Title: Fragmented Memories
Author: Traxits
Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII
Rating: Teen.
Content Notes: Angst, mild descriptions of violence, non-explicit sex.
Chapter Word Count: 5072 words.
Summary: Ellone moves back to Winhill, and she's surprised to see that Seifer is living there as well. Perhaps even more shocking is the fact that he offers to help her remodel her parents' home in exchange for a place to stay.

[[ … Chapter 2: The Lover … ]]

Their routine was easy enough.

Seifer and Raijin spent their days working in the house while Fujin taught Ellone everything she needed to know about bar-tending Raijin was surprisingly good at fishing, so they had fresh fish regularly, offering one less thing that Ellone had to buy. Not that they were very demanding.

And the bar-tending was far easier than Ellone had originally suspected. It was the cooking that she didn't seem to be able to manage. Fujin had rescued their dinners more than once, and Ellone seemed doomed to be permanently learning everything. Fujin was patient with her, although she seemed to kick Raijin more frequently on evenings that Ellone had been exceptionally trying, and slowly but surely, Ellone began to improve.

All things considered, Ellone considered it some of the best days in her life. She could focus on the present, as best she could at least, and she didn't have to worry about someone appearing out of nowhere, ready to force her into destroying the world. Even if they had, she had Fujin, Raijin and Seifer there to defend her.

She was pretty sure that they would defend her. At the very least, and she tried not to think about it, they could and would cover her escape.

Her dreams grew worse though, presumably because she was sleeping with only a thin wall dividing her room and Fujin's. Fujin was a haunted woman, with memories that Ellone held no desire to live through. She did her best to keep her ability under reign, to keep herself in control. The first few nights weren't bad, but Ellone knew better than to let herself relax.

Prolonged exposure was almost as bad as physical contact. There was a reason she had occasionally been left in Balamb Garden instead of on the ship, after all. Even her most stalwart of SeeDs had to get away from her before long, and the small confines of the ship simply didn't allow for it.

She dreamed of nonsense things, of water and fights and things that she didn't recognize from someone else's memories. Then came the night that she saw the blood.

She was on her knees, screaming, her hands shaking as she pressed her fingers to her face. She was trying to stop the blood flow, trying to get her mouth to snap shut to stop the horrific sound escaping her. And she could hear someone behind her, someone murmuring, "Such a lovely voice," and that managed to silence her. Those words, breathed over her ear, cut her voice off as cleanly as a knife to her throat.

She felt as though she would burst, holding that scream in, and suddenly, the pressure and weight on her was gone. She gasped for air, opening her eyes slowly, biting her lip against the pain.

Someone picked her up, and her instinct was to fight, to scrabble and push herself away from them, but the arms holding her were unfamiliar. The body was too small to be him (although Ellone couldn't have said who he was), and a few strands of blond hair caught her attention.

"He can't hurt you."

Ellone's eyes opened, and she lay flat on her back, staring at the ceiling. Tears streamed down her face, and she reached up toward the ceiling, exhaling slowly as the memory faded from her, as Fujin's life became her own again, not some experience to be shared and replayed as though it were a film.

She dressed with shaking hands— the experience never got any easier no matter how many times it happened— and she headed down the stairs. One at a time this time. She was fixing coffee when the door swung open, and she spared just enough of a glance up to make sure that it was Seifer. He didn't seem surprised to see her there in the kitchen, filling the kettle with water.

"Couldn't sleep?" His voice was gruff, and when she looked at him again, she realized that he must have just rolled out of the bed, because his hair was sticking up in places.

"Couldn't you?" There was a word for what they were doing; the verbal sparring, answering questions with questions. Ellone couldn't think of what it was though. "It's not even dawn yet." She found the coffee in the cabinet and turned it over to read the package. She wasn't sure of the ratio of coffee grounds to water.

