~EPILOGUE~
Otherwise known as
~the only exception~
AN:
Sorry for the super late update… TT_TT
I wanted this story to end the way it was planned to. I wanted it to end right, so I needed a few days to think about it. That progressed into a month or so. XD
Well, here it is, folks. This is the conclusion to this story, the first that I have ever written for T.M.O.H.S, and the story that will build the legacy for my future Haruhi/Kyon fics. I named this chapter 'the only exception' after the song by Paramore, which is the most beautiful song that I've heard in a while. It sends chills down my spine, yet it gives me a little hope.
Well, I'm notorious for surprise endings (and sad ones at that. That's not necessarily true for my FanFics, but my original stories all end bittersweet.), so watch out, reader. :3
(Some scenes in this last chapter are inspired by Tomoyo After: It's a Wonderful Life, a sequel to Clannad. If you don't already know what that is, don't Wikipedia it! It'll ruin the story for you!)
…what you thought would happen might be the complete opposite of what unfolds.
"Haruhi... promise me you won't date another boy until you find the one you would never ever leave, hear me?" Dad asked firmly, his eyes begging me with silence. "And he has to be the boy you know would never, ever leave you."
The silence between us was evident then, as I bit my lip, nervously looking down into my skirt folds. Why on earth were they getting interesting, all of a sudden? I stared at folds more, just seeing at the creases and bumps formed in it. After looking for a while, I noticed a little drop of water fall down onto it.
"I promise, Pops."
The words came out without me needing to think about it. The words just poured out, as I knew that I would do that not just for him, but myself.
Ever since my father had told me about the situation going on with my mother, I looked at her in a completely different way. Instead of heading to rash conclusions, I would rather think about her motives and see from her perspective.
In a way, I could see where she was looking from for a change.
With every Dammit Haruhi, I don't want you going out late with that boy! to every There's no need for you to go out and buy groceries, it's too dark outside and it's way too late., I realized that she was simply doing her role as my mother.
Suzumiya Rin. My mother.
I had been so cruel to her. She was technically mentally ill, and I responded by shutting her out and ignoring her input altogether. Mom… I hadn't called her that politely in a while… she wasn't telling me to do certain things to harm myself.
Eating dinner with her about a week after my talk with Dad and Kyon, I felt lumps in my throat. I couldn't eat properly, not when thoughts like the ones filling my head were there.
She said nothing, quickly and quietly chewing away at her food, not making eye contact with me.
I had been so cruel.
Out of nowhere, I acted on impulse, which always seemed to work for me.
"Mom, you know I love you, right?"
She looked up from her food, slowly and deliberately.
"…do you mean that?" Mom asked in a clear, serious tone.
"Of course I do." I said quietly. "I… I haven't been telling you that lately. I just want to remind you."
"…Of course you love me," She replied then, without a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "I love you too, Haruhi. You're my daughter, and you mean the world to me."
It was only then I realized that it had been years; years I had been shutting my own mother out as she helplessly watched me leave her behind. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair as we both stared at each other quietly.
"You know, you look just like me when I was your age," Mom said suddenly, her eyes dull. "But you take on your father's personality. Don't ever let anyone take that from you."
"Don't make the mistake that I did, I'm begging you…" She whispered. "Choose the right guy."
I blinked, horrified then. I wanted to reach out and hug my mother, and have us cry together, but the words she spoke made my breath fall short.
The rest of dinner was absolutely silent, and I went to bed for the first time in years without getting yelled at. I lay in bed, ready to sleep after any second, but my mind was racing and so was my heart. My mother had made me realize many, many possibilities. My stomach hurt more and more, as I thought more and more. I curled up into the fetal position and just lay there, thinking for what must've been hours, until I concluded one sad fact.
Maybe Kyon isn't the guy just for me after all.
That morning I woke up very late, judging by the fact I hadn't gotten much sleep in general the evening before. When I woke up my mother had already gone to work and it was 7:50, 40 minutes before the school bell rang. I gasped and slurped up some drool that had leaked out of the corner of my mouth, and ran out the door in a daze.
"…Haruhi?"
I panicked. What the hell? Who could possibly be in the house but me? A burglar? A rapist? OMG, I-
That's when Kyon popped into view. I leaned over the staircase banister, seeing him clearly at the bottom of the staircase then.
My eyes softened at the sight of him. Dressed so carelessly in his school uniform, with a dirty cowlick in his hair and a little patch of hardened drool on his lower cheek, he still took my breath away with his somewhat apathetic demeanor. He was intellectual and expressive, and rebellious to a certain extent, qualities I found I liked about him. Kyon was one badass guy, speaking his mind with anybody. Even his brigade leader, me.
After feeling that nostalgic feeling of love for a second, my stomach hurt again, twisted to a knot at the horrible thought.
Maybe Kyon isn't-
"I saw your mom left already, so I let myself in with that key you leave in the flowerpot in front." He yawned and gave me a classic Kyon smile. "I guess we both kind of woke up late, huh?"
I pushed all negative thoughts aside and nodded, running a hand through my hair as I leaned against the banister, exhausted. Wait… my hair must look like crap!
I panicked inside, silently walking away and going into my bathroom to sort myself out.
"I brought my bike!" Kyon called from downstairs. "Just come down whenever and we can go together. I'm just going to grab something to eat from the kitchen, okay?"
I smiled to myself sadly at the feeling he gave me in my chest.
There I sat with Kyon at the breakfast table, just chomping away at the breakfast Mom had left me so graciously, like it was any other day. We chatted about trivial things, talked about gossip, insulted people we (mainly I) didn't like, and we laughed together. It was around 9:00 AM when I finally was ready to actually go to school, but Kyon didn't seem to mind.
