Bring Out the Shotguns
Summary: Companion to Who am I killing? The four times Arthur had a talk with his daughter's 'boyfriends', and the one time when one of them sat him down.
Author's Note: In 'Who am I Killing?' I made a mistake on the ages. Alena and Landon are four years apart. In the part when Nicky proposed to Alena, Alena should be twenty one while Landon is seventeen. My mistake. I'll go fix it later.
Suffering through writer's block for Sin. Coming up with Arthur's sin is so hard. :( I have a vague idea, but it's not ready yet. I need to develop it more I guess. Anyways, please please check out my other stories. :) See you soon.
Please enjoy this charming sequel.
"It's just a playdate." Ariadne assured Arthur. Arthur wasn't convinced.
"All I hear is 'date'." His wife burst out laughing. She held their 11 month year old child.
"They're barely a year old. What's Nicky going to do? Ask her to marry him." He shot her a look of pure horror. "Oh my gosh. You need to relax, stick in the mud." She murmured the last part. He glared at her.
"Watch it." He warned. He took their daughter from her arms. They walked quietly to the house beside theirs, locking the door in the process. Arthur hesitantly rung the door bell. They heard a loud shuffling from beyond the door. There was a woman's scream and then the front door opened to reveal a smiling Eames with a mini-me.
"Darling, Stick! Come on in." He motioned for the three to follow him inside. Ariadne happily engaged in a conversation with the older man. Arthur just rolled his eyes and placed a soft kiss on his daughter's head. Eames led the two to the living room with a small play pen. Eames set his son down in the pen while Arthur followed suit.
"Ariadne, Arthur!" A tall blonde woman walked into the room. She was stunning, but her short blonde hair was disheveled while her clothes were in the same state. There was a spit up mark on her right shoulder. On her face, she bore a huge grin.
"Hey Matilda." Ariadne smiled as she leaned up to hug the other woman.
"Hey Ari! Oh my gosh! I have news! Mrs. Thompson from next door..." Her story trailed off as the two women gossiped towards the kitchen for a coffee. Eames looked over to Arthur and raised an eyebrow.
"Hard to believe, eh?" The Brit said leaning over the play pen. His son, Nicky, handed Alena a stuffed rabbit.
"What Mr. Eames?"
"Us two. Married... well, not to each other, but you know what I mean."
"Oh enlighten me." Arthur smirked crossing his arms. Eames shook his head.
"You and me, we were the kings of illegal underworld. Criminals, us two. We were on the top of the FBI, CIA, Interpol Most Wanted." Both men chuckled. "Now look at us. We've gone straight, married, and down right domesticated."
"It is pretty surreal."
"Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world." Arthur nodded in agreement. A peaceful quietness fell over the two as the watched their children giggling with each other.
The purple rabbit was discarded among the other toys. Nicholas, a small sandy blonde chubby-faced baby, and Alena were now making faces at each other. Nicky reached out his chubby hand to hold Alena's. Eames cooed while Arthur nearly shuddered.
"Oi! Mattie! Ari! Get a camera!" Eames called out. The two woman hurried out. Matilda with a video camera on hand. She quickly turned it on and recorded the interaction between the two babies. Alena opened her mouth wide to grin as Nicky did the same. Their hands were still linked together. Sudden Nicky let go to pat Alena's tubby thighs. Alena let out a loud giggle causing the adults to instantly swoon.
Then Nicky bent down and began to admire Alena's shoes. He ran his hand over the sole of the shoe. He leaned over to put the shoe into his mouth. Matilda reached her hand over to stop her son.
"No Nicky, don't do that!" She smiled at her son. Nicky just looked at the adult and grinned widely. He repeated the action a few more times. Matilda stopped him each time, but Alena just giggled even more. She grabbed at his hand again. The two babies locked eyes and smiled brightly at each other. Ariadne placed a hand on his cheek and swooned.
