Chapter 5: Experimental What? Oh dear, such problems.

Clunk

Banging noises were heard as Marisa scooted a table into place next to an empty, wooden table, most likely to stop her from stealing, or "borrowing," as she would say.

"So, Marisa, what brings you to our humble clinic? Have you come here for an appointment?"

"Naa, ze. I heard that a human was being held here for surgery."

"Just a human? You came all the way here in that inadequate outfit of yours," complained Eirin as she waved to Marisa's thin shirt and shorts, "to see a human?"

Marisa's answer, of course, was disappointing. "Yesh, ze."

Tewi rolled her eyes at the ceiling, Reisen coughed, and Eirin frowned. "What's so exciting about a human, Marisa?" asked Eirin.

"Ah hem, me n' Reimu are both humans, ze."

"Oh, right. You two caused quite some damages in this mansion quite a while ago. Well, you can see him later."

"As if later was a choice, ze. I'm going see him now." She barged past Eirin, and stared down the really long hallway of doors. A rabbit scampered here and there.

"And where exactly do you think you're gonna find him, usa?"

Marisa strode up to Tewi, and grabbed her by the frilly collar of her dress. "You are."

"How do you suppose I'm not gonna show you the way into a trap, usa?"

"'Cause I'm going to force you to walk forward mounted on a five-foot pole that I borrowed from the closet, ze. So, if you do lead me to a trap, you're the one who's going to be the victim."

Tewi attempted to keep a smile off of her face. Of course she was going to use the manually-triggered traps!

"Aaaand, I can read your face, ze." She then prodded Tewi with her broomstick, which had a coating of glue on it. Tewi tried to pull away, but was stuck by Marisa's magical glue of doom. Er, well, superglue. Or, you can just say a paste made of roots and water, and enchanted in a cauldron with a mushroom. Marisa then held her mini-hakkero with the other hand. "Try it and I'll spark you outta this mansion. Now, where is Teddy held?" The pair walked away.

Eirin grabbed a clipboard, and created a patient's profile. "Lessee, name is possibly Teddy. Species: Human. Hair color: black. Build: medium. Height: around the same height as Reimu… Bills owed: two experimentation applications. Reisen, put this into the files."

Reisen bowed. "Yes, Eirin-sama." She took the files and put it into a safe. She muttered to herself, "If Marisa sparks this mansion, I'm going to have to clean up all this collateral damage. Meh." She grudgingly resigned herself to her fate.

…

"Ow." Teddy woke up to be lying down on the floor. His voice sounded unfamiliar in his head, as if it was higher-pitched. He closed his eyes, and started thinking. "Okay, now time to recap what has happened to me. Bones, check. Muscles, check. Sanity, check. Height… that's a negative. Oh wow, why am I kinda short?" He stood up, opened his eyes, and measured his height against the 5-foot high lethal-injection body holder. "Eh, looks like my height is now around… three-and-a-half feet. Not good, not good. Now how am I supposed see what's on the tables, huh?"

Click

Teddy instantly hid in the shadows behind the door as it opened.

"Huh, this room looks empty to me, ze. Are you sure you're not pulling one of your tricks, Tewi?"

"I swear I'm not! Look, there's that body holder thingy." She pointed at the Outsider death equipment.

"Hmm," thought Marisa to herself. "Should I spark her? Yeah, I'll do a medium-sized spark." She held the broom out in front of her.

"Don't tell me that you're gonna…"

BZZZAAAPPP! A laser with the diameter of a big-sized yoga ball lanced out at the rabbit stuck on the broomtip.

CRASH!

Sizzle…

"OW! WHO OPENED THE WINDOW CURTAINS, HUH? Oh wait, there's a hole in my… wall…"

Tewi managed to use her luck ability to cause the spark to form a Tewi-sized hole in its center. "Well, that's Kaguya-sama. Good luck fighting her."

WHOOSH! Kaguya came flying out of the holes in the walls, with her five impossible requests floating around her.

"Bad idea, Kaguya," stated Marisa as she snagged all five.