Although he had outgrown his embarrassing (but super adorable) 'I must be a super boyfriend!' phase, Kyon was still the best guy ever, giving me a long 40 minute ride to school on his bike without even asking me if I wanted it. He just gave it to me.
"…man, it's spring already, huh?" I said quietly, feeling the wind rush through my hair as Kyon pedaled on. "Next Tuesday is our 6 month anniversary, almost half a year." I couldn't suppress a laugh. "Man, we're already third years. Man."
Kyon laughed as I held his back because the road was going bumpy. "First high school, and now University. Man… maybe the SOS brigade will reach out to the world at this rate."
Around October of last year, I had come up with the absolutely brilliant idea (or rather, Kyon did) of planning a whole-school event to attract newcomers to the SOS Brigade, as the freshmen who were going to become juniors became better prospects in experience. Although that was true, the SOS Brigade was known for suspicious antics that I couldn't erase. To be frank, I was pretty damn crazy before I started dating Kyon.
I needed a miracle to keep the SOS Brigade alive.
Little did I know I would get exactly what I wanted.
What happened was that along the way to the clubroom one day, Kyon and I were having a little quarrel that my plans were not going to work, in which I kind of wanted to kick a wall. So I stopped to do so.
The funny thing is, a janitor had apparently mopped up the floor several minutes earlier. 15 minutes to be exact. Right to the moment I lifted my leg to kick, the floor cleanser started foaming and it got slippery (as it was supposed to in 15 minutes), and I got so surprised at the sudden popping sound by my feet, and I slipped forward, and then…
I ended up unintentionally kicking through a window.
No, I didn't need to get stitches ('cuz I was already wearing a pair of Kyon's sweatpants because my legs were cold.), but the school had a preposition. They told me that the club could not resume its regular activities until we could pay for the cost of the window. I was very angry until they continued.
However, the school music club director had apparently accidentally picked up the recording of my replacement day with ENOZ as singer and Yuki as guitarist, mistaking it for a Chinese Opera. The teacher was apparently super impressed and wanted us to perform a benefit concert, so that the school could earn more money for more than repairing the window. I happily obliged, realizing the positive public relations it would bring the SOS Brigade.
What happened in the end was a lot of people started joining the SOS Brigade, which made me overjoyed. Despite this, I grudgingly conformed to a lot of Kyon's ideas (but I didn't do that willingly ASAP. He had to… convince me… if you get what I mean. TT-TT), which ended up making the SOS Brigade a team that mostly planned new events for the school and stuff.
Soon there were a solid 15 people in the brigade, and it started to get to me that we had so many people. Finally, I decided as the Ultra Director, that there would be two different branches of the SOS Brigade: the SOS Council (made up of the veterans: I shouldn't need to elaborate) and the SOS Team, who did the Council's benefit work, unaware that they were just a cover up for the fooling around the Council did. Together the Council and the Team were still known as the Brigade, and I was still the Ultra Director, and each branch had different club times and meetings.
Surprisingly, the club started to get popular in a positive way, and things just started happening to the Brigade right and left. Soon, we became very busy, and our days of just lazing off were over. Not that I'm complaining, though. A lot of awesome supernatural and extraterrestrial things happened during our new many investigations, and man, my life just got even cooler.
Suddenly, the SOS Brigade was on the news and it had its own little place, and other schools around Japan were opening SOS Brigade clubs, all grateful for their founder: Me. Even the Universities I was looking into were positively influenced by my interest in them, and each of them told me I would be allowed to open an SOS Brigade if I attended there. For public relations, of course. Touché.
I felt my grip tighten around my boyfriend, the guy I loved, in front of me. None of that would've happened if it weren't for my super boyfriend Kyon.
"What's with the sudden silence?" He asked me in his usual cynical tone. "Did the famous Ultra Director finally lose her steam? Did she finally misplace her crazy gene?"
"…Kyon, thanks for everything." I found myself saying, out of practically nowhere.
Kyon was silent for a while. We rode for about 5 minutes without having a word exchanged between us. When we finally stopped at a crosswalk and Kyon stopped his bike completely, he turned around and smiled the biggest smile I saw out of him straight into my face.
"No, Haruhi. I should be the one saying thank you."
And, being the surprising kissing demon he was, Kyon gently pushed his lips against mine. It was just for a split second, as quick as a blink. Well, public kissing is a big NO in Japan, so he had graciously made it fast. I could already feel the stares of bystanders burning into the back of my head, thinking about the disgrace I probably was to my family, fooling around so openly in public.
Despite its rushed and disgraceful feeling, that kiss was beautiful.
We rode a little slower to school after that.
Kyon's POV
"Listen up, my fellow Brigade members!" Haruhi announced, talking to the entire Brigade for the first time in months. "The School Festival is coming up, and despite our being 3rd Years and our concerns for our futures, the Student Council has insensitively asked us to head a major event taking place."
She stood there on her ghetto podium, composed of an overturned fruit carton that we found lying around in the drama club. Haruhi was rubbing the stress out of her temples with her delicate fingertips, and everybody in the room could feel her inner tension rising.
"What event might that be?" Koizumi asked in his usual smiling voice, wanting to relieve some pressure rising in the room.
"Oh nothing," Haruhi said in a sarcastic tone. "Just the friggin' School Spirit Section of the whole Festival, that's what."
The whole room gasped and fell silent. Around 15 hearts sank all at once.
"That's the most critical booth section in the history of past school festivals," A second year SOS-Team leader said. "That's what the school uses to attract middle school and elementary kids and stuff."
He paused for a second. "Aren't the student council members just assholes?"
Haruhi couldn't help but smile at his comment. "Yes, Hiroki-kohai, yes they are."
