He makes the scars go away.
I cannot believe everything that has happened today, I cannot believe that he came for me, even though he thought I was dead; he came for me, to avenge my death at the least. It makes no sense why he would put his life at risk just to avenge my death. He could have been killed. No one has ever cared for me that much, not Ari, not Rivkin, and definitely not my father. He showed me undying love, something I have never been shown before; it felt nice to know that someone actually cared. The flight home was silent, no one spoke but I caught them staring at me a few times. When we arrived at the bull pen, and everyone started clapping and Abby gave me a big hug, I realized where I truly belonged, who I really loved and who really loved me. It was all so overwhelming, But now I am sitting here alone in this hotel and I cannot get the memories out of my head, every time I try to sleep I have vicious nightmare and I wake up in a cold sweat, I am exhausted, I can barely hold my eyes open, but every time I close my eyes I see Salem, and every time I close my eyes I relive everything that he did to me and I remember the pain so vividly that it makes my body ache, I remember everything that I don't want to remember, everything that I want to forget, I just want to pretend it never happened, but as much as I want that, it will never happen, and I will never forget it. These wounds will heal, these bruises will go away and these scars will one day eventually fade, but inside they never will. I will always be scarred.
This was the third time I had been woken up after having a nightmare, in a cold sweat, and I for one was sick of it. I just wanted to get some sleep. I did not know where else to go, so I just got in the car and drove. I did not know where I was going I was just driving but somehow I found myself outside of his apartment, I did not know if I should go in or turn around and go home so I sat parked outside of his apartment comptemplating my decision as whether or not to go in and I guess I decided to go in because I found myself on his doorstep ringing the doorbell.
When he opened the door you could tell he had just woken up because all he was wearing was his boxers, his hair was all messed up, and he seemed pretty groggy. Now normally I would have made some rude comment on his hair, but not tonight, I was not myself. When he finally woke up enough to realize what was going on he told me to come in but I was already sitting there on the couch. He just stood there with this strange look on his face like he did not understand what was going on. "Ziva" he said after a few minutes, "what are you doing here?" I did not reply but the look on my face must have said enough because I found myself wrapped in his arms, crying. I did not understand why I was like this, I never cried in front of anyone, but sitting there in Tony's arms just felt right.
He kept asking me what was wrong, and I tried to explain, but I could not stop crying long enough for him to be able to understand me, I do not know when I fell asleep but I did. I fell asleep wrapped in Tony's arms and woke wrapped in them. Tony was just sitting there stroking my hair and smiling at me. I got up and got myself together and I made Tony breakfast, it was the least I could do after everything he has done for me. He had to go to work and I had to meet with Vance today. At NCIS we avoided each other, and I could tell everyone thought we were not speaking, and in some ways we were not. Every night I went to his apartment and every night I fell asleep in his arms and every morning I woke to him smiling at me, every morning I made him breakfast and every morning we drove to work in separate cars, so no one would know. I had gotten so used to it that I couldn't fall asleep unless he was there, and over time I had less and less nightmares about Somalia and Salem, until finally I stopped having them altogether, and I looked at Tony and said "Very special agent Anthony DiNozzo, you have healed me , a few months ago I was scarred inside and out, I knew my bruises and scars on the outside would heal, but I never thought….I never thought that they would go away on the inside, so thank you Tony, thank you for making my scars go away." "Very special agent DiNozzo will always be at your service." he joked, but I knew he really would always be there…..always has, always will.