Without warning, the package was removed from her hands, and Seifer was scooping grounds into the glass pot. He glanced up at her. "What, exactly, have you done your whole life, Ellie? Fuu tells me that you don't cook; you certainly don't look like you've had to do much work." His eyes rested on her hands, and Ellone immediately hid them behind her back. It was childish, but then, Seifer wasn't exactly being much better.

"I can be exceptionally quiet," she said as she watched him fold the package back down. She had watched her parents die while in a small, hidden cabinet in the kitchen. She had watched them bleed out in the floor as the Estharian soldiers ransacked her home, looking for her. For a brief moment, she could recall the incident in startling clarity, and it wasn't until Seifer crashed to the floor that she jerked back to reality.

A hand covered her mouth, and she dropped to her knees to check on him, to make sure that he was all right, that nothing had been broken in the fall. She hadn't meant to connect him; hadn't meant to show him her point with such vicious cruelty. Her eyes closed as she felt his pulse.

He didn't move until the kettle began to whistle, and even then it was slow, pained. He rubbed at his head with his middle finger and thumb, and she quickly moved to pick the kettle up so that the whistle stopped. She half expected Fujin to rush down the stairs after that crash, but the pub stayed silent. Seifer watched her pour the water over the coffee grounds, watched her set the kettle back on the stove, away from the hot burner.

With shaking fingers, she put the lid of the pot on, and she glanced at the clock on the wall before she looked at him. "Are you—"

"I'm fine," he replied shortly, waving a hand at her. He leaned back against the bar, then moved around so that he could sit on the other side of it. "Was that..?" He trailed off, but the question was already there. Was that the power that Ultimecia was looking for?

She watched the minute hand on the clock. Three minutes passed before she nodded once, sharply. Seifer didn't pressure her any further, and two more minutes in, she pushed down the plunger on the coffee pot, trapping the grounds against the bottom and leaving the coffee filtered. She found two cups and poured them each one.

They sat in a silence broken only by the occasional clink of the mugs against the bar, and it wasn't until Fujin came down, ready to start the day, that they moved. Ellone glanced at her, looking for any signs of the nightmare that must have been plaguing her, but Fujin showed no signs, her face as impassive as ever. The sound of the door shutting made Ellone look back toward Seifer, but his mug sat on the table, still full, abandoned.

"Lunch is here." Ellone smiled, surprisingly easily given the coffee incident, as she settled the tray onto a clear space on the counter. "Where's Raijin?" Her brow furrowed as she held out one of the covered plates to Seifer. She shivered at the feeling of his fingers against hers, but then he had fallen back into a chair and opened the plate. He never simply sat, like a normal person would. Instead, he sort of glanced at where the chair was and simply … fell. There was no other way to describe it.

"Went to catch supper. Fish again, provided he doesn't get distracted." He shrugged, peeled off his gloves and grabbed the fork to push the food around on his plate. Nodding, Ellone slid into the seat across the table from him. She propped her head up on one hand and watched him eat, and it wasn't until he'd already devoured almost half of it that he stopped to look back at her. Lowering the roll from his lips, he swallowed and asked, "What is it?"

"Nothing." She hid her smile behind her hand, and Seifer reached out, pulling her hand from her mouth. A blush touched her face. She hadn't gotten used to how casual he was with her, but there was no denying that she appreciated it. He made her feel human. Normal.

He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand lightly, as though he didn't realize he was doing it. "Don't hide your smiles, Ellie."

"Never would have guessed that you were such a romantic, Seifer." She glanced down at their hands, found herself studying the scars crossing over his, wondering where they had come from. He squeezed her hand just a little, and she lifted her eyes to look back up at him. He stood and closed what little distance there was between them, kneeling at her side.

She swallowed, staring at him for a moment. He pulled her hand to his chest, and she knew instinctively that it was a moment she would replay in her head for the rest of her life. His hair was longer than it had been back during the war, mussed from the work on the wall. His dark blue t-shirt was covered in white dust from the plaster, and she wasn't sure who moved. It might have been him, but it was just as likely that it could have been her.