"Yuki-chan, Koizumi-kun and I could help mostly with the planning of certain booths and things," Asahina-san said cheerily and oddly in an outgoing way.
"The Team can certainly do the construction and presentation," The mysterious female Team leader, Iwasawa (that's all we know about her… most of the teachers and students don't know her first name…) said confidently.
"Well, then we just need to get started with that crap." I said, grinning. "Then I guess I; the Project Director, along with the Ultra Director herself, will deal with venue stuff and jargon like that." I passed around stacks of paper on the table.
Haruhi smiled her classic smile and raised a hand, and then swiftly brought it down in a karate chop.
"Commence!"
"Man," Koizumi said as we stood in the corridor, drinking juice for a break. "Suzumiya-san's been working us like crazy again lately, eh?"
"…yeah," I said, trying not to sound like I didn't expect that already.
We stood there for a few seconds as my thoughts trailed off to Haruhi, as they did about every other second. I imagined her smile and the peace signs she flashed at me; I pictured the way that light shone off of her skin, making it a soft ivory. I remembered the feeling of her warm, soft skin.
Koizumi must've noticed I was drifting off into dream land, because he flicked me and gave me a little grin.
"Almost six months already, Kyon." He said pointedly.
I nodded, remembering crystal clear.
Later that month, after a meeting to discuss the planning for the school festival, Nagato slipped me a note by making me borrow a book from her again.
It wasn't on a bookmark.
It was a piece of crumpled looking purple paper, ripped at the edges.
In strange handwriting, a clear message was scrawled.
DON'T FORGET.
Koizumi was right when he said that Haruhi was working us like dogs.
In fact, she was so stressed (and rightfully so) over the festival, I barely bothered to remind her that exactly a day before the school festival was our six month anniversary, half a year to be precise. I didn't bother saying a word that wasn't of business to her for an entire two weeks.
Koizumi had graciously gotten me a spot to leave a week before the festival itself.
I had wanted to buy Haruhi a present.
A beautiful present she wouldn't forget. I didn't even know why I would buy something like that for a second.
So I rode on my bike towards a gift shop, searching for something that could I could buy for her.
When I found it, I was happy.
I rode my bike back.
At least, that's what I still remembered after I was reminded.
Haruhi's POV
It was around the time of the school festival it happened.
It happened on an absolutely normal day, under normal consequences. Just a week before the school festival, my world seemed to have collapsed into the fetal position, proceeding in crying its eyes out, under the stress I had endured planning for the damn festival.
I was tired and restless, bossing people around and pointing things to particular places and yelling and being pretty damn bitchy about it. I was just plain ready to collapse with the pressure set upon me.
It was then I noticed, among my many other coworkers, Kyon wasn't there.
I felt a bite for a second, a strange feeling in my gut that just screamed something wasn't right.
"Cover for me, will you?" I asked Koizumi-kun hastily, dropping my clipboard checklist.
I texted Kyon quickly, asking him where he was. I was suddenly overly worried. I didn't quite understand it myself, but for some reason, my legs were making me run. I was running through piles of stuff that wasn't quite set up yet, through hallways, not stopping for anything.
I then noticed that there was nobody stopping me, not a teacher in sight.
I was running towards the school infirmary.
Suddenly, I saw a crowd gathered around the school office, worried chatter filling the hallways. I was taking short, raspy breaths, unable to understand the bizarre anxiety overcoming my very being.
A teacher tapped me on the shoulder.
"Suzumiya Haruhi, right?" He asked me, a strange mix of pity and regret in his voice.
"Yes," I said. "What happened?"
The teacher said nothing; he simply led me through the large crowd and into the infirmary, where everybody seemed to want to go. I felt my heartbeat increase to an extreme pace as the teacher led me down the white hall, as all the other teachers, congregated around the hallway, stared at me with unreadable expressions.
"Would it be cruel to show her, Takashima?" A teacher asked the teacher walking me.
"It would be cruel not to." He said quietly, leading me to the corner to the infirmary.
When we finally turned the corner to the beds for sick students, I saw what had happened.
Without hesitation, I broke down crying.
They said it was a major concussion with a serious spinal injury.
There were several cerebral contusions, severe bleeding, and even possibly hemorrhaging within the brain (thankfully not.). There was a slight chance he would've woken up sane, a slight chance he would've been able to know how to even talk without help.
There was a slight chance he would still be Kyon.
Being Kyon, he was riding to the shop to buy something for me for our six month anniversary.
The one I had remembered forever.
He had bought me a present, but on his way back, when it was his turn crossing the street on his bicycle just in front of the school, a freak accident happened, involving a V8 engine truck's brakes suddenly failing occurred.
Kyon was T-boned, but not really. He was on a bike. The guy was in a truck.
Kyon was crumpled like a piece of unwanted paper.
I cried and cried for days on end. I kept throwing up and screaming and I couldn't attend school, much less head an important event for the school festival. Mikuru-chan, Yuki-chan, and Koizumi-kun had graciously taken all the responsibilities.
But I was still broken inside.
My last year of high school, my last school festival.
I dreamt of Kyon and I spending the day together at that festival, I dreamt of a romantic day together. I dreamt of finally giving my body to him that evening, as he had asked before but I had so easily rejected. I wanted to be Kyon's only. I dreamt of Kyon and Kyon alone.
And then I'd wake up and find out it was a dream, and just start crying again.
Haruhi.
I stopped crying for a second, my eyes feeling soft and red and itchy. I couldn't breathe properly, as half of my face was buried in my pillow, covering 3/4ths of my nose and half my mouth. I could feel my own tears wet my face as I shuffled a little bit in my bed, the one I hadn't left in days. I couldn't eat or even sleep properly.
