So, as a treat for you all, my fellow authoress and I decided to give you all some insight as to what Erik and Christine actually do on Valentines day, rather than shower you with useless fluff that will be posted on this particular day. And we decided since my significant other is off protecting the planet from wrong-doers (or terrorists, whichever flights your fancy), and my fellow authoress and I were not able to meet today, we thought it was best to be gloomy and melodramatic... so here's what you get! Also, we left in some insight to what our conversations might look like before all the editing... so we left in some IM bits. For the very few of you who understand the jokes or find it funny, that's for you. If you don't...well ehh, I don't really give a hoot and a half.

**You might also notice the rating change to M, but just for this chapter** If you don't like all things mature, then flee now, or feast your eyes and glut your soul on our inside jokes!

Of Valentines and Impotence

Deep within the sewers of the Paris Opera House, on the most romantic day of the year….

Christine (calls out into the music room): Erik? Erik, are you in there?

Erik: Yes my dear, what is it?

Christine (she stands in the doorway, pouting her lower lip): Well, it's just, it's Valentines Day...

Erik: Ah, yes. The silly occasion in which lovers flaunt their bliss before the less fortunate.

Christine: Yes, and I was wondering if we could go above ground today... like other couples?

Erik: Ah my love I do not know if that would be possible. Perhaps when the sun sets, Erik will take his beautiful wife for a walk above ground if she wishes it. (Turns to retreat back into his music)

Christine (tries to hide the oncoming sobbing, but a sniffle gives it away): Can we go to the Tuileries tonight?

(the what, Christina?)
(Louis XVI's abode)
(gochya)
(it's in Paris)
(so long as it's not in Austria)
(lololololololol!)

Erik (takes Christine's chin in his icy grip): Christine, you know that Erik does not wish to expose himself to the prying eyes of passers-by. Would not a secluded stroll do for you?

Christine (sighs in annoyance, but gives in): Very well, husband.

Erik: Excellent. Darling, I have composing to do. Why don't you go and amuse yourself with a book for a few hours?

Christine (strops off and pounds her feet): Valentines Day indeed.

Erik (shrugs and seats himself before his organ contentedly): She shall come around in time for our evening walk.

Evening approaches...

Christine (screeches from the library): Can we go now, damn it?

Erik (starts and comes back to his surroundings): Yes, yes of course, my love. Fetch your cloak; I will be waiting at the boat.

Christine: You can't fetch it for me? Whatever happened to being a chivalrous husband? I may as well help myself into the damned boat!

Erik (stares at Christine in astonishment): My dear, have you fallen victim to that particular female syndrome once again? I have calculated that this should not come upon you for another few weeks.

Christine: Can I not be angry with my husband? Do I need some sort of syndrome to be angry? Hmmm? You get angry all the time, but I don't see you bleeding once a month!

Erik: Very well pet, I will only be a moment. (Hurries into her bedroom to fetch her cloak)

Christine (calls out to her husband): I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of cleaning the stack of compositions sitting in your library. They were laying all askew.

Erik (the sound of heavy footsteps grows steadily louder as he returns): YOU DID WHAT?

Christine: I organized your dump of a desk Erik! There were papers everywhere! And you know how I am about keeping things neat.

Erik (his voice grows eerily calm): Christine, you know that Erik has given you this home underground and you are welcome to treat it as your own. But to "clean" Erik's desk is simply provocation. Were you trying to make me angry, Christine? Did you seek to cause me hardship? What have I done, Christine? Have I been less attentive-perhaps I have not given you what you need lately, or perhaps I have not spent enough time with you...perhaps you are angry about the walk? Is it Erik's face, Christine? Are you weary of your ugly husband, dearest love? (His eyes blaze)

Christine (pokes him hard in the chest, her anger boiling): Don't you dare make this about your face Erik! You know damn well your face has nothing to do with any of this. (Sarcasm sets in) I apologize, however, if I disrespected your man cave in any way. Let me go back and put everything the way it was. (Stomps off to the library)

Erik (His anger abruptly vanishes, to be replaced with confusion): My...my...what? And I thought I was enigmatic. I suppose I should go and comfort my sparrow or I will not get-ahem, she will be angry and I do not want my love angry with me.

Christine (walks in on Christine throwing papers in the air): There, I am positive this is how I found it this afternoon.

Erik (moves to Christine's side, removes the sheet music from her hands, and throws it in an opposite pattern to her own): No, my dear, it was more like this. Now come. (He swiftly lifts her into his arms and wraps her squirming form in her own cloak) We shall go for your walk.

Christine (suddenly comes out of her angry stupor and looks about the room): Oh... Erik, what have I done? I'm so sorry my love! I…don't know what came over me.

Erik (holds her more tightly): Be easy love, all is forgiven. Erik will take you for a walk.

Christine: I am not deserving.

Erik: Oh Christine...Erik is rubbing off on you isn't he? Hush now, only talk of cheerful things this evening.

Christine (nuzzles closely into her husband's chest): I love you my heart. And yes, perhaps you are rubbing off on me... or I snuck into your stash of morphine. (She looks up and winks)

Erik: I ... you... ah, it doesn't matter. Let us go before I become angry again, shall we?

Christine: Yes, please! I'm anxious to be out in public on the arm of my husband whom I love dearly, and on this lovely holiday where we can express our love openly... (looks up at him seductively) if you know what I mean.

Erik fades off into a daydream...so much so that he misses the boat entirely and plunges with Christine into the frigid waters of the lake.

Christine (stands up, sopping wet): Erik! Is this some joke to make me angry all night? Why on earth would you do such a thing?

