fic: nothing to lose (sam, dean - gen, pg-13)

Title: Nothing to Lose

author: sikeminatural

rating: pg-13

characters: sam,dean,cas

word count 1800

warnings: spoilers for season 5/6

notes written for ohsam 's comment fic meme!

Based on this prompt by alxtorres33

When Sam is pulled from Hell by some unknown force (up to the author) a year after the showdown, he has his soul and goes to find Dean who is not living with Lisa but alone, and still hunting. Dean takes him in but its easy to see that Dean despises Sam, he beats him, verbally abuses him, uses his memories of Hell to hurt him and blames Sam for everything that has happened. Sam becomes brainwashed and at first fights back but then starts to accept it. Would love if Cas or Bobby come and save Sam and make Dean see the error of his ways!

Sam was not sure what he was expecting really when he knocks on the motel room door. The Impala was parked out front and Sam knew that Dean was here. He was sure that he would have known anyway. Sam had finally climbed out of hell a few months ago and ever since he'd been searching for Dean.

He'd been surprised to find out that he'd been in hell for just about a year. He'd been clawing his way out of the fiery pits of a hell made up of raw flesh and blood for what seemed like forever. Sam just couldn't believe that he was here, alive...breathing in fresh air. Sometimes he swore that he could still feel the searing heat on his face, spreading through his skin and burning up his inner core.

But he'd held on, prayed and hoped that one day he'd make it out. That he'd see Dean again. Everything will be okay, he'd told himself, Dean's going to make it all okay .

Funny how things were never that cut and dry.

When Dean opened the door, his mouth fell open and his eyes widened as he saw Sam standing in the doorway. Sam stared back at him as he revelled in the sight of seeing his brother for what felt like the first time in years. So the cold splash of water in his face made him jerk backwards in shock. He wiped the water from his face and he looked into Dean's eyes,

It's me Dean, it's really me..." in a sincere tone and Dean just looks at him with the same blank stare he'd been giving Sam since he'd opened the door. Sam didn't really think much of it. Obviously Dean needed time to deal with the fact that he was alive, and Sam was more than willing to give him time.

However, after one day with Dean, Sam really didn't think that time was an issue. Something had changed in Dean over the past year; he was cold, dark and bitter. When he looked at Sam, his eyes were full of rage and disgust and Sam just didn't know what to say. It will pass, he told himself. But he knew it was a lost cause when Dean had basically given him the silent treatment for an entire week. Sam found himself getting frustrated and he lashed out eventually.

"Dude, what's your problem?" Sam asked as they drove back from what had previously been a coven of witches (they'd dealt with it pretty efficiently, way too efficiently for Sam to even pretend that things were even remotely okay between him and Dean. Dean remained silent as they drove along a deserted highway, the Impala silhouetted by the shadows of the night.

"You," Dean said finally, as he pulled into the parking lot of another nondescript motel, "You're my problem." His voice was full of contempt and disgust and Sam swallowed down his fear when Dean turned to look at him; his brother eyes were full of hate. Hate that was directed at him, Sam sighed as he felt his newly constructed world falling down around him.

"You've been following me around like a bad smell for a week now, maybe you should take the hint, Sam, I don't want you here!" Dean shouts as they start to get settled in the motel room. Sam briefly wondered if he should have gotten another room, he didn't want to fight with Dean but he couldn't understand where all of this was coming from. After all, he was the one who'd gone to hell in order to save the damn planet.

"Look, I'm sorry if you've found this past year hard but I had to do what I did, it was the plan all along!" Sam pleaded desperately though he wasn't sure why he was explaining himself, Dean knew all of this already. He just didn't know what he'd done to piss Dean off and Sam had to admit that this hurt more than he was letting on, this was his big brother, one of the only people he had in this world and Dean was treating him like he was nothing. Sam was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear Dean approach him until he was thrown into one of the walls. Sam winced as his back collided with the concrete and he shot Dean an exasperated look. The look in Dean's eyes chilled his bones, it was like looking into an icy, green river. It was completely devoid of emotion and for the first time, Sam wished that he'd never come back. That he'd never bothered Dean.

"So that's why you're here? To make me feel guilty? Is that it?" Dean said as he hovered over Sam who was frozen to his spot on the wall. He grabbed Sam by the throat, his grip was firm and tight and Sam struggled to breathe easily,

"You don't know how hard this year has been, so how about you shut the hell up!" he said in a cold voice and Sam flinched and looked away from Dean. The punch to his jaw came as a surprise and he found himself getting angry.