My blanket was half on the floor, half on my body. My desk was cluttered, and there were clothes all over my floor. There was blood on the walls where I had bloodied my knuckles, punching at the wall stupidly in anger and grief. I couldn't even care about the fact that I had broken my closet door, slamming it shut.
Haruhi.
I held my breath. I closed my eyes and refused to listen.
Haruhi…
I turned over on my pillow and held my Domo stuffed toy closer, wanting to fall asleep and forget everything. I wanted to die.
I wanted to die.
HARUHI…
The voice that called my name was muffled through my locked door. I didn't care that it had been calling me, that my mother was probably dying of anxiety for me.
The sound of muffled voices, the sound of socked feet running down the hallway. The sound of the front door creaking open and shutting, as a new pair of feet entered the house. The sound of two pairs of socked feet walking down the hallway, more muffled voices.
I shut my eyes and covered my ears with my pillow.
Haruhi... I know you can hear me.
I pretended I couldn't hear him. I couldn't hear my father.
Haruhi. You're going to regret not listening, because…
I shut my ears tighter.
KYON WOKE UP.
My eyes were wide open then, and I was out of bed and out of my room in ten seconds.
No more than twenty minutes later, my Dad and I were standing in Kyon's hospital room, along with his family, Koizumi, Mikuru-chan, and Yuki-chan. I stared at his body, badly misshapen. I could hear his labored breathing, which was monitored by a screen next to his bed. An oxygen mask covered his face, the one I used to hold. Tubes were connected through many parts of his body, and his entire head was wrapped in a bandage, his hair cut way shorter due to the surgery he underwent for his brain.
I felt cold and exposed for some reason. My eyes were still red and itchy and raw, and my hair was still messy and horrible. I knew that I probably smelled like something funky, and that I was probably so unkempt that I was wearing two different stockings.
But it didn't matter.
"Kyon…" Kyon's Mom cried, leaning in and stroking his son's arm. "Thank God…"
"Onii-chan!" His little sister cried, hugging her brother's side.
I watched as Kyon's entire family cried and surrounded him, relieved yet crying.
"Do you remember us?" His Dad asked suddenly.
Kyon's amber eyes twinkled for a second.
"…yah…" He murmured, as if struggling to speak for a second. "Yah… yah-e… yes."
He gave his dad a small smile. "O-of course, Dy… Dad."
Kyon turned his head and looked at the SOS Brigade, standing on the side of the bed.
"Koi-... Koizumi, Asahina-san, and Yuki-chan." He smiled at them too. "I remember all of you guys." He paused. "Everything."
I didn't understand why he added 'everything' to the end of his sentence, but it didn't matter.
Kyon's eyes finally fell on me, and my heart almost stopped.
My breath felt raggedy. My hands trembled.
"Who're you?"
He asked, tearing my heart straight out of my chest.
Without thinking about the consequences, I grabbed my Dad's hand and ran from him.
Several Days Later
The doctor approached me, giving me instructions.
"He can't walk by himself until we determine if he's a candidate for spinal correction surgery," He said. "You'll have to assist him by pushing his wheelchair around when you're at school. You do have elevators there, so it won't be completely inconvenient."
I nodded, listening to his little details on how to control the special wheelchair and such.
"Doctor… I'm selfish." I said out of seemingly nowhere.
His eyebrow creased. "Why do you say that?"
"I know that I should be happy Kyon's finally awake, but I honestly don't feel content… now that he's forgotten me." I said quietly. "I don't really feel very happy although he's awake."
The Doctor shook his head and laughed a sad laugh.
"You're human, Suzumiya-san. He's your boyfriend. It's only human you'd feel that way, about having a loved one of yours lose themselves right in front of your eyes."
He walked away.
"You'll have to remind him of everything that you two went through."
It was painful, sitting there at his bedside as he sat up and flexed his fingers, slowly regaining his once second nature simple abilities step by step. I cracked him a small smile as he excitedly began testing his wrists as well, as if rotating them was a feat beyond compare.
"I remember…" He said, testing his elbows for the umpteenth time. "Now that I think about it, I remember you in a vague sense. You're Suzumiya Haruhi… my SOS Brigade leader." Kyon tested his shoulders again, but I stared at him even more. "I don't remember you being this quiet and nice around me, though. I remember you dragging me around and yelling at me, little more than that."
"Nothing more than that, in general?" I asked, bracing myself.
"Not much more at all," He admitted.
I felt my chest hurt in an indescribable way, as if it would swell and swallow me whole and I'd be gone from that room. I took a sudden interest in my shoes, watching as they rubbed up together in the tense anxiety of it all.
"Just to say…" Kyon said, giving me a small smile. "It's not like I forgot the positive aspects of you, too. You seem to have brightened up my day unlike anybody else. You must be something special."
I said nothing and pushed back the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Did anyone tell you… about us?'
Kyon's eyebrows perked awake. "What about us?"
"…we're… dating." I said quietly. "It's been more than half a year."
Kyon stared through me blankly. I couldn't even look up and look him in the eye, the urge to cry was too strong that I was ready to collapse into the fetal position and lose it.
"We had a fun day on a beach," I said, laughing a strange, shaky laugh that was shocking even me. "You invited me out of the blue, and we biked for hours on end. You and I laughed and played in the waves and you… kissed me, so many times I could never forget." I was crying. I hadn't realized it.
"I kissed you too. We kissed and hugged and laughed and held hands and you completed me in every way I knew I was missing."
Kyon was silent. He was staring into his lap as I saw him trying, trying so hard to remember.
I kept talking. I talked about the times we spent together, the stupid conversations we had, the funny dates we had. I laughed about the way he socked a guy in a video arcade that had flirted and insulted me several months ago. I cried a little more when I told him about my dad.
