She lay silently with her eyes closed. She could feel his arms encasing her in warmth along with the blankets, and she couldn't help but internally laugh at the thought that before tonight this would have been a cause for alarm. The last time she had been in this position it was Stefan who had been holding her tight. Things had certainly changed especially where Stefan was concerned.
Stefan. That very name held so many emotions she did not know where to begin. For the last several months she had been certain all she needed was to find him and all would be fixed. He would see her, succumb to the power of their love, and find a way to wean himself from the blood. How naïve she had been.
The truth of the matter was the only thing Stefan had succumbed to was her blood. Somewhere between catching up with Klaus and Stefan and all the chaos, Stefan had wrangled Elena alone into a small clearing in the woods. There, he took great pleasure in her tears and longing eyes. It was all too easy to taunt and tease her about his vicious, horrific tales of gruesome murder and blood. Although Elena put up a good fight trying to find the Stefan she once loved with forgiving, powerful words of love, in the end he officially stomped out her little heart with one wicked smile and four simple words: I don't love you.
She had awoken blurry eyed cradled in Damon's arms with his head berried at the left crook of her neck while the right ached with dry blood. Damon, alerted to her awakening, lifted his head to find her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. Although it was never spoken, she knew without a doubt what had transpired.
After several minutes of staring one another down letting the night sink in she finally willed herself to ask the one question she needed answered, "Did you kill him?"
For the first time, Damon let his gaze slip from hers. There was so many things he could answer with, but in the end he simply supplied, "I wanted to. I couldn't."
So here they were back at the boarding house. They hadn't been home in two whole months and the first thing Damon did upon entrance was carry Elena to his bed where he tucked both her and himself in as if it were the most natural thing in the world when in fact, Elena had never before slept in Damon's bed. Little did it matter, she was just happy to be warm. The drive home had been long and cold, but more than anything silent. Neither of them could find it in themselves to speak. After all, what was there really to say? Instead, they wordlessly entangled themselves within each other while the early dawning hours passed by laying shadows on the wall. Sleep never came.
When they could no longer ignore the shining sun, it was Damon who made the first move. He slowly and carefully pulled Elena to face him subconsciously sweeping a light finger above her collar bone on the freshly, healing skin finally settling it along her arm. As much as she wished she could keep her heavy lids closed, his unyielding stare eventually had her opening her own eyes. If it wasn't for the events of the last night, she would have smiled at his unnaturally serious face. She longed for him to make light of the situation like he would have if it were any other normal time, but that was it, though. Nothing was normal, at least, not anymore.
"I'm sorry," Damon finally whispered which hit her with a shock. He had nothing to apologize for. Surely, he knew that.
"It isn't your fault," she lamely and quickly tried to console which only earned her a quiet sigh of what, she wasn't sure.
"Elena, you almost died. Stefan…" Damon tried again, but couldn't supply the words they both knew were true. Stefan had tried to kill her. He let his head fall to her shoulder for the second time in the last twelve hours, and she could feel the defeat rolling off of him in waves. It was agonizing. He blamed himself. The whole night he had held her he had also been blaming himself. Elena wouldn't stand for it.
"Exactly. Stefan," she started slowly, but with conviction. "It was Stefan that attacked me. Stefan that bit me." She stopped once again drawing the strength to say the next words that needed to be said aloud as much for him as for herself. "Stefan that nearly…killed me."
Damon's head snapped up with the last words, and his eyes were angry. In a flash, he violently took a hold of her wrists as he moved to straddle her. Fury shook through him as he pushed her deeper into the mattress with every word that spewed forth.
"Stefan, yes, Stefan. But WHO let you run after him? WHO has spent the last few months giving you the dumb hope that he could be saved?" he spit out crazily gaining volume with every few words. "Even when we found him and saw what he had become, WHO let him drag you into the forest and DESTROY YOU IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE? Hmm, WHO, ELENA? WHO?"
"Damon…" she whimpered trying in vein to stop this insane logic.
"And let's not forget that the very reason Stefan is the monster he is now is BECAUSE OF ME. BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO SAVE MY WORTHLESS SELF. YOU MAY HAVE LOST SIGHT OF THAT…BUT I…I…" he stuttered clamping his eyes shut and clenching his teeth before finally letting his face fall. "I've never forgotten," he finally whispered.
