"My name is Kim Wilder. I'm Kate Beckett's cousin."

Rick felt his breath come short at those words. "Do you know where she is? I've been trying to find her."

"I'm aware, Mr. Castle," the woman on the other end of the line replied, sounding slightly amused and a lot like Kate. "Your constant calling this afternoon was actually kind of annoying, since we were trying to have a conversation at the time."

Rick felt the air go out of him in a rush as he realized this woman not only knew where Kate was, but was actually with Kate. "Please," he said as soon as he could manage words. "Call me Rick."

"Okay, Rick," Kim replied. "I'd like to hear your side of the story."

Rick sighed, sitting back in his chair. "I'm not sure where to start," he confessed.

"How about the beginning?" Kim suggested. Rick heard the faint flick of a cigarette lighter and a slow inhale. "It's usually a good place."

Rick laughed softly. "The trouble is, I'm not sure where the beginning is. I could start all the way back when I first met her…"

"Please don't. That story took all afternoon the first time I heard it, and that was just after you started calling today. Just… start with this Demming guy. She didn't make a lot of sense when she was talking about him, but it wasn't really the right time to push for details."

Rick nodded. "Demming's a robbery detective. He worked a case with us a few weeks before… everything happened." He paused, gritted his teeth, and attempted to be evenhanded. "He's a decent guy; opens doors, pulls out chairs, coaches youth basketball. Really white teeth."

Kim laughed softly. "Kate always has liked the pretty boys. So, what, he stepped on your toes?"

"Well, the thing is… technically, I don't have toes to step on in this situation. We're not together. And she's been fairly adamant that we never will be." Rick stood, moving into the kitchen to pour himself a drink. "But there's something there. I know there is." He took a drink, listening to Kim take a drag off her cigarette. "So I asked her to come to the Hamptons with me for Memorial Day."

"Right, but she was going somewhere with Demming."

"Yeah." Rick all but spat the word out. "And she gave me this speech about how she didn't want us to be awkward now that she and Tom were together." He knew the venom in his voice must be audible over the line, but he didn't care. "So I said fine. She wants her little boyfriend in Robbery, she can have him. But I needed to get away. I can do a lot of things – I can put up with a lot of things. But I don't have it in me to stand there and watch that."

"I don't blame you," Kim said softly. "So then what happened?"

Rick shrugged. "I talked to my ex-wife, who also happens to be my publisher, and mentioned that I was going to spend the summer in Southampton getting the book done. She asked if I had company, and I said no, and she… kind of invited herself along. Gina and I don't get along very well, but occasionally we connect, and for whatever reason, that night on the phone, we did. So I figured what the hell, at least I won't be completely by myself; I'll have somebody to talk to. Or, knowing Gina, somebody to fight with. So I let her come."

"I see."

"She was going off with Demming! They were together. What was I supposed to do, sit around and hope for them to break up? And then the next thing I know, I'm making a toast at the wedding reception and standing as godparent to the first baby?"

Kim's voice was a bit sharp when she replied. "I wasn't making a judgment, Rick. I just said 'I see.' And I do; I've been there. Just… calm down and tell me what else happened."

Rick took a deep breath and drained his drink. "They had a little going-away party for me at the precinct. She came in and asked if I had a second. We went out in the hallway and she started… I don't know. It was strange. She said something about knowing she wasn't easy to get to know, but she'd had a lot of fun the last year. And then she started to say something else, but Gina interrupted. I asked her what it was she was going to say, but… her whole demeanor changed. And she shook my hand and said 'have a great summer,' and I said 'you too,' and we left."

Kim blew out a long, slow breath. "And shortly thereafter, went out and tried to get herself killed. I swear to God, if she wasn't shot, I'd beat her senseless."

Rick laughed softly. "For what it's worth, I've talked to Ryan and Esposito. She wasn't trying to get herself killed; she was just overworking herself. She does that sometimes."

"Yeah, tell me about it. After her mom died, she –" Kim's voice broke off abruptly, and there was a grinding sound through the phone. "Hey," Rick heard her say, but it was obvious she wasn't talking to him. "What are you doing up? I figured you'd be done for the night."

"Couldn't sleep," Rick heard Kate say, and his heart clenched hard. Then he blinked at the next words he heard her speak. "What are you doing? It smells like pot out here."

"Talking to a friend and invoking my Fifth Amendment rights," Kim replied, and Rick fought not to laugh. "Are you hungry? I'm starved." Her voice came back to the mouthpiece. "Hey, listen, Matt, I'm gonna let you go for now. I'll call you tomorrow or something, okay?"

"Kim," Rick said softly, hoping his voice wouldn't carry through the phone to Kate, "please. I'll be on the first flight wherever you are. I need her."

"You bet. Later, dude." The line clicked and went dead, and Rick sighed, leaning forward and putting his head on the counter. So close. She was so damn close.