But I left out the part of his getting hit by the car. I didn't want him to realize why he was hit.
For a very long time, I spoke, and Kyon didn't say a word.
When I had finished, the sun was setting already. He had listened for hours to my voice, and he had listened well. Even in his half-confused daze, Kyon was killing me. My heart was pouring itself out all over the poor guy, and I wasn't stopping it.
"…so that's why…" I said quietly. "I love you. But you don't remember me."
Kyon's eyes looked up at me. His pair of golden eyes, the eyes that I thought would belong to me and me alone. We looked at each other's eyes in silence.
"…Haruhi, I'm sorry, but…" He whispered. "I really don't remember. I can't. Even with you telling me all of this, I want to believe you, but…" He put his hand to his heart. "Something tells me that that feeling I had for you, all those feelings, were ripped out of me when I lost my memory. Love comes from experience, so I can't date you the same way; I'd end up breaking you instead of making you."
I was crying so hard. I saw Kyon try to reach out and pat my shoulder, but he wasn't fully capable of that yet.
"So, please break up with me. I need to… think. I don't want to hurt you."
I looked at him, my eyes covered with tears. He was a blurry silhouette in my vision, and I was dying more and more inside when he spoke.
"…it's over." I said finally, although his golden eyes almost made me want to not care about his opinion and just leap into his arms.
I left the room in haste, tears flowing down my face uncontrollably.
"Haruhi... promise me you won't date another boy until you find the one you would never ever leave, hear me?" Dad asked firmly, his eyes begging me with silence. "And he has to be the boy you know would never, ever leave you."
"Maybe Kyon isn't the one for you."
When I got home that evening, my Mom approached me with a small package.
"Haruhi, this is from the man that hit Kyon-kun. He said that he wanted to give you the things that Kyon had dropped."
I looked at her with bloodshot, teary eyes.
I took the package from her hands and threw it brutally in the basement, refusing to think about Kyon any longer. I closed the door behind me, not even checking to see what was inside it, much less check if I had destroyed the package.
It's been three months after the accident.
It's June already, and summer's approaching surprisingly fast. However, I wasn't enjoying my summer as I fully wanted to, judging by the fact I was a senior and I had to study so much more for exams. In a blink of an eye, my high school days were almost over.
I sat in the SOS Council room alone, staring through the window at the clouds that filled the sky. I remembered imagining them to be millions of different colors the year before, and I always imagined that those clouds would scream with bright colors whenever I was with Kyon.
I pushed Kyon's wheelchair is silence when he needed it for a month, but soon he recovered miraculously. He could walk but not run, and he was exempt from PE. I was glad I didn't have to stand with him so much anymore.
Throughout those three months, I had dated four new guys.
I went through them all, with the exception of lucky guy #4, who lasted two weeks, like old socks. I dumped them all, feeling bored with them almost instantaneously.
Nothing would ever be the same for me.
I found out that Kyon had dated another girl for at least a month and a half before they broke up. We barely talked to each other outside of anything school related anymore, and life seemed to revert back into the times like when I just arrived at North High: Drab and dull.
I was simply too realistic at that point to think otherwise.
I had to consider my career, for starters. My high school days of freedom and laughs were over, and I started taking schoolwork seriously after the school festival. I was quiet in class and barely participated in events anymore, as I had no one to participate with in class.
Dad was silent about the matter; he seemed to be able to sympathize with me. I only recently realized that I was going through exactly what my father had gone through: Watching the one you love so much change completely. I barely felt like there was a reason to talk any longer, and soon, the SOS Brigade became a simple event planning club, used to target more students for North High. We were no better than the Student Council.
I didn't even care about the supernatural, the weird, and the amazing much anymore. I just wanted to live normally at that point.
I wanted to graduate well, and get into a good University. I wanted to be able to get a good job, buy my own place a million miles from this stupid town, and stay there for good. I wanted to live there and be happy, even if that meant being alone forever. I decided there would be no need for a husband for me. I would be single and happy, without so much as needing to hug another man in my life.
That's what I wanted. That's what I told myself, bitterly and unceasingly, as I studied for hours every evening. I selfishly decided that myself.
I wanted to leave and be alone.
And then I'd be happy.
When I was looking through a career choice book one evening, I came across exactly what I wanted. I would become an astronomer and study stars. I would study those little shining balls of hope in the night sky, far north from Kyoto.
I wanted to go Tokyo University and never come back.
Months Later
Kyon's POV
I had decided on going to Hokkaido University. Tomorrow was the day that people would leave to go to entrance exams for Hokkaido University and Tokyo University, which I didn't really understand due to the fact that one was so far north and one was farther south. All I knew was that I applied for Hokkaido so I could come back to this town and live here near family.
While packing up for the day's stay and air flight, I found myself tidying up my room, as I realized that I'd be moving out soon.
I was cleaning up my desk that evening, discovering things I had once known but had forgotten about. I found a tube of watermelon lip gloss, which I was confused of finding at first. But when I smelled it, a nostalgic feeling filling my body, and I decided I wanted to keep it.
When I was done cleaning the top of my desk, I saw that I had numerous binders on the shelf over my desk that had remained untouched for months.
I found old pictures I had taken with the SOS Brigade, with Koizumi, Asahina-san, and Nagato. There were pictures of us in our first year, catching cicadas and going to the beach. There were pictures of our SOS Movie premier, and pictures of our other numerous misadventures.
I smiled fondly as I shuffled through that particular binder, recalling many things as I looked through. I remembered the hilarious days we had in our ever shortening youth, I remembered the happy times.
The last picture in that binder was a blow of picture of Suzumiya Haruhi's sleeping face. She was lying in what looked like the backseat of a pickup truck, and I had probably taken the picture late in the evening with my phone.
