I stutter. Relinquish myself to the control of another. The control - the mind control, for too much searching for another word.
Help me Charles. Please help me -
I gasp, relent, fall back into dreaming words - the dreamscapes remind me of you, gently guiding my mind towards movement -
Just a little bit more, and I can move the satellite, the largest object I've controlled -
You hold me after, you hold me, though it's just your hand resting on my shoulder -
You, damn you, you made me love you, you crept inside, like a fucking snake -
I fucking hate how much I -
I hold you - I held you.
I never held you.
Never did that, not even that, just a few seconds in time.
Instead, I draw closer, sneak up on you,
In tender sleep, your mouth agape for my imaginings
I touch your foot, curl my hand around your big toe,
Watch your face remain slack, your thoughts unvoiced,
I can't stop myself from skating my hand along your leg,
To cradle your stomach in my fragile fingers
I would never touch you without your permission
But tonight -
tonight my love
is a moment of weakness I can't escape
The dam is building, overwhelming my senses
My lips ache to touch you
But I can't allow that last release
My index finger combs the fleshy bits of your stomach
And I glide away
Tears coating my cheeks like poorly applied paint
Love me
I whisper
Love me
A cascading vulnerability, these blasted feelings
I reach the doorway
Painting it, a timid child awaiting permission to -
Your voice -
In my head
My mouth falls open -
Astonished life springing forth
Erik, you whisper
Erik
It's enough
It's all I need
I let the door fall closed
Cast the helmet aside
And fall, weeping,
Into your arms
My only solace
My only love
Please
Your fingers grip my hair, pull back - a tender fierceness
Charles -
A whimper, barely voiced
I -
I know you
You interrupt me, you always knew me better than anyone.
Quiet now
Quiet
Just let me
Let me
Stop, please stop
I never could
I never could stop -
Just -
stop -
help me to -
quiet now, love.
quiet.