November 6, Sunday
He could feel himself on the brink of completely falling apart. Yu was currently walking home from the hospital all alone in the freezing cold with no one and nothing to look forward to. It was the first time he had been alone with himself after the events of that day, and that meant it was the first time he was alone with all these new terrifying thoughts and feelings.
He hated himself so much. Reflecting on the past couple days made him realise there were so many things he should have done differently. He should never have let his uncle take him to the police station. Even if that did happen he should never have left Nanako at home alone. He should have known it was her on the Midnight Channel. He should have dived straight into the TV and gone to save her. He should have been quicker getting to her. He should have figured out Namatame was the killer earlier so they could have stopped this in the first place. He was meant to be the one protecting the town from the killer and yet he let the killer take the person he cared for most, and because of that someone else close to him got injured as well. For all he knew Namatame could have taken their lives too…
No, he couldn't think of that. If Nanako died it would completely be his fault and he didn't know if he could live with that. He loved her so much as if she was his sibling. They'd only known each other for half a year but it felt like he had known her his whole life. Some of his happiest memories were of spending time with her. She was so positive and energetic, so caring and precious; how could he have failed such a sweet and pure person? If she didn't make it, he didn't deserve to live. It was completely unfair that he would get to keep on living while she would be going up to heaven before she had even reached her 8th birthday.
He was trying to push the thoughts away but it was so hard and draining for him. He didn't know if he could do it but he had to try. When they were in the hospital he had never seen his friends look so sad and hurt. They were all usually such a lively and fun bunch but the atmosphere that day had been completely sombre. He needed to stay strong for them. As their leader and someone they looked up to he had no choice but to get through this and give them all the emotional support they needed. He had already failed his family; there was no way in hell he was going to fail his friends either.
He opened the front door and was greeted by nothing but silence. Around this time Nanako would usually be sat in front of the TV watching the quiz show she always liked. She would be sitting there smiling and laughing as she fully immersed herself into the show. Sometimes he would come watch with her and they would spend the evening together. He would praise her for being so smart when she got an answer right; she would gasp in awe when he knew the answers to the difficult questions she couldn't figure out. But none of that was happening tonight. Instead, she was in a hospital bed trying her best to cling onto her life.
His uncle would also be home sometimes. He was always sitting at the dinner table reading through either police files or the newspaper. They had a hard time finding common ground at first, but they eventually managed to get to know each other and become close too. In the evening sometimes they'd just have long conversations about life and family, sitting for hours and hours just chatting and sipping coffee. He almost felt like a father figure to him at this point. Tonight he was in a hospital bed too, unable to move properly all because he went after Nanako.
"You should have stopped this before it happened" Yu thought to himself. They all should have been at home that night and they should have all been spending a relaxing evening together. But it was just him. Alone.
He made his way up to his room and lay on the futon. He knew he probably wasn't going to get any sleep tonight but he had to at least try. His eyes stayed wide open as all the negative thoughts and feelings swirled around in his mind, creating a toxic concoction of pain and misery. A single tear rolled down his face that night, the only emotion he was willing to let out. He needed to keep marching on for the sake of his friends. With school tomorrow he had no time to throw himself a pity party. He vowed he would not show any weakness tomorrow; he would not be a failure again tomorrow.
…
November 7, Monday
She had felt nothing but sadness since Sunday night. She had cried that night, unable to get Nanako out of her head. The image of her laying in a hospital bed looking so weak and frail wouldn't leave her mind. The scary thing was that none of them really knew whether she would pull through in the end, and the idea of her not pulling through was unthinkable.
She was also worried about Yu. When she was thrown into the TV and finally rescued, she had never seen Chie so emotionally distraught. If that was how Chie felt after she had gotten her best friend back safe and alive, she couldn't even imagine what it would be like for him to get Nanako out but be unsure of whether she would live or not. She knew he was a very strong person, but she feared this would bring him to his breaking point.