I remembered, a frown crossing my mouth. I really must've loved Haruhi.
My eyebrows creased at the thought of that girl, that apparently spectacular and out-there beautiful girl that had told me she loved me. I went backwards through the binder, seeing Haruhi laugh and smile, dragging me with my collar as she did so.
I stared blankly as a guilty heat rose in my chest.
How… how I possibly forget her doing all of this? How could I have forgotten what we had?
I put the blue binder back into the shelf, and pulled out a bright orange picture album I found I didn't know even existed.
When I opened it, my breath was taken away instantaneously.
The first picture was Haruhi and I; lying on the shore of a beach, as she had told me we had many months ago. She was in a stunning blue bikini, her body strewn over my body as I took the picture with one hand with my phone from above. I had my lips pressed against her cheek, and she was an adorable shade of pink I couldn't describe.
The album was filled with pictures of just me and her, doing almost everything that Haruhi had told me we had done. Pictures of her and me eating ice cream, playing DDR, laughing, blushing, and loving each other burst in the pages.
When I flipped through half of the album, there were no more pictures. The last occupied page only had a yellow post it note in the middle of it, with the words that I found awakened me were written.
I'm getting Haruhi what I saw yesterday for our six month anniversary.
I never want this bliss to end.
I REMEMBERED EVERYTHING.
It all filled my head at once, scenes of me buying something, seeing the truck approach me for a split second, and then everything going black. I remembered it all.
I looked up at the bookshelf for some reason, seeing a book that I hadn't seen before. It was just there, but I never seemed to pay any mind to it.
When I pulled it off the shelf and opened it, a crumpled makeshift purple bookmark was revealed.
Scribbled on it was,
DON'T FORGET.
It was 9 in the evening when I checked the clock, but…
…I pulled on my coat and made my way to Haruhi's house, unable to run or bike there.
Haruhi's POV
I wasn't at home the evening before the entrance exams.
I was sitting cross-legged in Yuki-chan's apartment with Koizumi-kun and Mikuru-chan. I noticed that they hadn't called Kyon over along with me, so that was only 4/5ths of the SOS Brigade covered. I realized that they had called me and not Kyon for a specific purpose. That was okay, because I planned to tell them my plan of leaving this town forever.
I sat at that table, blankly staring at the cup of green tea laid out in front of me.
"Suzumiya-san," Koizumi said smilingly, sipping at his own tea. "Please drink your tea when it's still hot. I insist."
I picked up the cup of tea and sipped at it, a sensation of warmth filling my body.
"I'm glad we're all applying to Tokyo U," Mikuru-chan said, laughing. Despite the happy sound of her voice, I could detect a little sound of anxiety.
"I do think it will be an enjoyable experience," I agreed.
"It's a shame Kyon didn't apply along with us, isn't it?" Koizumi said, sipping at his tea.
"He has his own ambitions," I murmured into my own cup of tea.
"To each his own," Koizumi recited.
"What about your ambitions?"
I looked at who asked.
Yuki-chan, who rarely spoke at all, asked me directly.
"…I…" My throat felt dry all of a sudden, and I knew that I had betrayed myself with that slip of the tongue anxiety.
"…you?" Mikuru-chan asked innocently.
"I plan on…" I whispered then. "I plan on… moving away from here after University. Possibly way up north, so I can study the stars every evening."
"I do not blame you." Yuki-chan said; her face unreadable. "But… running away from him is not going to benefit you in any way."
I held my breath in sudden shock. Yuki-chan was seeing right through me. I realized then she probably saw through everybody, as she simply usually stayed quiet, watching. She observed and analyzed in silence, on a deeper level than I realized.
"You don't know what you're talking about," I spat, not looking into her eyes.
"Yes I do." She said in monotone. "You still love him, so it hurts. You're running away."
I stood up, and without a word, I brought my hand across Yuki-chan's face from where she was sitting across from me. A loud slapping sound filled the room as I pulled away from the slap, enraged and crying.
Wordlessly, Yuki-chan returned the slap.
I was amazed at the silence of it all. She did it without a thought, and I couldn't read her expression at all. Her face had no emotion to it on the outside, but her demeanor changed.
She was serious.
I brought my hand up to my cheek, thinking in wonder. Yuki-chan returned to her seat without even feeling her cheek, were a red handprint still was. I cried more and more, and the room was silent. Yuki-chan just sipped her tea.
Kyon's POV
I arrived at Haruhi's house roughly an hour later, panting. As I walked up to the door way, I realized I had rushed all the way there without even thinking it through. What would I say; what would I possibly do? It was almost unforgivable, what I had done to her.
I made her go through the most painful thing imaginable: Heartbreak.
Standing at her doorway, my hands clammy in my pockets, I reached up and rang the doorbell.
I heard muffled footsteps from behind the door. Would she even open it?
I was feeling so incredibly guilty it was killing me.
The door was slowly pulled open. I opened my mouth, wanting to say something, anything, to make up for almost an entire year of sorrow for her. I wanted to let her know that I was sorry, and I would never forget what we had in a lifetime.
But standing at the door was Haruhi's mom, Rin.
"…you." She said, but not in a critical way.
I looked at her blankly, realizing that Haruhi really did look like her. Rin wasn't looking at me suspiciously; she just stared straight through me. I remembered that I was the man who shattered her once flamboyant daughter's heart into millions of fragments, and I took a deep breath.
"May I speak to Haruhi?" I asked quietly.
"No," Rin said. "She's not home."
"Oh," I said quietly.
"Come in," She said.
I was surprised, but the look in her eyes had some meaning to it. Something I couldn't really identify was building up in her, so I stepped into the house and took off my shoes politely. She led me to the living room where she sat me down and walked away.