"Wouldn't it be cute if they got married one day?" She said absentmindedly. Arthur's face immediately paled while Eames and Matilda chuckled. They all turned their attention back to the children. At that moment Nicky leaned over to kiss Alena on the cheek. He missed and end up sloppily kissing her on the side of her mouth. Alena let out a loud giggle. The four adults, including Arthur, smiled at the two.
"What? Not going to lecture my son?" Eames asked Arthur amused. The former point man shook his head.
"Nah, I'm not going to be that kind of dad." Arthur smirked. The adults let the two kids be and resumed their conversations with each other.
Later that afternoon, Arthur carried Nicky aside.
"If you ever make her cry, I'll hunt you down." He could barely master a glare at the baby boy before Nicky flashed him a cheeky smile.
"Isn't she a little too young to be going on a date?" Arthur groaned. His wife looked at him endearingly.
"It's not a 'date', they're just studying together." Ariadne rolled her eyes.
"Uh huh. 'Just studying', I know what that really means." Arthur crossed his arms disapprovingly.
"It means they're just studying." Ariadne smiled.
"Right, like when I was helping you 'study' after the Fischer job." Arthur used air-quotes sporadically. Ariadne blushed, turning a shade of red. The doorbell rang.
"I got it!" Alena yelled from upstairs. Arthur got up from his spot on the couch to get it despite Alena's cry. When he opened the door, he found a scrawny twelve boy looking up at him. He looked shorter than Alena with blonde hair and green eyes. He was carrying a large backpack on his back as well as a textbook under his arm. Arthur casually leaned against the door.
"Hello Mr. Hamilton." The boy nervously greeted the older man. Arthur didn't say anything back, but instead raise his eyebrow in mock annoyance.
"My name is Carl Nelson. I'm here to study with Alena."
"You got the wrong house." Arthur promptly said.
"Arthur!" Ariadne called out from behind him. She pushed the door open wider.
"Hello Carl." She greeted placidly to the young man. He raised his free arm up to wave at the older woman.
"Hello Mrs. Hamilton."
"Alena will be down in a moment," she said letting the boy in. "You guys could study in the kitchen." She led into into the kitchen area where the dining room table was. He sat down.
"Mommy!" Eight year old Landon ran into the room. He was sobbing as he ran into Arthur's arms. He held up his right arm to show Ariadne a large bleeding scrape on his elbow.
"Oh dear," Ariadne said taking Landon by the hand. "We better go clean you up. Carl, you just get settle in, Alena should be down in a minute." The two left the room while Arthur sat down in the seat across the young boy. Carl paid no mind to the older man. He quietly set his books on top of the table and opened to the bookmarked page of his notebook. When he looked up, he notice the death glare Arthur was giving him. He almost fell out of his seat.
"Mr. H-h-ha-Hamilton?" He stuttered. Arthur just continued to glare at him. Alena walked into the kitchen with her books. She noticed her father's look immediately flushed.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" She asked setting her stuff on the table. She took the seat next to Carl and began to open her textbooks.
"Trying to intimidate him."
"Why?"
"I'm your father, and there is a strange boy in our house. A boy here for you. Do I need a reason?"
"Daddy, we're just studying." She objected. Carl sat frozen to his seat under the scrutinizing glare of Arthur.
"What are your intentions with my Alena?" Arthur asked ignoring Alena.
"DADDY!" Alena cried out, but Arthur paid her no mind.
"I have no intentions sir. I just came here to study."
"Good. I'll have you know that I was in the Military, and I currently work for the CIA. I also—"
"Daddy!"
"I've trained Alena in six different kinds of self-defense and—Ariadne let go of me!" Ariadne rolled her eyes as she pulled her husband away by this ear away from the room.
"You kids go study. I'll make sure he stays away from you guys." She smiled. Alena shook her head.
"I'm so sorry Carl." A little shaken, Carl nodded.
"It's okay." No it wasn't, but he'll live. Hopefully.
"He's a little crazy."
"Did he really train you in six different kinds of self-defense?" He blurted out slightly afraid of the answer.
"Oh no." Carl let out a sigh of relief.
"He taught me seven. Nicky knows how to do it too."
