"Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet"

The next day went by without Ichigo showing up. I tried not to care, I mean, its not like... well,actually I don't know anymore. After the incident yesterday, he left without saying a word. He just looked at me, turned a rosy shade and left. I didnt mind when he did. Infact I was glad. Whenever he was around he made me hate myself, he made me feel guilty for my confusion.

But I deserve it.

Everything I do now is wrong. Everything I feel, touch, remember, its all wrong. Whenever I see myself in the mirror I look away in disgust. Whenever I fall asleep I wake up to find myself in tears because I know I won't be in his arms. If I hadn't been so in love with Ulquiorra, I would have blamed all of this on him. I would curse his name and feel no regret in the actions that took place that night of his death. Yeah, if only I could.

A soft click from the door brought me back to reality. I was hoping it was, and wishing it wasn't Ichigo. But the person standing in the doorway was Rukia. She stood there for a minute before saying anything. Then with a forced smile she made her way across the room towards me. She, surprisingly, grabbed me up in a hug.

" I'm so happy, Orihime!" okay, deja vu "There letting you out now! You can go back to your friends, again!"

She continued, but I couldn't hear her anymore. Its not like its gonna matter. Things are different now. I'm different. Without thinking about it, I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face into her shoulder. I cried. Not for the happiness of freedom, but for the loneliness that freedom brings.

But she didn't know that.

I blew out the breath I had been holding in since I walked out of my house. I had made my way to the park, trudging through the snow that had piled up since two days ago. The tree's were bare, and the sky was gray. Huh. Guess i'm not the only one having a moody day.

The swings were covered in snow, but I wiped them clean and plopped myself down.

Going back and forth, I closed my eyes. I always liked doing that. When I came down, it was a thrill to not know what was gonna happen.

'mmmmm.' I smiled , giggling a little. The sound was forien to me, but i liked it.

"Orihime!"

I flinched. The voice was familiar, but I refused to open my eyes. I welcomed the memories.

"Orihime."

I was laughing.

" Wow! You actually said my name!"

More laughter.

"Orihime"

He came closer, laying his hand on my cheek.

I put put my hand over his and stared into his emerald eyes, a bit intimidated by the depths they held.

"Your beautiful, Orihime."

Then his lips were upon mine, making my body go limp in his arms. I thought I could die happy in that moment.

"-Orihime!" My eyes fluttered open and the next thing I saw was Ichigo running towards me. I stopped the swing and stared in disbelief.

Why is it that whenever I think about Ulquiorra, he always shows up?

Ichigo was finally in front of me, bending over his knees trying to catch his breath. When he could speak again he looked up at me sheepishly and smiled. And for a moment I pictured waking up to that smile. I inwardly flinched. What a fool i have become.
" I heard you were out and about again!" He was grinning so big I could see almost all of his white teeth. When I didnt reply immediately, he began to figget. I sighed, but made sure he couldn't here.

"Thank you Kurosaki-kun for visiting me!" I said, adding a thick coating of perkiness to my words. It worked. Ichigo blushed bright red, and began to stutter.
"Well, I didn't like to see you so sad." he looked away "-or on the verge of tears."

It became quiet.

Then with a quick jerk of his head, he was staring at me with an intense expression. His eyes betrayed him though. They were pleading.

"Why-" he looked away. "why were you so sad?" he looked back "Who were you thinking about?"

"Ulqui-" I gasped, and tore my eyes away from ichigo's. I didn't mean to say anything.

It felt like hours before I looked at him again. But when I did, I wished I didn't.

Ichigo's jaw was set and i could just picture him grinding his teeth. He stared at me without blinking, except he wasn't really looking at me. No, it was much worse. He was thinking.

"kurosa-" He snapped back to reality and forced a smile.

"I understand. Of course you were. I did kill him in front of you." He spat. Then his voice softened."It must of been hard for you to watch me do something like that."

I stared at him in disbelief. I wanted to slap him for his ignorence.

I quietly counted to 10 in my head.

"Anyways, I gotta go." He looked at me uncertain, but I forced an encouraging smile. "See you around orihime?" It was a question that was waiting for an answer, but i purposely ignored it.

"Bye, Kurosaki-kun." And with that i watched him walk away in a fluent stride.

That night I stayed up in bed replaying the scene that had took place in the park. All the memory's of Ichigo and ulquiora were clashing together making it hard for me to grasp the ones I want. But then I remember all the times I threw myself at Ichigo, how many times I cried waiting for him to realize I was always there. I swipe at a fallen tear that had fallen.

"You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry." I say to myself , voicing the desperation that rages through me.

" So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?"

Okay guys! heres anoter chapter! tell me what you think! :D