Not my circus, not my monkeys., and sadly I'm making no money here. But I love me some Ranger and Steph (even though Steph's immaturity drives me crazy sometimes – and that might be a by-product of reading too much fanfiction) so this is a Babe HEA.

Chapter One

I woke up early on Monday morning to the ping of an incoming text from my long-time on again/off again boyfriend, Joe Morelli.

Joe: hey wanna come over at 7 for beer pinos and rangers game?

Me: Sure. You buying?

Joe: yep will have it here already

Me: Sounds good. See you then.

Other than sex and fighting, this is mostly the extent of our relationship. I'd like to say it's his fault we're in a dead-end relationship, but that's not entirely true. Joe has an overly optimistic view of my domesticity and I have a fear of commitment. We're both a little lacking in the maturity department, and neither of us are great communicators. We do love each other, though neither of us says it and I'm not entirely sure in which way I love him or which way he loves me. The main reason we're still together is a shared history that started when I was six and we played Choo-Choo in his father's garage. I wanted to be the train, but I ended up being the tunnel instead. Ten years later, he charmed me out of my virginity on the floor of the local Tasty Pastry four minutes after I locked up during a shift at my summer job. After writing about our encounter on the men's room wall at Mario's Sub Shop, he left for the Navy, and I didn't see him again for three years. That's when I ran him down in my father's Buick and broke his leg.

Now, I know what you're thinking. With that kind of history, why are we together at all? Well, I actually have an answer for that. He's familiar and comfortable, like your favourite t-shirt that you've worn for years. We got together after I took him in as my first FTA as a bond apprehension agent. You can call me a bounty hunter, but ever since Dog the Bounty Hunter came on TV, I don't like the comparisons because I am nothing like that guy.

I looked over at the clock: 8:00 am. Damn Joe for waking me up so early. One of the best things about my job is that I can set my own hours and I can wear what I want. Of course, my uniform most days tends to be jeans, a stretchy tee and boots, but that's for practicality's sake. With a sigh, I got out of bed and headed into the bathroom. I didn't rush getting ready since the bonds office won't even be open for two more hours.

After a long shower in which I shaved, shampooed, conditioned, exfoliated and sang my tone-deaf heart out, I felt more ready to take on the day. I took my time styling my hair and put on extra mascara to convey a Don't Mess with Me vibe. Hey, I'm a Jersey girl, what can I tell ya?

With a farewell to Rex, my hamster and the only dependent I feel I'm qualified to have, I headed out to my current POS vehicle – a rust and black (mostly rust) Ford Escape. It took a couple of tries to get the engine to turn over, but soon I was on my way to the bonds office on Hamilton. Okay, well I did make a stop first at the Tasty Pastry to pick up a dozen Boston crème doughnuts.

Entering the bonds office at a few minutes after ten o'clock, I waved good morning at Connie and set the box of doughnuts on her desk.

"Steph, glad you're here," Connie said as she grabbed a couple of doughnuts from the box. "I have three files for you, and of course Vinnie is freaking out about them."

I frowned. "Why is Vinnie freaking out? I was here on Friday and there were no new files. These have to be only a couple of hours old at the most."

"You know Vinnie. He never wants anything outstanding at all."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll take the files now. Where's Lula?"

"I'm here. White Girl, how you doin'?" Lula came into the office from the bathroom, dressed in a daring spandex ensemble of poison green and purple tiger striped mini skirt with a purple spandex tube top. Her hair was also poison green and in small braids all over her head. Her shoes were 4-inch purple Via Spiga strappy sandals. She was working the entire look and looked fabulous.

Handing over the files, Connie said, "Nothing too difficult. One shoplifter and the other guy vandalized a deli when they forgot mustard on his sandwich."

Lula laughed. "Forgettin' mustard is no reason to go berserk in the deli. Now, if the mayo was missing, that's a reason to shoot up a place."

Nodding in agreement, I asked Lula, "do you want to ride along? I'm going to go after deli guy first."

"Sure, White Girl, let me get my purse. We can take your car since you have a radio in this one," she replied.

She grabbed the box of doughnuts and we headed out the car. "Okay, Steph. This guy's name is Stanley Stubbings. First time offender. He works at the 7-11 over on Chambers St." She showed me his picture in the file and she continued, "He drives a 1984 Toyota Tercel and his cell phone is listed here too. We could call him to see if he's working right now."

"I have a better idea to find out if he's working," I told her. Grabbing my iPhone, I looked up the 7-11 and clicked on the phone number for the Chambers St. location.