As she made her way to school, she was unsure of how things would go. She didn't know whether they should talk about what had happened too much. She didn't know if some of them would just try and pretend nothing happened. It was such a horrible thing to think about that she couldn't blame anyone for not wanting to be reminded of it.
She walked into her class to find Yosuke and Chie already sitting. As expected they both looked miserable.
"Oh, morning Yukiko" Chie said in a completely dejected manner.
"Good morning you two" she replied, trying to sound more positive yet failing miserably.
"Morning, we were just talking about Nanako" Yosuke said sadly.
"Is Yu here yet?" Yukiko asked. They both shook their head in response.
"I hope he's holding up ok. I imagine the past few days have been torture for him" said Chie.
"He's a really strong guy, I'm sure he'll get through this just fine" replied Yosuke.
"But what if Nanako…" Yukiko trailed off. The atmosphere turned dark as they all sat in silence, completely frozen by that horrible thought.
"Morning" she heard as they all turned their attention to the arrival of Yu. There were clear bags under his eyes as he looked at them. He looked fairly normal otherwise, but something just felt off about him. She couldn't describe it but something about him felt like it wasn't right.
"Hey Yu, how are you?" Yosuke asked with concern.
"I'm fine guys, don't worry about me" he said with a weak smile. The way he talked was completely off as well. He was usually a very straight forward and strong speaker, but he sounded weaker and smaller today. She was trying to determine whether he was lying before she realised she had never seen him lie before. He was such an honest person that it was hard for her to picture him lying straight to them.
"Are you sure?" Yukiko butted in.
"Yeah… but enough about me, how are you guys holding up?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.
"I'm just really worried about Nanako-chan" Chie said.
"She's a strong girl, she'll pull through" Yu said with barely any conviction. She could tell by this point he was lying through his teeth. She was getting worried that he may not be fine at all.
"You're right, we gotta have faith in her" Yosuke said.
"Yeah…" Yukiko said. There was little for any of them to talk about outside of Nanako. It was eerie as they all just sat waiting for class to start and move them on from that moment. The bell eventually rung and they began the day with history.
It was so hard for her to pay attention. She had to fight to concentrate on the lecture and struggled to keep up with her notes. The worst part is that she couldn't properly monitor her friends to see if they were ok as they were all behind her. The occasional glances she made behind her painted a bleak picture. Not a single one of them was paying any attention to what was going on. They just vacantly stared at the front of the classroom; their books filled with only a couple notes. It was the same for mathematics and geography. She decided she had to try her best to focus on making notes so she could give them to her friends who would surely miss out on everything taught that day.
The bell rung as lunch began. They all made their way down to the lockers where they were met with Kanji, Rise and Naoto who looked as down as the rest of them did.
"Hey" Kanji said in a quieter voice than usual.
"Have you heard anything, senpai?" Rise asked as Yu shook his head.
"I'm afraid we likely won't hear much for at least a few days, perhaps even weeks" Naoto sighed.
"As soon as anything changes I'm sure Adachi will give me a call" Yu reassured them all. It wasn't very comforting at all, but at least they knew they would somewhat be in the loop about what's happening. A silence hung over all of them as they made their way to the rooftop with their lunch. They sat and ate in silence.
She kept a close eye on Yu without trying to make it too obvious. She noticed he seemed to lack an appetite, eating his packed lunch slowly and leaving most of it untouched by the time he finished. She was starting to get really concerned as she now noticed his body language. He sat hunched over as he stared directly down at the ground, sighing to himself a few times. He seemed completely out of it regardless of how much he tried to hide it in conversation. She was going to have to talk to him about it later.
The bell rung again and they all made their way back to class. The rest of the day went pretty much the same as she scribbled down as many notes as possible as she saw her friends be completely lost in their own thoughts.
As soon as class ended Yu got straight up.
"I uh… I gotta go to work. See you guys later" he said weakly as he instantly left the classroom, making his way down the stairs in a hurry.
"I… I don't think he was telling the truth" Yukiko told them.
