Word Count: 447
Character: Cissnei
Title: Turks Don't Cry
Summary: Cissnei, alone in her thoughts, three weeks after Zack's death. Complete.
Sometimes, Cissnei dreams.
She sees herself, in a morgue, and there is no ID, no one to tell the doctor who she is.
*.*
Code Name: Cissnei.
At the orphanage, many of the girls were called Sissy, including her. When she was picked up by Shinra, they adapted it.
She can't remember her birth name.
She's sure Shinra has records of it, somewhere in a vault. Why didn't they just tell her that Cissnei was her real name? She would have never known, she had been so young at the time. But someone called it a code name to keep control over her.
It became a game, to cover up the embarrassment of being unable to remember. If you're someone special, I'll tell you my real name.
There was one who could have been special, but she held back for too long.
*.*
I never wanted to be a Turk…
Someone had left an envelope on the table of the apartment she has been living in.
Funny, she realizes, how often she uses the word someone. If she cannot have a real name, do others deserve one?
The envelope is the official pull out notice for Gongaga.
He has been dead for three weeks. His parents will want to know what happened.
She can't tell them. The notice orders her not to. It is the Turks way to sweep mistakes under the rug.
He deserved better than this.
She can't tell them. She's afraid that the tears she has held back will come, and she won't be able to stem the flow.
Turks don't cry.
*.*
"The target has moved out of the area," she tells the couple, Mr. and Mrs. Fair.
But it's not fair.
Her voice felt flat and cold. But she knew it sounded sweet and innocent, which is why she is normally required to deliver the bad news.
His parents will wonder for years what actually happened to him.
Are there people from my past that wonder what happened to me?
*.*
When she reports for duty at base, she sees the sealed stack of letters on Tseng's desk.
Wonderful, another person who will always wonder what happened to Zack Fair.
Cissnei wished she could have been to him what the flower girl had been. Cissnei could fake innocent and sweet, but that girl had been for real. Would the letters be burned, or sealed away in a vault?
Would you please seal me in a vault? Or bury me under a pile of paperwork, hidden in a closet. That would be great.
Then I would not have to feel this, deal with this anymore.
I don't know my real name.
But I would have told him.