Kate watched her cousin dig through her kitchen cabinets. "I can't believe I don't have any chips," Kim was muttering. Then she turned to the refrigerator and opened it. "Ooh! Bacon!" She pulled out a fresh package of bacon. "Want a bacon and cheese sandwich?"

"How high are you right now?" Kate asked, a slight smile creasing her face.

"Ooh," Kim exclaimed, as though she hadn't even heard. "I bet they'd be awesome with peanut butter."

"That high, huh?" Kate shook her head. "I thought you quit smoking."

"Yeah, but then I started back to school and, well, what can I say?" Kim shrugged and grinned. "I've got more, if you want to smoke a bowl."

"Kim! I'm a cop."

"You know, you never used to be this much of a tightass." Kim grinned. "Relax, I'm teasing. I know you can't smoke. Do you want a bacon sandwich, though? Seriously?"

"Sure," Kate agreed, seating herself at the tiny kitchen table. "But not with peanut butter."

"There's mayo." Kim lit the gas burner on the stove and started laying bacon strips in a frying pan.

"So, who's Matt?" Kate asked.

Kim grinned. "Just this guy I've been talking to."

"Oh? Is he cute?"

"I would go so far as to say he's pretty scrumptious, actually," Kim replied. "Big shoulders."

"Bodybuilder?"

"Ugh, no. Just, you know, I think maybe he works out." Kim put the pan on the fire. "I don't know him very well yet, but he seems like a nice guy."

"Have you slept with him?" Kate asked knowingly.

"No," Kim replied with total honesty. "I don't know him that well yet." Or ever, if you have anything to say about it. She smirked at her own internal commentary and turned the bacon.

Sunday morning, when she emerged from her bedroom, Kim found Kate sitting at her computer. "Hey," Kate greeted her. "How far is it to Nashville from here?"

Kim shrugged. "Couple hours. You wanna go?"

"Actually, yeah, if you have the time." She glanced up as Kim leaned over her shoulder, then pointed at the screen. "I'd love to go see this."

"Oh, the Parthenon. Sure. Actually, that would be great; I've been needing to get up to the library at Vandy. They have some stuff I need to look at that we don't have. The Parthenon's really close to there."

"Vandy?"

"Vanderbilt University," Kim clarified. "If you don't mind spending a couple hours in the library with me…"

"Not at all." Kate stood. "Let me get dressed; we don't want to spend our whole day driving."

Kim never got a chance to call Rick back that day; she and Kate stayed joined at the hip all day long, so there was never a moment alone. She was okay with that on one hand; there was nothing wrong with letting the man sweat. It would make him appreciate her more when she finally coughed up her address. On the other hand, it was also prolonging Kate's hurt as well, which Kim didn't like as much. But there was no help for it, so she resigned herself to waiting and enjoyed the chance to go sightseeing with her favorite cousin.

Around seven on Monday morning, Kate decided to stay home while Kim went in to work. "I'm still beat after yesterday," she admitted. "I think I'll just stay here and read."

Kim nodded, shouldering her messenger bag and picking up her keys. "If you decide you want to go for lunch, give me a call; I'll come get you."

"Sure." Kate watched Kim go, then grabbed blanket and book and settled in on the couch.

As soon as she was out of her apartment's parking lot, Kim grabbed her cell phone and dialed New York. Rick answered on the first ring. "Kim?"

"Hey. Sorry about yesterday; we went sightseeing and I never had a chance to call you."

"No, it's okay." Rick paused and took a deep breath. "Please. Please tell me where I can find her."

"I will tell you," Kim replied, "on one condition."

"Anything."

"When you get here, you make it extremely clear to her exactly how you feel. No jokes, no games, no flirty little eye-batting moments. You lay it out there on the line, and you make sure she understands that there's nobody else besides her. Make sure she gets that the ex-wife is still ex and is gonna stay ex. Make sure there aren't any doubts in her mind. Can you do that? Because if you can't, I'm not telling you jack."

"I can, and I will. I swear it."

Kim took a deep breath. "All right," she said. "Got a pen?"

After assuring Kim that he didn't need to be picked up at the airport, Rick hung up the phone and immediately dialed another number. The first flight to Knoxville didn't leave until nearly noon; a charter could be arranged for nine-thirty a.m. Rick confirmed the charter, gave his credit card information, and raced into his bedroom to cram clothing into an overnight bag. He was out the door by seven forty-five and standing in the airport terminal waiting for his flight before nine. He was sure that his pacing must be making other passengers either nervous or annoyed, but he couldn't help it; he couldn't sit down. He had too much nervous energy. In just a few hours, Kate would be in his arms, and he was going to tell her exactly how he felt, make sure that she understood that he loved her and only her.

Soon.