"And how old are you?" Arthur asked icily.
"Seventeen." Joseph Michaels answer nervously as Arthur circled him.
"And you want to take out my fourteen year old?" Joseph gulped. He had heard the rumors about Alena's father being mafia-related, but he never believed. Well, at least until now.
"Alena is a v-v-very s-s-sweet g-g-girl." His voice trembled.
"You bet your ass she is." The younger man was shocked to silence. "Now, Alena is my daughter and I'll be damned if I—"
"Daddy!" Arthur turned to face his daughter. She was standing at the foot of the stairs with her mother close behind her. Arthur stopped what his was doing and smiled. She was wearing a dark blue dress. It reached a little bit before her knees and was a halter top. She hurried past down the stairs and stood in between her date and her father. She was a good two heads shorter than he (thanks to her mother), but she stood her ground intimidatingly.
"Stop harassing my date. Just ignore him Joey." She faced Joseph, putting a reassuring hand on his arm. He loosened up at her touch.
"Now young lady, remember—" He tried to say before he was interrupted.
"Be home by eleven. Call home if anything happens. You're ex-military and ex-CIA. No drinking, no drugs, no sex. Can I go now?" She asked irritatedly. Joseph looked at her nervously as she took his hand in her's. Ariadne moved next to Arthur's side while sending Joseph sympathetic glances.
"Just one more thing." Arthur pulled out his Glock 17. Joseph gulped, growing more nervous by the minute. Landon laughed from his spot beyond from the stairs, while both Alena and Ariadne rolled their eyes. He handed Alena the gun locking his eyes with her.
"Disassemble." He ordered. Without losing eye contact with her father, she quickly disassembled the parts, placing each item on the table beside her. As she pushed the barrel out of the slide, she raised her eyebrows in defiance.
"Good, now reassemble." Alena rolled her eyes again reversing the process. Joseph watched in horror as she quickly reassembled the gun. He came from hippie parents who were all for gun control. To see that his potential girlfriend could easily assemble and disassemble like a pro gunman terrified him.
"Am I done?" She asked as she chipped the magazine back in.
"Yes." Ariadne said taking the gun from her.
"Okay, we're going now!" Alena pulled Joseph by the shirt and tried to leave when Ariadne stopped her.
"Wait! Pictures! This is your first dance after all." Alena groaned and proceeded to pose for pictures. Afterwards, Ariadne kissed her and wished her a good time.
"One more thing," Arthur said. Alena griped.
"What?" She cried out irritated. Arthur smiled placing two hands on her shoulders.
"You look beautiful." She flushed, then smiled before hugging him.
"Thank you daddy." Without letting her go, Arthur locked eyes with Joseph, sending him a death glare.
"Joseph," he said with ice in voice. The nervous boy gulped.
"Yes sir." Arthur let Alena go and placed her hand in the male teenager's hands.
"Be good to her." Josephs heart returned to it's normal pace when he realized he was no longer being threatened.
"I will sir." He smiled.
"Good, because what she forgot to mention is I currently work for Interpol." Joseph swore it took all his will not to pee his pants then and there. Alena just shook her head and led her date out of the house. She bid her family one last farewell. Ariadne locked the door behind her. After which, she smacked her husband in the arm.
"Ouch, what was that for?" Arthur asked rubbing his arm. Landon snickered from his place in the stairs earning him a warning glare.
"Did you see the look on that poor boy's face?" Ariadne rubbed her temple.
"He looked like he was going to pee himself!" Landon called out.
"Landon!" Ariadne scolded. He brought his knees up to his chest.
"What? He did!" Arthur smiled walking up the stairs. He sat next to his son and held his hand up. Landon awarded him with a hi-five.
"Yes he did." Ariadne rolled her eyes. "Ariadne?" She perked up at the sound of her husband voice.
"Yes dear?"
"Is Nicholas going to this dance? We can send him to spy on her."
"Oh god. God help this young man's soul."