"GIVE THOSE BACK! Eh? Aww, how cute…" Just a second ago, she had a rage face on. Veins were popping on her forehead, and her eyes looked bloodshot. Now, she had… pedophilic face with a drooling mouth, her eyes fixated on the now-kid Teddy. He had a puppy-dog face on, as if he's innocent.

"Huh? What are you staring at, ze?" Marisa swirled around, and stared at Teddy. "Pffftt. AH HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Well, well, looks like that experiment that Eirin-sama put on you turned you into a kid."

"Urgh," groaned Teddy.

"Marisa, get your filthy hands off my requests."

"Go to hell, ze!"

"No cursing in front of kids, usa. You two are bad influences!"

The two shot back, "And you aren't?"

"Well, umm…"

KLONK! BASH! SMASH!

"STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M SOME LITTLE BOY!"

The three stopped to rub their heads.

"That's better."

"Little boy, come here! You're so cuuute, I wanna hold you forever!" yelled Kaguya as she glomped Teddy in an undignified manner.

"No! He's mine to hold!" shouted Marisa. She grabbed hold of Teddy's arm, and attempted to pull him away. This resulted in a tug-of-war, in which Kaguya and Marisa were pulling on Teddy's arms. And Tewi was narrating it.

"Oooh, look! Kaguya-sama is losing ground to Marisa! Oh, and counter pull! Kaguya yanked so hard that Marisa was almost caught off balance!"

"So this is what happens if they see a cute kid? A sudden pedophilic change of mood?" wondered Teddy to himself.

"Why don't you take back your Impossible Requests while I take the kid?" Marisa quickly tossed the Requests back at Kaguya.

"No, why don't you take a stone bowl to the face while I take the kid?" Kaguya shot back, and sent her stone bowl of Buddha back into Marisa's face.

BONK!

Marisa was sent careening back, her hands loosened on Teddy's arm.

YANK!

Kaguya pulled kiddy Teddy away and hugged him to herself.

"*cough cough gasp* I can't breathe *cough cough*"

"Oh, you can't? I'm so sorry!" Kaguya lessened her hold on Teddy. Tewi pulled on her sleeve. "Why did you suddenly become so excited, hime-sama?"

"Huh?" Kaguya had a high, drunken look on her face. Tewi took out a cloth and wiped the saliva from the princess's cheek.

"Whyohwhyohwhy…" muttered Teddy to himself. Kaguya started stroking his hair.

"Aww, sooo soft…" Kaguya smiled, and buried her face into Teddy's hair.

"OHMYGODOHMYGOD! SOMEBODY FREE ME FROM THIS CRAZY IMMORTAL BOY-LOVER!"

"Kaguya-sama."

"Mmmhhmmmpphhh…"

"I said, Kaguya-sama."

"Mmmm, his hair smells so nice…"

"KAGUYA-SAMA! SNAP THE HELL OUT OF IT!"

"Huh?" Kaguya smiled sleepily in Eirin's frowning face.

"Mokou is outside."

"She is? Let her inside, please."

"What is wrong with you?"

*Snap click snap*

"Oooh, this will really make a great scoop for the Bunbunmaru newspaper! The moon princess of Eientei is cuddling a cute human boy!"

"This is not helping the situation, Aya. And what are you doing here, anyways?"

"I noticed a large, burning hole in the mansion's rooftop. I decided to investigate. Looks like our princess has a soft spot." Aya pointed to Kaguya, who was now snuggling on the floor with kiddy Teddy, and her fire rat cloak was covering her.

K-chak, k-chak, k-chak.

"Well, this is certainly the first time I've seen her do that ever since I first saw her," commented Eirin. Teddy looked disgusted, apparently not liking the fact that somebody is cuddling him.

"Maybe you should tell her that he's actually sixteen-years old, ze."

"Naaa. She's sleeping right now, so I don't think that it will be a good idea to wake her up, unless you want a blood-shot sleep-deprived zombie immortal reaching for you."

"Right. I need to get Teddy out of here."

"Why?"

"Well, I was supposed to bring him along with me to the Human Village to buy stuff for Reimu, but we ended up being waylaid. We were attacked—"

"Attacked? By whom?"