Erik (looks dignified in spite of the dripping water): My apologies, my dear. I suppose we shall have to go back and find dry clothing...

Christine (her face suddenly turns to that of a cunning one): Or we don't have too...

Erik (looks devious): You have a better idea, I trust? Come, tell your husband what it is!

Christine (lies back in the boat with a coquettish gleam in her eyes): Don't pretend to be dense Erik; it doesn't suit you.

Erik's eyes are afire-until a sudden change comes over him and he appears frustrated.

Christine: Come now husband, you really can't be confused as to what I am suggesting.

Erik: Christine, my love, I assure you I understand completely. But perhaps we could-could return to our home first...

Christine: But why?

Erik (the look of frustration does not fade and his fists clench slightly): It is rather cold, my dear. Surely it would be wiser to re-enter the house where it is warm; I fear you will catch cold. I also need to use the lavatory.

Christine (looks mystified): You can just go in the lake, dearest. I assure you, it won't offend me.

Erik: No no, I mustn't disturb the croc-I mean the piranhas! And the siren. That would be very rude. She eats our guests when they are uninvited.

Christine (screeches at the levels of Carlotta): I thought you were being coy when you spoke of piranhas being in the lake!

Erik (curses under his breath in a language Christine cannot understand): Christine, Christine, we must go back. I assure you we will still...enjoy our husband-and-wife activities, but we must go back.

Christine (sticks out her lower lip): Fine. But I still hold you accountable for taking me to the Tuileries!

Erik (looks more frustrated than ever as he reaches for Christine in order to carry her): Of course of course, I will take you inside and you may prepare yourself. I will be ready in a moment.

Christine skips off merrily as she comes up with ways to torture her husband.

Time elapses….

And more time….

Crickets chirp….

Christine (calls out for her husband): I'm ready darling!

Erik (mutters under his breath from his personal bathroom): I am not, darling.

Christine: Well, perhaps if you come in here you will be.

(my my lol)

Erik (sighs): Give me just a few moments more, dearest.

Christine (calls out again): Erik darling, please just come in the bedroom! You're making me worry that you want to hide from your wife all night.

Erik (sighs and squares his shoulders): Yes, my dear, of course.

Christine (shifts her best lingerie into position and lays back on the bed): I'm ready my love.

Erik emerges, mask off, blushing.

Christine: Erik, you have to come in all the way. Don't just stand behind the door.

Erik: Of course, of course. (He advances about half a step more)

Christine: Come now, I want to see you! Stop hiding in the shadows!

He finally emerges completely into Christine's view.

Christine (admiring the bulge in his trousers): Oh, it looks a good one!

Erik gingerly begins to undress in front of Christine, looking oddly terrified.

Christine (her look of excitement slowly changes to one of confusion): Where's the other half?

Erik (blushes to an even deeper shade of red): Why, my love, whatever do you mean?

Christine (blushes deeply at the thought of having such a conversation): Dearest... you're emm... not fully ready for husband and wife activities.

Erik (his shoulders sag): I...no, my love, I...I am not.

Christine: Well husband, your wife can remedy that. (Puts her arm around Erik's neck and pulls him down toward the bed)

Erik looks nervous, but allows her to continue in the vain hope that she will succeed. Christine kisses him deeply and begins to reach for him in hopes of preparing him for a rendezvous, but Erik is still as stone, unable to respond adequately to her ministrations.

Christine (finally stops, as she realizes she is achieving nothing): Erik, is something bothering you tonight?

Erik (squirms-something Christine has never seen him do before): Well, yes, pet, there is.

Christine: Which would be what, my heart?

Erik: ...You...you promise not to be angry with Erik?

Christine: I can't promise anything since you've phrased it that way!

Erik (sighs deeply): My dear Christine, you have married an old man.

Christine: Dearest, you are not old.

Erik (smiles slightly): My love, Erik is indeed an old man, though he may not look it. I...I do not know how to explain this to you, but certain...certain parts of me have...lost functionality, if you will. (Looks into Christine's eyes, willing her to understand)

Christine: Nothing your wife cannot fix dearest. We made exquisite love in the boat just last week! Was it the mess I caused in the library earlier? I know how music interrupts your... functionality, as you put it.

Erik (actually laughs, a surprisingly rich sound despite his humiliation): No, my love, it was not the library. Dear...my pills have run out. I am unable to give you what you desire tonight.

Christine: Well then, be sure you acquire some tomorrow, because you have some making up to do. (She kisses his forehead and helps him under the sheets)

Erik (cuddles next to her): Erik is very, very sorry. Can you forgive your incompetent husband?

Christine (kisses him with all the passion that she otherwise would have used in their lovemaking, leaving Erik's head spinning): Of course my love. Now hold me. It's been a long day.

Erik: That it has, my love. Goodnight.

(should we go a bit further and in the midst of the night, our masked friend finds himself with... a raised tent? or leave it?)
(we could do that...)

Much later in the night….

Erik shifts in his sleep restlessly and slowly begins to wake. Knowing he will not be able to sleep again that night, he taps his sleeping wife on the shoulder. Christine moans unintelligibly and sleeps on.

Erik (strokes her hair softly): Christine...wake up, love.

Christine (moans in her sleep before waking and speaking groggily): Erik, what is it? Are you alright my love?

Erik: Yes yes, tell me do you still wish to...make love tonight?

Christine (smiles coyly): I thought you would wait until later today to make it up to me. But I suppose I can settle for now.

Erik (growls softly): I will do both, my dear.

Christine: Take me Erik. I'm yours.

(shall we end it there? or should Erik profess his desire to "fuck her brains out"? kidding.)
(oh boy I'm glad that ended up in the right window)