She just knew that their lips were suddenly touching— he was impossibly warm— and she could taste him on her tongue. Her hand lifted to touch the back of his neck, and he pulled her closer. There was a desperation lacing the touch, urging them to move. Something arced between them, and she made a soft noise— a whimper? Her hand slid down his shoulders, dug in for a heartbeat, and then she pushed him away. She brushed her fingers over her collarbone, and she couldn't breathe.

"Ellone?"

She pushed past him, ran to the door and escaped the pressure in the house. He didn't chase her, but she didn't turn to see if he watched her go. She couldn't think, not with him so close, not with his hands touching her and her head so empty. He was addictive, being able to live in the moment, being able to touch him and not see the visions flashing before her eyes.

Ellone ducked down the alley between the pub and the next house, put her back to the wall, and simply slid down. The grass was itchy against her legs, but she didn't care. Her head rolled back, and she stared at the sky, trying to blink back the tears that came with her cowardice. She shouldn't have run, but she couldn't make herself go back and face him. Not with his taste still on her lips.

She pulled her scarf around her shoulders and buried her face in it, dragging in deep breaths through the folds. It smelled like him, even though the thought was foolish, fleeting. He hadn't been there long enough for anything of hers to smell like him.

Fujin found her that way some time later, still sitting in the grass, her back against the stone wall of the pub. She was hiding, and surely Fujin could see that much. She certainly saw everything else.

To her credit, she didn't say anything, just slid down and sat beside Ellone, but when she held out one of her arms, Ellone fell into her, twisting around to bury her face against Fujin's shoulder. She couldn't stop hiccuping, couldn't stop herself from crying all over again. Fujin patted her shoulder, then made a soft noise and wrapped her arms around Ellone, holding her close. Ellone melted into the embrace, needing it more than she cared to admit.

She was the strong one. She was the one who had been chased her entire life by evil and still found ways to smile, who held her White SeeDs as they broke down (eventually, they each had, because how could they protect her against someone wearing the face of the woman they all loved?). But this time, she couldn't shoulder her burden alone. She didn't know how.

And so help her the only person she had to talk to about anything was Fujin, the stoic woman who seemed supremely uncomfortable holding Ellone as she cried.

"H-he," she swallowed, knowing that her voice was muffled against Fujin's shoulder and not caring, "he kissed me, Fujin. I … I didn't know what to do." She eased back and reached a hand up to wipe her eyes. Fujin offered her the end of Ellone's own green scarf and, with a shaky smile, Ellone took it and dried her eyes.

"Return?" Fujin tilted her head, and Ellone wrapped the scarf around her hand, clutching it.

Did she return the attention? She had certainly kissed him back. "I don't know," she whispered as she stared at the grass. She couldn't even seem to think anymore around him. Fujin touched the side of her face, and Ellone glanced up at her. Without warning, Fujin leaned in, touched their lips together. Ellone's eyes widened, and Fujin's hand slid around to the back of her neck, keeping her there.

It was sweet, gentle, and entirely unlike the hurried, almost rough kiss she had shared with Seifer. Their lips had scarcely touched before the chattering washed over her, and she found herself frozen at the sight of a pair of much younger figures, one silver and one gold, sitting on the edge of the dock in Balamb.

"Are you sure, Fujin?"

"Please." A moment passed, and then he leaned over to her, pressing his lips to hers.

Something in her chest twisted, and by the time Fujin drew back, Ellone was trembling, reaching up to touch her lips hesitantly.

"Like his?"

It took her just a moment to grasp the meaning of what Fujin was asking, and when she did, Ellone flushed darkly. "No, Fuu. Not like his." She licked her bottom lip and drew her knees to her chest. No kisses were like the ones Seifer offered, where she could feel what was happening to her and no memories overlaid her own experiences. She risked a glance up, and she saw that Fujin understood, or at least, she understood as much as she could.

With that, Fujin stood, dusted herself off, and held out a hand to Ellone. One silver eyebrow arched, and she offered a very small smile. "Answer," she said, matter-of-factly, as she helped Ellone to her feet. Ellone supposed she was right; she did have her answer.