"Things that Mokou was hunting, ze."

"What things?"

"Umm, misty things."

"Not just misty things, witch."

The others, excluding Kaguya, who was asleep, and Teddy, who unfortunately couldn't turn his head, turned to face the door.

"I noticed some smoke rising, and I wondered whether I could ambush her," she pointed at Kaguya," but this. Is. More. Valuable. Then. Killing her right now. Wheee! I never knew that she could be such a sucker!" Mokou was unnaturally happy.

"When did you get so happy, Mokou?" asked Eirin.

"Oh, just to warn you, I noticed a large amount of MP's congregating outside. Apparently, they seemed to be summoned—"

"MP's?"

"That's what I named them. They can drain energy from people, just like the sparkly snow that's outside."

"Right. That snow. And I thought that those weird dark balls from Teddy's backpack drained you two of your energy."

"Hah! Those things can't do squat!"

Fshhhhhh…

A misty cloud started leaking in.

"Well, time to brace yourselves for a battle," muttered Mokou.

The misty form started bunching up, and a humanoid form was created. The mist dissipated to form a tall, dark creature with six glowing eyes, dark skin, ripped patches of skin that exposed muscles, and dark claws. What happened next surprised them.

"Yo, what's going on?"

"…"

"C'mon, say something!"

Eirin pointed at it with a syringe. "What are you, and what is your purpose?"

"Me? Oh, I'm just a… uh… what was I called again?" It blinked, and reached into a dark, misty cloud that orbited it. It pulled out a three-pair glasses and a book. "I'm sorry, I'm kind of blind, so don't ask. Also, please refrain from commenting on whether these glasses ruin my appearance or not." The book was aptly labeled "All species of youkai and monsters (Constantly Updated)". "Oh right, I can't find the stupid page. Anyways, I'm a messenger. I came to ask for something."

"What is it?" demanded Eirin. "Our lives?"

It quickly shook its head. "No, no, not lives. My master needs one dozen eggs."

"Eggs?" They stared, shocked, at it, mouths gaped open.

"Eggs." It nodded its head in confirmation.

"What? Just eggs? But Mokou said that there's an army of MG's—"

It barked, which vaguely resembled a laugh, and started coughing. "Well, you better ready yourselves for a fight."

Marisa instantly aimed her hakkero at it. "Then bring it on, zombie-thingy!"

It stared at her with those six glowing eyes, amusement shimmering from the reflective surfaces. "I was referring to the MG's. Did I even say that I was a part of those MG's, whatever the person named Mokou termed them—"

"You aren't?"

"Nope."

"Then do you know who's causing this sparkly snow?" asked Mokou.

"My master and somebody else. The other person doesn't know that he or she is doing it, though. Think of the person as an unwilling participant."

"Ah hah! Then we must kill you."

"You can do that after I get the dozen eggs."

"No, you should die right now."

"After I get the eggs."

"Eggs later, kill now."

"Then how am I supposed to deliver the eggs, smart one?"

Eirin sighed, and wave Mokou to shut her mouth. "If you take the eggs, will you leave us?"

"Yes."

Eirin turned to Reisen. "Please go get a dozen eggs for our, ahem, 'guest'."

Reisen quickly scampered off, darted around the corner, and made for the kitchen. The 'guest' just stood there, whistling "Green Sleeves." It's undulating glowing eyes seemed to be twinkling in happiness and mirth.

Tewi whispered to Eirin, "Why is it so happy?"

"No idea."

"I got the eggs—eep!" Reisen came rushing in but tripped over a tripwire that was previously set a few months ago. The rabbit came tumbling down, a horrified look on her face as the carton of a dozen eggs was sent flying. The 'guest' noticed, and somehow caught the carton with those claws of its.

"Hmmm… grade AA eggs, not bad. I'll be going now," it said as it started dissolving into mist. "Now I gotta make some scrambled eggs… I wonder who has milk?"

They stared as the culinary cloud started drifting in the direction of the Human Village, presumably to as somebody who lives there for some milk.

"Milk? Isn't Keine a cow, usa?"

