Warnings: Attempted body mutilation, Violent language, Molestation, Incest
In a flash those words triggered what he had forgotten. He immediately wished they were never discovered. Sleepless nights that he wished he were dead rose from lost memories. Nights this man, his "father", used him. Nights he was molested. Those horrid nights filled with pain and ... that disgusting feeling of coal grating.... That last act of betrayal, Emiko witnessing it. After that he refused counseling and eventually ... these memories were suppressed.
Daisuke stared at the man before him, this "Kosuke". "What are you doing here!" Fear stricken, Niwa backed away, slowly traveling towards his old room.
"E-Emiko said it would be alright to stay here... She said that you were getting help, too." Kosuke followed his son down the hall, slightly deterred by the pure hatred in his eyes. "I didn't know you were coming today-"
"Get away from me." Daisuke effectively dashed into his room, quickly locking the door before that man could enter and...
Looking around, the boy put memories with the surroundings. The light he turned on when he first witnessed that disgusting man. The doorway he stood near... Daisuke quickly moved away, standing in the middle of the room. His bed on his left sent memories flooding back. Takeshi laughing at something Kosuke had left behind; his father raping him that last night.
Takeshi... Daisuke forced his mind to focus on the present things. Takeshi was at Satoshi's... Satoshi could get him. He needed protection. Niwa recalled all those months that he felt nothing towards safety... And realized that it wasn't that he didn't need it, but that he gave up. There was no use whining for something that was never going to happen.
Niwa saw a telephone next to a couch in his room. Picking it up, he dialed Satoshi's number with shaking hands. "H-Hiwatari... Please... Help me..."
... ...
"I'm not going to hurt you, Daisuke." The man's voice reverberated through the child's room. Kosuke sat on the floor against his son's door, Daisuke preferring to be nowhere near that door. "I thought you really didn't hate me... But you just forgot... I guess now you remember, though..."
"You're the bastard that did this to me." Daisuke murmured, sitting against his closet, rolled in a ball.
"I love you, Daisuke. I would never hurt you." And his voice really sounded like he was telling the truth.
Niwa gave a hysterical laugh. "I will never love you."
"Really?" Kosuke's calmness seemed to waver. The man stood and left, his heavy foot falls signaling his leave.
Daisuke sighed, wiping tears from his eyes, when the sudden steps were back along with a clinking at the door. He couldn't believe it. Niwa backed into the furthest corner of the room, watching the lock slowly turn. In seconds the door swung open and the man, that horrible beast, stood there.
Cringing in fear, the boy started hyperventilating, groping for anything he could use as a weapon.
"You'll never love me?" Kosuke asked, "Then it doesn't matter what I do to you..."
"Daisuke!" Satoshi called from down stairs.
"I'm in my roo-"
Kosuke hastily closed the bedroom door and locked it, using a master key of sorts. "We only have a few minutes together..."
The man approached Daisuke, snatching his hands and capturing his lips. Niwa instantly bit down on his father's tongue, struggling out of the strong arms holding him. "So you're feisty now... That's alright, I like it rough."
Kosuke threw Niwa onto the bed beside them, crawling on top in one fluid movement.
"Get off of me!"
The door started thudding against a heavy weight ramming it. "Daisuke. Talk to me."
"Hiwata-"
The man placed his mouth on his child's. His hands cleaved into Niwa's shoulders, forcing cooperation. Daisuke laid there, his father's tongue in his mouth, bile rising in his throat- wanting nothing more than to vomit right now. One of the man's hands crawled under Niwa's shirt, caressing his tight stomach and seductive nipples.
Finally the door slammed open, and Kosuke was dragged off of him. Daisuke was vaguely aware of Satoshi's presence... and someone else... maybe Takeshi... and was oddly interested in the way the floor seemingly floated up to him, only to realize he was falling.
... ...
"D-Daisuke? Honey, what are you doing here?" Emiko addressed Hikari with a different tone. Though not so vulgar as usual, as he was carrying her son. "What happened?"
"He remembers everything. Perhaps if you speak to Kosuke now, he will explain."
Hiwatari didn't bother watching Emiko race up the stairs, ransacking the house for her husband. He could only imagine what was going to happen.
... ...
"What the hell was that?" Takeshi asked once they were safely moving away from the house.
"Don't say anything to Niwa."
"B-but, wasn't that his dad?"
"He has a neurotic disorder... He doesn't even realize what he's doing."
"But still! Is that why Dai's staying with us?"
"Yes. He is staying with me because of the situation. It's been nearly three months already."
"Since?"
"Kosuke raped him."
... ...
"Where is he!" The man yelled at Emiko, waking to see her at his side instead of Daisuke, "He's mine!"
"Kosuke! C'mon, come back. You haven't done this in-" Emiko pled. And though strong arms grasped her in threatening manner, she did not even think about giving her son's whereabouts.
"He belongs to me. Daisuke is mine." Kosuke declared boldly. Emiko witnessed the horrendous possessiveness, pretending that this wasn't her husband. Wasn't the child's father.
"I hate to do this to you..." Emiko muttered and slammed Kosuke against the wall with unrestrained power. The man rubbed his head, groaning in pain, yet looked up with innocent eyes.
"W-why are you looking at me like that?" Emiko began crying, cuddling into his arms, "E-Emiko, what happened?"
... ...
"Daisuke?"
He heard the voice, yet couldn't see the owner. Shaking his head groggily, Daisuke sat up, finding himself in his bed at Satoshi's house, and the person talking to him none other than said friend.
"How are you feeling?" Satoshi asked, rubbing his friend's head, though his actions were hesitant and light. He did not want to hurt the boy; physically or mentally.
