team? That would be great, wouldn't it?"

She spoooooke! I moaned silently and hid my head under my arms.

"Hn." No, Sasuke, don't encourage her!

"Listen up!" Iruka barked. "You are now genin, which means that you take on genin duties! And it's not all fun and games anymore! The life of a ninja is full of hardships and trials to endure, pain and difficulty!"

He actually said a lot more, but I ignored him, tracing the grain of the wood of the desk with my fingertips until he started to call out the teams, when I blinked myself awake and asked Sasuke, "Sooo… what did he just say in that long and pointless speech that I didn't listen to?"

"That we are genin, ninja lives suck, and these are our teams," Sasuke muttered under his breath.

"Ohhhhh. So why couldn't he just say that in the first place?"

"Because he's a teacher. Teachers are hard-wired to say as little as possible in as many words as they can."

"You would suck at being a teacher."

"You'd be great at it, if not for the fact that you couldn't see what the little snot-nosed toerags were doing."

"Why's that, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura put in, and my heart nearly stopped. Shit, she was listening!

"Because he's an absent-minded twat," Sasuke replied, and I breathed a faint sigh of relief before retorting, "I am not, teme – oooh, a bug!" I looked over the edge of my desk, tipping my head towards the small insect I could hear scuttling on the floor. My tone was argumentative, but Sasuke knew – through my proving of his point – that I was thanking him for the quick save.

"Hn. I rest my case." No problem, Naruto.

"Team Seven: Uzumaki Naruto… Uchiha Sasuke…"

Oh thank Kami. I felt my shoulder muscles relaxing, and Sasuke brushed my hand reassuringly.

"…And Haruno Sakura."

Oh crap. Me and Sasuke both groaned, while Sakura whooped with excitement at being put on Sasuke-kun's team!

Thud. I slammed my head on the desk twice more, before Sasuke poked me hard in the shoulder. "Knock it off, you don't have that many brain cells to lose."

"Teme," I grumbled.

Several hours of listening to Sakura's high-pitched fawning later and I was ready to crawl under a desk and die. "WHERE THE F*&% IS OUR F*&%ING SENSEI?!"

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled at me, "Don't swear in front of a lady!"

"I'LL SWEAR WHENEVER I GODDAMN WANT TO!" I yelled in her general direction – my ears were ringing, and it was getting harder to tell where she was. "AND WHERE THE F*&% IS THIS 'LADY' YOU SPEAK OF?!"

I heard her fist moving, but I was wedged between the bench and the desk and couldn't get low enough in time to dodge, catching her punch in the back of the head. "Owww!" I complained, having been shoved off the bench and onto the floor. "That huuuurt!"

"Hn. And you call yourself a ninja?" Sasuke's voice was mocking, but there was a flicker of concern only I could hear, and I mentally translated, Are you okay? A lot of what we say isn't in what's actually said. It means we can have a full-blown argument, and be discussing bits and pieces that no one else knows about. I think it's useful. Sasuke says it's creepy, but I'm pretty sure he's joking…

"YES I DO!" I shouted back at him. Translation: I'm fine. "IT WAS HER FAULT!" She is so annoying!

"Hn." I agree. Let's kill her later.

Okay, so maybe the second bit was wishful thinking. Despite that, my mind was already going through vague half-formed plans of breaking into her house and setting her bed on fire. And how long were we meant to put up with her?

"I'M BORED!" I announced to most of the building, and rolled out from under the bench, bouncing down steps that I had long ago taught myself to navigate without falling flat on my face. I grabbed a chalkboard eraser from the bottom of the blackboard and went to the door, opening it a crack and wedging the duster up the top. The next person to open it would get a good bonk on the head.

"Naruto, what are you doing?!" Sakura snapped. "Your pranks are so stupid! Do you want to get in trouble with our jounin sensei?"

I snorted. "If he's good enough to know it's there, we'll get a little knowledge on his abilities. If he can't, he'll learn not to underestimate us just because we're kids. Fair trade. Plus, it's his fault he's late."

"Naruto! What if they're an emergency, and that's why he's late?!"

"By four hours? Nuh-uh. The only emergency I accept for that is 'dead' or 'mortally wounded'. Right, Sasuke?"

"You're such an idiot." Translation: Bingo.

I heard footsteps echoing down the corridor: too light and far apart to be children, and the wrong pulse to be Iruka or any of the other teachers. I sat up a little straighter, and Sasuke shifted nearby to look at the door, he having noticed me hearing something worth noting.

I heard the door open and a single footfall as someone took a step inside, followed by the thup of the eraser hitting something. Sakura yelped, and I hissed to Sasuke quickly under my breath "What happened whathappenedwhathappenedwhathappened?!"

"He stepped in and the eraser hit him, right on the head," he hissed back. "Nice shot."

"Yesssss!"

"My first impression of you three is that… you're a waste of my time." His voice had a similar pulse to Shikamaru's, but was a lower baritone; more arrogant and even more bored than lazy.

"And my first impression of you is that you need an attitude transplant and a wristwatch," I retorted promptly. "Good thing first impressions are often wrong, eh, Kakashi-sensei?"