Mokou punched her with a quick jab to the face. "Don't speak rudely of Keine-chan, little rabbit."

"No, really. Doesn't she kinda look like a cow when the full moon's out?"

THWACK!

"OW! Hey, that hurt!"

Mokou had taken Marisa's brook and jabbed her solidly with the point.

Thud.

A wooden donation box came tumbling on the ground as Reimu carelessly tossed it away.

"Meh, that's the twenty-fifth time that I checked my box this hour." She then mentally slapped herself. "Argh! I shouldn't be tossing my box like that! That makes me less good than Marisa when she destroys it by her so-called collateral damage! Speaking of Marisa," she thought to herself, "where is she now? Meh. I don't want to go anywhere today. I have a yard to sweep, tea to boil, and nothing to do." She had kicked off her footwear, and stared at the dark splotch that had appeared on her right foot. "I wonder where did this come from?"

Tmp tmp tmp. Somebody was tapping on the shrine door. Not that there was a door to begin with.

"Ooh, a visitor!" She quickly grabbed two pairs of socks and put them on, for she doesn't want people to see that dark splotch. She also grabbed her trusty gohei, and quickly turned around.

"Hello, miss, do you have a cup of tea leaves that I can borrow? Or perhaps a dozen buns?"

Reimu instantly went into a defensive pose at the perhaps threatening sight of a dark youkai mentioned from before, charms sticking out of her hand.

"Who are you, and what business do you have here?"

It attempted to roll its glowing eyes of its, but ended up failing.

"I repeat: who are you, and what business do you have here?"

"I'm sure you didn't hear me from before. I already stated my business."

Reimu blinked, confused. "Were you asking about borrowing a cup of tea leaves or a dozen buns?"

"Thank you very much, captain obvious. What did you think I was going to do, reach for you and bite your head off? Oh wait, I don't have a mouth."

The miko glared defiantly at it, and shouted, "I don't have any buns or tea leaves to spare, because that stupid witch and that Teddy guy still didn't come back from the stupid Human Village!"

"Tsk, tsk, always relying on other people to do stuff for you. You're one lazy, naughty miko. Oh, and was the witch you're talking about have a broomstick? And does she wear a shirt that has 'Aeropostale' on it and khaki shorts?"

"No, she doesn't wear that. The last time I saw her, she was wearing my clothes. Speaking of that, she better not have destroyed them! They cost me a—"

"Day in the Human Village or a visit by Yukari?"

"—week creating them!"

The culinary creature thought to itself, "Weeeelll, she's not that lazy, I guess, if she has the motivation to sew her own clothes. Uuuuunlesssss, she did that years ago. Huh, maybe that's the case."

"You see, I often have to replace my clothes once every month. It's either I got caught in a fight, some pesky fairy burns them up for me, I sleep too long and my clothes get musty on the clothes line—"

"And why are you telling me this? Have you forgotten that I'm here to get tea leaves or a dozen buns, instead of being some friend whom you talk to to pass the time?"

Reimu tried jabbing the interrupting creature with her gohei, but then stopped. "Riiight, I don't know you. Now get out of here before I'm forced to kill you."

It blinked at her, then turned around while waving goodbye. It walked out of the shrine walls, and paused. It turned its head back towards her, and warned, "You better get that dark splotch on your foot treated. Who knows what it may do to you later on?" It continued walking away, then melted into mist. The mist cloud flew away.

"Strange." Reimu then yawned. "Maaan, I need to replace my clothes now. Hmm, where did I put that special needle that Yukari gave to me?" (That needle is enchanted to, when poked into a good-enough amount of cloth, fly and transform the cloth into clothing. Maybe Yukari's helping to increase Reimu's laziness!) She walked over to her donation box, set it where it was supposed to be, and walked back into her shrine.

BOOM! Her teapot, which incidentally had the last tea leaves of the day, exploded, sending shards everywhere.

Reimu licked the cut on her arm, and looked for her needle. "Eh. Better go make a new teapot as well."

Whoosh-crack!

It started raining teapots.

"…"

Meanwhile, back in Bhava-Agra…

"Eldest Daughter, Eldest Daughter, what are you up to now?"

