Back at their townhouse, Jack had left the hockey game as soon as Sam had left the house. He could not concentrate anyway. He tried to do some work in his computer but after half an hour looking at the same email without any recollection of what it was about, he also gave up. He decided to go to the deck and get some fresh air. He was there sitting in one of the chairs Sam had picked up in a gardening furniture shop when he heard her bike.
From the deck he could see the garage door opening and the bike entered slowly. Sam turned the bike off and stood for a couple of minutes just there standing with her helmet on. Not her usually behavior. Then she pointed the command to the garage and closed the door and he stopped seeing her. After some minutes he heard her entered the house through the kitchen doorway. And then the noise started. Well, all hell broke loose from what he could hear. Jack stood up immediately as crashing sounds start coming from their kitchen.
WHASSCRASSHHH!
All he saw was their coffee machine flew across the kitchen and crash against the wall, missing his head by a few inches. Next were the plates that Sam was throwing…at him – he realized quite surprised as he attempted to get out of the way of the mayhem that their kitchen was starting to appear.
"SAM?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?", he yelled while ducking to miss another plate aimed with quite accuracy at him.
Another crash, another bang and now he saw the cups we also flying at his direction, crashing at the wall and landing at his feet.
"FUCK, SAM! STOP THAT!", he yelled again.
Apparently she was out of ammo because no more kitchen appliances flew at his direction and Jack slowly raised his head from his hiding point and tried to find her. She was with her hands in the counter and her head fallen between her arms, breathing soundly. He moved slowly towards expecting to get a frying pan at his head any minute but Sam continued at the same position and as he approached her he notice that she was crying.
"Honey?", he asked tentatively.
She didn't move but he could see that she tried to wipe her tears by moving her head to the opposite side where he was coming.
"Sam? Are you ok?", he knew the words were wrong as they left his lips.
She looked at him with red eyes and a fury in her face that he rarely had seen before, at least not directed to him.
"Excuse me?!" she asked almost in disbelief.
"That's not what I meant" he tried to emend quickly.
Of course she was not ok. He knew that but it was so natural to ask that he did anyway. It was a stupid honest mistake, like many in the last couple of days apparently. He was turning almost professional at it.
"Why are throwing things at me?", he asked quietly. "Do you want to throw things at me?", he rephrased the question while she continued to look at him in a quiet rage that looked like a volcano about to erupt.
She passed one hand through her face and closed briefly her eyes. Jack knew that gesture. She was trying to get her control back. Colonel Carter was coming back any second now.
"If you feel better throwing things at me I don't mind acting like a living target.", he said with a smile.
"SHUT UP, JACK!" she said controlling her breathing.
"Although your aim has been better, Colonel." He crossed his arms while resting his back at the countertop.
Her eyes open immediately and the rage come full force.
"Do you want to talk?", he asked trying to defuse the apparently enraged situation that she was immersed on.
"Do you want a divorce?" she asked instead taking him completely by surprise.
Jack stood up as stricken by lightning.
"WHAT?!" he yelled his mind completely confused.
"Do you want to divorce me, Jack? It is not a difficult question." She took the elastic band from her pony tail, leaving her hair loose.
He loved her hair loose but other things were at discussion now. Their marriage end apparently.
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT?! What happened?!" He was almost afraid of the answer. Her bike ride might have not been only a bike ride apparently.
"Are going to answer the question?", she asked leaving the kitchen chaos and going to the living room. She sat on the couch with her legs crossed underneath her.
"Of course I don't want a divorce, Sam", he said sitting next to her.
She kept staring to the wall with the massive TV, her brain working at top speed. He knew that expression also.
"Look, Sam, I don't know what happened between last night talk and todays but what I said yesterday stands. I love you and I am not going anywhere. Unless you want me to…" he added slowly.
Sam looked at him like trying to decipher an enigma.
"So if I want a divorce you had no objection?" she asked coldly.
Jack got up from the couch and pace until the fireplace.
"OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE A GOD DAMN OBJECTION!" he answered angrily. "I told you I don't want any fucking divorce. I WANT YOU!" he added passing his hand nervously through his gray hair.
