When Jack arrived at their townhouse, the lights were already on. Sam must have already arrived home. With a heavy heart he took out his key and opened the door. Her shoes were in the usual place as he put his next to hers. Taking a peek in their open kitchen he found it deserted. As was the living room and the office they both shared. That only left the bedrooms, upstairs.
The house had two ensuite bedrooms. Theirs was bigger and on the left of the corridor. Currently that door was open while the other one was closed. He could hear the sound of the shower coming from the guestroom. So Sam had taken that. He was expecting separate sleeping arrangements but thought she would take their room. Apparently not. Tiredly he went to their room and started to undress. He needed a shower too.
While in shower Sam finally let go of all the tucked in emotions of the day. Crying her heart out while sitting on the floor as the burning water spilled over her. How had this happened? How long had he been cheating on her? Why hadn't she seen the signs? Had he stopped loving her? Did he want a divorce? Questions keep coming at a velocity her own brain was having difficulty processing. That fact alone was remarkable. She was overwhelmed.
Jack finished his shower, put some sweatpants and a t-shirt and went downstairs. Sam's door remained closed and he could hear the water running. If she was still in the shower. This was going to be a long night.
With little to nothing in the fridge, he decided to order some takeout. He was in no mood to cook but was hungry. Plus she needed to eat something, despite everything. So he ordered Chinese and her favorite Thai. While he waited he went into the living room and turned on the TV. Hoping to catch some of the news although his mind was far from it.
Sam knew she needed to leave the room. She could simply stay but that would be childish. They were adults and needed to address the situation as such. Probably not today but eventually. Today she was too tired, too gate legged and emotionally shredded. Putting her yoga pants and an Air Force sweatshirt on, she went downstairs in time to see him pay for takeout. She went directly to the kitchen and put the coffee machine to work. Jack brought the takeout bags and put them on the wooden island countertop they had both personally chosen for that kitchen.
"I ordered Chinese and Thai. I didn't know what would you want." he said, starting to put plates out.
Sam filled a mug of coffee without looking at him.
"Neither" she said, leaving the kitchen.
"Sam, you have to eat. Come on, it's better than that crap on the Hammond." he said, while putting some of her favorite Thai on a plate.
Sitting on the couch she picked up the remote and changed the channels, until she found a documentary about the Australian coral reefs. Not her favorite subject but hey today was by far not her favorite day. She took some sips of the hot coffee trying to clear her mind. Wanting some king of relaxation, she knew she was not going to get when Jack entered the living room with a plate in his hand. He put it in the coffee table in front of her.
"You should eat something." he said, leaving her alone afterwards.
Sam looked briefly at the plate and her stomach growled almost immediately. She didn't even remember the last time she'd ate. Probably breakfast on the Hammond. She'd been too excited to eat. Had she known, she probably would have just stayed with the Hammond while they did the repairs. It would have been less painful. Putting the mug on the coffee table, she took the plate and picked a bit at the food. However, despite her hunger she couldn't swallow. The lump in her throat was just too big. She put the plate back on the table and grabbed the mug noticing that her hands were shaking. In the meantime, Jack was sitting in one the high chairs of the modern kitchenette they had also picked out together. Trying to eat something without much success but also keeping a close eye on his wife. He saw her picking up the plate but putting it back down almost immediately and sighed. He knew that Carter and food didn't go together well especially in stressful situations. Today was certainly one of those. Hell, he had been chewing on his pork for almost ten minutes. Finally giving up, he put the leftovers in the fridge and went to grab her plate. With a quick glance at her face he saw that her eyes were a little moist but she rapidly moved her face to the window, avoiding him. He really had fucked up.
With a beer in his hand, Jack decided to try again. If Carter shut down now he might never manage to get her back after all this. He had to try, he owed her that.
"Look Sam, I know you don't want to talk about it. So you don't have to talk but can I just say a few things and you listen…Is that ok?", he asked as softly as he could.
She continued to sip her coffee looking at the screen but Jack knew that she wasn't paying attention. Her eyes were completely void of expression. She remained silent so he went for it.
"Like I said, I'm really sorry about what happened. I have no excuse. I could say that I was lonely because you were gone for so many months. That I was looking for a distraction while you're gone, something like that. I won't say that. Well I was feeling lonely, that's true but it's not your fault. We have been separated for quite some time before and there was never a problem so…"
He drank almost half of the beer to keep going while she remained exactly in the same position. Holding the coffee mug as if her life depended on it.
"So I'll tell you what really happened, no bullshit, no lies. Two weeks ago I had a meeting with Kerry. To discuss a case about a guy suspected of money laundering. She invited me to lunch. I should have said no but I said yes. Nothing happened, we had another couple of meetings. Then we met again at a reception for something, I don't even remember what. I had a couple of drinks, too many. I ended up at her apartment. There's where I fucked up things…"
"NO JACK, THERE'S WHERE YOU FUCKED HER! Sam yelled for the first time. Throwing the mug at the wall behind his head.