"I'm.... I feel disgusting." He could feel the torment and pain leak through his bland heart, effectively dousing him in depravity. Instantly, the boy shot up, stripping his shirt and started on his pants. "I need to be clean."
Hiwatari stopped his friend and took him by the hand, escorting him to the bathroom. "It's fine to bathe... But at least go into the respected facility."
Daisuke stood in front of the mirror, staring at his semi-naked form. Thoughts of being defiled flashed into his mind. This body was held by its father. It had been molested countless times and screamed for mercy even more so.
Why was he being targeted? Why did that monster wish to distort him more? Why did he remember?
Satoshi was right. Knowing didn't help in the least.
"Do you want to watch me as well?" The boy whispered crudely in a pained voice that reverberated his sickness.
"Daisuke, I would never." Satoshi sincerely spoke. Niwa was the epitome of light and everything brilliant, even with his innocence and trust no longer intact. He would always care for and love him. "Can I trust you not to do anything rash?"
The boy abruptly laughed, a cold chilling laughter, "The only 'rash' thing I can do right now is use too much shampoo."
Having Satoshi leave the room, Daisuke stripped entirely. Digging into his wounds, Daisuke recalled Kosuke again. Remembering those repugnant hands on him, around him. It was as though he were a tiny bacteria cell and that man was the universe. Everything he did echoed his madness. The universe wasn't at fault for the crime of a single cell. The blame was on the cell.
Like now, Daisuke felt like if he could stare at his wretched body long enough, it would begin to disintegrate. The purest form of nirvana; freedom from pain and suffering. Though even if his form decomposed, his soul would still bear the mark of sin.
Once in the shower, water scalding hot, skin seemingly tinged a permanent dark pink, Daisuke began scrubbing his skin. The nastiness residing under that first layer refused to expel. No matter the temperature or force used to exercise his own body, he was still possessed by some demon.
Why was he so dirty?
Why did he allow that man to sully him?
A simple shower was no longer so simple. As Daisuke lowered the washcloth, a sudden feeling of abhorrence pervaded his mind. He looked down at his stark naked manhood. The feeling escalated to the point where he exited the shower to relieve himself.
Quickly, he looked in the mirror and found what he sought. Daisuke didn't know why it was there. No one in the house shaved, or at least he assumed Satoshi didn't need to, for he was always as smooth as a baby. A four bladed razor sat inside, looking at him. Seducing him.
The boy picked it up, sitting himself on the closed toilet, and thought about how to do this. Kosuke only wanted him because of this. If it were gone, there would be no reason for suffering so much. It only acted as a reminder of that man's sick excursions.
He placed it as close to the base of the shaft as possible and slowly slid it against his skin. It hurt, that was definite. But it also relieved a part of him. A line of blood seeped from his skin as tears escaped his eyes. If this could provide the slightest bit of confidence that he would never live through that again, he would make any sacrifice.
The blade sharply bit into him so much that the thought of bleeding to death afterwards comforted Daisuke. With his life force bleeding out of himself, the anguish and disbelief fled. But the eternal feeling of betrayal and disgust never left. This body was used and tarnished past recognition. This body deserved to be cremated. Turning into a eunuch would only be half of what it owed.
"Daisuke?" Satoshi's voice suddenly called, the interruption breaking a bit of Niwa's resolve, "Are you alright?"
He would have to speed up the process if this was to be done now. The blade cleaved into his skin harsher as several knocks on the bathroom door resounded. Startled by the noise, Daisuke jumped, causing the razor to take an unexpected turn. The boy screamed and instantly reprimanded himself. Though it was too late. Satoshi barged through the door.
Hiwatari didn't stall two seconds before wrestling the blade from Niwa's shaking hands. Upon forcing the weapon out of Daisuke's hands, Satoshi threw it into the bathtub, grabbed a towel and held it against the boy's groin. The wounds were too much to stop from several minutes of applying pressure.
"Takeshi." The reporter hovered near the door in record time. Takeshi assessed the situation, taking a bit more time than Hiwatari. He noticed his boyfriend groping Niwa's thing... Then one second later, the reporter realized the bloody razor in the shower had caused this. "9-1-1."
Hearing the order, Takeshi raced to the phone in their bedroom, dialing quickly. "We need an ambulance at ---"
Hiwatari listened, upon noting that the information was correct, he turned his attention back to the delusional boy in front of him. "Daisuke. What do you think you're doing?"
"Why did you stop me!" The boy shrieked, grabbing for the razor. Satoshi's hand clutched his though, the other still holding a now blood soaked towel to his injury. "His hands are still on me! He's touching me and he won't stop!"
"Daisuke! Kosuke is not here. You won't see him for the rest of your life."
"No... No, no, no..." Niwa calmed down in a deranged silence.
"What are you saying 'no' about?" Satoshi asked, lowering the boy to sit on the toilet seat.
"You don't understand." He mumbled quietly, "We have a connection. I might as well get used to it."
With firm resolve, Niwa spoke louder, "Hold me."
"Daisuke, you're bleeding." Satoshi reminded a bit confused and startled at the request.
"Pain makes me feel good anyway. The more I scream, the more I want it." This was not right. Hiwatari knew it, yet couldn't say why. The boy's suffering seemed to mesh with his soul. He didn't care anymore. He wanted to be hurt.
"You're not well now."
"Satoshi. Fuck me." Daisuke demanded.
Something clicked in Satoshi's mind. Niwa had never called him by his first name before. Never. He was too proper to let it past him. Yet this person....
"I won't. Not until we know what's wrong with you."
"The ambulance is here." Takeshi called from downstairs.
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