I took a deep breath of the house's scent. It was much like Haruhi's.
It was nostalgic.
I wondered how I could've possibly forgotten that bliss.
"This was sent to us a few months ago."
I turned around.
Rin was standing there, a small blue package in her hands. There was a large dent in the corner of it, as if somebody had thrown it very hardly at a wall or floor. I blinked at it, my brain giving me signals that something in that package was extremely vital.
"The man who it you gave it to us rather than you, regarding the situation and consequences." She said, handing it over to me. "But this is rightfully yours."
I opened the package carefully and slowly, lifting the lid off of the box.
What was revealed was an undamaged jewelry box, lined with black velvet on the outside. I blinked as I picked it up, something indescribable filling up in my chest.
When I opened it, I realized.
It was a beautiful pendant.
Around the same time Kyon opened the box
I sat in Yuki-chan's apartment in silence. After the argument Koizumi and Mikuru-chan had shut their mouths, and the silence was deafening. I laughed and cried at the situation, I laughed at my utter stupidity and thick-headedness.
"Yuki-chan, who am I kidding." I said loudly. "You're right."
Koizumi and Mikuru-chan stared at me in disbelief. I, the once hardened brigade leader, had submitted myself to the quiet and enduring Nagato Yuki.
"I am running away," I whispered quietly. "But… I don't want to."
I cried and cried, and nobody said anything for a while.
"…then don't." Yuki-chan said.
There was more silence.
"I have to study for the exam at Tokyo U tomorrow." She said. "I'm sorry I have to rush you all out on such short notice."
We all stood up and said our goodbyes. Koizumi and Mikuru-chan left first. Just as they both disappeared from sight, I wrapped my arms around Yuki-chan and laughed into her shoulder. She hugged me back and I laughed more.
"I'm so stupid," I whispered. "Thank you for looking out for me."
"All of us have," She said quietly.
When I pulled away, I could've sworn there was a small smile plastered on her face.
On my way home, I thought about it. I smiled and quietly thought about what I'd tell Kyon and how, and what would happen afterwards. I laughed when I thought about his goofy smile, and the possibility of him kissing me with his perfectly imperfect kisses, sloppy and delicious.
When I turned a corner, I saw it.
I saw him, rather. Kyon was walking across the street from me, recognizable to me alone within the busy crowd. I was going to wave to him and call him, but I noticed the preoccupied stare he had. I saw he was staring at something in his hand.
I smiled and looked at what it was, but when I saw it, my smile disappeared.
A jewelry box?
It hit me then. He was probably proposing to some girl I didn't know. They had planned to move to Hokkaido, where he'd never have to see me again.
Suddenly, his head turned, and he saw that I was watching him. He gave me a smile, which was the most heartless thing he could've possibly done.
I didn't cry. But I ran.
Kyon's POV
"What the…" I mumbled, watching as Haruhi ran away. "Why is she…?"
Then it struck me. Something must have bothered her on the way home. I worriedly turned around and started walking as quickly as I could back to her house, despite the gain in my gimp and in my head. I walked and panted, unable to catch up with her Olympian running ability.
When I got near her house, which sat at a corner, I heard the yelling.
"Why are you so angry?" Rin asked quietly.
"I saw him, Mom! I hate him!" Haruhi screamed.
"What do you mean, Haruhi? He must have an explanation for what he's done-"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT KYON DOES ANYMORE!" She screamed.
I collapsed on my knees and stayed there for a long time.
Finally, I realized I had no chance of retribution. I walked the long walk home, and it started to snow as I walked and walked. Despite the sorrow…
…I clenched my hand over the jewelry box, holding onto it as her last treasure.
Haruhi's POV
It was the day that the college applicants would fly or train to their university or college of choice and take tests. I stood in line with Yuki-chan, Koizumi, and Mikuru-chan, standing in line for the security scan at the airport.
None of them asked about it, thankfully. Even Yuki-chan kept her mouth clenched.
I thought about the pain I had experienced, realizing that he really wasn't the one for me.
I don't care about it anymore, I thought insistently. I don't.
But the more I tried to convince myself…
…the more I felt unconvinced.
Standing in line there, I thought back.
I thought to the days I hadn't known Kyon. To those dreary, dull days when nothing worth mention happened, nothing exciting happened. But when I met him, everything lit up and every day became an adventure, just being around him.
I blinked and went back to telling myself I didn't love him anymore.
Suddenly, I heard a sneeze from behind me.
It was a cute sneeze. I turned around to see a little girl rubbing her nose, giggling. I stared on as I saw her father bend down and rub her nose gently with a handkerchief. It occurred to me her mother was nowhere in sight, and she hadn't been. I also realized that I had seen the pair earlier, but hadn't really thought about it. Her father was a smiling young man. Too young, I realized sadly, as his wedding band was that of a widower's.
"Now, Akiko-chan," The father said, laughing as he cleaned her nose. "My little autumn sparkle, spelt with three cute hirgana: it's rude to sneeze without covering your nose and mouth, and you know that."
"Yeah, Daddy, but I jus' wanna do it when I wanna," She said, her arguing and reasoning that of a child, which was understandable when I considered the facts.
"Daddy's said when you don't listen to him," Her father said, giving a pouty face and tickling his daughter.
"Daddy, I don't like it when you're sad." The little girl said. "It makes me sad."
"Is that so, A-ki-ko?" He asked, hugging his daughter. "Then you hafta promise."
He got down on his knee and stuck out a pinky. "Promise you'll cover your mouth when you sneeze?"
"Promise," The little girl said, and pinky swore with a determined expression.
Time froze then for me. I felt a sense of tingling nostalgia run through me.