"Why aren't you with him?" It was impossibly rude, but Ellone couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. She felt Fujin tense beside her, and for a moment, she was horrified by her own question. But then Fujin offered her another of those barely-there smiles.

"Hurt," she whispered, and Ellone felt the ache in her own chest return.

"Did he—?"

"Not Seifer." She didn't offer anything else though. Instead, she took Ellone's wrist and led her back into the pub, where the drink mixing utensils were waiting. More lessons.

Ellone wasn't certain what she felt, but she knew that she enjoyed the time she spent with Seifer. He often came in on the tail end of a lesson, or just as Ellone would fire up the stove to attempt to cook dinner. Fujin always made lunch, and gradually, she relinquished supper to Ellone's inexperienced hands. Seifer liked to watch Ellone cook; or at least, she assumed he did. He was always there when she started.

Maybe he was concerned that she was going to set them all ablaze. She laughed at the thought: the great Ellone, sought after for eighteen years, and she was defeated by an unruly bowl of chili. Wouldn't that have been a punch line for Ultimecia to enjoy?

"What's funny?" He fell onto one of the bar stools, raising an eyebrow as he leaned forward over the top of the bar to see into the kitchen. Little specks of plaster fell from his shirt to the bar top, and she frowned just a little before she threw a dish towel at him.

He caught it, much to her annoyance. Just once, she wanted to smack him in the face with the towel. It would have delighted her to no end, seeing that white and blue striped cloth connect with his supremely self-satisfied face. He wiped the top of the bar.

"Nothing," she replied, and she began opening cans to pour into the pot. "Just... never thought I'd get to this point," she said slowly. Her hands stopped what they were doing for a moment, and then she shook off the momentary melancholy. "It's strange, that's all."

"So you were laughing because life is strange?" He threw the dishtowel over his shoulder, slid off of the bar stool, and came over to stand beside her. Unceremoniously, he bumped her away from the stove, and he took over the chili. She leaned back against the sink, studying him again.

Speaking of strange things, it was truly bizarre to see him looking so domestic. For once, the gunblade was... somewhere else, and with the dishtowel over his shoulder, he looked almost normal. At the angle she stood at, she couldn't even see his scar clearly. She wondered what it would have been like to meet him like this, to see him doing something so normal all the time.

The thought caused a pain in her chest that she didn't care for, so Ellone dismissed the thoughts. Instead, she hoisted herself up to sit on the countertop.

"Seifer?"

He looked up at her, and she motioned for him to come to her. He hesitated, put the lid on the chili, now set to simmer, and slowly, he moved closer to her. "What?"

She motioned again, and he took one more step. They still hadn't discussed what had happened in the other house. The kiss. She reached out, caught his wrist, and pulled him closer to her. He licked his bottom lip, then raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head.

"Do you have some sort of plan, Ellone?"

She looked up at him sharply. He never used her full name. "No," she admitted, and she sat up a little straighter, trying to work up her courage. "No plan." She leaned forward a fraction, and when he didn't move away, she closed her eyes.

It was slower than their first kiss, more gentle, although it held nothing on the kiss she'd shared with Fujin. At least, she didn't think it did. She couldn't remember the kiss with Fujin very clearly, if she was honest with herself. It wasn't like kissing Seifer, where she could be completely in the moment, where she could focus on the sensation of his lips against hers.

He pulled back slowly, but he didn't open his eyes. Ellone shivered, unsure if that was a good thing or not. He groaned and dropped his forehead against the cabinets behind her. It put him uncomfortably close, and Ellone squirmed. One of his hands slid up her hip, and she felt a shot of something racing under her skin.

"You have to stop doing this, Ellie," he murmured, and his breath ghosted over her neck. Her eyes closed again. She wasn't doing anything. She was quite certain of that. Seifer was the one doing everything, the one causing the funny feeling in the bottom of her stomach, the one making her skin tingle so sharply.

