Disclaimer: An edit of another fiction. All credit to Kaafatlol for the basic idea.
Crack. Don't own Sonic.
Fat Shadow's Diet
Shadow the hedgehog was fat.
He, like most other hedgehogs, had once been in great shape.
However, now weighing in at around 300 pounds, he was simply a fat git.
Sonic and his friends were beginning to worry about him, but decided they shouldn't
really say anything until the issue becomes too serious.
They seriously thought he could stand to lose a hundred pounds,however.
The gang were on a walk one day, with Sonic three miles in front and Knuckles pushing
Shadow in a load-bearing trolley. Sonic spotted an interesting cave, and waited for
the others to arrive.
"Hey, guys! Why don't we venture into this cave?" piped Sonic.
"Oh, no!" moaned Shadow. "That means walking!"
When Shadow walks he needs to take baby steps, due to his massive weight
and the fact he can do nothing more than waddle.
Soon, after some intrepid exploring, and three hours of Shadow moaning, "FOOD.
NEED...FOOOOD..." he stopped whining, for he had found an exit. "YES! AN EXIT!"
Shadow waddled to the exit, and found it might have been a bit too small.
"I hope you can suck in your stomach." said Sonic.
Shadow did so, but then his fat ass got stuck in the hole halfway through!
"OH CRAP! I'M STUCK!"
His fat butt was stuck in the tiny hole. The others were still inside.
"Oh em gee, that's so cute!" giggled Amy.
"HOW? How is it cute? The fat bastard's trapped us in a smelly cave with his...
dumb...fat...ass...and worse," Knuckles said, his voice shaking, "ROUGE ISN'T HERE!" Knuckles
burst into tears and huddled over in a corner sobbing.
"I think we'd better get out of here...quickly. Amy, you take his left leg. Tails, his right.
I'll see if we can't push this fat asshole's asshole through this hole."
Tails giggled at that last snide remark.
After much heaving and weaving and meaving (is that a word?) Shadow's
massive backside popped out of the cave.
"FINALLY!" screeched Knuckles.
"HOLD ON ROUGE, I'M COMIN' FOR YA!" And he sped off.
Tails, Sonic and Amy climbed through the exit. And all they found was Shadow.
Eating a freaking Snickers.
"What a freakin' lardass!" whispered Sonic to Tails. "Hey Amy! Look at
the way his thighs jiggle when he breathes!"
"HAHAHAHA!" Everyone seemed to find this very funny, except for Shadow,
of course.
Shadow was still hungry.
For no reason, the gang happened upon a giant lake filled with chocolate. Everyone was excited, but Shadow dived in and ate the lot. Shadow became immobile, tipping the scales at around twelve hundred pounds.
"HOLY JESUS FUCKING SHITTY CHRIST!" screeched Sonic. "YOU STUPID, FAT BASTARD!"
"I'm still hungry."
Sonic facevaulted.
"You fat piece of shit...!" he yelled.
"THAT'S IT!" screeched Shadow. "FIGHT ME YOU SPEEDYASS BLUE DILDO!"
He took one step towards Sonic, but fell down immediately, and bounced several jiggly times.
Sonic kicked Shadow repeatedly,but he got his foot stuck in Shadow's stomach, losing a
shoe as a result.
Eventually, they had to go back home.
They had to get back through the hole again.
"I CAN'T DO IT!" screamed Shadow.
"You got through there once!" yelled Amy, obviously pissed off.
He tried again and got stuck. Again.
"Crap, he's stuck fast. We need Knuckles."
"But he's with Rouge!" said Amy matter-of-factly.
"I have a telephone..." interrupted Tails.
"DAMMIT SHADOW, YOU FUCKING TWINKIE EATING, LOLLIPOP SUCKING LARD ASS!"
screeched Knuckles from over the phone.
Shadow jumped out of his skin. Well, not literally, but he got sweaty enough
from the ordeal to slip through.
He hit the ground with a resounding thud.
It caused the exit to cave in. Sonic and the others were still outside.
"Oh, fuck." groaned Shadow.
End Of Chapter One: Will Shadow ever get out? Will he lose that weight? Will Knuckles go all the way with Rouge?
These answers in the next chapter, coming soon!