"What are you talking about, Iku?" Tenshi hid her sword behind her back, feigning an innocent smile. Currently, she was on a form of parole, in which Iku forbiddened her from holding weapons of any kind for "accidentally" keystone-boarding into the oarfish's head while she was trying to get some papers, err, warnings, done. The result was a rather large inkpot tipping and spilling about a gallon of the dark writing stuff onto Iku's precious scarf thingy. They were currently in a jail-house somehow resting on a cloud. Outside, other celestials were peeping in, wondering what may happen.

Iku sighed. "We had reports about strange weather occurring. Apparently, people are deducing that you are once again causing it."

"I'm bored, Iku. Entertain me."

"Tenshi, I'm warning you, this is not the time for games."

Tenshi smiled again, this time for real. "Entertain me, Iku."

"No, I will not entertain you, Eldest Daughter."

"But you are right now!"

The oarfish glared at her.

"Fufufu, looks like somebody needs some motivation."

Iku turned to face Yukari. "What are you doing here, Yukari?" she asked as she snagged her parasol with her scarf.

Yukari frowned. "That's not nice, taking people's stuff like that. Oh right, you need some motivation to do something for Tenshi there." She pointed at Tenshi, who was now sitting on her bed with a straight face.

"Uh huh." An unknown voice belonging to someone else agreed.

"Uh oh, Yukari's up to something," thought Iku. "She's probably going to cause a problem here. Better get her out." She turned to look out of the jail window. But couldn't.

A man stepped out of the shadows of the corner of the room. How Iku couldn't see him, she wasn't sure. But anyways, he was holding a strange rectangular device in his right hand. It had a glass screen, buttons on it, and was made of metal. With an antenna.

"Who is that?" asked Tenshi to Yukari.

"You don't need to know. Well, not now, at least," said the mysterious man. "Think of me as Yukari's co-conspirator." He then tossed the device to Tenshi. "Catch."

Unfortunately, Tenshi had her sword behind her, so if she caught it, Iku would know that she had been violating her parole. So, instead of catching it with her hands, she caught it by using her legs, and quickly hid her sword.

Iku stared suspiciously at Tenshi. "Have you been violating your parole, miss?"

Tenshi grabbed the device and looked at it. It had a picture of the oarfish on its screen. Also, it had the words "Input Command" on it. She stared at it, fascinated by it. "Uh, what does this thing do?" she asked.

The mysterious man just replied, "Just type or say a command into it."

"Don't you dare, Eldest Daguhter."

The man then stated, "It's already put this oarfish on standby mode."

Tenshi looked at the screen, many thoughts streaming through her head. "Jump?"

Iku jumped. She frowned.

"Smile, Iku!"

Iku stopped frowning and smiled.

"Do a cartwheel?"

Iku did a cartwheel and smacked into the wall.

"Bang your head on the wall!"

Iku did.

"Hmm. Dance?"

Iku started dancing while yelling, "Stop that, Tenshi! I do NOT like this!"

"And I do not like you telling me what not to do, Iku, so it's mutual. We're both enemies!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands.

Beep. A robotic voice announced to the air, "Device has run out of batteries."

Whoosh! Iku instantly flew over to Tenshi and smacked her with her scarf, relieving her of the device in the process. She energized it with some electricity, because she had been reading a guide about electrical devices. The guide she purchased from Rinnosuke's shop for no apparent reason. She was bored.

"Input name." The picture now showed a blank shadow of somebody's head.

"Yukari." Iku then smiled.

Yukari, before Iku stated her name, was laughing. She wrongly guessed that the oarfish was going to say Tenshi's name. She looked surprised at Iku. "What?"

"Eh heh heh, your fault, Yukari, for not telling me to put your name on the 'input not accepted' list." The man smirked at the gap youkai.

"Now, Yukari," said Iku. Several weeks ago, she somehow caught an iPad with "Border of Ecstasy" playing on it, and watched the entire thing, "go—"

The man quickly stepped forward and took the device. "No naughty stuff, Iku, it's not nice. And, Yukari, stop thinking about me, please."

