A/N: Yes, yes lovlies, I know you are going to be mad that there is yet another story in my already too crowded brain. Well its not a story its a oneshot! I am having terrible writers block and am finding some release in this. I hope you like it and if any of you have any ideas for my other story(s) that would be freakin' amazing! Thanks, so I hope you like it. Also this is my first offical 'one shot'. They last one shot I tried turned into a three shot dedicated to BubblesTheGleek. Cheek it out. Its just as angsty as this one, its called pearhips.
Disclaimer:I don't own glee :( Or Starbucks. Reeeally wished I owned both.
Rating:T
Because Scars Never Leave
Blaine Anderson had a terrible past. He tries so very hard to not think about what happened. He represses most of it. All the experiances from seventh grade to halfway through ninth. It had been absoulutly horrible. Sometimes the memories come and attack him. Usually in dreams. He would wind up crying for the rest of the night, not being able to sleep. When asked he'd simply reply it was from reading to late or doing the homework. They always belived him.
When he had transferred to Dalton in ninth grade he got along well with the boys. But it felt kind of fake in a way. He distanced himself from everyone and everything. But you all know how insitant Wes and David are. They didn't give up when they first met him. They kept going at it until they opened him up. They found out he could sing. And it became their plan to get him into the Warblers.
But even the best of friends kept occtional secrets from each other. And Blaine Anderson had a secret he would never tell anyone. He didn't do it anymore. But it was always with him. Whenever he was asked about the multipled scars on his left arm he'd reply it was from working on a car or he fell in a bush when he was young. He could easily make up and convince any one about an excuse. Well, almost everyone.
Kurt Hummel broke his perfect record of lying about them. He simply raised one perfect eyebrow and gave him a 'bitch please' look. But Blaine never caved. He simply kept adding the excuses, blowing a few out of porportions. IT was also the reason why Blaine Anderson fell in love with Kurt Hummel.
But he didn't tell him at first because of what happened at his old school. SO he put himself as a mentor. He made sure that Kurt was happy to the best of his ability. He did not want him going where he had gone. Because once that monster consumes you, it is way to hard to get out.
So when they did start dating he became careful to never have Kurt on his left side. Always his right. Kurt would leave him if he knew how messed up and broken he was. So even with those eyes that couldn't decide between green and blue that were staring at him as he asked what had happened. He couldn't tell. He just couldn't
Because wounds heal, but scars never leave.
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"You better waear the outfit I picked out for you Blaine Anderson or I will cut you", Kurt tried saying sternly over the phone but was failing in epic porportions.
I decided to actually giggle. "Like i'd dare wear anything else. Besides its perfect like you.".
He sighed in an overdramatized way. "You want more cookies don't you".
"I was so not getting at that but that would be greatly appreciated honey. And even though were not at Dalton any more Wes and David will find a way to get more, I promise you. They are in love with your baking. To prove it, and I quote, 'Those magical, wonderful cookies that could make cry;".
He snorted. "No way, it has been scientifically proven that he can not cry".
"I think next time they got more they were going to try it".
"Uh-uh. They'll eat them all first. I better get going it late".
"I smiled. "Bye. I love you".
There was always that slight pause before he answered.
"I love you,too".
I clicked the end button and set my phone onemy nightstand. After I crawled under the covers and turned the lamp off Istarted my nightly ritchual. I ran my fingers over each scar and rembered why it was there. I figured out that if I rember stuff while I'mawake they don't come and haunt me in the night.
I ran over the last one. It was right beneath my hand. It was a lighter color than my skin and was three inches long and two inches wide. It was jagged unlike the others because of my haste in causing it. This ones memory was the worst. It was the one I wanted to end it all. And it almost did.
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The alarm went off and I rolled over onto my back and groaned. My eyes fluttered open. It was my first day at McKinley.
Oh, dear god.
I scrambled out of the covers and over to my dresser. I grabbed the stack of clothing and accessories and headed to the bathroom. After a nice shower and a towl later I examined my self in the mirrior. I was in black skinny jean and a white v-neck. I had converse on and over my chest were hot pink suspenders. I grinned at the color.
I gelled my hair into submission and went in search of my hot pink sun glasses. Instead of mine there was a pair of black and white checker ones instead.
"Blaine, I belive those are mine", A voice called from the doorway.
I looked over and there was my fifteen year old sister standing in the doorway.
"How did we mix these up, Ryan?". I asked walking over and switching with her.
"Beats me. I hope Kurtsie's friend Brittany likes my outfit. I really amped it up today!".
Indeed she had. Her hair hung natrual today and was curly. She wore poofy black shorts with drawstrings on the sides, a form fitting white tank top with black suspenders over her chest and a panda hat on her head.
"I think she will approve greatly.".
She grinned. "Coffe?", She asked.
"Duh! To the Lima Bean we go!", I said heading down the stairs.
"I want Starbucks though!", She pouted.
"But I've never had their medium drip! What if I don't like it?".
She snorted. "I think you would like anyones Medium Drip Blaine".
"I didn't like the schools!".
"They don't count".
"Damn you".
After a trip to Starbucks we were almost to our new school".
"Have you told him yet?", Ryan asked out of no where.
"Excuse me?".I asked.
"Have you told Kurt about your scars?". Ryan was the only one who knew.
I hid my lift instictivly. "No", I mumbled.
"Why?". She asked.
"Because I'm scared.".
I parked the car and hopped out not wanting to answer any more questions. But unfourtunatly you can't really run from yourself.
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We sat in the choir room waiting for to come in. I had told him that I didn't want to audition yet but I would be singing for them soon. I held Kurts hand as I talked to Mike and he talked to Tina. I felt my hand being lifted. I thought nothing of it until I rembered it was my left. He traced a scar.