"7-11, Sarah speaking," a disembodied voice answered.

"Uh hi there, can I please speak to Stanley?" I asked.

"Stanley is not working yet, he won't be in until two pm today," the voice said.

"Oh okay, thanks. I'll see if I can reach him at home then." I quickly disconnected the call. "He gets to work at two pm today. What's his home address?" I asked Lula.

"He lives in an apartment over on Centennial Ave." Lula said, consulting the file.

"Let's go there and see if we can find him." I started up the Escape and pointed it in the direction of Centennial Ave. As we got closer, Lula gave me the exact address and we came to a stop a few addresses down and across the street. Hey, I've learned my lesson. It's less likely to become a fireball if my car is not directly in front of the address. That philosophy doesn't always work, but I'm trying here.

We sat in the car and watched the building for a few minutes. I read his file again to see if anything would lead me to believe he'd be dangerous for my health.

I haven't told anyone this yet, but I've been secretly working out at the Y and taking self-defense classes there. I am tired of always being in trouble and other people coming in to rescue me. I'm tired of relying on Lula to sit on people while I cuff them, and only sheer luck determining whether I'll end up rolling in garbage. It's been three months now and I've gotten stronger and leaner, but the only person who sees my body uncovered these days is someone who doesn't even notice I'm changing. Ranger would notice, and I bet he'd say 'proud of you, babe.' Stop. Don't think about Ranger.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I said to Lula, "I'm going in. You want to come or stay here?"

I got out of the car and put on my utility belt. I added my stun gun, cell phone, pepper spray, gun, handcuffs and flexi-cuffs. Lula watched me speculatively.

"White Girl, what's going on? You never have your gun and you usually just stick that other stuff in your pockets."

"I'm making some changes. I like this job and I want to keep doing it, but I'm tired of getting into trouble," I said simply.

Lula gave me another long look, but she said nothing further. We walked up to the entrance of the apartment building and she tried pulling open the door. "Locked," she informed me.

I looked over the directory panel on the side of the door and noted the buzzers next to each name. I found the name STUBBINGS next to a buzzer labeled 320. I remembered something I had seen on TV once, so I ran my fingers down the entire row of buttons, setting off buzzers in everyone's apartments. A moment later, the door clicked, and I pulled it open.

We rode up in the elevator to the third floor. On the way, we discussed the best way to get Stanley was to knock on his door, then stand off to the side while he opened it. Lula would have her stun gun ready, and I would have my cuffs set to use.

We walked down the hall to 320 and listened at the door for a moment. "I hear someone in there," Lula whispered.

Nodding to each other, Lula got her stun gun out of her purse, turned it on and stood on the right side of the doorway. I rapped on the door with my knuckles and stood off to the other side. A moment later, the door opened.

"Stanley Stubbings?" I asked him. At his affirmative nod, I continued, "I represent Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. You missed your court date, so we need to get you rescheduled."

"Oh, that. I got the flu and I was stuck in bed for a few days. Will this rescheduling take long? I have to work at two o'clock today," he said.

"Not too long," I lied. Truth is, it will take as long as it takes for someone to come put up the money to bail him out again. But that's the great thing about first time offenders. They don't know how the system works yet.

I told him I had to put him in handcuffs as part of procedure, but I could stop and get him some lunch on our way if he wanted. It's nearly lunchtime and I'm starving. And if I'm starving, Lula has got to be starving too.

We went through the drive-thru at Cluck-in-a-Bucket where I got a grilled chicken sandwich and a Diet Coke. Lula ordered a bucket of chicken, coleslaw, fries and a large Diet Coke, while Stanley ordered a fried chicken sandwich with fries and a large Coke. We sat in the car for a few minutes while I finished my sandwich, then I started the car and drove towards the police station while Lula and Stanley continued eating their lunch. We dropped off Stanley and promised him Connie would come and rebond him soon.

We decided to get our next FTA since we were on a roll. Lily Thomas had shoplifted $500 worth of makeup from a Sephora and when she got arrested, she kicked the arresting officer. So her bond was a decently sized one and it would mean rent and food for a month if I brought her in. She was also a first-time offender but with assaulting an officer and resisting arrest, her bail had been set pretty high.

To my delight, her pickup went as smoothly as Stanley's did, and by the time I dropped her off at the police station, I was feeling great about my day so far. I dropped off the body receipts and Lula at the bonds office. Connie wrote me a check and after depositing it at my bank, I went home to get ready for my evening at Joe's.