A/N: Okay… Brittany has taken me a few days to think about. So… here's one take. Brittany is surprisingly harder to write here than I expected… I hope you approve
Brittany S. Pierce: GOLD CRAYON
Brittany S. Pierce has had sex with 29 different people in her life. Of the 27 men, there are a few she remembers: Puck, because she could pet his head like a bunny when he had his Mohawk and Mike Chang, because he took her out dancing, and Brad the piano man, because his fingers were so skillful and because it took a lot of work to get Brad to have sex with her. But, most of the men are just thin black or red lines along her bed.
She keeps a diary with a lock and key in the drawer by her bed. If its locked, the cat can't read it. She lists them in crayon, according to her patent leather system: red for someone bad who she doesn't want to see again, black for someone who might be fun to make out with again, blue for someone who she might consider dating, gold for someone so special, Brittany can never image not seeing them again. There is only one name in Brittany's book which is written in gold: Santana Lopez.
San is Brit's best friend. She knows what to order at Breadsticks so that Brittany doesn't have to practice her Lady and the Tramp impression (pushing meatballs around with her nose is fun, but it makes her cheerleading uniform messy). Her pinky finger in the perfect size to fit in Brittany's. And, even though Santana is mean to everyone else, she is always nice to Brittany.
Santana is the one who explained that God isn't an evil dwarf after Kurt got mad because his dad had a heart attack. If God isn't an evil dwarf, Brit is pretty sure he's not a big man in the sky with a white beard like everyone says, either. Her family doesn't go to church. Her mom is too busy with work, and her dad travels a lot. Brittany usually spends Sunday mornings at a friends house (another notch on her bed), or she and Santana wake up late and make pancakes and watch tv. When they flip to a channel with a church service, Santana mutters things in Spanish that Brit doesn't understand, but sound like "pen-day-ho" and "pour Dee-os" and "Poo-ta Ma-dray" and changes the channel quickly.
Actually, when Brittany thinks about God (a process which takes a surprisingly long time, and usually cause her to get so tired that she falls asleep), she thinks that God must be a little bit like Santana. You know… powerful, protective, kind to the people he loves, smart and worth staying with forever.
So, after Britney gives her book report on heart attacks to Kurt (the one she carefully decorated with glitter because it made the heart shiny), she tries to pray. Alone in her room, she whispers a prayer. She forgets to address it to Jesus, and accidently calls upon Santana.