"Seifer—"

He put a finger over her mouth, and then he moved it just enough to kiss her again, his hand cupping the side of her face as he tasted her, as he drank her in. She moaned lowly into his mouth, and he was kissing her harder, more desperately, as though he couldn't get enough of her. When he finally drew back, she swallowed thickly, forcing her eyes to open.

"Seifer," she started again, and he shivered in her arms.

"What?"

She had wanted to ask him if he regretted it, kissing her, but clearly he didn't. So instead, she asked him, "Are you going to hurt me?" It was a dumb question, one that she was pretty sure that she already knew the answer to. His hand slid down her thigh, and he sighed softly over her ear.

"Yes." He was honest with her, and she could appreciate that. Her whole life had been condolences and assurances, promises that no one was certain they could keep. But not from him. Not from Seifer.

She licked her lips. "Are you going to hurt me tonight?"

"Not tonight," he murmured, and she nodded jerkily as she eased her arms around his shoulders.

"Then... I want you to..." She hesitated, uncertain of exactly how to word her request. Heroines in books and movies tended to be overly dramatic, with beautiful make-up and perfect dresses as they clutched to their hero, asking him to 'take her' right there. But she was Ellone Loire, and she was sitting on the edge of the countertop in jeans and a white tank top. Her green scarf was knotted around her hips.

She wasn't some sort of dramatic heroine, and when Seifer pulled back to look at her, she blushed. She couldn't look away, couldn't let herself. He groaned again and pulled away from her. She shivered, suddenly cold without him looming over her. "Seifer?" She had done it all wrong.

"Damn it," he muttered, and he double-checked the burner on the chili before he took her hand and led her up the stairs. It wasn't quite as romantic as being carried, but it was close enough. Besides, it wasn't as though she could be picky. There weren't that many guys she could consider doing this with to begin with.

He pushed her down to sit on the bed, and she hesitated, certain that this wasn't right. She hadn't had sex before, but she knew that this was entirely too calm, too controlled to be the passion he had kissed her with only moments earlier. She swallowed and looked up at him as he locked her door.

Seifer knelt in front of her, and he framed her face between his hands, pulling her down for a soft kiss. He didn't open his eyes again after he pulled back, instead choosing to lean forward just a little. "Ellie, I can't..." He floundered, and she looked at him curiously, a little surprised by his lack of polish. She had assumed that he would be well versed in this. "I can't take advantage of you-"

"I'm an adult," she said firmly, moving to make him look up at her. "I am well aware of what I'm asking you, Seifer." She swallowed, doing her best to keep her voice as steady as she could. His hand was back on her thigh, and she didn't want him to take it away again. "I want this. With you."

He looked at her for a long moment, and he smiled faintly. There was no humor behind it. "I can't tell you no," he finally replied, and he kissed her once again. This time, he didn't stop, didn't pull away to catch his breath. He kissed her as though it would be the last time he could. His hands slid up her thighs, over her hips, and untied her scarf.

As it fell to the floor, Ellone lifted her own shaking hands. Seifer took his time with her, guided her as sweetly as he could, and when she cried out from the sudden pain in the middle of her pleasure, he stopped, kissed her, worked her through it. He didn't leave her when it was all over, and they didn't even go back down for dinner. Presumably, Fujin or Raijin discovered and finished up the chili. When she slept that night, stretched out over his chest, there were no dreams.

She was walking back up the street, the grocery basket over her arm. The sunshine was warm on her skin, and Ellone smiled up into it, her eyes closing briefly as she savored the moment. She had changed, had grown, and she wouldn't have traded her new life for anything. One of her hand lifted to catch her dark hair just as it fluttered over her face, and when she had it tucked back behind her ear, she felt her breathing catch.

There were soldiers just outside of the door of her home. Galbadian soldiers, but that didn't stop her from gasping, didn't stop her heart from skipping a beat. Her knees wobbled, then simply gave out, and she collapsed in the dirt on the street, her hand pressing against her chest, as though she could force her body to cooperate. The sunlight glinted off of their weapons- swords and guns- and the man in the uniform the color of blood- rivers of it pouring along the floor, creeping ever closer to her sandaled feet- looked at her.