I got the definite sense that someone was glaring at me. I wonder who?

"Well, meet me up on the roof," our new teacher said boredly, and there was a poof and a flash of chakra – stronger than henge, and closer in timbre to kawarimi. Sakura gasped, and Sasuke muttered under his breath to me, "He just used shunshin. Showoff."

I nodded agreement, looking as if I was just nodding to myself for no real reason, and bounced to my feet; Sasuke stood up behind me, and I pretended to stare out the window for a second to let him get in front of me before following tamely. Sakura, closer to the door, went out straight away, and I heard her footsteps immediately take the stairwell towards the roof. Sasuke's hands brushed the edges of the doorway, letting me refix its position in my head, and as we started going up the stairs, he trailed his hand along the banister, the changes in the direction of the noise letting me know when there was a curve coming up.

"Ow!" I had walked into the doorway just before the roof – Sasuke's hand had missed the other edge of the doorway, and I had misjudged the width of the door without the second reference.

"Hn, you're so clumsy." Sorry.

"Teme!" Don't do it again!

Rubbing my head, I moved out onto the roof and walked over to where Sasuke was standing, leaning against the railing he'd brushed with one hand a second ago. Sasuke himself sat down on the stairs about a metre away from my feet, and Sakura was on his other side.

"Well, now that we're all here, why don't we introduce ourselves?" Kakashi drawled. His voice was very bored, and it irritated me. If he was so bored, then why was he here? "Your name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, your dream… that sort of thing."

"Why don't you go first, sensei, to show us how it's done?" Sakura suggested.

"My name is Hatake Kakashi. Hm… well… likes and dislikes… eh, I don't feel like telling you those. My dream for the future… hm, never really thought about it. Hobbies… well, I have lots of hobbies. Your turn!"

Well, that was helpful, I thought, frowning slightly. He gave away a lot more than he let on, and I don't think he meant to… secretive guy… doesn't like to think about the future, probably lives in the past a bit, better keep an eye out for that… his likes and dislikes… I don't think they're something children should be privy to, judging from his amused tone there… hobbies… man, I think he really does have a lot of hobbies. Wonder what they are?

"Well that was helpful!" Sakura exclaimed. "All we really learned was his name!"

Apparently she didn't catch that.

"Okay, you go first," Kakashi said.

There was a long pause.

Finally Sasuke sighed. "Idiot, are you even awake?"

Shit, he was talking to me! "Uh, what was the question again?" I yelped, then acted like I had remembered, "oh yeah! Likes… I like ramen and my friend, bright colours, ramen, and music. I don't like silence. I reeeeeaaally don't like silence. Oh, and those three minutes you have to wait for instant ramen to cook after you put in the hot water. That's not instant! I hate, hate, hate high-pitched noises! They're even worse than silence! And really loud ones, they're bad, too. Uh, hobbies… my favourite hobby is drawing, but I make explosive seals, too. I'm working on shock tags, but so far all they do is light up the living room occasionally. So if I come in with singed eyebrows, you know why."

I stopped, expecting Kakashi to prompt the next person, but Sakura said, "What about your dream?"

I was immediately suspicious. Why did she care? Why had she noticed? Why did she give a damn about what my dream was, especially if I didn't want to tell her? Was she planning something? Was I too paranoid for my own good? Probably.

I contemplated this internally for a second, then swore mentally. Oh crap, I'm turning into Sasuke!

"Aw, come on, how would I know what my dreams are? I'm just an idiot," I whined. "Ask Sasuke, he's smart!"

"Can I have that in writing?"

"NO!"

"Okay, your turn," Kakashi said, and apparently indicated Sakura, as it was her voice I heard next.

"Well, my likes are… I mean, the person I like is…" there followed a little giggle. "My hobbies…" another weird giggle. I got the distinct feeling she was staring at my best friend, and smirked to myself. I was so teasing Sasuke about this later. I plugged my ears to avoid Sakura's high-pitch-y-ness and spent the rest of her fangirl speech planning out how to piss Sasuke off later, and also my escape route when he took a swing at me.

"And the last one."

Ah, Sasuke's turn. I tugged my fingers out of my ears – Sasuke's voice was always quiet and a good, low pitch. "I don't like much, and I dislike many things." Translation: I like Naruto and tomatoes, and I dislike fangirls and a whole lotta other crap. "I don't have any hobbies." Though I'll never admit it, I like to help Naruto with his pranks to piss off people who annoy me. "And my dream for the future…" His eyes narrowed, I could just tell from his tone. "Is to even the score with a certain someone."

Mentally I cursed. Damn, I thought he'd outgrown the I-am-an-avenger-I-must-kill-Itachi phase… unless he's talking about the… oh crap, I told him to leave that alone!

I shot a dirty look in what I thought was Sasuke's direction, just in case. Judging from Sakura's failed attempt at hitting me, I think I missed.

"Well, you're all three individuals, each with your own thoughts and opinions," Kakashi said easily. "That's good. Now, tomorrow, we'll begin with a survival exercise."