"Daddy, please don't scare him away." Alena plead. Landon laughed from his seat on the couch. Ariadne shook her head and turned the volume up for the television. This was the first time that Arthur was going to meet Ronnie, Alena's current boyfriend. Ariadne already met him while Arthur was away on a long business trip.
"Of course not daughter, why would I do that?" Arthur asked airly. Alena shook her head as she tiptoed to see through the peephole for Ronnie.
"Because you always do, you crazy pyscho father of mine." She chided. Arthur narrowed his eyes at her.
"My mind is perfectly sane." He pouted. Alena rolled her eyes. The doorbell rang, and Alena beat her father to the door. She opened it up to reveal a stocky red-haired boy wearing a letterman jacket. He had a cocky expression on his face, and Arthur immediately disliked him. The young man snaked his arm around Alena's waist and presented her with a sloppy kiss. Alena's eyes were wide in surprise as were Arthur's.
"Ahem." Arthur cleared his throat. Alena pulled back to Ronnie's dismay and distanced herself from him.
"Ronnie, this my daddy. Daddy, this is Ronnie. My boyfriend." Arthur held his hand out only to have it hi-fived by the younger man. Unimpressed, Arthur crossed his arms and glared at the younger man.
"Nice to meet ya Mr. Ham."
"It's Mr. Hamilton to you. I assume Ronnie's not your real name?" Arthur said with an icy undertone in his voice.
"Urhm, yeah. My first name is Ronald, but that's fuckin' lame."
"Ronnie!" Alena chided.
"Sorry babe." Ronnie smirked unconcerned. Distaste growing in his mouth, Arthur really didn't like him.
"Now young lady be home by 11, got it?"
"Yes daddy."
"No worries man, I'll get your girl back on time." With that Ronnie saluted him off. He dragged Alena out the door and slammed it. Arthur turned to his wife and son.
"I don't like him."
"Neither do I," Landon offered. "He's a big fat jerk. I dont see with Alle like him so much." They both turn to Ariadne who in turn sighs.
"Out of the other boys she brought home, I like him the least." She said. Arthur and Landon nodded in agreement. Suddenly the door burst opened.
"Hello Auntie Ari!" An unexpected guest arrived into the house.
"Hello Nicky." Ariadne smiled at the intruder.
"Nicholas." Arthur frowned slightly.
"Hello Uncle Artie!"
"Please don't call me that."
"But my father said that's your favorite name for yourself."
"Your father's a liar and I hate him."
"Arthur!" Ariadne scolded, Arthur just shrugged while Nicky burst out laughing. "Ignore him Nicky. Julian's an honest man."
"Nah, he's a liar for sure." Nicky smiled. Arthur nodded with his chin in his hand.
"What brings you over?"
"I just wanted to ask if I saw Ronnie Nixs leaving your house just now."
"Yes, that was him." Nicholas frowned. Arthur easily took notice of this. "What's wrong with Ronald?"
"For lack of a better word, he's a fucking arsehole." He said with a slight British accent like his father. Arthur frowned.
"How so?" Arthur asked intrigued. Nicky shrugged.
"I can't explain, I just hate him." Arthur looked at him for a moment and then pulled out his wallet.
"Nicky, I'll give you," he counted his cash,"fifty-four bucks if you trail Alena and Ronald's date tonight."
"Arthur!" "Seriously?" Ariadne and Nicky yelled. Arthur ignored his wife and nodded.
"Sweet, I'll do it!" Arthur handed him the money and smiled.
"Thanks son." Nicky happily took it and ran out the door.
"I can't believe you." Ariadne shook her head.
"What?"
"You actually paid Nicky to spy on your daughter."
"Nicky is a very respectable boy." He said making Ariadne laugh.
"Just watch, Alena and Nicky are going to end up married." Arthur glared at her.
"Where's my shotgun?" Ariadne laughed harder.
"Hello Mr. Hamilton." Nicky Eames smiled as Arthur approached the table. It had been months since his proposal to Alena. The two had returned home for the summer break. Nicky had insisted on taking Arthur out to lunch just the two of them. Though he had know Nicky throughout his whole life, Arthur was a bit nervous. (Not that he would ever admit it.)