"He did sound a little off just then. Then again, he does work at the day-care on Monday sometimes" Yosuke said.
"Yes but it sounded like he was hiding something. Like something isn't quite right with him" she explained.
"I mean a lot has happened over the past few days. I could see him having a bit of a difficult time right now" said Chie.
"I'm going to go talk to him" Yukiko said.
"Do you want us to come too?" Chie asked.
"No. I think it would be better if only one person went for now" she said. She imagined it would be impossible to get much out of him if he had such an audience, but even if that weren't the case she also wanted to talk to him in private. She felt as if she had a special bond with Yu. Over the past few months, they had started to hang out more and more. She loved his company so much. He was very fun to be around and even when they just sat and talked he always made her laugh and smile constantly. She always felt so comfortable with him and he was always so helpful and caring. He helped her realise that she did in fact want to stay and run the inn, and that her real issue was that she felt she wasn't in control of her life. She wasn't sure exactly how he felt about her, but she knew that she cared for him tremendously. She was really worried for him and she wanted to show him the care and support that he had always given to her.
"Good luck" Yosuke said.
"Call me later and tell me how it goes" Chie said. Yukiko nodded and quickly packed her things to leave. As she exited the school, she stopped for a second to see if she could spot him down the hill. The grey-haired boy was nowhere in sight so she would have to try and track him down. There were many places he could be but her instincts were telling her that he would be in a certain place they both knew well, so she followed them.
She made her way down the flood plain and into town, checking all the stores on the way just in case to no avail. She made a right turn before Kanji's house, making her way to the shrine. She knew he loved the shrine. He had once told her that it was one of his favourite places in Inaba because it made him feel very calm and at peace.
She made her way to the shrine where she saw him. He was sat on the stairs to the shrine, staring at the ground as he stayed motionless. She took a few more steps before he finally looked up and noticed her, looking a little startled.
"I didn't know sitting here was part of your job" she said.
"I-I um… I'm just uh… just off for a break that's all!" he lied very obviously. She didn't understand at this point. It was so obvious to both of them that he was lying and yet he seemed to continue regardless.
"I'm really worried about you, Yu. We're all really worried about you" she told him.
"I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine thank you" he replied.
"I think you're lying to me" she said back.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, trying to pivot away from her questioning.
"Don't try and deflect. Talk to me, Yu."
"I'm not deflecting, I'm just concerned about you" he said earnestly. She could tell he fully meant that.
"I know you are, but right now your wellbeing is a lot more important to me" she said as she slowly moved closer to him.
"Yukiko, your wellbeing will always be more important than mine. You shouldn't worry about me."
"What? What does that mean?" she asked in confusion.
"As the leader of our group, I need to look out for all of you and make sure you're all ok. A leader needs to put everyone else before themselves, so you should all do the same" he explained.
"Please don't tell me you actually think that" she said in disbelief.
"Listen…"
"No, you listen to me! You may be our leader in our investigation but before any of that you are a friend to us. A friend who we all deeply care about. You are not less important than any of us Yu!" she yelled.
"Yukiko…"
"You're pretending to be fine because you feel like you need to be strong for us, aren't you?" she said.
"I… I'm leaving" he said as he got up and began to walk towards the exit. She had never seen him try and walk away from a confrontation in her life. He almost looked scared as he got closer to her. She couldn't just let him walk away, yanking him by the back of his collar as he walked past her, pulling him backwards and then standing straight in front of him.
"I'm not just going to let you leave until you be honest with me" she said firmly.
"Why won't you let me leave?"
"All those days when you sat with me and helped me figure out my feelings, would you have ever let me leave if you had sensed something was wrong?" she asked him.
"No, I wouldn't" he sighed.
"All I'm asking is that you be honest with me and tell how you're really feeling."
"Yukiko… I…"
"I promise I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to. I'll do whatever you ask I just want you to tell me what's going on" she said. He simply stood silently for a while. She was slowly realising that she probably wasn't going to get much further with him. It was a little heartbreaking, as she also realised that maybe they weren't as close as she originally thought.