Damon stretched across the length of her tensed and angry with his eyes still tightly shut. Raw energy coursed through his arms threatening to lose his hold above Elena, and yet he made no motion to move. Undoubtedly, his vice-like grip on her wrists that crushed her to the bed were leaving bruises, but he couldn't make a move left or right, up or down. For the first time since all of this had begun, he was paralyzed. He had finally let it all catch up with him and this was what he was reduced to-an anger-crazed, helpless vampire with not even the strength to save his own brother or the girl he loved.
Elena watched as he internally struggled through these thoughts above her. Never had she realized just how much he carried on his back. Never once did she blame him for what had happened to Stefan and so she thought neither did he himself. Of course at random he would joke about how much of a curse he was to those all around him, but Elena had never thought he seriously thought himself to blame. How wrong and stupid she had been. She had been so caught up in saving one brother she had failed to see how it was affecting the other brother left behind. After all, Elena wasn't the only one who had lost Stefan, Damon had lost him as well. She knew the love for a brother well and yet she had been indifferent to Damon's pain.
"Damon…" she whispered trying to open his eyes as he quivered above her. "Damon…" she tried again but to no avail. She drew herself up the best she could under his locking grip and placed her forehead lightly against his. "Damon, please look at me," Elena demanded one last time, and with a shaky breath and a twitch of his jaw Damon opened his clear blue eyes to stare down at her once more, the anger and rage replaced now with uncertainty and befuddlement. Second by second he let his breath even out and finally loosened his grip on her wrists all the while never losing sight of her chocolate brown eyes searching and pleading with his. As he released her, she slowly supported herself on her arms, but never drew her head back from his afraid to break the calm. And so they lay, him hovering over her and her leaning up into him.
"You need to know that not once did I blame you, not once in the last three months," she started eager to exercise him of this false guilt that seemed to be haunting him. "Stefan made his choice when he made that deal with Klaus. No one asked him to do what he did," she continued with an ardent, unwavering stare, and even when Damon shifted his eyes and tried to pull away, Elena quickly drew him back down to her with both her hands cradling his face settling them down to the bed.
"Stefan left Damon, and even though it wasn't your fault, you have dedicated everything to him. To trying to get him back…to…to helping me…to saving me" she said with a sigh which hit Damon warmly on the lips. With this she closed her eyes and gasped for breath that would gain her the strength for what she was about to say.
All the while Damon's gaze never wavered. He was suddenly completely and utterly entranced by her. Her kindness and stubborn resolve even during his psychotic breakdown blew him away. He didn't deserve her sweetness, but here he was craving it all the same.
Finally, she opened her clear, bright eyes and with a trembling breath spoke the words they both had refused to state since everything had happened. "Stefan might be lost, for good." There it was. It had been said, but she was not done, not even close. "We may never be able to bring him home, but hear me when I say this Damon. You are finally the man I always knew you could be. You have done everything in your power to save your brother and somewhere along the way, you saved me too and I'm not just talking about last night. I'm talking about everyday since Stefan has been gone. Every time you pulled me out of bed and forced me to eat. It wasn't your job and yet there you were fighting me every step of the way even when I hated you for it," Elena stopped to catch her breath. Her face was flushed and wet with tears, but he needed to know. He needed to know the whole truth. "You forced me to keep living and now I'm going to force you to stop feeling guilty because even though I will always love Stefan, I love you too Damon."
Damon stared down shell-shocked. This girl had brought him to his very knees. There were a million things he could have followed her words with, but for once he didn't want to argue with the great Elena Gilbert. Instead, he swooped down and kissed her pulling her completely flush against him needing to feel all of her all at once. The kiss was passionate and heady but as soon as it started it ended. Damon could have kissed her forever but right now he was content with the simple fact that Elena loved him. What that meant or where that would lead them-he would not dwell on right now. What to do about Stefan and if they should continue to search for him-he would lock away those issues for another time. What Damon did intend to do right now was hold Elena tight and hopefully heal themselves.