"What? But we did survival exercises back in the Academy," said Sakura, sounding confused, and I gave a barely noticeable shudder. Those had been HELL for someone who couldn't see what the crap he was doing. Thank god for Sasuke. I remember this one time he got put on the opposite team and I know I totally flunked that one. I fell into a pool of freezing slime that I swear wasn't there a second ago.

I tuned back in just in time to hear Kakashi chuckling. Huh? What'd I miss this time?

"You see, out of the twenty-seven graduates, only nine of them will become genin."

"WHAT?!" Sakura screamed; I already had my fingers in my ears. If we did pass on the same team I was going to have to talk to her about the shrieking habit. I wasn't surprised by the 'extra test' thing – I'd heard some jounin discussing the 'second genin exam' a couple of weeks ago. I don't think I was supposed to overhear it, buuut… This was apparently it. Huh. They hadn't been joking.

I myself was scowling internally. Kakashi's tone had hinted at the fact he thought we'd fail his stupid test. Well, we'd show him! And anyway, he couldn't even dodge an eraser and had shown up four hours late. What sort of faith could you put in his words?

"So I'll see you guys tomorrow at five in the morning. Just remember: if you don't want to throw up, don't eat breakfast!" He vanished, and I immediately thought, Screw the guy who needs a wristwatch!

"Screw not eating breakfast!" I said aloud. "He's probably going to show up four hours late again, and if we haven't had anything to eat by then we'll be useless in any form of survival exercise!"

"Hn." Good point.

"But Kakashi-sensei just told us not to eat breakfast!" Sakura insisted. "And we have to show up on time! That's how it works!"

"Actually, it was only a suggestion," Sasuke put in quietly.

"And how much stock can we put in this guy's words, anyway?" I pointed out. "Showed up four hours late, underestimated his team, couldn't dodge a simple chalkboard eraser – unless he was just too lazy to get out of the way, which is even worse – underestimated us again… And now he's told us to starve ourselves and then abandoned us until tomorrow. Suuure, I can respect him. Not."

Sakura began lecturing in her high-pitched voice, and I sighed. Damn, this was going to be a headache. I just knew it.

Attention:

Sandaime Hokage

Memo: You have got. To be f%&ing. Kidding me.

Signed,

Hatake Kakashi

Japanese Translations:

Sandaime: Literally 'third', colloquially means "Third Hokage" in this context.

Kyuubi: This is generally the colloquial term for the fox demon that attacked Konoha. Its full title is Kyuubi no Kitsune, which translate directly to "The Nine-Tailed Fox", whereas Kyuubi just means Nine-Tails. Unless referring to his full title, Kyuubi is the term mostly used. This particular word is also spelt as 'Kyūbi', but this is going into romanji and confusing symbols on top of English lettering, so we won't go there. Just know that I prefer to spell it as 'Kyuubi'.

Hitai-ate: The headbands the ninja wear. These are forehead protectors, the metal plate to stop kunai killing you on instant impact, although not all ninja wear them around their foreheads. They have the village's symbol on them to say what village the ninja belongs to, and are considered a symbol of adulthood. Missing-nin usually have a slash through the middle to denote the fact that they have cut all ties with their former village – but an interesting fact is that Momochi Zabuza, a known missing-nin, wears an unslashed hitai-ate.

Techniques:

Kage Bunshin (Shadow Clone)
This is a variation of the original bunshin technique. However, instead of an illusion, it creates a solid, fully functioning copy of the user. They can be dispelled with one or two good hits or by puncturing the skin, but it is almost impossible to tell them apart from the original – the Byakugan can see a perfect copy of the chakra system, and only the Sharingan has the ability to tell them apart. Even then it is said to be extremely difficult. Kage Bunshin uses up a lot of chakra, dividing the user's chakra equally for each clone, said to be the reason it became a forbidden technique: it took enough chakra for people to kill themselves trying it. Twin1 has speculated its forbidden status may also be due to the fact that each clone is a whole new person with a personality and a will to live, the doubtful ethical issues having an effect on the jutsu's status. Only ninja jounin-level and up may know this one – except, obviously, Naruto. As far as seen in canon, no chuunin know it, and not all jounin can do it either.

Shunsin (Body Flicker)
This one is the subject of much debate as to whether it is a speed jutsu or a teleportation jutsu, although the general consensus is a speed technique. The user uses their chakra to speed their movements to a level that the naked eye cannot track them and can move astonishing distances in what seems to be the blink of an eye. However, longer distances or larger changes in altitude use more chakra, which is why the Shunshin isn't used as a long-distance travel technique: it uses too much energy.

Technique Concepts:

Handseals: This one may seem like a no-brainer to people who know the Naruto-verse well, but to those who don't, ninja use handsigns formed with both hands to stimulate and 'mold' their chakra to make their ninjutsu work. The twelve Zodiac seals are the ones most commonly referred to, although some techniques use other ones, including one-handed seals. The Kage Bunshin jutsu uses an unusual seal, first two fingers on each hand crossed in the evil-warding sign, colloquially referred to as the 'cross-seal'.