"You can't do this to me Dean!" He spat out furiously, "Don't dump all of your shit on me!" Dean suddenly let go of him and Sam tumbled to the floor, panting heavily as Dean glared at him. Sam could see there was anger and confusion in his eyes but he just didn't know what to do, and how to make everything just...go away. He hadn't known how to do that for a long time.

"You're not Sam," Dean said quietly, "You're not my brother; my brother is dead."
Sam clenched his fists tightly as he looked up at his brother, there was a flash of fire in his mind and he winced slightly. He'd gotten used to the brief flashes of hell he'd been getting ever since he'd gotten out. Sometimes it was fire, other times it was the smell and sight of roasting flesh. A burning sensation trickled down his spine and Sam shuddered slightly.

"So, how was hell then Sammy," Dean asked cruelly as if he'd spotted signs that Sam was remembering something and assumed that it was hell. Though, Sam supposed that Dean would be familiar with it all. He'd even hoped that in time, Dean would help him to try and get over it. Sam had hoped for a lot of things, he just hadn't expected Dean to rebuke him so maliciously.

"Answer the question!" Dean demanded and Sam felt his head colliding with the wall as Dean laid another punch on him. A sliver of blood trickled down from his bottom lip had slipped and Sam wiped it away with a rough swipe at his lip.

"Why are you doing this," he asked, "It's been a whole week, why are you doing this now?" he asked and Dean just laughed and shook his head.

"This is all some trick isn't it? You're not real," he replied, "This is just a cruel way of being reminded that you're down there, in hell...burning in agony as they pick at your flesh...flames constantly washing over you..."
Sam groaned as the images flew into his subconscious, as the shadows of the pain he'd suffered crept up on him.

"I thought you'd like that a reminder of what it's like down there, where the real Sam is.
Sam's head was spinning as Dean grabbed him and shook him hard, not caring that Sam's shoulders where smashing into the wall. What if Dean was right, what if he wasn't real?

What if this was some sick figment of his imagination and he was really trapped in hell.

Forever.

No, he thought, NO

"You're wrong," he said as loudly has he could, "I am real, Dean, I'm your brother!" That only served to make Dean angrier and Sam felt another burst of pain as Dean hit him repeatedly, Sam tried to struggle with him and eventually he managed to push Dean off him and he backed away into the corner of the square shaped room they'd booked.

He found himself wishing that none of this was really because he just couldn't handle Dean looking at him like that, like he was evil and unworthy. He simply couldn't.

"It makes sense that it'd be you," Dean said as he pulled out a chair from the small table across from where Sam was huddled into the corner, "I was already hearing voices, having nightmares of you down there...I was waiting for when I'd see them while I was still awake and I knew that it'd be you...that you would be the one to taunt me, hell I've been hearing your voice for months! What's changed now?"

Sam just stared up at Dean his eyes wide and distant? His thoughts were a hazy mess inside his head and he found himself thinkingI'mnotrealI'mnotrealI'mnotreal over and over again.

"You think I don't know that Sam being dead is my fault that I should have stopped him from going ahead with that stupid plan?" Dean continued, "I didn't ask for any of this...and now you're here to what? Make me feel even shittier than I have done for the past year? Well you can't."

There was a long silence in the room as Sam tucked his knees against his chest and wrapped his arms around them protectively. He didn't know why Dean couldn't believe that he was real. The only legitimate reason would be that...he wasn't real. And he was...wasn't he? The same thoughts were just circling around and round and he just wanted it all to stop.

"Dean," a voice called suddenly and Sam lifted his head up suddenly only to see Cas standing halfway between him and Dean. He was still trying to wrap his head around that fact that Cas was alive when Cas turned to Dean and said,

"It's really Sam, I don't know how he did it but he got out, I can sense his soul and that is your brother."

"How can you be so sure?" Dean argued and Cas sighed,

"Because I lead him here to you, it just didn't occur to me that you'd need confirmation of your brother's humanity. I thought that you could "read" each other." He said in his monotonic voice which Sam found soothing for some reason.

"You're telling me that...it's Sam? He's really here...he's alive?" Dean asked, sounding a little lost and Cas looked at him with a pitiful expression on his face.
"Yes," he replied simply and Dean's stood up slowly, his eyes widening with shock when he saw the state of his brother.
"It's really you..." he said to Sam as he approached him. Sam looked up at Dean but he could only nod in response before suddenly Dean had reached him and he engulfed Sam into a tight embrace.
And even though Sam was still confused over what had happened to him, still angry and terrified at the things that Dean had done and said to him, this moment right here made it all go away.
Just for a moment as Dean held Sam in his arms, Sam could only think one thing.

He finally had his big brother back. He was home..