"Blaine?", He started.
I removed my hand from his quickly and held it in between my legs with the other one.
"Yes, darling?".
"What had happened to your hand? You have a couple scars and I know I've asked before but I've never gotten an answer.".
His eyes searched mine. They couldn't decide between Green and blue and sometimes gray. There wasn't really a name for it.
I could tell him but..but..
"Nothing sweetheart, I just had a few accidents when I was little. I wound up falling on my left since thats not my dominant side. I have worse balance on my left.".
His eyes seemed to change to a blue rimmed with dark green. He didn't seem to buy it but he nodded his head.
Schue thankfully came in then and headed to the bord.
"I would like to welcome our newest member Blaine Anderson. He just transferred today."
There was some cheers and appluase. Rachel looked worried.
"Mr. Schue if I may?", she said.
She walked up to the front without him answereing.
"No offense Blaine but this could be another trap! You know what happened last time! I don't think he should be here."
I snorted and Kurt gave Rachel his death glare.
"Rachel, that happened because of you and Blaine isn't like that. We started dating when we were both in Dalton so that is just stupid! Blaine is an amazing enough of a boyfreind to transfer to another school just to be closer to me!".
Mercedes, Tina and Mercedes gave a small 'aw' at that.
"Rachel you're a stuck up, nasty prude. Oh wait, no offense", I spat at her. And she looked very offened.
Santana laughed. "I like the hobbit. I say we keep him".
"But—". Rachel tried again.
"No buts Rachel! Blaine is staying", Schue said.
She walked back to her seat to cry to her boyfreind.
"Okay, this weeks lesson is about emotions. What kind of emotions are you guys feeling?", he asked.
"Love", Kurt said.
"Annoyance", Rachel added.
"Happiness",Mercedes said.
Too many, I thought.
"Good. I want you all to find a song that expresses those emotiojns and sing it for us.".
Rachel raised her hand. "I have one!".
He nodded.
I groaned. Of course the midget would have one.
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"Blaine! We need to talk!", Kurt called.
I turned and he was almost to my locker.
"Sure, what about Kurt?", I asked.
"Its..just come on!", He said and dragged me to the nearest classroom.
He sat on a desk.
"I know you're lying Blaine."
My stomach contracted. "What?".
"You're lying about those scars.".
He knew. "No I'm not".
"Yes you are Blaine".
"What if I just don't want to say".
"You're my boyfreind! No secrets!".
"Kurt!".
"Tell me, dammit!".
"No!".
"Blaine!".
"I'm not—".
"BLAINE!".
"I was a cutter!". I finally shouted at him.
His face was pure shock and horror.
"I didn't wan to tell you because you'd have that reaction! I lied, I did it because I was scared you would leave me!".
I was crying by now. I didn't even let him say anything. I just ran out of there and straight to my next class.
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After social studies had started I pulled my songbook out. It was worn and old but it was a bestfreind. It got me through all those years. Well. Barely.
I opened to a new page and started scribbling. I looked at it. I scrached it out. I went through this three times before I liked it. I nodded at it. I would be singing this in glee.
As soon as glee rolled around for the afternoon Kurt and I didn't even look at each other. We sat on other ends and they were already murmuring. Schue came in oblivious to the tension.
"Any one have a song?".
My hand shot up.
"Very well then. Blaine.".
I walked up to the front and picked up a guitar.
"Before I sing I would like to apologize to Kurt. I didn't mean to blow up but it kinda happened. I am really sprry. I wrote this song for me and what I've done and for Kurt."
"I never wanted to rember,
but you made me see,
all that had happened,
what I did to me.
You asked about the scars,
I simply waved it away,
but your smile didn't reach your eyes,
as you held my hand that day.
Wounds heal but scars stay,
I couldn't resist it,
I have to admit what I did,
and, god, I really regret it.
Please don't get mad,
as I tell you about my darkness,
I was so young then,
but it still happened no less.
I hope you understand,
why I felt the need,
they drove me to it,
why I had to bleed. ".
The glee club was catching on by then and Kurt was crying silently.
"You asked about the scars,
I simply waved it away,
but your smile didn't reach your eyes,
as you held my hand that day.
Wounds heal but scars stay,
I couldn't resist it,
I have to admit what I did,
and, god, I really regret it.
I thought I had left it behind,
my horrid past,
because it did something to me,
even though you can't see at first glance.", I finished softly and strummed the last chord.
I got solemn applause and I bowed my head now crying myself.
"I-I was a cutter. I really did not like what I did. Hell, I almost killed myself. But i've accepted that these are a part of me, and Kurt, I understand if you break up with me. I really don't deserve you".
Kurt came up to the front and stood in front of me. I was afraid he was going to slap me. Instead he nearly tackled me with a kiss. There were cat calls and whisles as we parted. He rested his forehead on mine.
"Blaine Anderson, I love you. And I don't care what you do, you cannot get rid of me that easily."
I laughed and he laughed and the whole room was laughing. We walked to a pair of seats and sat down holding hands. And what made it even better was that he was holding my left one.
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Blaine Anderson had had a lot of pain in his life. He bled, he burnt, he cried. He almost killed himself. But he found love and that love wasn't about to leave him. Blaine Anderson was very happy now. And even though he knew that he was never going back there, it still scared him that he almost ended it all.
The End
A/N: I really hoped you liked it. Whats funny is that I got this idea from Kung Fu Panda 2 when Po and Shen are arguing about scars and wounds and what not. It was really weird but it gave me this and for that I am thankful. I hope you guys enjoyed my idea of Blaine's past and all. The song Blaine sung is called 'Wounds Heal, Scars Stay', and I wrote it myself and am very pround of that. Thank you for reading and please review!