"It's ok Yu, I understand. I know I'm probably not your first choice for this sort of thing. I can go get Yosuke or Rise or someone else for you or you can just call them over. All I want is for you to get whatever help you need. I can see that you don't want me around, so I'll leave you be" she said as she began to leave.
"Yukiko wait…"
"I'll see you later Yu" she said as she started walking away.
"Please don't leave me!" he cried out in desperation. She turned around right away and came straight back to him. He looked like he was about to burst out crying. He seemed so fragile and vulnerable; a far cry from the usually strong and fearless Yu Narukami. It was so upsetting to see him like this.
"Yukiko I'm… I'm so sorry" he said sadly. He turned his face away from her. She placed her hand on the side of his face. She gently stroked his cheek, feeling a tiny tear drop land on her thumb. The dam was about to burst, and she wanted to be there to support him however she could. She slowly moved his face to make eye contact with her.
"I'm so sorry Yukiko!" he began to cry as she wrapped her arms around him into a hug. He quickly reciprocated as he held her tight and sobbed on her shoulder.
"It's ok Yu, I forgive you. You did nothing wrong" she said as she started to rub his back, doing anything she could to try and comfort him. She hated seeing him this way. She couldn't imagine how terrible he currently felt. All she wanted to do was try and soothe the pain as much as possible for him.
"T-this is all my fault. Nanako wouldn't b-be in the hospi-hospital if I didn't l-leave her all alone" he sobbed.
"It wasn't your fault Yu. You didn't know she was his next target."
"B-b-but…"
"You did everything you could to save her, and because of that she has a chance to live again" she said gently. It was at this moment she came to realise that their circumstances weren't particularly ideal. He was incredibly vulnerable right now and having him sobbing his eyes out in public was not ideal.
"Yu, how about we go to your house? You don't have to worry about anyone seeing or hearing us there" she suggested. He gave her a weak nod. She pulled herself from the hug and began to turn around before she felt his hand grab onto hers. She blushed a little as he held her hand. She wiped the tears from his face, trying to make him look as presentable as possible. His hands felt so warm and strong as they stood together for a minute as he slowly calmed down a bit, managing to stop his tears temporarily.
As they walked to his house hand in hand, she began to ponder their newfound intimacy. She couldn't tell whether Yu was being so affectionate just because he was very emotional and needed some affection, or if he had deeper feelings for her and genuinely wanted to do these things with her. That didn't matter to her right now, however. What mattered most to her was giving him all the comfort and affection he needed to help him feel better.
He had barely managed to keep himself from tearing up again on the way home. As soon as they got into his house he started to cry again.
"Where do you want to hug?" she asked.
"Futon" he sniffed. She was slightly taken aback by the request but accepted it regardless. It was the first time she'd ever been to a boy's room. It was a bit of a mess right now, but she understood given the circumstances he likely didn't care about it being clean right now. He lay on the futon and curled up into a ball as he wept. She joined him as she cuddled him from behind, pulling him into her chest.
"Why d-did it have to be… be Nanako? Why her of all people?" he sobbed. She simply responded by holding him tighter, reminding him that she was still there.
"Do you think s-she'll be ok?" he asked her.
"I do. I really do." she responded.
"Why?"
"If she's anything like her big bro, it means that she's an incredibly strong girl and that she'll be able to get through this."
"I'm n-not strong. I-I'm weak and pathet-tic and a fai…"
"No you're not. You're so so strong and brave."
"How ca…"
"You give people your strength so they can see the strength they never knew was inside them. You're an amazing leader and a strong warrior. Just because you made a couple mistakes, doesn't mean you're weak. It means you get back up and become stronger than you were."
"I don't know i-if I can get b-back up" he cried.
