Title: Breakfast at Arthur's
Rating: K+
Summary: "Don't be late." "Am I ever?"
A/N: A little bit of Arthur/Merlin banter, because the world needs more of it. This collection of quotes starts shortly after episode 1x01, "The Dragon's Call" and ends in the middle of the boys' conversation in episode 2x06, "Beauty and the Beast".
Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim all things Merlin–related . . . to my never ending disappointment.
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Breakfast at Arthur's
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"Merlin! What the – what time is it?"
"I . . . have no idea, sire. But look, I brought you breakfast."
"Of course you brought me breakfast. That is your job."
"Oh. Well. I just thought I was supposed to . . . why aren't you wearing anything?"
"Because you are supposed to help me get dressed, Merlin. Do you have any idea what the word servant implies?"
"Of course I do, it's just that I . . . oh. Oh. So I'm supposed to – right. Er . . . So where's this supposed to go?"
"Get. Your. Hands. Off. My. Sheets."
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"Rise and shine, Arthur."
"Sire."
"Excuse me?"
"You are supposed to call me 'sire'."
"Oh. But isn't that a bit . . . impersonal?"
"That's the point, Merlin. Well, get on with it. Where are my breeches?"
"Your br– oh! I think Gwen might still be working on them. Er . . . would you like me to go and get them? Arthur? Should you be swinging that around? You might want to put that cup down before someone gets hu– ow!"
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"Merlin! You idiot! Do you ever –"
"Sorry, sire. Here, let me –"
"What is this?"
"Er . . . your lunch, sire?"
"Merlin!"
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"Er . . . Arthur?"
"Merlin? What are you – is that a rotten apple?"
"No, sire. It's a . . . potato."
"And may I ask why you thought it was a good idea to bring me a potato this early in the – are those birds I hear? And what is the sun doing so high up in the sky?"
" . . . I brought you a potato because . . . I thought you might need it."
"For once, Merlin, I completely agree. Give me that."
"Yes. Just so you know, it hasn't been cooked yet, so you might not want to put all your strength into – ow! Oh. Oh, that really hurt."
"It did? Good."
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"Sire! Arthur. You need to get out of bed immediately."
"Unnng?"
"I'm late; very late. You need to hurry up."
"Of course you are. And no, I don't. Oh, and Merlin? Don't order me around."
"I wouldn't. Now get out of bed as fast as you can."
" . . . Why do I have to hurry up?"
"Remember that important banquet?"
"Yes, I – you let me sleep through the afternoon?"
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"Merlin."
"Sire. You're . . . you're dressed."
"Contrary to popular belief, I am capable of putting on clothes all by myself, Merlin."
"Yes, yes. Of course."
"Of course, I wouldn't have to prove the skeptics wrong if you actually showed up in time in the morning."
"Yes, sire. I mean, no, sire. Er, Arthur . . . you have your tunic on backwards."
"Merlin?"
"Get out?"
"Now."
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"Shut up."
"What?"
"Shut up."
"What are you on about, Merlin?"
"That was not what you were going to say?"
"I wasn't going to say anything."
"Oh, so does that mean –"
"Merlin?"
"Yes, Arthur?"
"Shut up. And make sure I'll still be in time for the Council of Nobles."
"Er – the Council of Nobles started half an hour ago. How am I supposed to –"
"Do I have to think of everything? Go!"
"Going. Sire. Going. Look, I'm – ow. Yes. Going."
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"Don't be late."
"Am I ever?"
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~fin~