Sam went back to silence again and he was beginning the loose his patience.
"What happened, Sam? Why are we speaking about divorce?" he asked, his hand taping his right leg in a nervous tick.
"Because you cheat on me, Jack. You fucked another woman while I was away serving our country and apparently our marriage means little to you. . . . !"
Her last sentence was said with more emotion that she wanted but she was hurting so much that was getting difficult to keep Colonel Carter always present. Sometimes Sam O'Neill manage to made an appearance in their conversations and Sam O'Neill missed her husband.
"I know I screw things up but I don't want to end our marriage, I want to fix it. Please let's fix things together, Sam". His plea was as sincere as his chocolate eyes could manage to transmit.
"How do we fix this, Jack? Please tell me because I really don't know, I'm completely loss in this mess, my brain apparently is unable to process the fact that you one day would choose another woman over me". Her tears started to run down her face and this time she didn't made an effort to stop them.
"I though that when you said 'always' to me you meant it but I was obviously very wrong!"
She closed her eyes unable to continue to look at him anymore. She was starting to sob and put a hand in her mouth immediately. Jack couldn't take anymore and sat close to her putting his arm around her shoulder and Sam lean her head in his neck, sobbing openly. His smell bought back all the time she missed him, alone at the Hammond, dreaming with him, sleeping in the same bed with him, cuddling, making love to him. Her heart was thoroughly broken.
"I'm so sorry, honey", he kept saying while kissing the top of her head.
After minutes of crying, Sam felt her control coming back but was now in the awkward position of being with the head in the chest of her husband while grabbing tightly his soaked t-shirt. She knew she should get up but she really didn't want to. Jack continue to play with her hair as he liked to do so many times when they were alone.
"Here". He gave her a tissue and she blew her nose but continued in the same position.
She could hear his heart beat, strong and fast, probably like hers too. What a mess!
"I know it's not the right time but I would really like to kiss you", he murmured in her ear.
Sam felt her insides melt, the opposite of what she should be feeling after all that happened in the kitchen and in the living room. She really missed him. But she couldn't give in however she felt. Things had to be sorted out, her head had to clear and process everything and maybe then she could give in to her body wishes. It always had been like that. Since they met at the Stargate Programe for the first time, him as a Colonel, her as a green Captain. Reason ahead emotions.
Sam brain went overdrive as something clicked. Was this the reason why he had gone to Kerry Johnson? Was he missing more emotions from her? More affection?
"Jack...?" Her voice was hoarse from the sobbing.
"Yes?" he asked still keeping his chin next to her hair, fighting the urge to kiss her neck.
"Do you think I'm frigid? Is that because you went to Kerry?", she asked almost in a whisper.
Gladly she couldn't see the dumb fall expression of her husband when he heard the question.
"What?" Why would you think something like that?!" he moved so he could look at her trying to understand where the hell that idea had come from.
Sam lowered her eyes but didn´t let go of his t-shirt.
"I know I am not the most affectionate person or beautiful and men sometime like to have more…" Sam blushed thinking of Kerry Johnson all female body curves and the jealousy she had felt the first time she had found out Jack was seeing her while she was engaged to Pete.
Since they started their relationship and then their marriage, this was not the first time Sam's insecurities surface and Jack had been doing his best to assure the woman he loved that she had no reason to feel insecure. She was a bombshell, with a body to die for and had every man drooling after her, humans and aliens. However, this time Sam had a very specific reason to feel insecure. He had given her one.
"You always knew that I was not the smart cookie of the package, Sam. Stupid man do stupid things. Unfortunately, your husband belongs to that category. I'm sorry that I caused you pain but what happened had nothing to do with you, your looks or because you don't like to show your emotions in public. I'm a hands-on guy, you know, I like to touch you everywhere, anywhere. And I know that sometimes you don't feel confortable with that. But I love you too much and we have been kept apart for too long by regulations."
Jack gave her another kiss on the top of her head and continued.