"You don't have to do it alone. I'm going to be here by your side until you can get back up. Every single of us will be here for you until you can get back up. I promise" she reassured him. She felt the need to give him more affection. Without thinking she kissed his neck. She instantly got flustered as she realised what she did.
"O-oh I'm so sorry I didn't mean to do that!" she said in embarrassment.
"It's o-ok… I liked it" he said softly. She had to suppress a gasp as she started to blush again. It made her feel guilty that she was reacting this way. Here she was getting all flustered and thinking about the potential ramifications of this on their relationship going forward when really this was meant to be all about comforting her close friend. She wasn't even sure if he reciprocated any feelings at this point; for all she knew at this point he could just be desperate for any form of attention he could get. She decided to push that aside and worry about it later. For the moment she decided to continue giving his neck gentle kisses as she could feel his body slowly relaxing, the crying getting quieter and his breathing calming down.
"Th-thank you so m-much Yukiko" he said out of nowhere.
"Anything for you" she smiled as she rubbed his belly. They lay together for a while as she let him get all his tears out. When she said she would stay with him as long as he needed, she meant it. She wanted to be there as long as he wanted her there. He felt so warm and soft in her arms; she wished that they could do this forever under happier circumstances.
Then a thought hit her like a truck; maybe things would never be like this ever again. Maybe they would never cuddle each other ever again. Maybe he'll never let her into his life like he was now ever again. Maybe this was the only opportunity she would ever get to do this. Maybe this was the only time she would ever get to tell him how she really felt about him. She couldn't let the opportunity slide, or else she may regret it for the rest of her life.
"Hey Yu?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to know my favourite things about you?" she asked.
"Mhm" he nodded.
"Hmmm… I don't even know where to start! Ah, I know. I like how caring and sweet you are towards everyone. I like how you're such a good listener. You're always so good at listening to what I have to say and letting me get stuff off my chest. Let's see… oh! I like how handsome you are of course. You're a very handsome man. I like how smart you are too. I remember when we had our first exams this year I checked the results and I was so shocked to see another name in the top spot instead of mine. Your intelligence has always been very impressive to me. I also like how you put others before yourself, that's really nice. I like how you're good with kids. I like how good a leader you are. I like it when you make funny jokes and make me laugh a lot. I like… I like you" she blushed. There was no response.
"Yu?" she asked as she got up looked at his face. The poor man had fallen asleep. She should have seen it coming considering he looked like he had zero sleep last night. While it was sad he fell asleep during her big confession, the fact he was comfortable enough with her to fall asleep in her arms made her feel really special. She was so happy to see him finally resting peacefully, not a single teardrop or sign of sadness on his face.
She wanted to stay with him overnight. She left his side temporarily and picked up her phone, instantly texting her parents asking whether she could stay at Chie's house for the night. She figured they may not be fans of her staying overnight with a boy. While she waited for their response she walked outside and gave Chie a call.
"Hey Yukiko."
"Hi Chie."
"So… I assume you found him?" Chie asked.
"Yeah, I found him ok" Yukiko replied.
"Is everything alright?"
"He's finally asleep so yeah, he's ok right now" she explained.
"Asleep?! Ah, you must be at his house."
"Mhm. Hey Chie, can you do me a favour?"
"Yeah of course."
"If my parents ask, tell them I slept over at your place tonight"
"Are you staying over his at place?!"
"I'll explain all that later, I promise."
"Alright… yeah I can do that. Just keep me updated on what's going on if anything happens, ok?"
"I will, don't worry" Yukiko said.
"Alright great, I'll see you later then I guess" said Chie.
"See you soon Chie."
Her parents had replied with a yes for the sleepover so she could finally rest. She made her way back upstairs and back to Yu. She got his blanket and carefully placed it over him, tucking him in as well as she could. She got under the blanket and onto the futon, cuddling him again while trying not to wake him up.
She fell asleep to the comforting thought that she was there to support him and that he wasn't alone tonight. She knew it would be a long road before he got back to his normal self, but she was there for him when he needed it most, and that was more than enough for now.