When he was called for his flight, he nearly bowled an airline employee over as he ran for the gate. As soon as the plane leveled, he was out of his seat, pacing again. The flight barely took three hours, but it seemed like forever before he was buckling himself back in for landing. He was off the flight as soon as the attendant opened the door for him, getting through the airport as quickly as he could without actually sprinting. A line of taxis waited outside the door and he jumped into the first one, reading the address to the driver. "Do you know where that is?"

"Sure," the man replied, his accent thick. "Just off the UT campus. Mostly college kids." He cast a knowing glance at Rick in the rearview mirror. "Your kid out there?"

"No," Rick replied. He reached for his wallet. "How long?"

"Eh. Ten minutes, maybe."

Rick held up a hundred dollar bill. "Make it five."

"You got it."

Five minutes later, Rick was standing in front of a door marked 328, his stomach in knots. Kate was on the other side of this door. He could practically smell her cherry body wash. He took a deep breath, resting one hand on the door, and swallowed hard. Then he knocked.

A dog went crazy inside, yapping and jumping at the door, but there was no other sound. Rick waited a moment before knocking again. From somewhere inside, he heard Kate's voice. "Just a second!" He waited, his heart in his throat. Finally, he heard the deadbolt turn, and the door opened.

The first thing he saw was her eyes, staring up at him in absolute, dumbfounded shock. Her mouth worked as though she wanted to say something, but she had no words. He stepped forward, pushing the door open all the way and reaching out to lay a hand on her cheek. "I love you," he said softly. "I love you, and I want to be with you. I don't want to just follow you around any more; I want to take you out, and keep you in, and hold you and kiss you and make love to you. I don't want to have to bite my tongue while you kiss all the Demmings and Sorensens, and I don't want you to have to bite your tongue when you see me with the Merediths and Ginas." He stared into her wide eyes, and he smiled slightly. "I love you."

She burst into tears.

That was not the reaction he'd been expecting. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but that certainly wasn't it. He pushed the door shut behind him, dropped his bag on the floor, and took her in his arms, drawing her toward the couch. He sat down and pulled her into his lap, cradling her against him while she clutched at his jacket and sobbed against his shoulder. He rocked her gently, one arm wrapped around her back, the other cupping her head carefully, and he whispered soothing nonsense into her hair, occasionally dropping kisses against her forehead.

Finally her crying eased, and he moved his hand, gently wiping under her eyes with his thumb. "Better?"

She nodded, sniffling slightly. Then she wiped clumsily at her eyes with the back of her left hand. "How did you find me?"

He smiled slightly. "All I'm going to say is that we have friends who care about us more than we deserve."

"Kim called you."

"After Lanie called her, yes." Rick cradled her head against his shoulder again, loving the way she felt when she relaxed against him. "She wanted to hear my side of the story." He touched her under the chin, and she looked up at him. "You were right in what you said. Gina and I don't get along. It took less than a week for me to remember why I divorced her in the first place, and a little more than a week after that to get her out of the house. I haven't even spoken to her since then. And I didn't sleep with her."

"I broke up with Tom," she whispered. "I broke up with Tom for you, and you left with her."

"I had no idea." He pressed his lips to her forehead again. "I swear, Kate, if I'd had even the faintest idea that you'd do that… but I thought you were happy with him. You didn't want us to be awkward."

"But I didn't want you to go!" Tears welled up in her eyes again and began to roll down her face. "I didn't want you to leave me!"

"How could I stay?" His voice was gentle. "Kate, I love you so much. I have loved you for… God, it seems like I've always loved you. It was killing me to stay and watch you be with him, and know that you'd never be with me. I was so sure I could make you happy, but I took a wrong turn somewhere, and I didn't think I was ever going to get the chance. And every time I turned around, he was there – touching you, or kissing you, or whispering in your ear. He was doing all the things I wanted to do, and I just had to watch." He shook his head. "I couldn't do it any more."

"You weren't going to come back, were you?"

He shook his head. "No."

Her eyes closed and she laid her forehead against his chest, her shoulders shaking. "Don't leave me," she whispered. "Please don't leave me."

"I won't leave you," he whispered back, holding her tightly. "I swear, Kate, I'll never leave you again."

She looked up at him, her eyes wet, and bit her lip. He could see the fear in her eyes, and he stroked her cheekbone with her thumb. "It's okay to say it," he whispered. "It'll be all right."

She swallowed. "I'm scared."

"Me, too," he admitted. "But we can be scared together."

She studied his face, and he opened himself to her, letting her see everything he felt: his fear and his love. She raised her hand, touching his cheek in something like wonder. Then she swallowed again and took a deep breath. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he said softly. Then he leaned and, for the first time, he kissed her.

xxx

Author's note: I do not ordinarily post my stories to this site, as a great deal of my work is rated MA/NC17. If you would like to read more of my work, please feel free to visit me at xdawnfirex-fic (dot) livejournal (dot) com.

I appreciate any and all feedback.