A/N Thanks for the reviews, I have changed direction slightly. Hope you do not mind! The story feels better in my head now.
Callie's alarm woke her with a start and she hit her alarm onto snooze. It took her a while to come round from her sleep and for that moment the pain in the pit of her stomach was merely a pain. Then she remembered it, the feelings that went with the pain of such tremendous loss. She looked down next to her and saw Arizona sleeping soundly facing the opposite direction. She always slept that way these days. This morning though, as she watched her love she felt a huge amount of guilt. She should never have contemplated leaving, she knew that now. The dream she had just had shocked her back into the present. Something had to change though, it had been three months since the miscarriage, they were barely talking, never touching. But she wasn't leaving, she knew that now. The packed bag hidden in the closet would be emptied and that would be the end of it. She looked again at Arizona, wishing she would wake up so she could have the conversation she was now ready to have. Hearing her alarm again though she realised that conversation would have to wait until after work so she shuffled herself into the shower.
Work was always the same, Mark was always in the on-call room with some gullible nurse, Meredith and Christina always had their dramas and the fresh interns were always scrambling over the most minor surgeries. It was all the same, apart from the lack of her favourite person. Arizona hadn't returned to the hospital yet, she couldn't face it. Callie never had the option though and continued to work. She hadn't taken more than two days. She would have taken more if she'd felt Arizona wanted her around.
'Morning Torres!' Mark called as ran down the hall and hit her on the back.
'Morning' Callie replied solemnly.
'Oh dear,' he remarked as noted her tone of voice 'Come on Torres, let's get you some coffee.'
'I was leaving Mark, this morning I was leaving her.' she finally revealed after her third mouthful of coffee.
'I know it's selfish. I know I have no right to feel like this. I'm just not strong enough.'
'So what changed?'
'Huh?'
'Well you're still here aren't you, something must have changed your mind?'
'I had this awful dream last night. I HAD left, I'd come back but it was too late, I had lost her. I can't lose her. As hard as this is right now I can't lose her! I thought yesterday that I had made my decision but now...I know I don't want to leave.'
'You guys just need to sort this out. What you've been through is horrible, but you're both stronger than you think. Just start by talking to each other, you need to understand each other's grief and be there for each other instead of bottling it all up on your own.'
'Jees Mark, when did you get so wise?'
'Ooo I don't know, very unusual!' He said, turning his head as a stunning redhead pranced past the pair. Callie chuckled.
'Ha, I knew I could get a smile.' Returning his attention to Callie.
'I'm gonna talk to her tonight...properly talk. Maybe I should cook, she hasn't eaten anything for a long time.'
'You've made the right decision Torres...glad you're sticking around!' Clearly absent from the conversation he leapt up from the table and walked over to the nurses' station. Callie turned her head to see the redhead flicking her hair around and Mark flirting outrageously. 'Typical' she thought to herself and left to check on her patients.
As the end of her shift neared, she suddenly remembered the bag in the closet. What if Arizona had found it? She stopped still, totally panicked at the thought that this could be the end of everything. Callie thought back to the previous day when she'd made the decision to leave. How different things were now, and she hadn't even spoken to Arizona yet. Doubt flooded her mind 'Even if she hasn't found the bag, will she want to talk?' Arizona was a mess, Callie knew that. She was going to help fix her now, they were going to get through this together. Callie quickly left the hospital with a feeling of confident determination.