"Oh, sorry," apologized the gap youkai.

"And wipe off that drool."

Yukari obliged, and then frowned, "Wait. Argh, you're commanding me to do that with that device!" She quickly short-circuited it with her power, causing it to have no insulation boundaries.

BZZZZZZAAAPPP!

A million watts briefly fried the man. He said, "That's not very nice, Yukari," before crumbling into ashes.

"So, he's dead," said Iku. "Well, time to warn people about that device. I hope—"

"Not dead," interrupted Yukari.

FLASH! A flash of light appeared over the ashes.

"As I said, Yukari, that wasn't very nice. At least that electricity got rid of that curse, thankyouverymuch." Iku and Tenshi turned to look at the man. He no longer had that "wait, does he look like one of those bathroom people?' appearance. Instead, they saw a person who seems to have come from a dojo of some sorts, with some ninja elements integrated. He was wearing a dojo outfit that somehow also looked like a ninja uniform. Also, a logo was emblazoned on the top's front. It read, "Jetless Corporations: owner Jet Less". It was made of gold and platinum, and had a plating of acrylic. Or glass. Or whatever. Floating around him was three daggers with glowing blades. They unfortunately also saw, "The Elementalist's Experiment" potions floating around him as well.

"Do you mind?" he asked, and put away the daggers and experiment. "Please look away, before you crumble before my awesomeness."

They stared at his lame attempts at a joke.

"Well, time to go," he stated, before dropping a… outrageously large claymore mine. By now, Yukari had gapped away.

"What's that?" asked Tenshi.

"I have no idea, but it's screaming for us to run away."

Tenshi walked over to it and hugged it to herself.

POOF! The perhaps-evil co-conspirator of Yukari's teleported away in a puff of smoke.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Iku quickly floated to the jail door, but it was locked with a "Jetless Corporations Supreme Lock" on it. So, like any sensible youkai with powers did, she tried destroying the walls and leaving. Except, of course, the walls being the walls of a jail house, specially designed to hold Tenshi, ended up remaining tall and proud.

A couple seconds later, the entire compound exploded. The celestials watched as the jail house erupted in a gout of flames and was shredded to pieces. The two unfortunate people inside were tossed like dolls away from the explosion. Iku was knocked out, but Tenshi was yelling, "YEAH! That's the stuff!" Both had burned clothes, but miraculously, Iku's scarf was left untouched. The explosion then manifested as a fiery giant made of burning scraps of the jail house, cloud bits, and three pairs of glowing red eyes. It was, of course, way smaller than Hisou Tensoku, but started heading towards the other houses.

"ATTACK THE GIANT!" Iku had regained consciousness, grabbeded Tenshi, and pointed at the flaming construction. The celestials obliged while Iku started slapping Tenshi for a long time.

"Tenshi, you idiot! You could've gotten yourself killed!"

…

After the bringing down of the flaming automaton, Iku started looking for the Sword of Hisou, but it was not in sight. "Uh oh, this is not good.

Higher up in the sky, Jet Less was floating, holding the object that Iku was desperately looking for. He placed it into his backpack, and creatued a sparkly snowstorm to make everybody underneath it and above the clouds go to sleep. He started humming. Yukari floated besides him, mind set on causing some more trouble. Because she was bored. She had left Ran and Chen in her house, and was talking with Jet Less on what to do next.

"What's next? Well, we wait. We could also set up a puppet villain of some sorts, until they figure out what's really happening."

"And the protagonists?"

"Well, you already know who. The regulars, Teddy, and others. The antagonists, well, just wait and see." The two left in their respective form of transportation. Yukari through her gaps, Jet Less by teleportation. Silence fell as the snow continued to drift down…

Eh heh heh, I may have put people into OOC mode right here. Ah well. Umm, I seem to be too busy playing Hisoutensoku and Scarlet Weather Rhapsody right now. I seem to do better in fighting games than the shoot-em-up games. Ah well. The owner of the mysterious, well, not mysterious, Jetless corporations makes his face known! Well, only in heaven. Now, what do you think those two (referring to Jet Less and Yukari) are planning?