"So I get my chances when I can. I know you're different and I respect that, Sam. I don't love you less because you don't like to kiss me in front of everyone. Well sometimes you do, but it's not your thing. I get that. And I'm ok with it. We're different but different can be good. There's no lack of chemistry because of that, honey. You and I know that there's no problem in that department…", he said trying to find the right words to assure her that she was just perfect as she was.
"So where is our problem, Jack? Because we must have a very big one otherwise you wouldn't be looking for another woman. We already had this long distance situation before and if I recall it was not a problem. Was difficult but not a problem".
Sam was now not so sure if during the time she was in Area 51 and then in Atlantis, Jack wasn't having the same 'distractions' like Kerry Johnson. He almost guessed what she was thinking.
"There was never another woman while you were away, Sam. I know that is hard for you to believe me right now but I swear on Charlie's soul that I never cheated on you before", he said his voice ticked with emotion.
She grabbed his t-shirt with more force almost twisting it and hide her head in his neck. She knew he was telling the true, he would never demote Charlie name.
"I felt lonely, Sam", he confessed for the first time. "I missed you terribly this time, I don't know why. I think it's probably because I'm getting old but I missed coming home to you, missed waking up with you in our bed, going to the cabin. I'm sorry, honey. I told you it was a bad idea marrying a guy so much older than you…", his voice was sad.
"You're not old", she immediately said punching his stomach.
"I am Sam. I know you don't like to talk about it but time has been passing and I'm almost 65, my knees are shot, my back has its good days but mostly are bad and I fly a desk. I'm not in the field for many years now. I am old, Sam", he repeated.
"So you slept with her because you're lonely or because you're old?" she asked seriously.
These subjects usually were talked in a much light fashion between the two but maybe they need to talk about them seriously.
"Probably the lonely part, I think", he answered continuing to caress her hair. "No excuse though".
"Why haven't you talked to Daniel? Why hasn't he come to visit you while I was away?"
Since Jack had moved to D.C. and Daniel and married Vala, they had become more distant and only when Sam insisted the four get back together.
"He's somewhere digging rocks…", Jack started waving one had in the hair.
"He's back to SGC since 3 weeks ago, Jack. You must know that, you have the memos", she said.
"How do you know where he is?" The question had a point of jealousy that he couldn't disguised.
"Because I e-mailed him every week while I'm away", she simply answered. "You could do that too, if you wanted", she added.
Jack missed Daniel and Teal'c. Even Vala, sometimes. And although he knew it was more difficult to keep in touch with his Jaffa friend since he went back to lead the Free Jaffa Revolution, Daniel was a more difficult case to explain because he was in Earth most of the time. He knew that Daniel resent him to moving to Homeworld and leaving SGC but he had to do it for his sake and Sam's. And being married to Vala really didn't help much.
"Yes, I know. I suppose I can send him an e-mail to see how things are", he said without much conviction.
"Jack, I know you don't like D.C., you don't like the politics, the parties, all that stuff so why don't you try to make it bearable while I'm not here? Have Daniel come here for a couple of days, to hang out, watch movies together, get him drunk with two beers. You don't have to invite Vala if you don't want" she suggested with almost a smile.
"You're right, as always", he said kissing lightly her neck.
As soon Sam felt his lips on her skin she bolt, ending their quiet couch time. He missed her body immediately but recognized his mistake. It was too soon for body contact.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable", he apologized.
She wasn't uncomfortable. The problem was exactly the opposite. She was getting too comfortable in his arms. And that was not an option right now. Definitely not an option. NO.
"I'm going take a bath", she said trying to put some distance between them again.
"Ok". He continued on the couch
While she was starting to climb the stairs he called her.
"Sam?"
"Yes?" She moved half her body to look at him.
"Are we done with the divorce talk?" His eyes were almost black like the times he was too focused with rage, hatred, love or other primal emotion.
"Yes, we are", she confirmed.
"Done?" he asked again for confirmation.
"Done", she repeated and climbed the rest of the stairs. He left out a breath of relief and went back to the kitchen to clean the havoc his wife had decided to made.