Soo… chapter 4… never thought I'd make it this far! Super excited! Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time Enjoy!

I pressed my head against the cold window, watching the blurred scenery as the express chugged as nearer and nearer to Hogwarts, my home. The sky had become gray, lightning decorating its dull features. Rain begun to splatter against the window, and as the drops fell one by one, bit by bit my heart broke. I was as if the sky was sharing our sorrow, weeping over our loss. Happiness was lost, caged up somewhere waiting for someone to set it free. But I knew I would never find it again because I simply didn't believe in it no more. Was there such a thing as happiness anyway or was that also a lie, like the many 'blissful' things that we were told about?

My thoughts were distracted by an all too familiar voice that would have excited us before all of… this happened.

"Anything from the trolley dears?". The familiar lunch lady gazed at us intently, waiting for an answer. I looked at Harry sitting in front of me. After a second he turned to her and murmured "No thanks". She just gave us a nod, a sad look in her eyes as she walked away. I bit my lip as I felt Harry's gaze on me. I knew we were thinking about the same thing, or rather the same person.

I could almost hear Ron's eager voice as he ordered chocolate frogs and pumpkin pies, or as he explained in pure rage Fred and George's latest prank on him. Since his funeral service yesterday, Harry and I haven't talked much. Although we never left each other's side since that night, it felt as if there was a gap, a huge crater that separated us. We were still aching from loss and the despair. Grief and sorrow followed us wherever we went like a dark shadow, refusing to leave our side. I remember that night after the battle , Harry and I hugging and crying over Ron's lifeless body. We sat there for ages as the uncontrollable sobs racked through our bodies. We couldn't accept that he was gone, that he would never return and be... well Ron again. Harry was my best friend, but now more like a brother, a brother who knew exactly what I was thinking at anytime.

I turned to Harry and found my voice after a few seconds. "I can hear him" I whispered, looking down at my hands. Harry hesitated for a moment, then settled next to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Hermione… you know he wouldn't want to have seen us like this. Just hold on…for him," Harry said in my ear. I nodded against his shoulder. Then I pulled back and stood up. I couldn't stay in this cabin any longer. If I did, I would've burst into tears, which I didn't want to do, at least not in front of Harry.

I muttered the word 'bathroom' to Harry and speedily walked out without a backward glance toward him.

I felt people's gaze on me as I rushed to the front of the train. I heard could hear the whispers from the students and saw their sad faces. I guess that was the worst part; people feeling sorry for you.

A few days ago I had received a letter informing me that I was selected as the Head Girl of Hogwarts along with, yes no jokes, Draco Malfoy. I was quite shocked that Draco Malfoy would be head. I supposed he would want to have a low profile on account of being 'former Death eaters'. I was not alone; Harry's jaw dropped when I told him.

You know, being Head Girl would've excited me before. But now it didn't matter since I could not share this title with whom I wanted.

At the front of the train, there is a cabin for the Heads. My intention initially wasn't to go there, but my feet lead me to the cabin. I silently prayed Malfoy wouldn't be there, I wasn't in the mood to deal with glares and dark looks. I slowly opened the cabin door and peeked inside. Thankfully Malfoy wasn't there. I stepped inside and found myself in luxury. The Head cabin was not like the normal cabins. Inside was black leather seats, a coffee table in the middle with a stack of books, a bowl of fruit on top and two gleaming badges with the words ' Head Girl' and 'Head Boy' carved on them. I picked up my gold badge and shoved it in my pocket. I picked up a book at random, sat in the corner and pulled my knees up to my chest. For the first time in my life I had a book in my hands but wasn't actually reading it. My mind wondered off to different places, taking me to forbidden places. They were beautiful and intoxicating, wrapping me with warmth for the briefest of seconds. They were ultimately the only thing I had left, just the petals of the rose, and I intended to hold onto them for as long as I could.

The door opened with a jolt. There stood Draco Malfoy, the Head Boy of Hogwarts. He was just as I remembered, lean and tall. His pale blonde hair was combed to the back and his black tailored suit screamed 'expensive'. Our eyes met and there was something in those ice blue eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Something about the war and Bellatrix and an uttered spell I couldn't make out… then that short thought was immediately erased from my mind, leaving no trace that I thought of it at all.

"I'm sorry, I can leave…" I stammered. I got ready to leave but he quickly answered before I could do so.

"No it's ok. It's your right to stay in here as much as it is mine".

I gave him a nod as he sat down. I continued to emptily gaze at my book, when a voice cut through.

"You know that is a pretty boring book." I looked up, surprised to see that Draco Malfoy, yes MALFOY, was trying to make conversation with ME. I decided to help him a bit.

" Yeah. I read a few lines and dozed off after."

"You should try this one. It's pretty good." He pointed to a book with a dark green cover.

"I've already read it."

"oh." He smiled.

I returned his smile for a second, and then my face dropped. Merlin's beard, what the hell was I doing? My best friend had died only two weeks ago, and I was having a good time? With a former Death Eater? I felt like the most horrible person to ever walk on the face of the earth. I could've slapped myself.

Draco leaned forward, his voice soft, his eyes sparkling. "Look I'm sorry about Weasley. I…I know how hard it is." His sincerity was evident on his face, which is what I assume led me to 'blow'.

I took a deep breath as the words leaked out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"No you don't know, you can't. No one can. It's like… waking up to a day without the sun, pitch black, no light whatsoever. You don't know what it feels like to put on a brave face while an invisible force is ripping up your insides. I hear his voice in my head every bloody second and it just won't stop. The pain won't go down a notch. You can't sleep, eat or even breathe, because it is as if iron hands are at your throat. You cannot imagine, no one can."

I stood up and placed the book on the table.

"But do you know what the worst part is? Trying to live while the only thing you want is to die." I gazed upon Draco's stricken face. He looked like I hit him. His eyes were shining, and or some odd reason it felt as if he knew exactly what I meant. I shook off that thought simply because I knew no one could. Without another word, I left the cabin, plastering on my brave face while literally screaming on the inside.

What do you think? Pleaseeeeeee review!