I remembered.
"Haruhi... promise me you won't date another boy until you find the one you would never ever leave, hear me?" Dad asked firmly, his eyes begging me with silence. "And he has to be the boy you know would never, ever leave you."
The silence between us was evident then, as I bit my lip, nervously looking down into my skirt folds. Why on earth were they getting interesting, all of a sudden? I stared at folds more, just seeing at the creases and bumps formed in it. After looking for a while, I noticed a little drop of water fall down onto it.
"I promise, Pops."
We pinky swore after that.
It occurred to me… that I really did love Kyon that second.
I had promised to bring the one boy I truly loved to see my father, and Kyon was the one. He was the one.
He was the one.
When I was younger, I saw…
I found my feet bringing me away from the line up, and soon, I wasn't anywhere near the Tokyo Airlines terminal. I was running towards the Hokkaido airline transit.
…my daddy cry, and curse at the wind…
"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Some security guards yelled at me.
"I need to find something before I get on that flight," I yelled back. "Sorry, I'll stop running, but I'm in a huge hurry."
I once again felt that tingly sensation on my lips, that itching and wanting for the sense of belonging, the feeling my lips found only enveloped in Kyon's.
…he broke his own heart, and I watched…
I was panting then, and as I walked faster into the Hokkaido terminal, I realized that the line for North High could've possibly already advanced past where I could go. I felt panicked and didn't know where to go.
...as he tried to reassemble it.
"No, no…" I mumbled, trying to make sense of where I was going and why, and I found my feet bringing me to the sea of high school students in the line up to get security scanned.
And my mama swore, she would…
"Kyon!" I was calling then, tears welling in my eyes. "Where are you? Kyon!"
There was no response. I ran through the sea of people, yelling his name.
…never let herself, forget.
I was practically crying. He wasn't responding.
Just the previous evening I had run away from him. Maybe he was purposely avoiding me for the reason I had feared.
And that was the day that I promised, I'd never sing of love, if it does not exist…
I sucked in my breath and felt defeated, unable to think straight. I found that the airport security was getting pissed at me, so I backed quietly out of the crowd, cursing my tendency to act on impulse again.
Maybe I know, somewhere, deep in my soul…
The line progressed even more. I realized that Yuki-chan and the others were probably around 5th in line to get scanned, along with my suitcases. I realized that I was several minutes away from possibly missing my flight and my chance to get my dream career.
…that love never lasts.
Still he didn't answer, as I called louder and louder, and more and more.
And we've got to find other ways,
I felt like giving up then and there. I was close to simply walking away, but I stubbornly thought about the feeling of lying in his arms, and I found myself yelling his name.
To make it alone, or keep a straight face.
"We're warning you, miss." A security enforcer said to me, his tone harsh. "One more time somebody complains about you, and we're detaining you, and you'll be banned from airports for sure."
And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance.
I blinked and was stubbornly standing there, unable to really let go of him. No matter what he said, I was going to tell him I still loved him. I was going to tell him.
At least, that's what I was telling myself. In reality, I was close to breaking down.
And up until now I had sworn to myself, that I'm content…
I turned around to leave and let go, to let him get what he wanted, because I was so selfish.
...with loneliness.
I felt a hand grab on my shoulder.
That none of it was ever worth the risk
I was spun around.
but you are the only exception.
He was there. He drew me in his warm, loving arms, and I cried into his shirt.
Without a word, he reached into his pocket and pulled away from me. Kyon opened the box and pulled out a necklace, a beautiful sterling silver pendant, with a large emerald. He walked behind me, his warm figure tingly as he was pressed on my back.
He put the necklace around my neck and fastened it, and he bent down, his warm, soft lips pressed on my neck, a warm feeling running through me.
He wrapped his warm arms around me from behind, not caring at all what others thought.
"I love you, Suzumiya Haruhi."
"I know."
"…I can't guarantee I can remember everything we had in clear detail just yet."
"I realize that, but I don't care."
"I want to remember what made me love you."
"…I guess, that 10 word project from over the summer."
"Huh?"
"…you know what? Read what you wrote and you'll understand."
"…I love you."
"…I know."
A Year Later
I woke up. I didn't want to be awake, but before I even had the chance to shut the light out of my eyes, it pierced through and woke me up completely. I yawned and refused to move for a second, wanting to stay in that bed forever.
But when I rolled over, he wasn't there.
"…eh?"
I sat up and ran a hand through my hair, confused.
Suddenly, I heard a soft knocking on the door.
"Wake up, Haruhi…" He said nervously through the door. "You'll miss a major lecture if you don't."
I laughed to myself quietly and shook my head. Just the night before we had proven the reality of our marriage to each other, and the next morning he was back to Mr. Awkward Kyon? I laughed again.
He had kissed me off to the application exams at Tokyo U, and he applied later on. Surprisingly, even at the later exams, where nobody ever got in because of the spots already taken, Kyon did almost perfect on the exam and a spot was open just for him. He said it was all because of a cram-study lesson at Nagato's, but I'm still not so sure.
Graduation was sad yet amazing. We were finally adults and such, and I was ready for the world.
And Kyon was ready to take it along with me, and…
That's undeniably the truth.
Whadda crappy ending, but I wanted it to be like the ending to the Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya movie, the pinnacle of awesomeness. :D
…man, it's over, isn't it?
Special thanks to all you readers out there for prompting me into actually finishing the story. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you also to my stupid hormones and brain for helping me feel lovesick and such, emotions that really helped me capture the reality of situations.
Thanks to Key for creating Clannad, my absolute favorite anime that changed my perspective forever, and for inspiring me to write on and draw on!
Thank you everybody!
-ChromeHeartSoldier