She hiccuped, tears in her eyes blinding her for a moment until she shook her head. Fruit was rolling across the street, having escaped the basket, and she saw one of the soldiers in blue start toward her, holding out a hand. She screamed then, incapable of stopping herself, and she scrabbled back, trying to put more space between them.

The man in the red uniform said something sharply, and the blue soldier headed back, holding up his hands. He was apologizing, she thought, trying to prove that they weren't there for her, but she knew better. She knew how this would happen, and then the man in red was proving her right, walking toward her. There was a loud crash, two, and then Seifer spilled out of her house, yelling and waving them all away from her.

He was the one who came to her, who knelt beside her and calmed her, made her catch her breath. "They're not here for you," he whispered, and she felt her heart slow a little. "I wouldn't let them take you." Her hands were shaking as she grasped at his shirt, as she looked up at him.

"We have to run," she replied, and he looked at her for a long moment before he shook his head.

"This is your home, Ellie," he said softly, and there was something sad about it, something... resigned. Ellone's breath caught once more in her throat, making her ache. He smoothed her hair down, pressed a kiss to her lips, and there was a fresh burst of activity as Fujin and Raijin both forced the last of the soldiers out of Ellone's home.

She smiled weakly.

"Ellone, they're here for me."

"What?" She glanced back at Seifer, who waved one of the soldiers back away from them again. She grabbed the lapels of his jacket, her eyes narrowing. "You can't go."

He kissed her softly, and just as he pulled back, he murmured, "I have to go. You'll be safe, Ellone. Fuu and Rai will stay with you-"

For a moment, he didn't make sense, and then her eyes widened. "This is why you weren't in FH." He had been waiting for them to come and get him. Her eyes cut back toward the soldiers. "You told them where you were?"

He touched her face again. She wanted to jerk back, to be angry at him, but she couldn't. If they were going to take him, it might be the last time that she ever saw him. She wasn't about to waste the last of the memories she was capable of making on anger. She leaned up and took another kiss from him. "You told me that you'd hurt me," she whispered.

Seifer drew away from her slowly, and he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her against him in a too-tight hug. She didn't stop him. When he stood, he helped her to her feet, and she composed her face as best she could. Together, they walked back to the soldiers. Fujin and Raijin were waiting for them.

"Fight?" Fujin glanced back at Seifer, who simply shook his head.

"Take care of Ellone," he ordered, and Fujin and Raijin, his own little soldiers, his posse, nodded sharply, although protest was clearly on Raijin's lips. Fujin grabbed Raijin's arm, keeping him silent, and Seifer stepped forward to the soldiers.

The man in red nodded sharply to Ellone, and for a moment she faltered, trying to remember where she knew him from. She gasped. "You were stationed here," she whispered quickly, and he stepped back, clearly surprised that she even remembered him. "When Esthar was invading."

"I... yes. Miss, we didn't mean to scare you-"

"Take care of him," she said quickly, realizing that his guilt was a way for her to assure herself that Seifer wouldn't be mistreated, not by the soldiers at least. And he hesitated before he nodded slowly. She reached for the scarf around her hips, tore off a section that she knotted firmly around Seifer's arm. "Don't lose that," she murmured, and she kissed him again.

He lingered for only a moment, breathing in deeply, as though he wanted to take something of her with him, and then they left, loading him into the armored vehicle. She narrowed her eyes as she realized that they hadn't bothered to cuff him.

For a few minutes, they all three watched the car go, until finally, Raijin leaned over to her. "What are we gonna do?"

"Where will the trial be?" She looked back, and they both exchanged looks.

"Deling," Fujin finally supplied.

"Then we're going to Deling." Ellone wiped the tears still lingering in her eyes, forced herself to breathe. She had lost too much, sacrificed too much over the course of her life. She wasn't about to lose Seifer as well. She would get him back.