"Hello Nicholas." Arthur greeted as he took his seat. The waitress handed them their menus. The two fell into a quiet conversation. They talked about Arthur's work and Nicky's schooling, strageticly avoiding the topic of Alena. Finally, toward the end of the meal, Nicky set his plate aside and folded his arms. He looked Arthur seriously in the eye. Arthur, at that moment had a noodle from his pasta in his mouth, gaped at him. He set his fork down.
"Yes?" He wanted to address him as 'son' like he always did, but he couldn't knowing that things between him and his daughter were serious.
"There are reasons," Arthur wanted to laugh about how seriously Nicky sounded. "I invited here today. First off, I want to apologize."
"Apologize for?" Arthur asked.
"Well," Nicky rubbed his forehead. "I never properly asked you if I could date Alena, let alone if I can marry her." Arthur chuckled. "Something funny sir?"
"You were the only guy she brought home who was never afraid of me." Arthur reminisced. It was Nicky's turn to laugh.
"What are you talking about? I'm terrified of you!" They looked at each other with twin looks of incredulous.
"What? Nickolas, you've never showed any fear of me since you were a year old."
"Are you kidding me? You are the scariest person on earth! Jesus, when I first starting dating Alena, I had nightmares that you were going to kill me."
"Those weren't nightmares." Arthur muttered. Nicky looked horrified until Arthur let out a hearty laugh to assure him that he was joking.
"Nicholas—" Before Arthur could finish what he was saying, Nicky held up a hand to stop him.
"Uncle Arthur, seriously. I want to apologize. Please accept my apology?" Arthur nodded.
"Yes, Nicholas, I will." Nicky breathed a sigh of relief.
"The second thing is, I wanted to thank you." Nicky said seriously.
"For what?" Nicky looked solemnly down to his drink.
"Convincing Alena to marry me."
"You must be confused. I did no such thing."
"If it wasn't for you and Auntie Ari talking to her, I'm pretty sure she would've never said yes."
"Alena said 'yes' because she loves you, not because I told her too." Nicky flashed him a relieved smile.
"Well, thank you nonetheless." Nicky sighed and pressed his chin into his hands. He rested his elbows on the table. "Okay, I've waited my whole life for this next talk."
"What talk?" Arthur asked. Never in his life had he been so confused in one night. He must be getting old and losing his touch. (No one tell Eames that his son succeed in confusing the hell of of the former point man.)
"The one where you threaten to kill me if I hurt Alena." Arthur smiled.
"Nicholas, I've known you all your life. Plus, I gave you that talk when you were a baby—"
"You did?" Arthur ignored him and carried on.
"—But I've known you all your life. You've been Alena's best friend since the day she was born. You've been in love with my daughter since god knows when, and she's been in love with you for the very same amount of time. Even though you guys may have not known it, I could see it. That's why I wasn't too surprised when Alena came home all those years ago upset about something you did. That's why I didn't immediately kill you when I found out that you kissed her and asked her to be your girlfriend during my birthday dinner. You care about my daughter. You take care of her. I know you'll never, ever hurt her." Arthur looked Nicky dead in the eyes. "You're the only boy I trust her with, Nicky. I'm so happy for the two of you."
Nicky sat there dumbfounded. He had prepared himself for one of Arthur's I'm-going-to-castrate-you-if-you-touch-my-daughter speech that he's heard over the years. Nicky wiped the threatening tears from his eyes. He was never one to cry, but he was so touched by Arthur's words he couldn't help to shed a tear.
"You called me Nicky," Nicky chuckled. "You never call me that."
"That whole speech, and all you get out of it is 'Nicky'?" Arthur gleamed.
"Thank you Uncle Arthur."
"Thank you Nicky. You make my daughter truly happy. I gave you my blessing a long time ago, here's me verbally giving it to you." Arthur smiled brightly.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you." Nicky wiped his eyes again and gave the older man a cheeky smile.
"And if I ever hurt her, I know where you keep the shotgun."