Jack widened his eyes as he looked at the stained wall behind him. He wondered if the mug had been aimed at him.
"If I wanted to, I wouldn't have hit the hall", she said. Looking at him with murderous eyes as if reading his thoughts and he knew she was right. Carter never missed.
"But please continue your lovely story…", she said crossing her arms while biting her lower lip.
Jack drank the rest of his beer and reconsidered the wisdom of putting the bottle on the coffee table. Instead he put it on the floor next to him.
"Ok. After that we met a few times in her apartment. Today she came by my office after a Senate hearing."
"Oh so today was the first time in your office?! Sweet." The bitterness was unmistaken.
"Sam…", He pleaded not knowing exactly what for.
"What? Never here? I'm shocked." she said, biting her lip so much it that started to bleed.
Jack got up and went to the kitchen to grab a napkin. He gave it to her. She looked at him puzzled.
"Your lip is bleeding.", he simply said.
She put her hand on her lip and saw the blood. She blushed. Taking the napkin, she quickly cleaned the blood from her lip and put the stained item on her lap.
"No, of course we never met here." he said sitting again.
"Why not? A fuck is a fuck. What's difference where it happens?" she asked bitterly.
His throat was dry as he tried to shallow. She was right.
"I didn't want to. This is our home."
"So noble of you, I knew there was a reason why I married you." she spat. Biting her lip again and reopening the wound.
Jack closed his eyes. He was exhausted but he needed to continue. She was worth it and he was in the wrong. He didn't want to end his marriage.
"Sam, I know I screwed up big time but I love you. I never stopped loving you. I just don't know what happened…" He stopped talking looking at his hands at a loss.
Sam stared at him completely shocked.
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE?! DID BY ANY CHANCE YOUR DICK ENTER ON ITS OWN?! YOU STUPID BASTARD!" She yelled, starting to lose control for the first time that day.
"That's not what I meant…" He started to say but never continued because now Sam was on top of him hitting with full force. All he could manage was trying to put his hands up in front but he didn't really defend himself.
"YOU SON OF BITCH! HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME AND FUCK HER! FOR HOW LONG? DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW?!"
With her knees up on the couch next to him, Sam was yelling and hitting. His shoulders, ribs, everywhere she could manage but was quickly losing strength. To her immense fury was now feeling tears clouding her vision. Jack tried to grab her wrists as gently as he could and hold her next to him.
"You're right, Sam! I am a son of bitch but I do love you and will love you until the day I die. I am so sorry, please forgive me, please, please forgive me…", he pleaded with his voice full of emotion.
Sam had stopped fighting only due to lack of strength and was almost hyperventilating on his chest. He tried to calm her down, rubbing her back and telling to breath slowly but she didn't even hear him. She was completely lost in her grief. Jack started to get worried when her breathing continued to be fast and deep and took her face in his hands.
"SAM!" he shouted, trying to shake her out of her trance but she wasn't responding. So he decided on another approach.
"COLONEL! EYES ON ME!" he directed her. "Slow your breathing!" he barked. She looked at him for the first time, taking the command as naturally over the panic.
He continued to hold her head firmly, never taking his eyes from hers.
"Good, one breath every 5 seconds. Sam, do it. Come on, slowly, you can do it.", he said more gently breathing with her.
Little by little she started to slow her breathing as instructed. Looking at him, tears still flowing over her face. His heart completely broken with the pain that he'd caused her.
"That's it, my love. Slowly, almost there." he said. With an increasing desire to kiss her but keeping enough self-control to not screw things up even more by doing so.
As soon as Sam felt her control return she stood from the couch and got away from him. Her whole body trembling but there was no way she was going to stay near him. No way.
"Feeling better?" he asked, still concerned.
"Yes." she murmured, going to the kitchen to get a bit of water.
Jack stood from the couch. Watching her drink a full glass of water and lean against the kitchen counter and close her eyes. Damn. How had things gotten so out of control? How stupid could he have been?
"I'm going to bed." she said, without looking at him. Turning to go upstairs.
"Ok Sam, goodnight." he said, but she didn't answer back. Jack sat back down on the couch closing his eyes. He didn't expect much sleep tonight.
As soon as Sam locked her bedroom door, the tears return full force. She had to put her hand in her mouth to prevent the sobs from being heard. Oh God! It hurt so much! She laid on the bed sobbing into her pillow. Trying not to lose her mind with grief. How could he have done that to her? They were supposed to be in love. He was supposed to be in love. How could he fuck Kerry Johnson? More sobs left Sam's throat until there was nothing left. She cried herself to sleep.
Jack went to his room and heard her sobbing. Fuck! If there was one thing that he couldn't handle it was Samantha Carter crying. Never could, not even when they were just CO and 2IC. Cursing he left his door open encase she needed anything. Which he doubted but one could only hope. He didn't even bother to get under the sheets. He simply adjusted the pillows and rested his head against the headboard. After some time, the sobs stopped. He hoped, she had fallen asleep. He dozed after.